[Skuld-chan]

This is the first fan-fiction that I ever read, and it's a really good one.  It introduced me to the world of Tenchi Universe (via Kiyone), and will always have a place in my heart.  It took me a while to track down this story, and I long time ago, I asked to republish it on my own site.  I have once again found this story, so I'm posting it here!  Although I was tempted to reformat the line breaks, I have left the formatting in its original form.

Plot:
Ryoga has wandered back into Nerima after finishing with Akari to discover that Ranma and Akane have set the date for their wedding. Teaming up (again) with everyone's favorite okonomiyaki chef, Ukyou, the duo decide that this is their last chance to split Akane and Ranma up. The setting, a Mystery Tour, which they will run. After borrowing money from Nabiki and lining up some paying customers they present their "engagement gift" and head off in search of love. Will they succeed?

Ryoga has returned from his wanderings to discover from Ukyo that Ranma and Akane have actually set a date for their wedding. It's all over! For both Ryoga and Ukyo. But maybe all is not lost. Neither will give up without a fight, and Ukyo has a plan. Ryoga is going to set up as a mystery tour guide, with Ukyo and for their first trip they'll offer a complementary trip to Ranma and Akane! Surely there'll be plenty of opportunities to split those two up. However a few unexpected things happen, and a few more people wind up on the trip as well. This should be a mystery tour of a lifetime, especially with Ryoga driving!

Ryoga and Ukyou brainstorm a plot to separate Ranma and Akane forever, by running a tour bus driven by Ryoga, with meals prepared by Ukyou. But their carefully laid plans ago awry when the two begin to fall in love.

Chapter Index:
1.  Part One
2.  Part Two
3.  Part Three
4.  Part Four
5.  Part Five
6.  Part Six
7.  Part Seven
8.  Part Eight
9.  Part Nine
10. Part Ten
11. Part Eleven
12. Part Twelve
13. Part Thirteen
14. Part Fourteen
15. Part Fifteen
16. Part Sixteen
17. Part Seventeen
18. Part Eighteen
19. Part Nineteen
20. Part Twenty
21. Part Twenty-One
22. Part Twenty-Two
23. Part Twenty-Three
24. Part Twenty-Four
25. Part Twenty-Five

[Skuld-chan]

                Ranma 1/2: The Magical Mystery Hibiki Tour
                            by Jaelle and Orla

***

The characters in this story are the property of Rumiko
Takahashi-sama. We prostrate ourselves at her feet and beg her
forgiveness for our temerity in using these characters. We're
not worthy! We're not worthy!

C & C is welcome (although we don't like flames!). You can
contact us at either: ladyorla@yahoo.com or jaelle@ihug.co.nz

For more of our fanfiction visit our site 'Insane Musings'at:
http://homepages.ihug.co.nz/~jaelle/Jaelle_Orla.htm

***

This story occurs four years after Ranma 1/2 volume 38.

***

Part One:

It was a calm, quiet late summer evening in Nerima, and Ukyou
Kuonji knew something was going to happen. She had had an
uneventful day, study... work, and now she was tidying up
Ucchans by herself, having given Konatsu the night off (and
strict orders to go and do something he liked). So, Ukyou's
nerves were tense at the moment, trying to anticipate the
type of crazy event Nerima seemed to throw up on a regular
basis. She didn't have to wait long.

"WHERE ON EARTH AM I NOW??!!" screamed a voice, accompanied
by the sound of something smashing.

Ukyou rushed outside and saw Ryoga Hibiki standing in the midst
of what had once been her back garden wall. He looked
despairing, angst-filled and lost. In other words, completely
normal. Ukyou felt her temper rise. Of all the walls in all
the world, why did he have to smash down HERS?

Ukyou removed her battle spatula from her back and gripped it
tightly. "Ryoga-kun..." she said threateningly.

Ryoga didn't hear her and, unaware of the danger he was in,
closed his eyes and began to angst. "Lost again!" he cried.
"Some outlandish mysterious place... I'm never going to get
back to Nerima, I'm never..."

CLANG!!!!!!!!

Ryoga peeled himself away from the object that had struck him.
"I'd recognise that spatula anywhere. Konbawa Ukyou-san, what
are you doing here?"

Ukyou stared at her dented spatula. Damn, she kept forgetting
how thick Ryoga's head was. Looks like he'd been off training
again, usually he couldn't shrug her blows off that easily.

"Ow," muttered Ryoga, rubbing his face. "That hurt you know."

"This is my back yard you jackass! Ryoga no baka!" shouted
Ukyou. "Can't you wander around _without_ destroying property!"

"Gomen nasai," groaned Ryoga. "It wasn't intentional. I get
carried away sometimes when I'm lost."

"Break my place again and you'll get carried away alright - in
a hearse!" Ukyo snapped, throwing her bent spatula behind her.
"Anyway, it's nice to see you again. What have you been doing?
And... oh..." Ukyou gasped as Ryoga keeled over unconcious.
"Oops, maybe I hit him too hard."

She dragged him inside and propped him up on a seat, removing
his backpack and placing it at his feet. "He'll probably want
something to eat and drink when he comes around." she muttered
to herself. "I'll fix him something."

Ryoga revived slowly as soon as his nose told him that food was
in the vicinity. He blinked and opened his eyes just as Ukyou
was tossing up whether or not to throw some water on him. He
lifted his head and began drooling the minute he sighted the
okonomiyaki.

"T-that smells _wonderful_."

"It's all yours sugar, eat up!" Ukyou beamed at him.

Ryoga gave himself a little shake and began to eat. He noticed
the steaming cup of tea next to the okonomiyaki and gulped that
down as well. As he ate his first half-decent meal in a week
he debated whether or not to apologise again for bakusai
tenketsing the backyard wall. Better not, he decided. Ukyou
tended to be somewhat spatula-happy. Ukyou flipped him another
okonomiyaki and he gave himself over to the pleasure of eating.

Munching on the third okonomiyaki, hunger sated enough to
enable rational thought, he glanced at Ukyou and swallowed.
"So, how is everything around here?"

Ukyou shrugged, "Oh, same old same old. Happosai is still the
Nerima panty-thief, Cologne and Shampoo are still running the
Nekohanten and scheming to nab Ranma." She paused and helped
herself to some tea from the pot on the oven, then stared into
it unseeingly, her expression pensive.

Ryoga frowned, she hadn't mentioned the most important person.
"What about Ak..." he started to ask before she smiled brightly
and spoke.

"Oh! I forgot to mention, Nabiki has made another two million
yen investment with the Kuno money and Kasumi is pregnant."

Ryoga's thoughts were diverted, "But when I was last here she
had just had twins!"

"What can I say? She and Dr Tofu like... uh... big families."
Ukyou finished her sentence with an embarassed cough.

"Knee deep in toddlers," Ryoga shook his head. "How... noisy."

Silence descended for a minute, Ryoga polished off the
okonomiyaki and Ukyou drank her tea. Then he took a deep breath
and tried asking again. "What about Akane?"

Ukyou bit her lower lip. "Ummm... yes, well, Akane... uh...
she's okay, she's been studying physical education and english.
She, um... *sob*"

Ryoga looked at Ukyou in alarm as tears welled up in the chef's
eyes. "Ukyou? What's... what's wrong?"

Ukyou blinked and swallowed. "Oh, uh, she and Ranma... they're,
they have decided... decided on the date."

"Date?"

Ukyou sniffed, "Yes, the date... for their wedding."

"Oh, their wedding." Ryoga nodded. "WHAT?!!!"

He jumped up. "Th-they're getting married? Soon?!"

"Well, they have been engaged for four years and they have
graduated and Ranchan _promised_ his dad and Mr Tendo that he
would marry Akane after he finished his education."

Ryoga sat down again, flabberghasted. "So this is it. This is
really it." He put his head in his hands. "So much for my
triumphant return to Nerima. Dammit!" He raised a fist to
pound the floor, then controlled himself. "I've got to get
over there!" he stood up.

"Now hang on a second." Ukyou stood as well. "Don't do anything
stupid, you can't just go over there and beat up Ranchan! Let
me rephrase that, _try_ to beat up Ranchan."

Ryoga sneered, "Trust me, defeating Ranma is _noooo_ problem."
His eyes narrowed in fury. Damn that Ranma. He was finally
ready and...

Ukyou's eyes narrowed in fury. All her repressed anger and
other negative-type feelings sprang to the fore. Sure, Ryoga
might be an _okay_ fighter. But the arrogance of the man...

"Are you kidding, you couldn't even manage to defeat _me_,
much less a true man like Ranma."

"TRUE MAN?!!! Are you high?" Ryoga furiously turned on her.
"He's a pervert! A half-man! A wimpy little jumped up lame
excuse for a martial artist!"

"YOU CAN'T TALK ABOUT RANCHAN LIKE THAT!!!!" screamed Ukyou.

Several passersby ducked and then rapidly evacuated the area.

"OH YEAH??!! AND WHO'S GOING TO STOP ME!!!!"

*BOOOOM*

Ukyou and Ryoga stood surrounded by battle aura. Each of
them glaring at each other, lightning flashing from their eyes.
A thunderstorm filled the air around them.

Ukyou spoke, clearly and concisely. "_I_ am."

Ryoga answered in the same tone. "You, and _whose_ army?"

"JACKASS!" Ukyou chucked a dozen minispatulas at him with a
speed that defied description (Man that's tacky - Orla).
Ryoga didn't even blink. He flung up his umbrella and
the spatulas embedded themselves deeply in the canopy as he
responded with a flurry of bandannas.

Ukyou vaulted over the counter, avoiding the bandannas and
throwing a flour bomb that enveloped both of them. She
swung a new battle spatula at him (she's got a storehouse of
them, what can we say? - J & O).

Ryoga heard the spatula coming and ducked, then threw himself
at the area he'd last seen Ukyou. They collided and grappled.

"Watch what you're touching," Ukyou screamed. "And you call
Ranma a hentai!"

"You started this," snarled Ryoga. "If you can't take the
heat, then you better get the hell out of the kitchen _lady_."

"You misogynistic, arrogant, directionless JERK!"

"Hah! And people call Akane a tomboy! No wonder you're always
attracting gender-confused weirdos when you act like this.
I've always wondered about you being a real girl."

Ukyou was speechless, her face turned an alarming shade of red
and she began to hyperventilate with fury.

"You... you PIG!" she screeched. "How DARE you..."

Ryoga snarled, "Who're you calling a pig, you unladylike,
pathetic excuse for a martial artist? I'm not surprised Ranma
chose Akane when all he had to chose between was her, you and
Shampoo. At least the other two are cute."

Tears sprang into Ukyou's eyes and her aura began to change and
waver. Half-crying she forced out the words to hurt him back.
"At least I could TELL Ranchan how I felt, I wasn't so gutless
as to always mask my feelings. No wonder Akane went with him,
when all she had was you and Kuno, and at least he could get out
a sentence to her without stuttering or getting a nosebleed.
You're not man enough for her or any other woman, and you never
will be!!"

Ryoga felt the tears pour down his face. It was true... he...
he couldn't take it anymore. He clenched Ukyou tighter to him
and her aura caught and matched with his, both of their
depressive moods mixing and augmenting together.

"Shi..... shi..... HOKODAN!!!!!!"

*FWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!*

A beam of pure ki shot into the night sky. Think Independence
Day backwards. (Sucky movie that it was.) Slowly the light
faded and the dust cleared, revealing Ukyou and Ryoga, arms
wrapped around each other sagging down to the floor. The
restaurant was completely unharmed, save for the perfect hole
punched into the roof.

"Oh god," said Ukyou. "It feels good to let all that out."

"Yeah." agreed Ryoga, collapsing to his knees. "Sorry about
that." He noticed that he was holding Ukyou tightly to him.
His brain started waving for attention.

"S'okay." said Ukyou, resting her head against his chest in
exhaustion. "I needed to get some of that pent-up feeling out."

"Gah." managed Ryoga, his brain having finally gotten back in
control of things and pointing out the closeness of a female
body (that wasn't Ranma).

"Gonna sleep now, kay?" Ukyou leant against him and Ryoga
toppled backwards, half-conscious, with blood streaming from
his nose as she landed on top of him, fast asleep. Ryoga's
brain took in the situation and clubbed him unconcious before
it fried and he lost too much blood.

***

The next morning:

Konatsu walked in bright and early despite staying out all
night, ready for another day at work.

"What the hey?" he stared at the hole in the roof and the
sight of his boss and love of his life happily asleep on top
of Ryoga Hibiki of all people. Gently, Konatsu picked up
Ukyou and carried her upstairs, tucking her into bed. On
the way back downstairs he picked up the phone and called
the local repairpeople to come and fix the roof before
opening. Only then did he allow himself the pleasure of
beating Ryoga awake with a frying pan. After he'd cooked
bacon and eggs on it.

"YAAAAAH!!!" Ryoga woke up and automatically punched out.
"uh... ohmigod... I'm sorry miss... oh it's _you_ Konatsu."

Konatsu smiled sweetly. "And just what are you doing _here_
Hibiki-san?"

Ryoga looked around. Then back at Konatsu. "I don't know."
he said confusedly. "I wanted to go to the Tendo training
hall."

"Then why were you..." Konatsu stopped. "You want to leave?"

"Yeah." Ryoga stood up and hooked his backpack up. "Wonder
why I'm here. Then again, why am I ever anywhere?" he
shrugged. Then he looked embarrassed. "Uh, could you take
me to the Tendos Konatsu?"

A smile spread across Konatsu's face. "I'd be _delighted_."

***

"Here you go! Have fun! Stay as long as you like!" said
Konatsu brightly. "Come back to Ucchans for lunch (and
nothing more)!" He skipped away across the rooftops, secure in
the knowledge that Hibiki-sans sense of misdirection would
keep him away from his beloved Ukyou-sama.

Ryoga shook his head. "Fruitcake." he said. He walked up the
front steps. Now where was...

"GET BACK HERE YOU OLD FART!!!"

Happosai bounded out of the door and bounced off a head-high
object. Hmmm, wonder what that was, he thought, just before
a very heavy umbrella connected with his face, hurling him
into the air.

"I really, _really_ hate that." Ryoga said calmly, lowering
the umbrella.

Ranma landed in front of him. "Where'd he go?" he asked.
Ryoga pointed upwards. Ranma looked up to see Happosai
spiralling through the air. "Hey, not bad." He turned to look
at Ryoga.

"I don't believe it. Ryoga? Jeez man, I haven't seen you in
ages. Not that that's _surprising_ or anything. Where've you
been? Whatcha been up to?"

Ryoga regarded his closest rival and contemplated punching
him in the face.

"You don't look so good." said Ranma. "Something wrong?"

Ryoga sighed and let the energy go. "Got any sake?"

"That bad? I've got a bottle the old man doesn't know about."

"Sounds good, what are you going to drink?"

Ranma paused. "Riiiight. I'll borrow some of Soun's stash.
He'll think Happosai drank it."

"Perfect," Ryoga shrugged off his backpack and slumped.
Ranma put a hand on his friends shoulder and led him round
the back.

***

Ryoga threw back his head and gulped the saucer of sake. He
shuddered. "Oh man, this stuff is terrible!" he said.

Ranma grinned, "Can't afford the good stuff." he said. "But
once we've got the training hall up and running properly..."

Ryoga glumly noted the 'we' and poured himself another saucer.
"Kampai." he said, and slugged it back.

"So," Ranma said, sipping his saucer. "What have you been
doing these past six months? I mean, how're things with Akari?
I thought you were going to try to make a thing of it with
her?"

"Ugh." Ryoga shuddered and threw back another saucer full.
"Short version: she loved P-chan more than she loved Ryoga.
And being around nothing but pigs all day made me feel
physically sick. I had to get out of there. She wanted to...
_do_ things."

"So?"

"With P-chan."

"Whoah, didn't need to know." said Ranma, nasty visions
haunting his mind. He gulped the sake and poured more.

"Not like _that_ you sexual deviant." snarled Ryoga. "It was
just always, 'Ryoga, why don't you turn into P-chan', 'You're
so cute as P-chan', 'Why don't you help my sumo-wrestling
pigs train, I've got the cold water right here'. Then towards
the end it was, 'Oops, I tripped, oh no, the cold water went
all over you, and the heating's off...'"

"Yeesh." said Ranma. "Sounds like a Kodachi in the making."

"Where _is_ she now?" asked Ryoga, momentarily distracted from
his troubles.

"Nabiki got Kuno and the headmaster to have her committed."

"Finally." they both said together, then laughed. Ryoga lay
back on the porch and let some of the tension flow away.

"Akane and I were so glad when it happened." mused Ranma.

The tension came back, with friends.

"Yes..." Ryoga debated bringing up the Akane question, or
whether to just pound Ranma as he had originally planned. He
clenched his fists.

"So where did you go after leaving Akari?" Ranma asked,
oblivious to Ryoga's distress (as usual).

Ryoga licked his lips, pounding can wait, keep talking, and
drinking.

"Well, the break-up was pretty harsh. I had to tell her to her
face, and she cried, which was terrible..."

Ranma nodded, "I know what you mean, Ucchan cried when I told
her that she and I were just friends."

Ryoga frowned, Ukyou... Ukyou... there was something nagging
at him concerning her, but he couldn't quite recall. Oh well,
think later, sake now. He poured himself another saucer.

Ranma frowned, Ryoga had gone through half the bottle, while
he was only on his third saucer!

Ryoga drank the sake and exhaled. "Anyway, after all that I
just wandered, went to lots of places, had various jobs and
finally I ended up back in Nerima."

"So where did you go?"

"Oh... everywhere. England.."

"What was that like?"

"Okay but the food isn't great and there are too many museums.
I got lost in the one in London for eight days and had to
camp out in the Japanese tea-house exhibit, which was
embarrassing, people thought I was part of it, and while I was
asleep someone tried to dust me!"

Ranma tried not to laugh. "Then where?"

"Paris... that was bad."

"I thought it was supposed to be really nice."

"Yes... it was the romantic atmosphere, I had to get out
before I ShishiHokodaned Notre Dame." He sighed, "But I'd
like to go back there with someone I really cared about."

"Ah... right. And after that?"

"Australia... it was hot and dry... nice beaches though, not
that I could go _swimming_, but I did get a tan. From there
I moved on to New Zealand."

Ranma blinked. "New Zealand?"

"Yeah, nice little place, lot's of sheep and open spaces. I
had a shearing job there for a while."

"'shearing'??"

"Uh-huh, I wound up in the capital city and had a look around.
It was a bit windy, but I met two really nice girls who got me
on the plane to Japan (Against our inclinations - J & O) they
kept trying to convince me that New Zealand was a really nice
place to live."

"Is it?"

"Well, yes, but I wanted to come home."

(Jaelle and Orla would like to thank Tourism New Zealand for
sponsoring this section of this fanfic. Ryoga-kun come
baaaaccck!)

"And so here you are. Sounds like you had fun though."

Fun? Ryoga thought about that, no, he wouldn't call it _fun_,
especially since he was trying to get to the Tokyo Tower.
(There is no reason for this we just wanted to included the
Tokyo Tower as it is in nearly every anime. - Orla)

"I wish I could go on a holiday, just travel around going
nowhere, just seeing places for the hell of it."

Ranma sighed and then looked at Ryoga. "So what are your
plans now?" he twiddled his thumbs. "'Cause if you are going
to stick around... would you consider being my best man?"

Ryoga almost swallowed the saucer.

Ranma continued. "It's just that... my only other option is
Ucchan and I don't think she'll want to wear a tuxedo and I
don't want to put her through that."

Ryoga glared. "Oh... so you'd put _me_ through it, huh?"

"You're a guy, you won't cry on me so much."

"Thank you _so_ much."

"Anyway, Akane would really like you to do it."

Ryoga swallowed. "She would... ? Ok... ok... I'll do it."
He fought back the pain as he felt his heart of glass start to
crack.

Ranma grinned. "Great! The wedding is in two months."

Ryoga's eyes widened, Two months? Ranma wanted him to stay in
_one_ place for two MONTHS?!

Ranma saw his expression. "Good point. We need to put you
somewhere safe where you won't wander off because we'll need
you on hand for all the fittings and stuff."

Silence fell as the two men thought.

"Somewhere safe... " mused Ranma. "Somewhere you can work
and with someone who can keep an eye on you... I know!
Ucchans!"

At that point Ryoga's memory kicked in. Throwing aside the
saucer he grabbed the bottle and sculled the lot.

***

"So is that okay Ucchan?" Ranma asked. Ryoga had gone bright
red and was staring at the floor. This was not entirely due
to the sake.

Ukyou smiled, for some reason she had woken up today in a
really good, relaxed mood. "Of course Ranchan." she said. "If
it gets me out of wearing a tuxedo okay, besides, I'll get
some free help!"

"FREE help?" Ryoga forgot his embarrassment and glared at
her. *Man, she's a real piece of work*, he thought.

"Hey lost boy, I'm giving you board and babysitting you.
Helping out around the place is the least you can do.
Besides, I'm already paying Konatsu, I can't afford to take
on any more help."

Ranma kept his mouth shut. He knew _exactly_ how much Konatsu
got paid.

"Oh... alright." said Ryoga.

Ukyou smiled. "You and Konatsu can share his room!"

"PWHAH?"

"Gotta run," said Ranma, sensing the potentially explosive
situation. "Thanks for everything both of you, me and Akane
really appreciate it. Bye!" he ran out the door.

Ryoga and Ukyou both slumped back into their seats.

"Sure. Don't mention it." said Ukyou.

"It's a pleasure," growled Ryoga.

The two of them glared at each other.

"I am NOT sharing with Konatsu!" Ryoga emphasised.

"Well you can hardly share MY room!" Ukyou snarled.

Ryoga gulped and remembered the fracas last night. Either
Ukyou couldn't or wouldn't remember it. Okay, fine, he could
do that.

"I could camp out in the back yard?" he suggested.

Ukyou rubbed her forehead, "Nooo, you'd just get lost going
to the bathroom. I prefer you to be _in_ the house. Last
chance, Konatsu's room or couch?"

"Couch."

"Done." Ukyou called out. "Hey, Konatsu!"

Konatsu walked in. "Hai itsujo!"

"Ryoga's going to be staying and working here for a while.
Take him downstairs and get him to work in the kitchen. And
DON'T LET HIM OUT OF YOUR SIGHT!"

"I'm not THAT bad." said Ryoga.

"Oh yes you are!"

Konatsu froze... "Staying... here?" he squeaked.

"That's right sugar. Now shoo... back to work." Ukyou
went down to the restaurant to finish getting ready for
opening for the lunch crowd.

Konatsu stared at Ryoga, who blushed. "Errr... so, where's
the kitchen?"

***

Ryoga mopped the floor and moped. Damn it, damn it all! He
was finally ready to tell Akane how he felt without screwing
it up. He'd practiced, he'd suffered, but he could now say
the words.

"I love you." he said out loud.

CRASH!

He turned around to see Konatsu standing staring at him,
the shattered remains of several plates scattered around
the floor.

"Hey, I just mopped that. Be more careful!" he said.

"Who... who do you love?" Konatsu demanded.

Erp, did I say that out loud? &*(^!!!

"Not you thickwit." he said. "I was just... oh what's the use.
She loves someone else!"

"Who... WHO??!!" demanded Konatsu.

"I just can't believe that she's actually getting married to
him."

Konatsu face-faulted. "You... you mean you're talking about
AKANE?!" he groaned.

Ryoga looked at him funny. "Well duh. Who else am I hung up
about?"

"I thought... I mean, I thought... you mean you're really
not... YES!" Konatsu punched the air and started to dance
around daintily in his kimono. "For a minute there I
thought... never mind. Clear this mess up, we've got more
customers out front. Weeeee!!!" Konatsu floated out. Ryoga
stared after him. Fruitcake, he thought. Absolutely... fruity.
With nuts on top. Why does Ukyou always attract the weirdos?

***

Two Days Later

Ryoga dried the last of the plates and sighed. It had been a
long day and it wasn't over. Ukyou had dragged him out of bed
in the small hours to get the restaurant ready, there had been
one alarming instance when she had threatened to throw cold
water on him to wake him up. Then just when Ryoga was taking a
breather after the incredibly busy lunch crowd Ranma had
popped in and took him off for tuxedo fittings. This wouldn't
have been so bad if Ukyou hadn't come along to offer advice,
actually it was more like _criticism_. Ryoga frowned, she had
acted like _he_ was the groom! Of course Ranma thought this
was hilarious so Ryoga attacked him, naturally Ukyou leapt to
Ranma's aid and they had nearly destroyed the tailor's before
everyone calmed down.

Ryoga stacked the plates, he had washed more plates in the past
couple of days than in his entire life! And he _hated_ it
because he had to be so careful so as not to break them.

"Hey lost boy." Ukyou strolled into the kitchen. "All finished?"

"Yes, finally, and don't call me that!" Ryoga wiped his hands
"Where's Konatsu?"

"Poor boy, he's exhausted, I bundled him off to bed."

Ukyou went to a cupboard and took out a bottle of sake and a
couple of saucers, she placed them on the kitchen table and sat
down.

"Join me in a drink?"

Ryoga smiled, "Yeah, that sounds great." He sat down opposite
her.

Ukyou poured the sake. "I just want to say that you've been a
great help, Ryoga, I really mean it."

Ryoga raised his glass and sipped the sake. "Thanks, I'm
sorry for being such a grouch before."

Ukyou downed her own drink. "Hey, no problem, I know
_exactly_ what you are going through."

A few saucers later...

Ryoga leaned back. "This is good sake."

Ukyou grinned. "That's the advantage of owning a thriving
business, I can afford the good stuff."

"So 'Ucchans' is really making the grade then? What are
your plans for the future?"

Ukyou leaned forward and smiled. "I'd love to have a chain
across Japan, perhaps even expand outside, that's why I've
been studying management. I haven't heard of many okonomiyaki
restaurants in places like the States, so perhaps I have a
product that can make me a lot of money."

Ryoga thought about it. "It's a possibility." He raised a
full saucer. "Hope it works for you."

"I'll drink to that!" Ukyou raised hers and took a long
swallow. "Ahhh... so good. What about you Ryoga? What is your
ambition?"

Ryoga blinked. "I-I haven't really thought about it. I never
did finish High School. All I can do is punch holes and get
totally lost."

"I can see how that would make holding down a job difficult."

"Yeah, I get a job and then the minute I get sent anywhere
or walk away I get lost! I've done so many things, I can
hardly keep track, I even managed to get a drivers license
somehow."

Ukyou stared. "A drivers license? _You_?"

"It was really strange. I got in the car to take the test
in Hiroshima and ended up in Kyoto. The examiner gave me the
certificate and bolted out of the car yelling something about
insanity."

Ukyou giggled and Ryoga glared at her. "My sense of direction
is not a joke!"

"Ahem! Yes... Anyway, sugar, you are right. It is impossible
to have a career when you can't make it to the office." She
smiled. "Unless you did something involved with travel."

"Oh yes," muttered Ryoga. "I've been everywhere and back again
in the world and everyone thinks I'm having a great time. I go
for a walk to the supermarket and end up in London, Mexico,
Rome, Beijing or Tibet, yeah, it's just _great_!" He gulped
down another saucer of sake. "Well it isn't! It's a nightmare
not knowing where you will be from one day to the next, and
having people like you and Ranma thinking it's cool does not
help!"

"Oh... " Ukyou blinked. "Ranchan wants to travel? I would've
thought that dreadful trip to the China was enough."

Ryoga shrugged. "He said he liked the idea, the freedom."

"You would be a good mystery tour guide." Ukyou said. She
looked wistful. "If only I could get Ranchan away from Nerima
and convince him that I'm the one."

Ryoga lost himself in a brief fantasy in which he took Akane
on a holiday, said those three little words and then found
out that she really loved him. Then he shook his head. "No,
it wouldn't work, not now."

Ukyou's expression mirrored his own, miserable. "But there is
no way I'd get Ranchan on his own now." then she perked up.
"Unless they went on holiday and broke up then."

"Doubt it... " muttered Ryoga.

They sat in the darkening kitchen, each wrapped up in their
own misery. Minutes passed, then suddenly Ukyou lept to her
feet and slammed her fist on the table.

"Damnit! They are _not_ married yet, I am _not_ giving up!" She
grabbed Ryoga's hands. "Listen, I have an idea but I'm going to
need your full cooperation."

Ryoga stuttered. "Wh... what... do you mean?"

"I mean we are in this together, all the way, until Akane's
in love with you and Ranchan is in love with _me_." Ukyou
leaned closer. "And this will solve your career problems
too."

Ryoga attempted to focus on her words. "Okay, what's the
deal?"

"A Mystery Tour!"

"Nani?"

"You are going to set up business as a mystery tour guide and
I will be your business partner, and caterer of course. We
will outfit a... a bus or something and offer places on the
first tour to Ranchan and Akane as an engagement present. Then
during the tour you will show Akane how right you are for her
and I will show Ranchan that he can't live without me! Best of
all we will _not_ invite Mr Tendo, Mr Saotome, or Shampoo and
Cologne, they won't be able to interfer. I swear to you that
we will both return married to the one we love!"

Ukyou finished with a gasp and squeezed Ryoga's hands. "Well?"

Ryoga just sat there, his expression unreadable, then a slow
grin spead over his face. "I like it... " He lept to his feet
and hugged Ukyou. "Yatta!"

She hugged him back. "Cool, ne?"

Konatsu stumbled into the kitchen yawning. "What's all the
noise, itsujo?" He took in the scene... his Ukyou-sama locked
in what looked like a passionate embrace with Ryoga Hibiki.
Tears sprang to his eyes and he ran back to his room, the tears
flowing a la Soun Tendo.

"Did you hear something?" Ryoga descended from his fantasies.

Ukyou descended from her own musings and looked around. "No."

Ryoga realised that for the second time in under a week he was
hugging Ukyou. With an embarrassed exclaimation he jumped back.
"G... gomen."

Ukyou blushed and fiddled with her hair. "It's okay...
ummm... shall we get started?"

Ryoga smiled. "Hai."

End of Part One.

[Skuld-chan]

                Ranma 1/2: The Magical Mystery Hibiki Tour
                            by Jaelle and Orla

***

The characters in this story are the property of Rumiko
Takahashi-sama. We prostrate ourselves at her feet and beg her
forgiveness for our temerity in using these characters. We're
not worthy! We're not worthy!

***

Part Two. A Week Later.


Ukyou looked over the numbers, leant back and threw her pen
against the wall. "Damn it all!"

"Still not adding up?" Ryoga inquired. He leant over her
shoulder and perused the accounts.

Ukyou sighed and rubbed her eyes. "We have enough money for
the bus, the food and the petrol, but not enough for the
permits required to travel to China, or outfitting the bus."

"I have some money." Ryoga offered. "I don't know how much,
but you can have it."

"You don't have _this_ much, sugar." Ukyou held up the final
accounting. "I thought I had more savings, but most of my
profits get ploughed straight back into the restaurant. Plus
getting a good education is expensive. If we had some paying
customers and a sponsor... but this is supposed to be a
_present_."

"Well why don't we get a sponsor?" Ryoga put down the plate
he'd been drying for the last six minutes and sat down next to
her.

"Because the only person I can think of who'd invest in this
enterprise is... Nabiki Kuno."

*Hwooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo*

"You're right, better a deal with the devil than her."

"Now is that a nice thing to say to your future partner?"

"Nabiki!"

The pair of them rose to their feet and spun around. Nabiki
Kuno, socialite, investor, multimillionaire, and sister of
Akane Tendo, stood in the kitchen door.

"I came in for an okonomiyaki and to see how the two of you
were doing together *smirk* and I couldn't help overhearing
your little problem. Tell me more about this business venture
of yours."

Ryoga's mind raced as he tried to think of an answer that would
satisfy the money-grubbing little sneak... I mean, the woman in
front of him. He opened his mouth.

"We want to start a mystery tour service together," said Ukyou,
whose mind had raced a lot faster and had come to the
conclusion that if they didn't have Nabiki's help, the whole
plan would fall apart and she'd lose her last chance with
Ranchan. "We'd like to give the first tour to Ranma and Akane
as an engagement present."

"Oh, home-made gifts," teased Nabiki. "How very rustic of you.
Now I gather you're having financing problems? What can Nabiki
Kuno do to help you?"

Ukyou showed Nabiki the figures. "It's the initial set up that
costs the most." she explained. "Once we've got going and
gotten some paying customers it should take care of itself and
more."

"But you want the first time to be with Ranma... and Akane."
Nabiki's voice lingered suggestively and she smiled at the
two innocents before her. "Understandable, given how... close
you all are. Very well kiddies, I'll help you. But to advance
a loan I'll need some collateral."

"I have some money." Ryoga volunteered again.

"Yeah, we're talking _real_ money here honey. But thanks for
the thought." Nabiki dismissed him, then smiled at Ukyou, who
swallowed.

"The only thing I can offer you," she said hollowly. "Is
Ucchans."

"Perfect!" said Nabiki. "I'll advance you the money you need,
on the condition that you extend the tour to include paying
customers so that we can see if it is capable of making a
profit. If it fails, or you don't have the cash to repay me,
I'll take the restaurant in lieu."

"Ukyou... you can't..."

"Shut up you jackass, I'll do whatever it takes!" Ukyou
slammed her hand down on the table.

"My my, you really want Akane and Ranma to have a wonderful
pre-wedding holiday don't you?" smiled Nabiki. "Just sign
here," she whipped a form from behind her back.

*Where did she get that from?* wondered Ryoga.

Ukyou signed on the dotted line and tried not to feel like
she was signing away her first-born.

"All done. See, it didn't hurt. I'll have the money in the
morning. The rest is all up to you." she waved and headed out
the door. In the doorway, she paused. "Oh by the way, I'll be
coming along to see how you do. I will pay for my ticket of
course."

"What's the matter, think we're going to run off with your
money?"

"No, I just feel like a... _relaxing_ holiday." Nabiki's tone
indicated that she expected it to be anything but. "Ta ta!"
With this parting shot, she was gone.

Ukyou licked her lips and sat back down. "Well, Ryoga, it looks
like we are going to be putting in long hours."

Ryoga stared at her. "Your restaurant? You didn't have to do
that, not for me."

Ukyou's hurt turned into rage and she glared at him. "I'm not
doing it for you, jackass! And if you screw this up you'll
be spending the rest of your miserable life washing dishes!"

Ryoga regarded her and nodded. "Yes, I understand. Shall we get
started?"

Surprised by his calm attitude Ukyou's rage subsided. "Okay,
okay"

***

Three Days Later:

"Ukyou, we've been working for three days straight, can we
_please_ sleep?"

"You're a Martial Artist, this should be easy!"

"It was easy when I was sixteen!"

"You're only twenty-one!"

"Believe me, there is a lot of difference in those five
years."

"Whatever, but you've got to admit that we've done a
_great_ job."

They regarded the bus which they had converted from an old
ordinary tour bus, it was now a double decker capable of
taking twelve passengers plus the crew, i.e.: Ryoga and Ukyou.
It also had a lot of extra features including a shower, toilet,
kitchen, tables and fold-down beds on the upper deck. The idea
was for the passengers to camp outside, but should there be a
storm it was possible to accommodate everyone.

"Yeah, I agree, Ukyou, this is a great bus."

"What's left on our list of things to do?"

"Well, let's see. We've completed the bus, all the engine
checks, and stuff, we've got the food and linen in and the
first aid kit. We have six paying customers, (strange that
Konatsu decided to come). All in all it looks good."

"Well, not really since I have to close the restaurant while
we're doing this." Ukyou shrugged, "What's left?"

"Invite Ranma and Akane."

***

"Hey Ucchan! Nice to see ya, and you too Ryoga." Ranma
grinned at his friends as he invited them inside.

Ukyou gave him a hug. "How's it going, Ranchan?"

"Just fine, fighting it out over the wedding arrangements."

"You can say that again." Akane smiled at Ryoga and Ukyou as
they entered the main room.

Ranma flopped onto the floor and sighed. "Sometimes I wish I
could get away from it all."

Ukyou and Ryoga looked at each other and smiled. "Funny you
should say that... " said Ukyou.

Ryoga handed Ranma a big box, Ranma and Akane opened it and
peered inside, Ranma picked up a small envelope and opened it.

"Surprise!" chorused Ryoga and Ukyou.

"This is your engagement present." beamed Ukyou.

"'Hibiki Mystery Tours'?" Ranma frowned, "Is this a joke?"

"No, Ranchan, this is for real. It's your engagement present,
yours and Akane's, it's my and Ryoga's new venture and we want
you to be a part of it."

Akane looked at the little brochure. "It looks lovely, and
this bus is amazing! Did you both do this?"

Ryoga gulped. "Y... yes." he managed to get out. Ukyou gave
him a subtle but sharp elbow in the ribs. "Ow! I mean... so
will you come?"

Ranma frowned, if it had been Shampoo or Kodachi offering
this trip he would have said 'no' straight away, but this was
Ukyou, his best friend, and she hadn't chased him romantically
for four years. Also it was Ryoga, his best rival, who
wouldn't know a cunning plan if it beat him repeatedly over
the head and then danced around him singing 'I am a cunning
plan, I am a cunning plan'! He looked at Akane.

"Well? I'm all for it."

Akane smiled, if it had been Shampoo or Kodachi offering this
trip she would've said 'no'. However, this was Ukyou, Ranma's
best friend, who always came through when they needed her, and
Ryoga who she knew as a sweet and generous guy who never had
any nasty plans up his sleeve.

"I'd love to go."

"YATTA!!!" Ukyou leapt to her feet and punched the air. "This
is going to be the best thing we've ever done!"

Ryoga grinned, this had worked perfectly. He looked at Akane
who was sharing Ukyou's jubilation. *soon she will be mine*

***

Two days later

Ukyou looked at the mess before her and sighed. "I'm never
going to be ready! And we leave _tomorrow_!" She flopped down
onto her bed, what wasn't covered with clothing and other
items, and closed her eyes.

There was a knock at her bedroom door. "Ukyou-sama, can I
come in?"

"Hai, Konatsu." Ukyou didn't move as Konatsu opened the door.
He saw her lying there and rushed to her side.

"Oh! Ukyou-sama! Are you alright? Do you have a fever? Let
me help!"

"Baka!" Ukyou sat up and pushed him away. "I'm only tired and
frustrated, I don't know what to take with me! Typical, we
restrict the passengers baggage and _I_ have several bags too
many!" She shook her head and smiled ruefully. "Anyway,
Konatsu, what did you want?"

"Well, I've finished packing all the kitchen utensils and the
food supplies into the bus, I came up to see if you wanted to
look it over."

Ukyou rubbed her eyes. "Right, yes, thanks... I'll come down
in a minute." She took Konatsu's hand. "It's really good of you
to help when you are a paying passenger, Konatsu!"

Konatsu looked at her hand holding his and started to suffer
severe love overload. "Ukyou-s... sama... "

Ukyou noticed the signs and got up quickly, she had come to
realise that stuttering and a flushed face usually preceded
a hug from Konatsu, and she didn't want to encourage the poor
guy.

"I'll go down now." she said and left.

Konatsu stayed where he was, gazing at the hand she had so
briefly held and sighing.

"GET OUT OF MY ROOM!!!!" Ukyou yelled.

"H-hai!"

***

Downstairs Ryoga was looking after the restaurant. He wasn't
a master at okonomiyaki like Ukyou, but since his stints in
the restaurant tended to be at times when the customers were
light he went for the 'make your own' approach and that was
fine. At the moment there was only one couple sitting at a
table so he was engrossed in looking at a map of China.
Contrary to popular belief (i.e.: Ranma and Ukyou), Ryoga could
read a map, he just couldn't follow it. (Although he would
often claim that he could and it was the mapmakers fault for
drawing the continent completely wrong and making Paris look
_exactly_ like  Tokyo.) He traced the outline of China and
frowned.

"It's a big place alright, it will take a while to drive it,
not as long as it took to _walk_, but we only had three weeks
to do this tour so we can't get too lost, but with me driving
that's guaranteed." Ryoga muttered to himself. "Ukyou said
she'll read the map for me, but she'll need to rest and cook
so... " He paused. "Wait... when do _I_ get a break from the
driving?"

Ukyou wandered in. "Ryoga-kun, everything ok?"

"Hai, but I have a question,"

"What?"

"Am I doing _all_ the driving?"

"Yes, I can't drive and... oh... problem." She looked at him
and bit her lip. "You _can't_ do all the driving! Our plans
will fail completely if you are too tired from driving to
charm Akane!"

Ryoga nodded. "What do we do?"

"Konnichiwa!"

They turned and saw a handsome man their own age standing in
the doorway. Ukyou blinked once and then went into her cheerful
host mode.

"Welcome to Ucchans Okonomiyaki. Care to take a seat?"

The man looked at her and smiled, his teeth glittered. "Are
you the chef?"

"Yes, Ukyou Kuonji's the name, Okonomiyaki is my fame."

"I would say your beauty is your fame." He stepped closer to
Ukyou.

She blushed. "Ano... can I take your order, sir?"

"Yes, a kiss from your lips."

Ryoga, who had been watching idly from the counter, looked
very hard at the man when he said this.

"Mikado Sanzenin!"

Ukyou, who had been stunned into silence by the unusual
'order', frowned.

"You know him, Ryoga?"

"Yup! Biggest sex-obsessed, egomaniac next to Kuno that I've
ever met." Ryoga looked around anxiously. "Uh... your skating
partner isn't here is she?"

Mikado shook his head. "No." He walked up to Ryoga. "Where
have we met? Your face is vaguely familiar."

"The... er... 'Charlotte Cup' skating match four, five years
ago."

Mikado thought for a minute, then he snapped his fingers. "Ah
yes, you were that brute who so mistreated that adorable girl
with the pigtail who swooned at my kiss."

Ukyou's jaw dropped. "Does he mean who I think he means?"

Ryoga grinned, he _always_ found this hilarious. "Yes, Mikado
here was given the honour of being the one to give Ranma his
first real kiss."

Ukyou's lips moved soundlessly for a moment. "Did... did Ranma
swoon?"

"No, but he was very embarrassed." Ryoga's smile grew wider.

Mikado looked confused. "I do not understand you."

"Never mind." said Ryoga. "So, what would you like, and don't
ask to kiss Ukyou because then I'll have to hurt you and that's
not good for business."

Mikado gazed at Ukyou who was still struggling with the idea
of Ranma being kissed by a boy (that wasn't Kuno who didn't
count). "Is this lovely lady yours then?"

Ryoga went bright red, Ukyou snapped back to reality and glared
at Mikado. "Don't be silly, me? Belong with that jackass? We're
just business partners."

"R-right." stuttered Ryoga. "What would I want with a girl like
her?"

*CLANG*

Ryoga yelped as Ukyou's spatula connected with his head.

"Jackass!" she growled.

Mikado frowned at Ryoga. "You are insensitive, how could you
demean such a flower?" He leaned towards Ukyou. "As of today,
I will cherish you."

Ukyou fended him off with the dented spatula. "Hold it right
there, I am _not_ interested in you!"

Mikado looked forlorn. "What a sad day, spurned by beauty as
well as spurned by the employment office. Do you not have
pity?"

"Like we'd believe that." muttered Ryoga rubbing his head.

Ukyou however lowered the spatula and peered intently at
Mikado. "Out of a job?"

"Yes, all I can do is Martial Arts skating." Mikado sighed,
his efforts to charm Ukyou forgotten in his own misfortune.
"I could have gone on, but I can't stand being with Azusa
anymore. Her 'cute' collecting is just out of control."

"What does he mean?"

Ryoga shuddered. "Believe me, you don't want to meet Azusa!"

Ukyou nibbled a fingernail in thought. "Hmmm... can you drive
Sanzenin?"

He blinked. "Yes, I had to get a license to drive the Kolkhoz
High School skating team I was coaching to the competitions."

"So you've driven vans and buses?" Ukyou asked eagerly.

"Yes."

Ryoga gazed at Ukyou in horror. "No, no no no, _no_!"

"Ryoga, it's perfect! We need another driver, he needs a job,
what could be more convenient?"

"The man is a sleaze! Five seconds ago he was chatting you up!"

"I can handle it. Do you know of anyone else who could do the
job at such short notice?"

"...."

"Thought not." Ukyou turned to Mikado who was listening in
total confusion. "We have a job for you."

"nonononononono.... baka girl... "

"Shut up, Ryoga. Well?"

"Doing what?" Mikado asked

"Driving a bus! Ryoga and I are partners in a Mystery Tour
venture and our first trip starts tomorrow, but we don't have
a reserve driver to relieve Ryoga. We need you!"

Mikado smiled, it was not a very glamourous offer, but it
would get him away from Azusa, and Ukyou Kuonji was so cute,
by the end of the tour he would make her fall in love with
him and steal a kiss from her lips. "I accept."

"Terrific!" Ukyou beamed, "our problems are over!"

Ryoga put his head in his hands. "No, I think they've just
begun."

***

THE NEXT DAY

At 6.30am, the converted bus parked outside the Tendo Dojo.
Ukyou stepped up to the door and knocked. Kasumi let her in.

"Ohayoo, Ukyou-chan. It's a lovely morning, ne?"

"Ohayoo, Kasumi-san. What are you doing here?" Ukyou asked as
she removed her shoes.

"Oh, we are staying with Father and Saotome-san while Akane
and Ranma are away. They need someone to look after them."

"Hmmm... yes, I guess they do."

They entered the dining room where Ranma and Akane were sitting
at the table with all their luggage, and finishing off their
breakfast.

"Ohayoo, Ranchan, ohayoo, Akane-chan." said Ukyou in a bright
tone. "Ready to go?"

"Ohayoo." said Akane with a little yawn. "We've nearly
finished."

Ranma yawned and rubbed his eyes. "Why the early start,
Ucchan?"

Ukyou smiled at him. "We have to pick up our reserve driver
and the other passengers, it's all part of the Hibiki Tour's
service."

Akane chuckled. "You are really getting into this aren't you!
I love your uniform!"

Ukyou was no longer wearing her okonomiyaki chef's clothes, she
was now dressed in a smart pants-suit which consisted of a cute
bolero style jacket over a softly styled shirt, tailored pants
and elegant boots (these Akane couldn't see as they were in the
genkan*). Her hair was pulled back into a smooth ponytail
and one of Ryoga's bandannas was around her neck. She smiled at
Akane's comment.

"Arigato, Akane-chan, this was Konatsu's design. He has a real
talent, ne?"

"Mmmm... "

Ryoga came in at that moment, he was dressed in a male version
of Ukyou's outfit, his bandanna however was still tied around
his head. He said good morning and helped Ukyou carry out the
bags.

Ranma stepped forward. "Can I help?"

"You just take your hand luggage, Ranchan." said Ukyou. "It's
our job to do all this."

"And our pleasure." said Ryoga smiling at Akane.

Akane smiled back. "You are so good at it too. I already feel
relaxed!"

"That'll be the day!" muttered Ranma.

Akane glared at him and then relaxed. "I am _not_ going to fight
with you on this holiday, Ranma. We don't want to spoil Ukyou
and Ryoga's present!"

Ryoga and Ukyou, who had watched the potential fight begin to
develop with interest, laughed nervously.

"Ah... haha..."

"Hehheh... "

"Have fun and take care." said Kasumi brightly.

Akane hugged her sister. "You look after yourself too, onesan."

"Where are Tendo-san and Saotome-san?" asked Ukyou and they
walked to the bus.

Ranma grinned. "I managed to convince Oyaji and Tendo-san that
we weren't leaving until tomorrow and that they should go on
a training trip for the weekend. If they had been here I know
they would have found a way to get involved in this."

Ukyou and Ryoga glanced at each other. Interference from the
corner would have been most unhelpful, a lucky escape!

Akane gasped in delight when she saw the interior of the bus.
"It's lovely! The brochures just don't do it justice! You two
must have worked really hard!"

"Yes" said Ukyou as she guided them to seats near the driver's
seat she thought about the sleepless nights and the bone-aching
work she and Ryoga had done. *This better be worth it!*

Ryoga got on after storing the luggage. He smiled at Akane and
nodded to Ranma. "Ready to go?"

Akane nodded excitedly. "This is great!"

"Let's go!" said Ranma, an uneasy expression crept across his
face. "Uh... Ucchan, is Ryoga driving?"

"Yes, Ranchan, but don't worry I'm guiding him."

Ranma still looked doubtful. "I think I know why we had to
start so early."

Ukyou sat down beside Ryoga and frowned. "Be nice, Ranchan."

"Doomed." muttered Ranma and then winced as Akane elbowed him
in the ribs.

Ryoga fired up the engine and the bus moved out.

***

End of Part Two

*GLOSSARY:

Genkan: Entranceway where shoes are kept

[Skuld-chan]

                Ranma 1/2: The Magical Mystery Hibiki Tour
                            by Jaelle and Orla

***

The characters in this story are the property of Rumiko
Takahashi-sama. We prostrate ourselves at her feet and beg her
forgiveness for our temerity in using these characters. We're
not worthy! We're not worthy!

The other characters in this story are the copyrighted
property of Yuki Nasu and Pioneer LDC.

***

Part Three

"Hey look Akane! There's the dojo - again."

"Shut up, Ranma."

"Just pointing out interesting landmarks, Ryoga."

"Don't distract him, Ranma."

"Ryoga, you jackass! I said _left_!"

"Left, you say?"

"Right."

"Oh, right."

"NOOOOO!!!! Left, _LEFT_!!! Why did you go right?"

"You said right!"

"I was... oh, what's the use?"

"There goes Kasumi to the market."

"We'll probably see her coming back at this rate."

"Ranchan, you are _not_ helping!"

"Hey look, we're on a different patch of road! It's a
miracle!"

"RANMA..."

"Control, sugar. Remember you are the driver."

"Yes, ok, so where are we going now?"

"Ucchans to pick up Konatsu, then the Kuno household for
Nabiki."

"I can find those... Ranma, stop laughing!"

"Sure you can Ryoga, keep telling yourself that. Positive
thinking is very good for the spirit. Hey look, it's
Furinkan High School again!"

"That's good, that means we're not far from Ucchans. Go down
_this_ road Ryoga."

"I know where I'm going! Quit backseat driving!"

"Look you jackass, I'm directing you here, it's not my
fault you have all the directional instincts of a
depressed lemming! Now just pay attention to me and..."

"We're here." Ryoga stopped the bus. He turned in his
seat to glare at Ranma, "Any more smart aleck remarks
to make, Girly?"

Ranma leaned back in his seat. "You know I'm going to
have to complain to the management of this tour about
the treatment I'm receiving from the driver."

"I am the management!" yelled Ryoga.

"Yeah right," said Ukyou. "No arguing with the customers
MISTER Hibiki. Get out and help Konatsu. AND DON'T
WANDER OFF!!!"

"No trust, no trust, the abuse I get. This is hardly
helping my internal-work relationships." grumbled Ryoga.
"I took half a course in labour law once you know."

"What happened?" Ranma jeered. "You get lost inside
a university and couldn't find your way out?"

Ryoga's face flamed. "Yeah? Well I bet you couldn't do
quadratic equations if your life depended on it!" He
stomped off.

"Whoah," said Ranma. "I was just kidding!"

"Ranma," said Akane, "It's a little unfair of you to tease
Ryoga like this, he's just trying to do his best. And then
you complain when he reacts!"

"Awwwww, he's used to it. Besides it's his own fault for
being on such a short fuse."

"Look who's talking."

The conversation degenerated into its normal wrangling.
Outside the bus, Ryoga leant against a pole and tried to
slow his heartbeat. *She... she defended me against him!
Oh heart, slow your racing pace... Akane...*

"Ahem. Ryoga-kun!"

Ryoga turned around, tears pouring down his face.
Konatsu looked at him strangely. "So, you gonna help a
lady with her bags or what?"

Ryoga lifted his bags and turned towards the bus,
miraculously going the right way. "Life is good."

***

"And make a right turn here," Ukyou relaxed as Ryoga
correctly interpreted this direction. He wasn't really
so bad _inside_ Nerima. After all, he'd spent a lot of
time here.

Nabiki was waiting outside the doors of the Kuno house,
an impatient look on her face.

"This is not getting off to a good start," she said.
"You were supposed to be here an hour ago."

"Hey Nabiki lay off, for Ryoga this is _good_."

"Shut up Ranma!"

Nabiki shook her head and got onto the bus. She stopped
by the drivers seat and her eyes widened. "My my, you
_have_ done a great job on the bus! I'm impressed!" She
wandered down the aisle, looking at the wide spaces
between the table and chair seats. "_Very_ nice. Well,
if this job fails you two could always get a job as
renovators."

"Gee thanks," said Ryoga glumly. *Twelve years of
martial arts training and I can recondition a bus. Woo
hoo.*

"It's not going to fail!" asserted Ukyou. "Please, take
a seat."

Nabiki sat opposite Akane and Ranma and began to chat to
her sister quietly.

"Where's the next pick-up?" she asked.

"We have to pick up our reserve driver across town."

"Alright, ladies and gentlemen, the pool, on the amount of
time it will take to get there, is open. 1000 yen says two
hours!"

"RANMA!"

***

ONE HOUR LATER

"You lose Ranma." said Nabiki counting her winnings.

"Feh... luck."

Ryoga stopped the bus outside a modest apartment. He looked
at Ukyou. "Do you... ?"

"I'll get him," she said "You just help me load the bags."

"So who is the reserve?" asked Akane. "Anyone we know?"

"Uhhh... "

Ukyou stepped up to the door of the apartment and rang the
bell. Mikado opened it, he looked a little worried.

"Ukyou-san, you're late!"

"Gomen... we had a little trouble finding the place."

"I thought the map I drew was quite specific."

"It wasn't the map we had a problem with."

Mikado sparkled at her. "Never mind, I shall forgive you
for a kiss." He leaned forward, Ukyou ducked and grabbed
one of his bags.

"I hope you have everything you need." she said quickly
stepping away. "Does the uniform fit alright?"

"Yes, were your hands the nimble and skillful ones that
made it?"

"No, but you can thank the person who did make them in a
minute, Konatsu is on board."

"Konatsu, what a pretty name."

Ukyou bit her lip, but said nothing and led him to the bus.
Ryoga put the bags away and they got onto the bus.

"What is _he_ doing here?!"

"Ranma Saotome, we meet again after so long, and the fair
Akane also." Mikado took Akane's hand and made to kiss it.

Ranma slapped his hand away. "Hands off my fiancee!"

"You dare hit me?"

"Yeah, remember what I did to you the last time we met!"

Ryoga raised an eyebrow. "I thought I was the one who totalled
him!"

"Actually I think it was Azusa!" said Akane.

"Please don't mention that psychopath's name!" begged Mikado.

Ranma grabbed Ryoga's arm. "What possessed you to make _him_
the reserve?"

"It wasn't my idea."

"You let Ukyou talk you into this?"

"Hey, she's the one with the monster spatula."

"Good point."

Ukyou took over. "Mikado, this is our sponsor Nabiki Kuno and
this is the one who made our uniforms, Konatsu."

Mikado gazed at Konatsu. "Such a lovely name to go with such a
lovely girl."

Konatsu blinked. "Nani?"

"Uhh... Mikado, Konatsu is..."

"Leave it." whispered Ranma. "It's more fun this way."

"Ummm, ok." Ukyou shrugged. She and Ryoga went back up to
the front and they started off.

"Next pick up?" asked Ryoga.

"In Nippori, North of Ueno, in Tokyo city."

Ranma and Nabiki looked at each other. "Three hours."
challenged Nabiki.

"Five!" countered Ranma.

Akane just sighed.

***

"Is this it?"

"No, baka! This is Ginza!"

"Which way?"

"Ummm... I think you need to go straight ahead."

"You think? Ukyou if you don't know we're doomed!"

"Hey, I haven't been to Tokyo city that often."

"Well I have."

"Yes, Ryoga, we know, you've been _everywhere_."

"Wait! Look, that's Ueno park, we're in the right area, sort
of."

"Wah... I've lost my place on the map!"

"Do you want me to stop and ask for directions?"

"Jackass! WE are supposed to be the guides! I refuse to
embarrass myself by asking for directions! Besides, it never
does you any good."

"Hey, I think we are heading for Asakusa now."

"How do you know?"

"The sign saying 'Asakusa' tipped me off."

"Stop! STOP!!!"

"What now, Ukyou?"

"I'm lost!"

"We _are_ doomed."

"Ok, I've stopped."

"Good, ok, let's see... Ah, I have it now. If you turn
at the next left and go straight we should get there."

"_Should_?"

"Ok, let's go."

"Wow, he went the right way."

"Ranma, I'm not going to put up with you teasing poor Ryoga!"

"Akane, what are you defending that maroon for?"

"You are so childish Ranma!"

"You are so uncute!"

"Children, children, stop it, this is not helping."

"Thank you, Nabiki."

"No problem, Ukyou. Besides, if Ryoga gets to Nippori in the
next fifteen minutes I win my bet."

"AAARGH!"

***

"What's the time?"

"Twenty minutes since you last asked."

"Sempai!"

"Half past 11."

"Man they're late." said Miya. "Maybe we should try calling
again..."

"Wait, what's that?" asked Mitsuru. A bus came down the road.

"About time!" Suka grabbed their packs. "Thanks for waiting
with us guys!"

Shinobu merely nodded from the seat he'd been meditating in
for the last two hours. Mitsuru grinned.

"No problem. Now you have a good trip and don't worry about
your apartment, we'll take good care of it."

"Okay, I wasn't worried before but I am _now_."

"Hey, HEY!" yelled Miya. They turned to see the bus turn
left down a side street. Then back out just as quickly.
You could almost see a sweat drop on it. Suka thought he
could hear a muffled, "Oh NO!" as it continued up the street.
The bus rolled up to them and stopped. The door opened and
a young man stepped out. "Aren't you going to help?" he
asked someone inside. A small spatula bounced off his
forehead. Mitsuru frowned, chasing an errant memory.

"Fine, be that way." The young man bowed to the group waiting.
"Gomen nasai for the delay. Which ones are Miya and Hasukawa?"

"That's us, please call me Suka." said Hasukawa.

"Right Suka-san, Miya-san, my name is Ryoga Hibiki, I am your
driver and guide.

"Ha!" came a voice from the bus.

Ryoga sweatdropped, "Please board the vehicle. Allow me to
take your bags."

"Careful, they're kind of heavy, do you need a hand?" Suka
offered.

"No problem," Ryoga lifted them all up at once. "They're
not really heavy at all."

Shinobu raised an eyebrow. He'd watched Mitsuru, Miya and
Hasukawa _drag_ those bags downstairs in _teams_. Curious.

Miya hugged Mitsuru goodbye and waved at Shinobu. Suka
bowed to both his sempai friends and followed her onto
the bus.

"Have fun Hasukawa!" Mitsuru yelled. Ryoga closed the
baggage compartment and also got onto the bus, reseating
himself in the drivers seat. He pressed a button and the
doors closed. Then the engine started up again and the bus
moved off.

"Bye!" yelled Mitsuru. He lowered his arm. The bus came
around the corner and went past him again.

"BYE!" he yelled, waving harder. The bus came around the
other corner and went past him the other way.

"What the..."

The bus came back and went past him again.

"FOR CRYING OUT LOUD RYOGA TURN LEFT!!!" screamed a female
voice. "AND HURRY IT UP!"

Shinobu's eyes snapped open and he regarded the bus. A small
female figure was just barely recognisable beside the
driver.

"Hmmmmm..." he said.

***

"Phew!" said Ukyou. "Finally!"

"What the heck was all that about?" asked Ryoga.

"I can't explain. The horror. The terror. The unspeakable
dread!"

"Oh, you know Shinobu and Mitsuru then," said Suka. "I can
understand the reaction." Ukyou shuddered and then got a
hold of herself.

"Welcome aboard Hibiki Mystery Tours," she said. "I am Ukyou
Kuonji your cook and other guide. Word of warning, don't
follow Ryoga anywhere."

"We'd sort of worked that one out," said Mia. "Not much
of a sense of direction huh?"

"That's why it's called Mystery tours," said Ranma.

"Riiiiight. And I thought this would be a nice change for
us, you know, get out into the _normal_ world before we
got married." said Suka.

"Oh, you're engaged?" said Akane. "So are we!"

"Really? How wonderful!" Mia sat next to her. "My name
is Mia..."

Ukyou watched as the new couple got acquainted with Ranma
and Akane. She turned to Ryoga. "Where are we now?"

"Shinagawa."

"You jackass, that's... actually that's where we're
supposed to be." Ukyou looked at him in surprise. "Good
job Ryoga."

Ryoga grunted and kept an eye out for the next pickup.
He pulled the bus neatly up the curved drivethrough of
the New Shinagawa Prince Hotel.

"Well I suppose even million to one chances have to
happen sometimes." observed Ranma.

"Grrrr..." Ryoga got out of the bus and looked around.
*Hmmm... this place seems strangely familiar.*

Ukyou got off behind him and went to greet the young
green-haired woman nervously waiting in the lobby.
"Kiyone-san?"

"Uh yes!" Kiyone jumped up. "Thank goodness you're here,
I probably don't have much time left. She's sure to have
discovered that I didn't go to Shinenome like I said by
now."

"Uh... okay," said Ukyou. "If you'll let me take your
bags we can leave..." she turned around. "As soon as
our jackass driver stops chatting up the staff..."

She showed Kiyone onto the bus, loaded the luggage
and headed over to Ryoga, who was completely surrounded
by young women in hotel livery.

"Hibiki-san! We thought we'd never see you again!" one
of them squealed as Ukyou neared.

"Hello, Mai-san." said Ryoga nervously. "How are you
all doing?"

"We're fine, but we haven't felt nearly as secure as
we used to do when you were running security here.
We were all so worried when you just disappeared like
that!"

"Eh heh, sorry about that." Ryoga apologised. "It was...
unintentional."

"Ryoga... we have a schedule!" said Ukyou. "And we're
already way behind!" she looked at all the young women.
*Jeez, all these girls after him and he stutters like
crazy when he tries to talk to Akane. Pathetic.*

"You mean you haven't come back?" another girl cried out.

"Uh, I'd like to Mina-san," said Ryoga. "But I have
another obligation which I must fulfil first."

The assembled girls sighed. "Awwwwwwww!!!!"

"Sorry, sorry..." Ryoga began to move through them. Ukyou
sighed, grabbed his collar, and dragged him off.

"Who do you think she is Maria-chan?" Mai asked her
friend. "Girlfriend?"

"Could be," said Maria. "Who knew he liked aggressive
types?" They both sighed in longing.

Ukyou had boarded the bus and Ryoga was about to when
a small man ran up to them.

"Hibiki-kun!" he called. Ryoga turned. Uh oh. "Konnichi
wa Mitsubishi-san." he said. "I'd like to apologise for
disappearing on you like that."

Mitsubishi waved this aside, "You told us you couldn't
stay for long. Did you ever find that miscreant who had
stolen your only love?"

"Uhhhh... sort of." Ryoga said.

"Ex_cuse_ me, miscreant? Why that..."

"Shush Ranma."

Mitsubishi bowed briefly and handed Ryoga something.
"We're sorry to see you go and hope to see you again
sometime. You left before we could give you your last
paycheque, so we put half of it into your account as
requested, here is the other half."

"Arigato," said Ryoga. "This is very kind of you."

"After all you did, this is but a small token of..."

Kiyone stuck her head out the door, "Look, I'm sure
this is all very nice and happy but could we _please_
get going?"

"Excuse me," said Ryoga. "Please say goodbye to all
the others for me. And I hope to see you all again
someday."

He boarded the bus and they set off again. Going
down the road, they passed a blonde woman hurrying up
towards the hotel. Kiyone ducked under a table and
stayed there for half an hour before Nabiki coaxed
her into coming out and meeting the rest of the
crew.

***

"Last person," said Ukyou. "We're picking him up from
Yokohama station and then moving on to the boat at the
harbour which will take us to China.

"Right," said Ryoga. "Where's the turnoff for Yokohama?"

"You just went past it you jackass!"

"He hasn't got much of a sense of direction has he?"
said Kiyone.

"Yeah, sorry about this." said Konatsu.

"Oh no, it's _fine_ with me. If _he_ doesn't know
where he's going, then noone else can find us either!"
Kiyone leant back, "I can finally relax!"

"Go back and make the turn!"

"I'm _trying_!"

"You are so useless!"

"I'm sorry!"

"Stop apologising and get us to Yokohama before we end
up in Hiroshima!"

"I'm really really sorry."

"Actually, I've never been to Hiroshima," said Akane.

"Don't encourage him Akane-chan!" Ukyou yelled.

"THERE'S THE TURN!" screamed Mikado.

"TURN!"

"I CAN'T, WE'LL TIP OVER!"

"We WON'T!"

"We WILL!"

"No we... oh, yes we will." Ukyou turned around. "Will
everyone please move to the right hand side of the bus?
NOW!!!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!"

Yusaku watched as a tour bus took an impossible turn,
going up on one side set of wheels as all the passengers
screamed and pushed at the windows on the opposite side.
With a crash it fell back onto all its wheels and braked
next to him.

"Ohhhhh... please tell me this isn't my bus!"

The door opened, "Yusaku Godai?" panted a young woman.
"I'm Ukyou Kuonji, welcome aboard Hibiki Mystery Tours."

"ARGH!"

***

Ukyou pointed at the harbour they were passing. "Okay,
that's where we're going, I'm sure that won't be _too_
hard for you to get to."

"Yes Ukyou."

"Now just concentrate!"

"_Yes_ Ukyou."

"Pay attention."

"_Yes_ Ukyou!"

"Are you paying attention?"

"YES UKYOU!"

"Hey guys, we just missed the entrance." called Godai.

"Ssssssshhhh..." said everybody else. But it was too late.

"You imbecile! Turn around dummy!"

"I can't turn around here Ukyou, there are road laws you
know!"

"Look, just turn here idiot."

Ryoga stopped the bus. He folded his arms. "Alright, that's
it, I've taken all I can stand." He turned on the
microphone. "Anybody else that wants to make a comment on
my sense of direction can just come up here and say it. The
whole point of this is that it's a mystery! Now, if you'll
all look out the right hand side you'll see Sankei-en Garden.
This lovely park contains a number of historical buildings
that were brought here from other parts of Japan. It is
divided into an inner garden and an outer garden, and it
was laid out back in 1906 by Tomitaro Hara. The cost of
entry is 600 yen for both gardens or 300 just to visit one.
If you'll all now disembark, our lovely guide Ukyou will
tour you through the gardens."

"Oooooh!" said everyone. "Cool!"

Ukyou stared at him. "What? We have to make the boat!"

"They're open tickets Ucchan," said Ryoga. "We can take
any boat this week and they'll still be valid. Now focus,
we are here to run a tour guide. Making all these people
unhappy is not good for business. Now get out and take
them through the gardens before I get angry!"

Ukyou stared at him open-mouthed. "H-hai."

By this time all the other passengers had gotten off,
except for Nabiki, who touched Ukyou's shoulder. "He's
right you know. Have you noticed how everyone is looking
forward to this? This stop was a good idea Hibiki-kun."

Ryoga smiled, "Thanks Nabiki."

"Who knew you had it in you?" she said. "Shall we go
Ukyou?"

"Hai." said Ukyou. "Will you be okay here?"

"Leave Sanzenin behind, he needs to get used to the bus
anyway. And it will give poor Konatsu a break."

Ukyou paused. "Do you think we should tell him?"

Ryoga thought back to the martial-arts skating duel.
The humiliation, the embarrassment, the pain.

"Hell no." he said.

End of part three.

[Skuld-chan]

                      Ranma 1/2: The Magical Mystery
                                Hibiki Tour
                            by Jaelle and Orla

***

The characters in this story are the property of Rumiko
Takahashi-sama. We prostrate ourselves at her feet and beg her
forgiveness for our temerity in using these characters. We're
not worthy! We're not worthy!

The other characters in this story are the copyrighted
property of Yuki Nasu and Pioneer LDC.

***

Part Four

< > indicates speech in another language

***

NERIMA: Tendo Dojo

Kasumi tested the rice and smiled. "Perfect." she said.
"Anata. Lunch is ready."

She walked into the dining room and set the rice down.

Dr Tofu smiled at her as he seated the twins. "Arigato,
Kasumi-chan."

Kasumi sat beside the twins and began to serve lunch.
"There you are, Shoga-chan." she said to the little boy
giving him a bottle. "Calm down, Myoga-chan, here is yours."

"When are Tendo-san and Saotome-san returning?" asked Dr Tofu.

"Well, I believe Father said he expected to be returning
before 5pm, he and Mr Saotome want to make sure they have a
lot of rest before going on the Mystery Tour."

Dr Tofu frowned. "But the tour left this morning."

"Hai." said Kasumi calmly. "I'm sure they won't be too upset."

At that moment cracks appeared in the garden wall and then...

*BOOM*

"Nihao!"

Kasumi looked up. "Oh my. Konnichiwa, Shampoo."

The pretty purple-haired Chinese wall-breaking Amazon climbed
over the rubble of the wall and entered the dining room.

"Shampoo wake up today and see sun shining. It nice day to go
for picnic with Ranma!" she looked around, "Where Ranma now?"

Kasumi smiled. "He just left this morning."

"Where he leave? He go training? Shampoo waiting outside
Nekohanten all morning but he no come by."

"Ranma went on holiday." said Dr Tofu. "With Akane. It's a
mystery tour thing run by Ryoga Hibiki."

Shampoo's eyes widened. "Holiday? Tour? Run by lost boy?"

"Yes, it was an engagement present, both he and Ukyou Kuonji
went into partnership and gave them a free trip."

"Spatula-girl and lost boy?" Shampoo paused and then her
expression darkened and rage contorted her features. "They
trick Ranma! No-good, ugly, spatula-girl try to steal Ranma
for self!" She turned, fists clenched, battle-aura shimmering.
"Zaijian, Kasumi-san, Dr Tofu."

"Sayonara, Shampoo." said Kasumi, then she blinked as Shampoo
ran off at top speed, "Oh my, I do wish she had used the same
place she came in to leave." she got up and went to the
phone to call the repairpeople.

Dr Tofu sighed and ruffled his children's hair. "Looks like
your Auntie and Ranma are going to have an unexpected addition
to the group, still, I'm sure they can handle it."

***

Shampoo burst into the Nekohanten - totally frightening the
customers who were sitting by the wall she burst through.
Ignoring the startled outcry she raced past Cologne and up the
stairs into her room. She pulled out a pack and began to stuff
clothing into it. Cologne entered and frowned at her
great-granddaughter's activities.

"<What are you doing, Shampoo?>" asked Cologne speaking in her
native Chinese.

Shampoo paused and turned to face her. "<I have to hurry,
Great-Grandmother, or I could lose Ranma to that
spatula-girl!>"

"<What scheme has Ukyou Kuonji come up with now? We can thwart
her.>"

"<Not if she isn't here to thwart! She and that lost pig-boy
have teamed up again and have spirited Ranma and Akane away
on some mystery tour!>" Shampoo resumed her packing. "<I must
go after them and make sure Ranma is not taken from me.>"

Cologne considered for a moment. "<I understand your decision,
child, but have you thought of one thing?>"

"<What?>"

"<Ryoga Hibiki is the one giving this tour, will you be able
to _find_ them?>"

Shampoo looked worried, then her features hardened. "<It
doesn't matter, whatever it takes I will find them.>"

Cologne nodded. "<Good luck, Shampoo, I pray you come back
with what you want.>"

Shampoo smiled. "Xiexie, Great-grandmother." She picked up
her pack, went to the window and leapt out. Cologne watched
her leaping across the rooftops. "Zaijian,
Great-granddaughter."

***

Shanghai, the morning after:

"Thank God." said Ryoga. He bent and touched the ground.

"I do hope you're going to wash your hands now," said Ukyou.
"This ground is kinda muddy. Don't get your uniform dirty."

"Hai hai Okasan." said Ryoga. "Quit worrying, the worst
part is over now."

"What is it with you and water? It's not like you even got
seasick or anything!"

"Just shut up okay?" said Ryoga. "Someone like you could
never understand me!" *_Damn_ this curse,* he thought to
himself.

"You're _weird_." said Ukyou.

"Oh thank GOD!" said Ranma, walking down the gangplank.
"Land, sweet sweet land!"

Ukyou looked at him strangely.

"What?"

"Nothing, never mind. Where are the others?"

"They're helping Godai out of the bathroom. He's convinced
he's going to die, he keeps asking for someone called Kyoko."

"Jeez, it's only seasickness," said Ukyou.

"Hey, you weren't up close and personal when it kicked in."
said Ranma. "That guy elevates seasickness to a higher art
form."

"Yuck, I didn't need to know."

Ranma looked at Ryoga, "Shouldn't you be in the bus?"

"Mikado's in charge of getting it out of the cargo bay,"
said Ukyou.

"I thought he wasn't that great a driver."

"He's not, but we thought we'd give Godai a break by
making sure we get off _this time_."

"I told you that was an accident!"

"How could you get off one ship and onto another?!"

"It's not my fault!" Ryoga wailed.

Ranma and Ukyou shared a look, "Jackass." they said together.

Ryoga started to glow green faintly. Ranma patted him on the
shoulder. "Chill man, at least you know how to get out of
third gear."

"Right, let's get back to business." said Ukyou. "I can see
the bus coming, the others are headed towards the gangplank,
we're in Shanghai and we need to get to the Yuyuan Gardens."
she looked challengingly at Ryoga. "Think you can cope with
that?" she asked sweetly.

"Uhhh... you will stand next to me and tell me which way
to go, right?"

"YOU'RE SO PATHETIC!!!"

"Hey, don't worry man. I'll help." said Ranma.

*Urk. Plan, remember the plan!* "No no Ranchan," said Ukyou.
"I can manage. No problem."

*Two hours later*

"I can't read Chinese!" yelled Ukyou. "What on earth
possessed you to bring a map of China written in Chinese?"

"It's the only map of China I have!" said Ryoga.

"Oh this is hopeless," said Ukyou. "We'll have to ask for
directions. Pull over, by that guy over there."

The bus stopped next to a man on a bicycle.

"Nihao!" said Ukyou, leaning out the bus door. <Excuse me,
I'm a toaster. Can you fly the way to Yuyuhakusho Gardens?>"

The man looked incredibly confused, whilst Ryoga started to
laugh.

"Shut up Ryoga!" said Ukyou, frantically flicking through
her phrasebook. "Damn it, where is the phrase for 'I'm
lost'."

Ryoga eventually stopped laughing, "That's the one phrase I
know in any language," he said. He motioned her out of the
way and leant out the door. "Qingwen dao Yuyuan zenme zou,
women mi lu le."

The man smiled and rattled off directions in rapid Chinese.
Ryoga translated as Ukyou scribbled them down.

"End of the street, turn left. Keep going till you reach
the big hotel about halfway down, turn right at the next
intersection and you'll see it. Xiexie!" he said to the
man, who nodded and smiled again.

There was complete silence on the bus as Ryoga went back
to his seat.

"I didn't know you knew Chinese," said Ranma.

"I can only speak it a bit," said Ryoga. "I understand it
much better though, and I know the basic signs - Bath,
Hotel, Restaurant and Watch out, Landslides. Although that
last one is just a guess."

Ukyou bit her lip. "Ooki ni, Ryoga." she said softly.

"No problem, I'm used to asking for directions." said
Ryoga. "Following them is more difficult, which is why I
am now going to rely on _you_."

"Incredible," said Miya. "A man who will actually ask for
directions. Someone preserve him for posterity."

"Hey!" said Suka.

"Don't worry," said Nabiki. "He's one of a kind, thank
goodness, and he's perfectly safe. Nothing short of a nuclear
blast is going to endanger Ryoga the ridiculously strong."

"Hmph," said Ranma.

"Don't worry Ranma, I'm sure you, the ridiculously stubborn,
arrogant, pigheaded and fast, could probably hurt him a bit."

"_Thanks_ Nabiki."

***

At Yuyuan Gardens:

Ukyou stepped off the bus and held her flag high. "Alright
everyone, if you could just follow me, stay together please,
please stay together! Ryoga, this means YOU."

"What did I do?"

"Mikado stay with the bus, Ryoga, you're with us."

"Why does he get to go?" complained Mikado.

"He's the only one that can speak Chinese," said Ukyou.

"It's a pity that Shampoo isn't here," said Ranma.

"Says _who_?" said both Akane and Ukyou instantly.

"Well, she can speak Chinese better than any of us." said
Ranma. "After all, it's her native language, so of course
she'd be better at it than pig-boy."

Everyone moved away from Ranma.

"Who're you calling a pig?"

"Oh so you _want_ her along huh?"

"Shampoo is a purple-haired building-wrecker with ONE
brain cell and that's stretching it!" snarled Ukyou. "How
could you possibly even _think_ of that bimbo with ME...
er... I mean _Akane_ along?"

"You take that back Ranma!" yelled Ryoga. "How dare you
insult Akane?!"

Ukyou winced, *Crude, but it might just work.*

"I can't believe you're thinking of Shampoo!" said Akane,
steam pouring out of her ears.

*Or maybe not. Dammit Ryoga, wait till she's _listening_
before you do the white knight thing.*

Suka and Miya watched in amazement. "And I thought _we_
had lots of fights!" Suka said in amazement.

"Hmmm... this looks kind of familiar to me," said Godai.

"Me too," said Kiyone. "Are they always like this?" she
asked Nabiki.

"Pretty much," Nabiki replied. "Shall we go into the
gardens now?"

The group headed into the gardens and soon lost themselves
in the beauty of their surroundings and also the tacky bazaar,
leaving behind only Konatsu, who watched as the argument
escalated. *Ukyou-sama.*

***

Two hours later Nabiki and the others trailed out of the
Gardens carrying assorted packages. Konatsu greeted them
with a strained smile, in front of him Ranma, Akane, Ukyou
and Ryoga were still arguing, the disordered state of their
clothing indicated that a scuffle had broken out at one point.

"Ranma no baka!!"

"Kawaiikune tomboy!!"

"Take that back Ranma! I will not allow you to insult Akane
like that! Ukyou let me go!"

"Ryoga you imbecile! This isn't right and I will NOT let you
attack Ran-chan!"

"Fem-boy deserves it!"

"What did you call me?!"

"You heard me! A half-man like you has no right to love her!"

"At least I'm not a pig!!"

"Why you... "

"I can't see what your problem is anyway, man, it's not as if
Akane was any great prize or nothin'... "

*BAMN!!!*

Ranma fell to the ground with a thud as Akane whalloped him with
her trusty mallet.

Ryoga sneered at the fallen man. "Heh, there is such a thing as
justice, fool."

*WHAM!!!*

Ukyou batted Ryoga into the nearest tree with her spatula, he
crashed into it, and caused the trunk to break in half.

Nabiki shook her head. "You four are pathetic." she looked
sternly at Ukyou who met her gaze firmly. "This is not helping
you, I won't look favourably on a venture that causes too much
money to be lost on property damage." Nabiki's mouth quirked
into a half-smile. "I would think that you of all people would
realise what is riding on your success, Ukyou."

Ukyou's gaze wavered and she clenched her fists. "Yes, I
know." She bowed her head.

Ryoga pulled his face out of the tree trunk and looked back
at her. *Poor Ukyou,* he thought, *She could lose the restaurant
if this goes wrong. And to Nabiki no less! I can't let that
happen, she doesn't deserve _that_. _No one_  does.*

Ukyou opened her mouth to apologise when Ryoga stepped up to
her and bowed deeply. "I'm so sorry." he said from this
position. "Everyone, this was completely my fault and I
apologise fully."

Ranma, Akane, and Ukyou stared at him in amazement. *Bwah?*

Ryoga straightened up. "Please accept my apologies and
assurances that this will not happen again." He turned and
bowed to Ranma. "Gomen nasai Ranma. Please don't let this
spoil your holiday."

Ranma gaped at Ryoga. "... Uh... I mean... no problem."

Ryoga remained bowing. Ranma felt his cheeks flush and
he moved forward.

"Geez man, cut it out already. It's not like this isn't
what we normally do. Come on, stand up!"

Everyone else started talking. "Yeah, come on Ryoga, I'm
used to this sort of thing." "It's okay." "I forgive you."

Ryoga did reluctantly. "Thank you for your forgiveness
everyone. I will endeavour to ensure that the rest of
your holiday is as pleasant as possible."

Ukyou stared up at him. She touched his arm. "Ryoga...
doomo arigato."

Ryoga looked down at her face, and blushed furiously.
"Oh... oh it was nothing."

"No really, thanks. You didn't have to do that."

"Eh heh heh," Ryoga scratched the back of his head.
"No problem. After all, if you lose the restaurant who
else will feed me? It's not like Shampoo will give me
free food."

*WHAM*

"Why do we have to keep talking about Shampoo?!!!!" yelled
Ukyou, peeling her spatula off his head.

"Sorry... sorry..." Tears flowed from Ryoga's eyes. "And
now if everyone will just follow me and board the bus..."

*WHAMMMMMMM*

"The bus is THIS way!"

***

Yokohama:

"What you mean there no boat?"

"Exactly what I told you three times already, lady. There
are no more passenger liners leaving for Shanghai until
tomorrow."

Shampoo fumed. It had been going so well, she had managed to
obtain a copy of the Hibiki Mystery Tour itinerary (it had
been very easy to convince Happosai that Ukyou kept a stash
of satin lingerie in her bedroom and if he could just pick up
one little thing for her, she would be _most_ grateful. Shampoo
had enjoyed booting the little pervert into the stratosphere
after he gave her the itinerary). Then she had set out at top
speed for Yokohama only to discover when she arrived that the
dockworkers were involved in some industrial action and there
would be no ships leaving for China until the next day. After
_that_ was over she learnt that although the freight ships were
going, the passenger liners were still delayed!

[We don't know if Japan has industrial action or not, but then
again, anything can happen in the Ranma universe! - Orla]

Shampoo sighed *I shall just have to be faster when I get to
China* she thought. *Unless... I could go to one of the places
they will be going to, then all I have to is wait!* Her
expression brightened and she turned to the harbour master.

"Shampoo wonder if there boat to other place?" she checked the
itinary. "Hangzhou? Fuzhou? Xiamen?"

The Harbour Master rolled his eyes, this girl was just _not_
listening! "Lady, the only ships going out are freight!"

Shampoo bit her lip, she was getting desperate. "Ok, Shampoo
go freight."

"They don't take passengers!!!"

"Any go to China?"

He gave up. "Hai, there is one going to Fuzhou tonight. You
could ask them, but I don't think they'll take you."

"Worth try. Shampoo must go China!"

"Go to dock 23, ask for Ling - he's the Captain. Now please
leave me alone!!"

"Xiexie!" called Shampoo running out of his office.

He glared after her. "Great, now I have another hole in the
wall to match the one she made coming in!"

Shampoo ran towards dock 23, a grim smile on her lips. At
last, a break! The last couple of days had been so
frustrating. She couldn't believe this was happening.
Everything had been going so smoothly up till now. Oh
sure, Ranma had announced that he was finally going to
marry the green-eyed monster Akane, but this was just a
temporary setback. She was sure that he would soon come
around and realise that the only one for him was his
lovely Shampoo. If only the stupid spatula girl hadn't
interfered. Shampoo bared her teeth. She was going to
enjoy beating the sauce out of Ukyou. And if stupid
directionless pig-boy got in the way... well, she
hadn't eaten well in the last couple of days...

***

Shanghai:

The tour bus screeched to a halt outside a small office that
sat on the edge of a large camp area. Ukyou stood up and
turned to the passengers, switching on the microphone.

"Okay, people these are the Yuyuan camping grounds, as you
can see we are not far from the Gardens... "

"Although you could be forgiven for thinking otherwise since
it took one hour to get here." murmered Ranma.

"Ranchan!"

"Sorry, Ucchan." Ranma gave her a cheeky smile, Ukyou's stern
expression softened.

"Achem... anyway, please wait here while I go and let the
caretaker know who we are." Ukyou switched off the microphone
and turned to Ryoga. "Ummm... Ryoga?"

"Uh?" Ryoga looked up her, his eyes were dull with tiredness.

Ukyou leaned towards him. "Gomen, Ryoga, I know that you are
tired, but I... I... " she stuttered, an embarrassed expression
crossing her face.

Ryoga sat up, his heart gave a strange thump as he looked into
her eyes. "N-nan desu?"

"Would you... would you come with me? I need your language
skills!" whispered Ukyou urgently.

Ryoga felt slightly disappointed. "Hai." He opened the bus
door and went outside with her.

Kiyone frowned. "What is the deal with those two?" she
wondered aloud.

Godai looked wistful. "The way he acts, he reminds me of me...
er... of someone I know."


"There is obviously some feeling between them." said Miya.

Suka looked doubtful. "You think? They seem to fight alot."

Ranma listened in and a thoughtful expression crossed his face.
"Ryoga and Ucchan, ne?"

Akane glanced at him. "What are you thinking, Ranma?" she
asked a suspicious note in her voice.

Ranma put his arm around her and drew her head close.
"Remember when we thought Ryoga and Ucchan were dating?"

"At the cave of lost love? Yes, but we were wrong, so... "

"So what I'm thinking is that it would be really cool if they
did get together. Ucchan's my best friend, I'd like her to be
happy, and Ryoga, well... he needs someone like her to look
after him."

Akane blinked. "Are you suggesting that _we_ play matchmaker??"

"Why not? This is the _perfect_ opportunity! Here we are all
together on this trip, Ucchan has to work closely with Ryoga,
he'll soon see how cute she is and if we just nudge them in
the right way... "

"Unfortunately subtlety is not your strong point, Ranma."
Nabiki twisted in her seat to face them.

"Onechan! You were listening?"

Nabiki ignored Akane's outrage and looked directly at Ranma.
"However, I believe your idea has some... potential." a smile
played on Nabiki's lips. "If you will _allow_ me, I think I
could help you achieve your desired goal."

Ranma raised his eyebrows. "Oh, yeah? What's _your_ gain in
all this?"

Nabiki affected an injured expression. "Really, Ranma, I will
help you because it's a good thing." Her mouth streched into
a full grin. "I believe that Ukyou and Ryoga _deserve_ each
other."

Akane frowned, there was more to Nabiki's willingness to help
than met the eye. *Still... * Akane thought *I have to admit
that pairing Ukyou and Ryoga looks like a good thing. Ok, so
they argue, but so do Ranma and I, if we could push them in
the right direction they could be very happy.*

Ranma rubbed his head. "Well, I've gotta admit that you would
be better at this than me." he confessed to Nabiki. "Ok, I
accept your help, but nothing that will hurt 'em!"

"Trust me."

In the seat opposite Nabiki, Konatsu sat looking out the window
his eyes filled with tears. *Ukyou-sama and Hibiki? Noooooo!*
He felt a touch on his shoulder and looked around. Mikado
smiled down at Konatsu, his teeth sparkled. "Feeling lonely,
lovely one?"

*Oh no, I wish he would leave me alone!* "N-no, Sanzenin-san,
just tired."

Mikado sat beside him. "You can sleep on my shoulder."

*Yuck* "I-I... "

"We're back!" Ukyou and Ryoga re-entered the bus. Ukyou
noticed Sanzenin crowding Konatsu. "Hey! Mikado! No hitting
on the passengers!"

Mikado moved slightly away from Konatsu and winked at Ukyou.

Ukyou sighed. "And before you ask, jackass, I'm not jealous."

Ryoga yawned. "Can we get going to our assigned spot now?"

Ukyou plastered a bright smile on her face. "Yes, we have
been given a nice place to pitch camp, it is located near the
showers and other amenities." she informed everyone.

Ryoga mangaged to get to the camping spot without trouble,
although he continued to yawn. Ukyou showed everyone where
the amenities were and told Mikado to unload the tents, as
Ryoga stood up to help she held him back.

"Ryoga, I don't want you do any more." Ukyou's voice was
concerned.

He stared at her. "What do you mean? I have to help pitch the
tents!"

"You won't help anyone if you collapse." Ukyou put an arm
around his shoulders. "Hey sugar, you look half-dead and
that's making me worried!"

He swallowed, she was so close and she was being so... so
kind. "Ano... so... you... "

Ukyou squeezed his shoulder. "I want you to go to the showers
and have a nice hot shower to refresh yourself, then I want
you to get some sleep, ok?"

"H... hai."

Ukyou gave him another hug and smiled, then she turned and
bounded down the steps.

Ryoga blinked and slowly began to breath normally. He went
to his pack and pulled out a towel and some soap. "Guess
she's right." He descended the steps and nearly ran into Akane.

"A-Akane-san!"

"Hey, Ryoga." Akane smiled up at him. "Ukyou asked me to take
you to the showers." She began to walk towards the shower
block,

"S-she did? O-oh." Ryoga's mind whirled as he followed Akane.
*This must be part of the plan, I have Akane all alone! Ok,
I have to say something, something interesting!* He gulped and
opened his mouth.

"Ukyou has really been taking care of you, hasn't she?" said
Akane lightly before he could utter a word.

*Huh?*

"She seems to get along with you. Do you like working with
her?"

*What is she talking about Ukyou for?* "Uh... it's okay."

"I always thought Ukyou was pretty, she looks so good in that
uniform. Don't you think she's pretty, Ryoga?"

*Wha... what?* "I... I... well, sure... I guess so." *Right,
now I have to say that _Akane_ is beautiful.* Ryoga turned to
her, ready to compliment her.

"She's smart too, look at all the things she's done." Akane
smiled. "I really admire her for running Ucchan's by herself
and taking college courses, any guy who falls in love with her
will be really lucky."

By this time Ryoga was totally confused, instead of having an
intimate talk with Akane, he was being bombarded with images of
Ukyou, it was very disturbing. He cleared his throat and tried
to get the conversation on the right track.

"Uh... Akane-san?"

"Yes?"

"Uh... nice night this moon, ne?" *Damn!*

Akane blinked. "Sure... Oh look, here's the showers!"

Ryoga glared at the concrete block in front of him and wished
them far away. Akane pushed him towards the opening.

"Have a nice shower, Ryoga-kun!" she said cheerily.

Ryoga entered in despair. *I failed, the perfect opportunity
and I blew it!*

He looked around. The showers numbered three open stainless
steel cubicles. Opposite the showers was a long stainless steel
set of basins below a long mirror. There were cubbyholes to put
clothes in, and hooks for towels. At one end another chamber
led to the toilets. Ryoga placed his towel on a hook, turned
on one of the showers (carefully avoiding the first blast of
cold water) and slipped off his clothes. He stepped into the
shower and sighed in satisfaction as the hot water hit his
tired limbs. *This is good. Ukyou was right.* He let the water
run over his head. *She is pretty... * the faint thought
trembled through his mind.

Outside Akane hesitated, wondering if she should wait for Ryoga
to finish so she could help him back or come back/send someone
in ten minutes.

"Akane!" Ranma's voice startled her.

"Ranma?" she whirled to face him, he was carrying a towel and
soap. "Is your tent up already?"

"Yeah, I thought I'd avoid the rush and grab a shower." Ranma
sidled up to her. "How did it go?"

Akane looked doubtful. "I don't know, he seemed pretty startled
and embarrassed when I kept on about Ukyou."

"Then he must like her!" announced Ranma cheerfully, he winked.
"I'll work on him a bit more." he said as he entered.

Akane sighed, sometimes Ranma was too sure of himself!

"Nihao?" An old man dressed in a faded uniform came up to her.

Akane smiled. "Nihao."

The old man started saying something in Chinese, Akane shook
her head.

"I don't understand, sorry. Umm... Wo... wo fingbudong?"

He smiled and nodded then bowed and pointed to the showers
before disappearing behind the building. Akane frowned.

*What was he trying to say? Perhaps there is something wrong
with the showers. Should I tell Ranma and Ryoga to get out?
How?*

Akane took a deep breath and yelled. "Ranma!!! Get out of
there!!!"

***

Ranma greeted Ryoga as he entered the showers. "Feeling better
man?"

Ryoga glanced at Ranma. "Much." he said curtly.

Ranma turned on the shower next to Ryoga's, hung up his towel
and disrobed. "What's wrong with you?" he asked getting in
the shower.

Ryoga leant his forehead against the shower wall and said
nothing.

"Are you ok?" Ranma asked when he had no response from the
other cubicle.

"I'm fine, I was hoping that I could relax in _private_"

"Not in a public shower!" chuckled Ranma. "You'd better hope
that no girls walk in here accidently, these are the only
showers in our area." A sly look crept over Ranma's face.
"I bet you wouldn't mind if Ukyou walked in on you though."

"....." Ryoga's blood pulsed, his nose twitched.
"RRRAAAAANNNMMMA!" he growled. This was too much, first
Akane's confusing conversation and now this, what was going
on???

Ranma chuckled. "Oh, come on. You can't fool me, you... "

"Ranma!!! Get out of there!!!"

Both Ranma and Ryoga paused at the sound of Akane's voice.

"Wha... ?" went Ranma.

Then, suddenly, the water went ice-cold.

"YYYYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!"

End of Part Four.

Glossary:

Zaijian = Goodbye
Xiexie = Thank you
Ooki ni = Thank you (Ukyou speaks in Kansai dialect)

Qingwen dao Yuyuan zenme zou, women mi lu le =
Excuse me, we're lost, how do we get to Yuyuan?

[Skuld-chan]

                      Ranma 1/2: The Magical Mystery
                                Hibiki Tour
                            by Jaelle and Orla

***

The characters in this story are the property of Rumiko
Takahashi-sama. We prostrate ourselves at her feet and beg her
forgiveness for our temerity in using these characters. We're
not worthy! We're not worthy!

The other characters are copyright to Yukie Nasu and Pioneer
LDC.

C & C is welcome (although we don't like flames!). You can
contact us at either: ladyorla@yahoo.com or jaelle@ihug.co.nz

For more of our fanfiction visit our site 'Insane Musings'at:
http://homepages.ihug.co.nz/~jaelle/Jaelle_Orla.htm

***

This story occurs four years after Ranma 1/2 volume 38.

***

Part Five

***

"AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!"

"Ranma! Ryoga!" cried Akane, "Are you alright?
What happened?!?"

In the showers Ranma-chan gasped for breath and
quickly turned off the cold cold water. Swallowing
and shivering she called out to Akane.

"I-it's ok, t-the w-water just w-went c-cold."

"That's what that old man was trying to tell me!"
said Akane.

"What?"

"Never mind, I think the water might be cold for
a while. Is Ryoga alright?"

Ranma-chan peered into Ryoga's cubicle and looked
down at the very wet, very miserable piglet. "Uh...
he's fine, just getting his breath."

She turned off the water and knelt down in front
of Ryoga. "Listen, I'll distract Akane and get her
away from here, then I'll come back with some hot water."
Ranma-chan stood and pulled on her clothes. "Don't _move_
anywhere! There is no way I could find you and if someone
not in our group grabs you, well, there is always a chance
of you becoming sweet and sour pork!"

Ryoga bweed unhappily.

"Pipe down!" hissed Ranma-chan. "Do you want Akane to hear
you?"

"Ranma? What are you... ah!" Akane jumped back in surprise
when Ranma-chan popped out.

"Come on Akane," she said. "I need some hot water!"

"What about Ryoga?"

"Ummm... well, after he got over the shock he decided
he liked washing in cold water, you know, keeps him tough
and all." lied Ranma-chan tugging at Akane's hand. "Let's
go!"

"What if he needs someone to guide him back?"

"Don't worry! I'll come back as soon as I've changed."
Ranma-chan began to run dragging Akane after her.

"H-hey, chotto... "

Meanwhile, back in the showers, Ryoga sat in a cold puddle
feeling utterly miserable. *This sucks* he thought *I've been
_so_ careful all throughout this trip and now this happens! And
now I will be beholden to Ranma!*

"Ano...?"

Ryoga froze when he heard the voice outside. *Please don't be
coming in!*

"Umm... is anyone in there?" the voice, a female one, called out.

Ryoga looked around frantically wondering if there was anywhere
he could hide or if he should just make a break for it out the
door. *No, if I get lost it will make things worse!*

"I guess it is empty then." Kiyone entered the showers and placed
her toiletries on the sink bench.

Ryoga remained completely still and prayed that ahe wouldn't
look in his direction.

Kiyone began to put up her hair, humming as she piled the heavy
green mass. "Mmmmhmmm... I am lonely like the moon, you are far
away as the stars... eh?" She whirled and stared at Ryoga's
clothes - still neatly folded on the shelf. "Those are... those
are Ryoga's." She frowned. "But if he's in here why didn't he
answer me?"

*Please don't let her see me, I hope she goes away!*

However, Ryoga's pleas went unanswered as Kiyone swept her
gaze over the room and eventually her eyes rested on the small
black pig. "Where did you come from?"

Ryoga decided to bluff it out, he put on his best 'I-am-just-a
-little-pig-aren't-I-cute' expression. Kiyone squatted down and
looked at him. "You're cute... but why do you have one of Ryoga's
bandannas around your neck? Are you his pet?"

Ryoga winced inwardly. *Damn, forgot about the bandanna! Still,
it might be okay, Akane never made the connection.*

"No you can't be." Kiyone mused. "I'm sure we would have seen
you by now if you belonged to him. Besides, why would he leave
his clothes and you here? I don't think he would run off naked!"

Ryoga felt ill, this woman was too clever, she was pulling all
the evidence together and coming to the most logical explanation,
as if she was a detective.

Kiyone gave the pig in front of her a direct look. "You are Ryoga
aren't you." she stated.

Ryoga felt his world crack, his eyes filled with tears and he
waited, trembling, for her cry of disgust.

"How interesting... " Kiyone leaned forward to study him. "How
_do_ you do it? Washu would love to get her hands on you. Oh
Ryoga, don't look so upset! I'm used to weird things like this!"

Ryoga stared at her. *She isn't upset?*

"Obviously the change isn't under your control or you would
have returned to human form by now, so there must be a trigger."
Kiyone looked around. "Let's see, you are still sitting in
the shower and you are wet so you must have been in the shower
so the water was running when it happened I guess  I would say
that water is the trigger, I don't know how you turned it off
though."

Ryoga bweed excitedly and nodded his little head. Kiyone smiled.
"Okay, so I'm right about water. Is it the _temperature_ of the
water? If it was simply water you wouldn't be able to wash at all."

Ryoga jumped up and down in frustration trying to convey the words
'hot water' in pig. Kiyone looked puzzled, then she shrugged. "I
think the only thing I can do is turn the shower back on and hope
it reaches the right temperature to activate the change." She
stood up and turned the shower on, cold water came pouring out.

"I'll wait outside for five minutes." she called. "When you've
changed come out, I want to know what's going on!"

Kiyone left and Ryoga sat under the cold water and waited. Four
minutes later it changed to hot and Ryoga was back in his human
form.

Kiyone waited outside. "Why do I always get the weirdos?" she
murmered

Footsteps sounded and Ranma, now back in his male form, ran up
to the showers carrying a kettle. He pulled up short when he
spotted Kiyone.

"Konbanwa, Ranma." said Kiyone brightly. "What are you doing
with the kettle?"

Ranma looked down at the kettle. "This kettle?"

"That kettle."

"Uh... well, yes... " Ranma racked his brain for an explanation.
"It's... uh... it's for tea."

"Tea? In the showers?"

"Sure, sure... I do it all the time... haha!"

Ryoga came out at this point, he was dressed and carrying his
towel and soap, an embarrassed flush on his face. "Arigato
Kiyone." he murmered his eyes fixed on the ground.

"No problem, Ryoga."

Ranma gaped at Ryoga. "Nani?"

Ryoga looked up and saw Ranma. "Oh... Ranma... I... "

"How did you get back to normal?" demanded Ranma, he glanced
at Kiyone. "I mean... how nice to see you, lovely night, ne?"

Kiyone smiled. "Calm down Ranma, I helped Ryoga out of his
prediciment."

Ranma glared at Ryoga. "That's the last time I bust a gut
trying to help you!"

Ryoga ignored him and bowed to Kiyone. "Arigato Gozimasu for
you help. Can I ask another favour though?"

"As long as you promise to explain all this soon."

"I will. Can you... please... don't tell anyone about this,
Ranma is the only one who knows. I can't let Akan... anyone
else find out!"

"I won't breathe a word." promised Kiyone.

"Arigato. I will tell you everything."

"Tell Kiyone what?" a new voice caused them all to whirl around.

Ukyou and Miya stood there, toiletries and towels in hand, and
Ukyou had an enquiring look on her face. "What's up? You all
seem a bit tense."

"N-nothing." stuttered Ranma. "Come on Ryoga, I'll take you back
to the campsite."

"Why do you have a kettle Ranchan?" Ukyou asked, but Ranma had
already run off dragging Ryoga with him.

"Crazy kids." Kiyone smiled. "Shall we go in?"

"Yes, I am dying for a nice hot shower." said Miya.

Ukyou followed them inside her mind preoccupied. Ranma had been
carrying a full kettle of hot water and he had been in his male
form so _he_ didn't need the hot water. That left Kiyone and Ryoga
as the only possible candidates for Jusenkyo curses. Ukyou was
100 percent sure that Kiyone didn't have a curse, so that meant
that Ryoga... *He _does_ have a Jusenkyo curse! That would explain
why he's always so paranoid about water. but what is is? It must
be bad or he would have told us.*

She shook her head. *What an idiot he is!*

***

Interlude

Sea Route to Fuzhou:

Shampoo yawned and settled herself on the taupalin. Hopefully
no one would think to look down here and she would get to China
undetected. Of course she wouldn't have had to stowaway if it
hadn't been for that stupid Captain Ling! How could he not
understand the importance of the situation. She mewed in
exasperation, then purred. Sometimes this cat thing wasn't
all bad. Except for Ranma's violent fear of course. And that
embarrassing incident with the herbal tea leaves. How was she
supposed to have known there was catnip in some of these
things. Mousse had almost died from blood loss when she'd
rub... anyway... the stupid blind duck-boy was no longer in
her life, thank goodness, the only important one now was
Ranma. She stretched and yawned again. And now... sleep.

***

The Next Morning:

After awakening to the sounds of Ukyou rhythmically banging
her spatula against the bus like some overgrown dinnerbell,
the group ate a hurried breakfast of okonomiyaki and called
advice to Ryoga as he hammered the dents out of the bus.

"Did you have to do this?"

"Sorry. We don't have an alarm clock."

"I'd much rather be woken by the sweet tones of your voice."

"Give it a rest Mikado, some of us are trying to eat here."

Mikado blinked. "So it's individual time now?"

"No," said Ukyou, bringing out a long list. "We have a
schedule to keep to. First, the sights. Then everyone has
two hours free time. Ryoga this does not include you, I need
you to translate, and who knows where you could get to in
two hours?"

"I resent that!"

"But it's so true!"

"SHUT UP RANMA!"

The group set off, with Ukyou in the lead (no surprises
there) waving her spatula like a flag. Ranma and Ryoga
winced everytime it entered their vague area, having been
on the receiving end a few too many times.

First off, they visited the Bund, a series of neo-classical
buildings, which used to be the equivalent of Wall Street.
Ryoga knew a lot about this area for some reason. Ukyou
and Ranma suspected it had something to do with all the
tourist operators who waved at him, but not understanding
the Chinese, they were left to their silent suspicions.

Then Ukyou took them to the Jade Buddha temple. While the
group admired the 2 metre high white jade Buddha, Ryoga
promptly got lost, and had to be rescued before the
Temple closed for lunch. The crowd was then treated
to the sight of Ukyou beating him nearly senseless with
her spatula, before Akane intervened, reminding her that
they needed his language skills. Ryoga then amused everyone
by continuing to scream in pain, this time in Chinese.

After a quick stop for lunch, Ukyou let everyone loose in
Nanjing Donglu, Shanghai's "Golden mile", so-called for all
the shopping malls.

"Look people, you have more than two hours, (cos I've had
enough for one morning), make your own way back to the
campsite. Dinner will be at 5 pm, and then we will be
setting off for our next destination. Mikado you're free
too, but make sure you get some rest before tonights big
drive."

"Shall we go together?" the light glinted off Mikado's
teeth as he smiled at Konatsu, who backed off. A brief,
calculating smile crossed his face. "I'd like that
Sanzenin-san." he replied cheerfully, and arm in arm,
they strode off.

Nabiki prepared her credit cards and headed for the
more expensive shops, Kiyone in tow. Akane and Ranma
started some incomprehensible fight and wandered off
by themselves, whilst Miya, Suka and Godai all voted
to visit the Hua Lian Department Store.

"Phew," said Ryoga, "Peace at last." He slumped.

"What do you think you're doing?" Ukyou demanded.

"Resting?"

"We have to work on a plan." Ukyou said.

"Do we HAVE to?" Ryoga groaned. "I'm TIRED and my head
hurts, owing to a combination of a certain person waking
me up at ungodly hours of the morning, and then beating
me over the head with a giant spatula."

"Do you want Akane or not?" Ukyou demanded. She thought
she heard, "*No reward is worth this.*".

"What?"

"I said YES UKYOU SIR!" said Ryoga, straightening and
saluting.

"You know Ryoga, ever since you returned to Nerima you've
had a real attitude problem." said Ukyou. Ryoga rolled his
eyes. "I'm sorry Ukyou, I thought you liked men who were
assertive, or at least rude."

"Hey!"

"I'm sorry," said Ryoga. "I'm afraid my experiences with
Akari have made me less..."

"Spineless?" Ukyou suggested.

"Thank you." said Ryoga sarcastically. He shook himself,
what had gotten into him today? Must have gotten out of bed
on the wrong side. "Look, it's not the best place for a
conversation here, if there's nothing you want here, we
could go back to the campsite and talk while we wait for
the others to finish up."

"Good idea," said Ukyou. "I'll just to pick up a few more
ingredients for the okonomiyaki, then we can talk. Are
there any stores you want to go to?"

"No thanks," said Ryoga.

***

At the campsite, he watched as Ukyou spun and threw the
okonomiyaki into the air.

"Here you go," she said. "Eat it while it's hot."

"Thanks," he said, chowing down.

"I've been thinking about the Ranma/Akane situation,"
said Ukyou. "Because of Mikado's inability to get out
of third gear, this means you'll have more of the driving
to do, and means you'll be more tired, so we're going to
have to schedule things more carefully." She frowned, and
sighed. "If only we had another driver, but we don't have
the extra money to hire anyone."

"Why don't you drive?" Ryoga asked, wiping his mouth.

"Me? I don't know how to drive!"

"I could show you," he offered. "It's not that hard, Mikado
notwithstanding."

Ukyou blushed. *Drive? ME?* She twiddled her fingers. "I
don't know - don't you have to have a qualified instructor
or something?"

"We're going to be on a whole lot of back roads in China."
Ryoga said. "Damn near everyone else will be self-taught,
if we meet any cars at all. There's no problem. Anyway,
I've done a defensive driving course, I know what to do.
I did the course three times."

"Oh my God, you mean you failed the first and second times?"

"No, I just couldn't get out of there." Ryoga blushed.

"I... I guess we could try." Ukyou said.

"Alright, we'll start now." said Ryoga, standing up. "I'll
take the bus somewhere quiet, and you can have a go."

***

"Alright... now just gently let the clutch out."

*Judder... thud... thud... judder... stall.*

"Okay, you almost had it that time." Ryoga wiped his brow.

Ukyou was biting her lip in concentration, glaring at the
steering wheel. "Ano Ryoga, I don't think I can do this."

"Sure you can. It's easy."

"No it's not."

"Look, it's easy if I and Mikado can do it? Are you saying
that you are less intelligent than Mikado?"

"WHAT?" Ukyou snarled and put her foot back down on the
clutch. "Alright, clutch in, engine on, release clutch,
press accelerator." The bus lurched forward and then
continued at a more slow and sedate pace. Ukyou threw her
hands up. "YES! I DID IT!!"

"HANDS ON THE WHEEL!" screamed Ryoga. "Hands on wheel,
eyes on road. Do not forget these things!"

"Oh fooey," said Ukyou. "This is easy, now what?"

"Now we change gears."

"Shimata!"

Ryoga sighed. "Okay, speed up a little, put the clutch back
in, move the gear shift to second gear, release the clutch,
press the accelerator and..."

"SLOW DOWN SLOW DOWN!" Ukyou yelled. "ONE AT A TIME!"

"Okay... speed up a little."

"How much."

"At least to 15 kilometres [Hey, we're New Zealanders. We use
metric. Deal with it. - J.]." Ryoga said. "Now..."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!" Ukyou screamed and hit the
brakes as a small, overloaded car screamed past them, narrowly
missing the bus as it moved back into their lane. Ryoga's head
slammed forward into the dashboard. "Iettai!"

"Oh my god ohmygodohmygod..." Ukyou said. "I can't DO this I
CAN'T!" she sniffled. Ryoga rubbed his head and watched in
horror as tears filled her eyes. "Ano... Ukyou... no..."

She stood up. "I can't do this. We'll die... Maybe you should
teach Mikado how to get into fourth gear..."

"You were doing fine," said Ryoga. "There are complete idiots
out there. I mean look at me, they gave me a licence." he
patted her shoulder nervously.

"But you're a good driver. You don't get nervous." Ukyou
sniffed.

"How do you know? You weren't there for my first lesson."
said Ryoga. "I almost hit someone. Then I nearly crashed into
the side of a building, then I almost hit some cows. It was
a disaster. But at least noone got hurt." Ukyou stared at him.
Tears started to pour down her cheeks. "WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!"
she bawled and clutched his shirt. "WAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!"

Ryoga stared at her and nervously patted her head. *God I hope
that this isn't enough water to trigger the curse,* he prayed.
"It's okay, it's okay, you're doing okay..." he said. *Now let
go of me dammit.*

Sniffling, Ukyou sat back up and put her hands on the wheel.

*Phew.*

"Alright. Let's go!"

***

Godai, Miya and Suka were the first ones back to camp.

"Oh no, don't tell me that Ryoga's gotten both of them AND
the bus lost!" said Suka.

"Maybe they needed petrol?" suggested Godai.

"You're both hopeless," Miya pointed to the note stuck to
Ryoga's tent.

"Gone driving. Back by 4. R & U."

"Gone... driving?" asked Godai. "Doesn't he do enough of
that."

Just then a taxi pulled up. Kiyone and Nabiki tumbled out,
laughing and hauling out huge packages, all with labels
like Gucci and Chanel on them.

"Hey gang," said Kiyone, "Where's the bus."

Miya picked up the distinctive smell of sake on her breath
and looked at Nabiki, who smiled a slightly unbalanced
smile. "Hope they haven't driven off with my investment."
she said.

"Kawaiikune!"

"Baka!" *WHAM*

"Hi Akane, Ranma," said Godai without turning around.

"Hey hey, where's the bus?" asked Ranma.

Godai passed him the note.

"Ooooh, gone driving... how romantic." Ranma grinned. "Who
knew he had it in him?"

"What is THAT?" demanded Nabiki. They turned to see a
mountain of colourful packages staggering towards them.
Konatsu skipping alongside. "Just a little further!"
he said.

"Ugh... hai, Konatsu-chan..." strained a feeble voice.

Ranma stared, "Oh my god, he didn't..."

"Looks like he did, good for Konatsu," said Akane.

Kiyone and Nabiki stared at the pile and collapsed
on the ground in hysterics.

Mikado manfully staggered into the grounds. Konatsu
clapped his hands. "Yay Sanzenin-san!" he said. "And
the bus is... not here."

"What?" the mountain screamed. Boxes began to dislodge.
Everyone scattered as the mountain came to Mikado.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" he screamed before being
crushed by a box of shoes.

"Oh no, here it comes!" Konatsu said brightly.

The group turned to see the bus carefully drive up and
haltingly come to a stop. Ukyou waved at them from the
drivers seat.

"Ukyou can drive?" said Ranma.

"Hallo!" Ukyou poked her head out the door. "Who wants
an early meal?"

***

Having, eaten, packed and reassembled themselves on the
bus, everyone watched nervously as Ukyou got into the
drivers seat. Ryoga hovering behind her.

"Alright," he said. "Don't worry if you bunny hop, just
get into gear."

"Hai!" Ukyou let out the clutch. The bus hopped once, and
then got going.

"Yay me!"

"YAY UKYOU-SAMA!"

"PUT YOUR HANDS BACK ON THE DAMN WHEEL!"

"Sorry, forgot."

Ryoga sweatdropped. "Okay, speed up, second gear, stay in
it for the turn, now move up."

The bus picked up speed as it moved down the street. Ryoga
glanced down the bus and raised his voice.

"Alright. Now this is how you get to FOURTH gear."

Mikado twitched. The rest of the bus stifled giggles.

"Speed up, clutch in, move the gear to _fourth_, clutch
out gently... speed up... see, now you're going somewhat
_faster_ than the average four year old."

"This is _easy_."

Mikado twitched again. Konatsu laughed. "Go Ukyou-sama!"
he called. Ukyou was so SMART.

"Alright, corner ahead, shift down two gears since it's
at an intersection," Ryoga instructed. "Slow down, down
to third, slow down again, down to second... okay. It's
gone to a red light. So brake, stop. Clutch in ready to
go, gear in first. Don't forget to indicate left."

"We're going _right_ Ryoga."

"Eh heh."

They waited for the light to go green.

"Green light. Let's go!"

*Judder judder judder... thud*

"No problem, start again." said Ryoga.

*Judder judder judder... thud*

"Just let it out slowly."

"I AM!" Ukyou took a deep breath, and started again.

*Judder judder judder... thud*

The light turned yellow. Ukyou swallowed. "It's okay, we
can wait for the next lights." Ryoga said quickly, not
wanting to her to cry on him again.

Just then, a car behind them screeched around them, and
drove at full speed through the intersection. The driver
stuck his head out the window as it passed. "LEARN TO
DRIVE!" he yelled in English. Ukyou didn't get the whole
content, but the meaning was clear. Tears welled up in her
eyes again. Ryoga's eyes narrowed.

"Mikado, get up here!" he yelled. Leaning over Ukyou he
hit the open doors lever. "I'll be right back," he said
with a cheerful smile. He sprinted out and bounced away
at high speed.

Mikado quietly took the drivers seat from Ukyou, started
the bus and took them through the intersection. Driving
down it they saw Ryoga flagging them down. They stopped
to let him in.

"What happened?" Ukyou sniffed out.

"A quick course in defensive driving." said Ryoga.

"What?"

"Oh my..." Mikado said in awe. He grabbed the PA
microphone.

"Ladies and gentlemen, if you will look out the left hand
side, you will see... this years winning candidate for
funniest home videos."

Mystified, everyone dashed to the left hand side. To see
the sight of the rude driver sitting on the ground,
surrounded by the pieces of his car, holding the steering
wheel, with an absolutely priceless look of confusion on
his face.

Ukyou started laughing, and set the whole bus off.

"Looks more like _offensive_ driving to me." said Ranma.

Ryoga waggled a finger at him. "I never laid a hand on
him."

"Sure, just one finger right."

Ryoga grinned and cracked his knuckles.

"R-Ryoga..." Ukyou stopped laughing and stared at him.
"Oh... Ryoga... WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!"

She buried her face in his chest and Ryoga felt his face
burn. *Argh.* He looked at the others, who were all
smiling at him. *Double argh*.

End of Part Five.

***

Authors Note:

Hi, Jaelle here. I'd just like to note that this sequence
at the end with the rude driver is actually a true incident
and happened to me about three years ago when I was driving
someone elses car after using my automatic one for the
previous two years. I in fact stalled through three
successive sets of green lights (they were very short -
only long enough for one attempt each time) getting more
and more upset each time.

Then this guy drove out and yelled that. I was humiliated
and mortified. The other two people in my car were trying
to calm me down and I got into gear on the next lights. I
was recently telling Orla this story for some reason (Orla
doesn't drive) and she deduced from the language that I
was using (usually designated by using the top layer of
punctuation on the number keys) that I was still upset
about the whole incident and suggested that I write it in
and include my revenge, which I have done here. The
revenge is a little inaccurate, at the time I did not want
to bakusai tenketsu the car, I wanted to sledgehammer the
driver into a sticky mess on the road! However, with the
passing of time most of my homicidal impulses have faded.
But I would just like to say, if the driver of that car is,
by some quirk of fate reading this right now, that I will
NEVER EVER FORGIVE YOU!!!!

Jaelle.
4th March, 1999.

[Skuld-chan]

                Ranma 1/2: The Magical Mystery Hibiki Tour
                            by Jaelle and Orla

***

The characters in this story are the property of Rumiko
Takahashi-sama. We prostrate ourselves at her feet and beg her
forgiveness for our temerity in using these characters. We're
not worthy! We're not worthy!

The other characters are copyright to Yukie Nasu and Pioneer
LDC.

C & C is welcome (although we don't like flames!). You can
contact us at either: ladyorla@yahoo.com or jaelle@ihug.co.nz

For more of our fanfiction visit our site 'Insane Musings'at:
http://homepages.ihug.co.nz/~jaelle/Jaelle_Orla.htm

***

This story occurs four years after Ranma 1/2 volume 38.

***

Part 6

***

Nerima: Tendo Dojo

Dr Tofo Ono stretched and wandered onto the balcony.
"Such a nice morning." he said to himself.

A gurgle of laughter caused him to look around. *I am
so lucky* he thought as he looked at his children playing
on the mat. *Thank goodness I managed to gather up the
courage to _ask_ Kasumi to marry me.*

Alright, so the actual proposal had taken him two hours to
choke out, but once he had spoken the words she had just
smiled in her sweet way and accepted him. As if by magic,
at that moment, all his shyness had disappeared and he was
able to talk to her without stuttering and making a general
fool of himself -which had made conversation _much_ easier.

Tofu chuckled and turned his attention back to the gardens.
"So peaceful." he murmered.

"NO!!!!!"

He jumped at the shout. *Kasumi*. He ran down to the genken
where he saw Kasumi confronting her father and Mr Saotome
who where both wearing backpacks.

Dr Tofu frowned. His normally peaceable wife had her hands
on her hips and a cross expression on her lovely face.

"Don't you dare, Otosan! I will _not_ let you interfere in
Akane and Ranma's life anymore!"

"K-kasumi... " stuttered Soun as astonished as Tofu at this
diplay of temper.

"I mean it." Kasumi's tone was stern. "It's bad enough that
Nabiki is with them without the two of you turning up to
throw things into chaos!"

"We just want to help!" protested Soun.

"I'm amazed that Akane and Ranma have come as far as they
have with all your 'help'." Kasumi shook her head and glanced
at Genma. "You know that Nodoka-san would agree with me if
she was here."

Genma flinched.

"You are both going to stay right here!" Kasumi commanded and
pointed to the stairs. "Now go and unpack and come down for
lunch."

Soun and Genma looked at each other and sighed. Kasumi
watched as they ascended the stairs, then she turned around
and saw Tofu. Her face relaxed into it's normal sweet
expression.

"Hello dear. Can I do anything for you?"

"Iie, kimi." Tofu answered, then he smiled. "Well handled."

Kasumi smiled back. "I have to prevent Otosan from doing
silly things, and with Auntie Nodoka away visiting I have to
be stern with them. Sometimes they are just like the twins."

Tofu took her hand. "You are very good, Kasumi." He kissed
her.

Kasumi blushed. "Oh my."

***
China, Zhejiang province:
Main road to Hangzhou.

"Lunch break!"

Kiyone got off the bus and stretched. "Ahhhh... these roads
are a little bumpy!"

Nabiki put on her sunglasses. "I think it's just Mikado's
driving." she said. She pulled out two cans of sake from
her purse. "Here."

Kiyone caught the can and looked at dubiously. "Isn't it a
little early?"

Nabiki opened the can and took a sip. "No. I need it so I
can cope with another meal consisting of okonomiyaki and
_only_ okonomiyaki."

Kiyone made a face. "Okonomiyaki again? I like it, but apart
from the odd stop at a local place, it's all we've been
eating!" She drank some of the sake. "Why don't we ask Ukyou
to cook something else?"

"Do you want to be struck by that titanic spatula of hers?

"She wouldn't."

"She might. Okonomiyaki is her life."

"Oh dear."

Ranma moved swiftly and gracefully through a short kata,
working out the kinks caused by the inactivity. Nearby Godai,
Suka and Miya watched.

"Wow." murmered Godai. "He's so good. Wish I could do that."

"It doesn't look hard." Miya said.

Suka smiled. "It's a _lot_ harder than it looks. Mitsuru
took me through some paces once and I nearly died." he paused
before adding. "Then again he hit me in some rather sensitive
places."

"I thought you were supposed to do kata's in synch not against
each other."

Ranma yelled over his shoulder. "How else are you supposed to
learn?"

Suka smiled. "Funny. Mitsuru said exactly the same thing."

Ranma turned his attention back to the kata. *I have to
admit Suka and Miya look like they could handle themselves
in a fight* he thought as he punched the air, *Kiyone too,
for that matter*, he turned and blocked, *Wouldn't put any
money on Godai though.*

Konatsu strolled around the picnic area, occasionally doing
the odd kick, it was so good to get off that bus! And away
from that annoying Mikado! Konatsu frowned, this trip was not
going right. So far he had not had any time alone with his
beloved Ukyou-sama, he had not been able to share the magic
of China with her, all his time had been spent trying to
avoid Mikado.

"Konatsu-chan!"

And failing. *Rats! Time to go for a run.* Konatsu broke
into a fast run and zoomed into the trees. *Ha! Under cover
like this I am undertectable!* Konatsu smiled smugly as he
utilised his ninja training to hide from the persistant
Mikado.

"Konatsu-chan! Matte... ow!... matte kudasai!"

Ukyou watched Konatsu zoom off into the trees with Mikado
in hot pursuit and shook her head. "You have to admire a
guy like that sometimes. He's been driving all day and he
still has enough energy to chase poor Konatsu." She turned
to Ryoga an amused smile on her face.

He wasn't listening. He was standing by the kitchen bench,
the knife he had been using to chop up ingredients was
slowly being crushed as he looked out the window at Akane
going through her kata. *So graceful, so strong. Oh
Akane... *

*SLAM!*

"Itaii!" Ryoga dropped the knife as Ukyou whalloped him with
her spatula.

"Stop daydreaming!" she shrieked at him.

"I was _not_ daydreaming!" he yelled as she peeled the
spatula off his head.

Ukyou picked up the mangled knife. "Honestly, you are so
hopeless." she said. "Don't you ever notice when you
destroy things?"

"Er... sorry about that." Ryoga lifted his hand to rub the
back of his head, then he paused.

"Kamisama!" cried Ukyou as she noticed the same thing he had.
"Your hand!"

Ryoga had, without noticing, inflicted some fairly large cuts
on his hand while mutilating the knife. The cuts were now
bleeding quite profusely.

Ukyou grabbed his other hand, it was also covered in blood.

"Hold your hands up." she ordered. "We need to get you
cleaned up." she looked auxiously at him. "Are you ok,
Ryoga? Do they hurt? Are you feeling dizzy?"

"No!" Ryoga protested. "I'm fine, please don't worry. I can
take care of it."

"Shush!" Ukyou quickly wrapped teatowels around his hands.
"You'll only make more of a mess and I refuse to let you
make a mess of my kitchen!" She put one hand to Ryoga's
cheek and stroked it. "Hey. I'm on your side, ok?"

Ryoga swallowed at her touch, "Ah... ummm... ah... " All the
things Akane had said about Ukyou in Shanghai came rushing
back at him.

"Now hold on and I'll clean you up." Ukyou turned away,
oblivious to Ryoga's agitation. She picked up another towel
and ran it under some cold water. "Come here."

Ryoga walked over, making sure that his hands were still up
and the towels around them. Ukyou turned back to him and
unwrapped the now bloody towels. "Yuck... " she threw them
into the waste disposal. "Now this might sting."

"Right." said Ryoga, then as she pulled his hands forward
he noticed what temprature the water was. "NOOOOO..... "

Ukyou let out a shriek as Ryoga suddenly appeared to shrink
into his clothes and disappear. "Ryoga!!" she cried.
"Kamisama! Where... ? What... ?" She looked around wildly,
then at the still running tap. "The water... ?" She looked
down at the pile of Ryoga's clothes.

Something wriggled inside Ryoga's top. Ukyou cried out again
and leapt back. Then she gulped and reached down and pulled
the material away from the... the whatever... and saw...

"P-chan?" Ukyou blinked and looked at the little black piglet
who was looking up at her with tear-filled eyes and whose
front hoofs were bleeding. "Ryoga? Ryoga, you're P-chan!"

Ryoga looked up into Ukyou's shocked face and wished the
floor would open up and swallow him. *She'll tell Akane,
she'll be so angry.* he thought in agony, *She'll _hate_
me!* He closed his eyes and waited for doom to fall on him.
He did not expect doom to sound like laughter. Ryoga opened
his eyes and saw Ukyou clutching the sink bench laughing so
hard that there were tears in her eyes.

Ryoga bweed indignantly, he did _not_ regard this a laughing
matter! It was _not_ funny in the slightest.

Ukyou snorted at his anger and managed to control herself,
slightly.  She wiped the tears from her eyes. "Ha... now
it all... heh... makes sense. Oh dear... I think I hurt
myself... but you have to admit that... it's just too
funny... you... *giggle* in love with Akane... haha...
and... and she's sleeping with you as... as...
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"

Ryoga sweatdropped. He didn't get it. His curse was the most
humilating, most awful thing he could imagine. Surely a
normal girl would think it as terrible as he did!

Ukyou managed to swallow her laughter and picked up the kettle
which she had recently boiled. "Okay, time turn back. I like
that part, d'you know I was pouring hot and cold water on
Ranchan nearly all night when I found out?" She grinned.
"Heh... of course you do, you were there!"

Ryoga bared his teeth. If she thought he was going to let her
change him back forth for her amusement she had another think
coming!

"Don't worry." Ukyou assured him, tipping the kettle. "I
won't do that to you."

The hot water hit Ryoga in a boiling wave. "Owwww...
hothot!" he cried leaping up.

Ukyou drew back and dropped the kettle. Her face went red.
"Ummmm... Ryoga... you're... you're... naked!" she covered
her eyes.

Ryoga stared at her uncomprehendingly for a moment, then
he yelped and grabbing his tunic held it to him. "P-please
t-turn around." he stuttered, his face matching hers.

"Y-yes." Ukyou spun around, paused, then she remembered his
hands. "Ryoga! You're hurt... I can't let you... " she bit
her lip and turned around.

"I'm fine, I'm fine!" Ryoga had managed to put on his
trousers and was reaching for his tunic. Ukyou grabbed his
hands. "No!" she pulled him upright. "I need to treat
these." she smiled. "I'll use hot water."

Ryoga reluctantly let her bathe the cuts with a cloth
soaked in hot water. He felt he had to give her some sort
of explanation. "I... I'm sorry." he mumbled as she dried
his hands. "About... about P-chan and all."

"It's ok." Ukyou said quietly. She opened a cupboard and
pulled out a first aid kit. "Hold still." she ordered pulling
out some bandages and antiseptic cream. "I don't know why
you think it's such a big deal though. Ranchan seems to be
ok with _his_ change."

"That's because Ranma stays _human_!" Ryoga snapped.

"Uh-huh." Ukyou began to gently dab the cream onto the cuts.
"What about Mousse and Shampoo? They aren't all bitter...
well, not as bitter as _you_."

"Uh... " Ryoga was finding it hard to hold onto his anger and
finding even harder to think coherantly as Ukyou's hair
brushed against his skin as she bandaged his hands.
"Akane-san would... "

"Well, she probably wouldn't be happy with you for
masquerading as her _pet_." Ukyou finished one hand and
moved onto the next. "It probably wouldn't be a good idea
to tell her until you've won her love."

"Y-yeah."

Ukyou finished the last bandage and smiled up at him.
"Ok, now?"

"Y-yeah."

She moved a little closer. "Are you sure you're alright?
You look kinda pale." She grabbed his chin and pulled his
head down so that his eyes met hers. "I'm _not_ mad about
P-chan, really. I sort-of wish that you had told me earlier."

Ryoga looked into her large eyes and gulped. Thoughts he
never thought he would never have were tugging at his mind
*Ukyouis prettyshe'snicebutIlikeAkaneUkyou'sbeingsoniceshe
doesn'tcareaboutthepigAkane-sanIlovebutIOhIdon'tknowI'mso
confused!!!!*

"Ryoga?!" Ukyou cried out as he squeezed his eyes shut and
tensed up. "Sugar! Hey... snap out of it!" She grabbed his
shoulders and shook him.

Ryoga's eyes snapped open, he looked down at her and grabbed
her upper arms, ignoring his injured hands. "Ukyou... " he
began.

"Hey, Ucchan! Is lunch ready ye... whoa!" Ranma came to
abrupt halt at the kitchenette door. He stared at his best
friend being held by Ryoga, a grin spread across his face.

Ryoga saw Ranma, yelped, let go of Ukyou and jumped back.
Ukyou whirled and went red when she saw the expression on
Ranma's face.

"Ranchan! Uh... please don't think... we... Ryoga hurt
himself!"

Ranma nodded. "Riiiight." his expression clearly saying
'And did you have to take his top off to do that, Ucchan?'

Ukyou bit her lip for the second time that day and went to
the counter, Ryoga's blood had not fallen on the ingredients,
so she gathered them up. "Lunch will be ready in about ten
minutes, Ranchan." she said as brightly as she could. "One
special for you?"

Ranma nodded. "Yup."

"I'll get some... ah... cleaning stuff." mumbled Ryoga. He
headed for the door. "Out of the way, Ranma." he snarled.

"Sure, man." Ranma stepped back, then he grabbed Ryoga's arm.

"_What?_"

Ranma leaned closely and whispered. "Just a little bit of
advice. The kitchen isn't exactly the best spot for
romancing girls."

Ryoga shook him off. "You have the wrong idea!" he snarled
and stormed off.

Ranma watched him go. "Hey, stupid! You're going out of the
bus!"

"Leave him alone, Ranchan." said Ukyou, she had already
mopped up the mess and was now cooking the okonomiyaki at
her usual super fast speed.

Ranma shrugged. "Okay, Ucchan. You want me to gather the
others?"

"That would be good."

Ryoga strode away, his head bowed, his mind whirling. What
had he been thinking? In his thoughts he had nearly betrayed
his beloved Akane and if Ranma hadn't shown up, he might
have... he might have... No! Ryoga shook his head. No, he
didn't what to go there. Better to forget all about the
whole incident.

"Ryoga! Ryoga! WHERE ARE YOU GOING?"

"Huh?"

Ryoga stopped and looked around. Akane caught up with him,
and grabbed his arm. "Where are you going?" she demanded.
"You'll get lost!" *And then Mikado would have to drive and
my spine can't take much more of that*, she added mentally.

"I... I..." *She cares! Oh Akane-san, how could I ever doubt
my love for you. It must have been lightheadedness from the
blood loss*, thought Ryoga. "I was just going for a walk."

"_Bad_ idea." said Akane. "Come on, lunch is nearly ready.
If you so badly need to stretch your legs, why don't you
spar with me."

"Of course Akane!" *I'm so happy. Must remember to pull
all my blows and slow down a lot.* Ryoga lapsed into a
blissful haze as Akane led him back to the bus.

***

Kiyone examined the last piece of okonomiyaki on her plate.
*One more bite and I'm finished. One more bite and I'm
finished. Argh. I never thought I'd miss instant ramen!*

"Something wrong with that one?" Ukyou asked anxiously.
"Would you like a different one?"

"NO! I mean..." Kiyone sweatdropped, "This is fine. I'm
just not very hungry."

"I hope you're feeling alright. Everyone's starting to
look a little pale," said Ukyou, looking around the others.
Godai and Suka were both slowly and steadily ploughing
through their okonomiyaki whilst Miya seemed to be
experimenting with all the spices. Ranma was gobbling
down his fourth okonomiyaki like there was no tomorrow,
whilst Akane ate hers and watched nervously as Ryoga
chewed his way through the plate. Ukyou sighed. *Thank
goodness I packed a spare set. Moron.* She wasn't sure
if she was more annoyed that he could do this just
because Akane had spoken to him, or if she was more
insulted about what this said about her cooking. Still,
she was happy that Ranma hadn't said anything about
what had happened in the kitchen.

"Hey Ucchan, so what was wrong with Ryoga's..."

"Another okonomiyaki coming right at you!" Ukyou expertly
flung another okonomiyaki into his mouth.

Yet.

Nabiki put down her tea. "You keep doing that Ukyou.
Is there something you don't want him to say?"

Everyone looked interested. Ryoga came down from Planet
Akane and tensed.

"Seconds? You bet!" Ukyou threw an okonomiyaki onto
Nabiki's plate. Nabiki looked at it, steaming hot
okonomiyaki. And at its twin, which showed signs of
having slightly been nibbled.

"Anyone else?" Ukyou said, chirpily.

"Nope."

"I'm full."

"No thanks!"

"I need to stretch my legs."

The voices chorused.

Kiyone looked around for a change of topic. "Has anyone
seen Konatsu and Mikado?"

There was a silence.

"Uh oh..."

"Oh well, he's not so bad looking, and he's attentive
at least." said Miya, smiling and looking at Suka.
Konatsu could do worse."

"I take it from that comment that you lot," Nabiki looked
at Akane, Ranma, Ryoga and Ukyou, "haven't mentioned the
fact that Konatsu's a guy to Mikado yet."

Kiyone, Godai, Suka and Miya face-faulted onto the ground.

"Oh man, this brings back memories." said Suka. "He doesn't
have a cousin named Shun does he?"

"Must have slipped our minds." said Ranma. He and Ryoga
shared a glance. The images of their 'ice-skating' returned.
"We'll mention it to Mikado."

*When hell freezes over* they both thought.

The group finished eating and dispersed to look at the
countryside. "Meet back here in thirty minutes!" called
Ukyou after them. She stared longingly after Ranma and
Akane, then shook herself. "Right, enough slacking Ryoga.
Pick up all the plates and do the dishes."

"When was I slacking? And anyway, my hands are hurt."

"Fine. You can dry."

Ukyou stomped off, with the dishes balanced precariously
in front of her. In the tiny kitchen once more, the two
wiped the dirt and dishwater from the dishes respectively,
and the sweat from their brows as the temperature in the
small space rapidly increased, in spite of both the open
windows. They worked in silence, the only sound being the
tinny radio playing on the bench. Until...

"Oh wow! This is my favourite song!" Ryoga lunged for the
radio. "More volume!"

Ukyou stared at him as the sound filled the room. Ryoga
nodded his head in time with the beat, turned back to the
dishes, and then surprised her by starting to quietly
sing along with the music:

"Always so far away...
I'm hurrying along the way to become a fighter
No way will it stretch to my hand so easily
I remember the people through these same pupils

Speaking to myself, now, so I keep walking on
Talk to my dreams, and keep walking on...

Where, where now should I keep living?
I don't want to live like a runner forever
Filthy, filthy paths, I don't want to be alone...
Voices bring us together, wounds become strength
I accept tomorrow's challenge."

Ryoga's voice increased as the song went on. After
the chorus, Ukyou recognised the popular song and joined
in, the two of them belting out the tune.

"Tonight, the stars break my sleep...
While I count them, I breathe a sigh...
The faraway path is only a detour
How many tears must the underdog shed?

I can see the dream, but what does "today" mean?
You should understand, again, that it encourages me!

Where, where now should I keep living?
This straight path is so boring...
Dusty, dusty paths, I'll cut my own
Inside my thoughts, wounds become strength
I walk on, tomorrow..."

(The full Japanese text of this song and credits can be
found at the end of this part - J & O)

"Very good Ryoga-sugar!" said Ukyou with a smile, then she
gave a dry cough. "Ugh... except my throat now feels like
sandpaper!"

Ryoga, who had blushed at her complement, cleared his throat.
"Mine too, do we have anything cool to drink?" Ukyou looked
in the fridge. "Uh... no, no, no... oh! Oh! This looks good!"

Ryoga looked at it, "It's green."

Ukyou sighed in exasperation. "It's some sort of melon
drink I think." She pulled out the carton and looked inside.

"Did you buy these?"

"No, I thought Konatsu was buying all the supplies."

"He would buy something strange like this. I hope he knows
what it is!"

There were about 24 bottles of whatever it was. She examined
the bottle. "What does it say, Ryoga?"

Ryoga squinted at the label. "It's in Korean."

"How do you know?"

"It's the only language I don't know, and I can't read the
label. So it must be in Korean."

Ukyou's mind shyed away from the implications of that
statement, not to mention the logical problems. She settled
for sarcasm. "Oh really, so how's your Inuit?"

"{Not as good as I'd like.}" replied Ryoga.

"What?"

"I said {which way to Tokyo?}", he said, grinning.

"Huh?"

"{You're pretty cute you know.}" he said.

"You said different things," accused Ukyou.

*Oops*. "Say, let's try some of this delicious melon drink!"
said Ryoga, grabbing a bottle. He twisted the cap off and
poured the drink down his throat. Then he wiped his mouth
off. "Hmmm... refreshing. And very very tasty. Can I have
another one?"

Ukyou was sipping at her first. "I guess so, seems to be
okay. No ill effects. No turning into something else."
she slugged it down. "Yummy!"

Ryoga was shocked. "Girls aren't supposed to drink like
that!"

"I was a boy for six years dummy!" Ukyou stuck her tongue
out at him.

"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!" Ryoga choked.
"Your tongue is bright green!"

"Huh? Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh," Ukyou went cross-eyed trying to
look at her tongue. Ryoga laughed even harder.

"Oh yeah, well your tongue is green too." she said.

"Hehehehehehehehe..."

"Oh fine, be like that," Ukyou grabbed another bottle and
threw it at him. Ryoga fielded it easily and opened it,
chugging back the contents.

"Geez you're slow," Ukyou said critically. "At my old school
I was the champion speed drinker."

"Oh really? Well, you're still one behind me," said Ryoga
challengingly.

"We'll see about that... Kampai!" Ukyou flung her head
back and inhaled the drink. They both reached for another
bottle.

***

Half an hour later.

"Ah, that was a nice walk," said Godai. "I feel strangely
refreshed."

"Mmmmmm," said Suka. "I needed to walk off that okonomiyaki."

They, Miya and Kiyone were all headed back to the bus, when
Konatsu walked casually out of the bushes onto the path
ahead of them.

"Konatsu! You missed lunch!" said Kiyone accusingly.

"Sumimasen," Konatsu replied smugly.

"Where's Mikado?" asked Suka.

"Somewhere." Konatsu strolled off.

There was a crashing sound, the group stared as Mikado
staggered out of the bushes, leaves and twigs covering
him and his normally immaculate clothing covered in mud.

"You know, Ukyou's going to be real cross at you for
mucking up your uniform." said Nabiki, coming up behind
Kiyone.

"Ahhhh... ahah ahhhh..." Mikado gasped. "Ugh." he
collapsed at their feet.

"Pathetic," said Nabiki. "Truly pathetic." She got his
feet. Suka jumped to relieve her and Godai grabbed
Mikado under the arms and they proceeded back to the bus.

Upon arrival, they saw Akane, Ranma and Konatsu staring
at the bus.

"What?" asked Miya.

"What is that racket?" demanded Nabiki.

Ranma pointed. Ukyou and Ryoga, drunk as the proverbial
lords, were sitting on the steps of the bus, with their arms
around each other and singing some terrible karaoke song.

"Honey it hurts what you've done to me,
I'd even call it a tragedy
Now that you've told me the name of your neeeeeew
loooooooooove...
How I wish that you didn't say what you said
Wish it was some other girl instead
I don't know whhhhhhyyyyy you need a guuuuuuyyy..."

Kiyone winced. Not _this_ song _again_. Argh.

"Oh my." said Nabiki.

"What do you mean, 'Oh my'?" demanded Akane.

"They must have been drinking my midori." she said.

"Midori?"

"Melon liquor, mixed with some other things to give it
a bit more 'punch'," said Nabiki.

"And boy does it pack it," said Kiyone. "We had one bottle
each when we went shopping, and that was enough. I still
don't know when I got that silver lingerie."

Godai's nose started bleeding and Miya's elbow caught Suka
in the ribs. "Don't even _think_ about it."

Ranma blinked. "Well, it looks like Mikado's going to be
driving."

"Uh... I don't think so."

They all examined Mikado.

"Oh my god, what happened to him?" asked Akane. They all
looked at Konatsu.

Stars, hearts and flowers appeared around him as he smiled
cutely, his eyes getting all big, "Don't blame little
Konatsu!"

"Oh great," said Ranma. "NOW what? Who's going to drive!"

"Drive?" Ryoga broke off the singing. "We gotta get goin'!
I'll drive..."

"You can't even stand up pork-butt," said Ranma.

"Can too, chickie-babe," said Ryoga. "Shee?" He stood,
swaying.

"But not for long!" carolled Ukyou. She poked a finger into
his back and he toppled over onto his face. "Hehehehehehehe!
Ahhhh... I love you Ryo-chan."

Everyone facefaulted.

"Uh, Ukyou?" asked Ranma.

"I love you Ranchan."

"WHAT?" screamed Akane.

"I love you Akane-chan."

"WHAT?" screamed Ranma.

"Love you Kiyone-chan, love you Godai-chan, and you too
Konatsu. Suka and Miya, I love you so much! Nabiki, I'm
quite fond of you."

Nabiki raised an eyebrow.

"And Mikado, I love you too."

An electric bolt shot through Mikado and he sprang to his
feet. "YES!" he said, making a dash for Ukyou. Konatsu
tripped him as he went past and Akane malleted him into
the ground. "How DARE you try to take advantage of the
situation?" she demanded. Mikado did not answer, as he
was communining with nature.

Ryoga struggled back to his feet. "Everyone onna bus!"
he yelled. "We gotta timetable!"

"Ryoga, you cannot drive!" said Ranma.

"Maybe we should throw some cold water on him to sober
him up," said Miya.

"NO!" screamed Kiyone and Ranma.

"It was just a suggestion." Miya hmphed.

Ranma grabbed Ryoga's arm. "Ryoga, you are too drunk to
drive. Why don't we just camp here tonight?"

"Nonono... got bookings." Ryoga paused, then glared at
Ranma. "Who are ya callin' P-chan!"

"I didn't call you P-chan."

"Then who are ya callin' drunk! I can still take ya." Ryoga
moved into a sloppy fighting stance.

"Aw man, this is stupid!" said Ranma, "You're in no
condition to fight! Godai could take you in this state!"

"Hey!"

"Sorry man."

"Are you cowarding outta our man ta man FIGHT?!"

Ranma shook his head. "Ok, stand back everyone, I'll try to
put him down in one punch."

Ukyou giggled from her seat on the ground. "Go get'em,
sugar!"

"Okay." said both Ranma and Ryoga.

"Which one do you mean?" asked Akane.

"All four of them!"

Everyone sweatdropped except for the two combatants who
prepared to fight.

Ranma shot his fist forward in a straight punch and was
very surprised when Ryoga blocked with a casual wave of
his arm. Then Ryoga launched into a complex set of moves,
which seemed to involve a lot of staggering back and forth,
ending in a punch with the first two fingers partially
extended. Ranma fell back and rubbed his bruised jaw.

"Itai! When did he learn drunken boxing?!" He relaxed and
laughed.

Ryoga grinned. "Ev'rybody aboard! Time ta go!"

"You're not going to fight him?" asked Godai.

"It's pointless when he's in this state." said Ranma.
"If I wanted to put him out I'd have to really hurt him
as in putting him in traction! He's too drunk to feel any
pain, and that's on top of his normal toughness."

Akane sighed. "So we have to hope he passes out before he
starts driving?"

Nabiki, who had gone inside to investigate the damage to her
stock, came put at this statement. "He should do soon!
Looking at the amount he and Ukyou drunk I'm surprised that
they're not comatose by now."

"'Lalalalaalaalaaa... I'd even call it a tragedy... hic..."

"Alright, someone help Ukyou on board." said Ranma. "And have
a sick bag ready just in case."

"I'll do that!" Konatsu offered eagerly.

*Now that is _true_ devotion!* thought Akane.

They piled on board and watched as Ryoga lurched into the
drivers seat. Ranma sat next to him in Ukyou's normal seat.
"Well, he appears to be going through all the right motions."
he reported back. "I... ooof!"

He was elbowed aside by Ukyou who had broken away from
Konatsu. "Thish ish my seat, Ranananachan!" She giggled.
"Unlessh ya want me to sit on you lap!"

"Er... " Ranma could feel the heat of the green-eyed
monster's glare on the back of his neck. "That's okay,
Ucchan, you can have your seat." he edged away and sat
beside Akane.

Godai sighed and took out a small pad and paper. *Dearest
Kyoko* he began to write, *When you get this note I will
have died in a dreadful accident... *

Suka and Miya gripped each others hands. "I love you." he
whispered. She kissed his cheek. "Aishite."

"Oh give the guy a chance!" snapped Kiyone. "It might just
work out!" *I hope... oh well, at least I'd get away from
HER in death!*

"Okie-doki, Ryo-chan, 'member to keep ya handsh on the
wheelie!" Ukyou sang out.

Ryoga glared at her. "Ish _you_ alwaysh fogetsh that!"

Ukyou's eyes filled with tears. "You hate me, Ryo-chan?"

"No, Ucchan." Ryoga reached out a hand and touched her
cheek. "Kimi no kawaii."

Dead silence.

"Did he... ?" Akane looked at Ranma whose eyes were bulging.

"He did!"

Nabiki smirked. "You know the truth comes out when you
drink."

"In vino veritas." replied Ryoga with a fangy grin.

"My God, he really does know a lot of languages!" cried
Akane.

Ukyou smirked blearly at her. "Ryororyoro... shit!
_Ryo_-chan's sooooo clever!"

"Ukyou!"

"Letsh go!" Ryoga gunned the engine and the bus crawled
out of the picnic area and back onto the road.

Ranma looked out of the window. "Hey! HEY!"

"WHAT?!" screamed everyone in panic.

Ranma gave them all the thumbs up. "We're going the right
WAY!"

Major facefault.

"Shee? I tol ya!" Ryoga moved into fourth gear.

"This isn't bad." commented Godai slowly.

"It's better than Mikado's best driving." said Miya.

"It's better than _Ryoga's_ best driving!" said Kiyone.
She relaxed, *I think I'll take a nap.*

Nabiki consulted her pocket tourist map. "Hmmm... we do
seem to be heading for Hangzhou."

"WHOOOOHOOOO!!!!!" Ukyou leapt out of her seat and punched
the air. "We're sho cool!"

"Sit down, Ucchan!" cried Ranma. "You could hurt yourself!"

"I'm okay, really, 'm okay... " *Thud* Ukyou collapsed
unconscious onto her seat.

"Finally peash." muttered Ryoga.

Everyone shrugged and relaxed as Ryoga continued to drive
drunkenly and straight as a homing pigeon towards Hangzhou.

End part 6.

GLOSSARY:

Aishite = I love you
Anata = you, also means "dear" when used by a wife to
her husband.
Kawaii = cute
Kimi = you (used by a husband to his wife)
Matte Kudasai = Please wait
Sumimasen = Excuse me/Sorry(for what I did)

In vino veritas = In wine there is truth

First song(Japanese text):

We Are

Slayers NEXT( Slayers NEXT Sound Bible II)
Vocals: Midorikawa Haruka (Zelgadis)
---

Kakkotsukete itsumo ikigatta
saki o isogu faitaa
Sonna ore ni sotto te o nibashita
onaji hitomi  shiteiru yatsura

yowai jibun o, ima, sarake dashite
yume o kadoatte saa, aruite ikou

* doko made mo, doko made mo tsudzuku jinsei o
tadano rannaa ja ikitakuwa nai
yogorete mo, yogorete mo hitorikiri janai
koe o kake atte kizu o tsuyosa ni kaete
ashita e idode yuku yo

The Second song is the Karaoke sung in the Pretty Sammi
OAV: "Your Hiroshi"

[Skuld-chan]

                Ranma 1/2: The Magical Mystery Hibiki Tour
                            by Jaelle and Orla
***

The characters in this story are the property of Rumiko
Takahashi-sama. We prostrate ourselves at her feet and beg her
forgiveness for our temerity in using these characters. We're
not worthy! We're not worthy!

The other characters are copyright to Yukie Nasu and Pioneer
LDC.

C & C is welcome (although we don't like flames!). You can
contact us at either: ladyorla@yahoo.com or jaelle@ihug.co.nz

For more of our fanfiction visit our site 'Insane Musings'at:
http://homepages.ihug.co.nz/~jaelle/Jaelle_Orla.htm

***

This story occurs four years after Ranma 1/2 volume 38.

***

Part 7

Shampoo stared aimlessly at the waves. She'd arrived in the
freighter on schedule and had expected to have seen Ranma's
group by now. But somehow, they still weren't here yet.
She moved away from the harbour and walked through the
town. No crashes. No bangs. No yells of "Hentai" or
"Kawaiikune". Noone flying through the air with the
greatest of ease. It was incredible how quiet it was with
none of the Nerima group about. She checked her watch.
Then her calender.

"They _very_ lost."

***

In their rooms in Hangzhou, Ryoga, Mikado and Ukyou slept
the sleep of the exhausted (or the dead drunk, in the cases
of Ryoga and Ukyou). Elsewhere in the motel, Kiyone played
poker with Nabiki and Miya for one yen coins. Currently
Nabiki was ahead by 200 yen. Godai and Suka were chowing
down on what was left of the evening meal (which was _not_
okonomiyaki, thank the kami) while Konatsu washed his hair.
Meanwhile, Akane and Ranma were taking a walk in the cool
evening air.

"I can't believe we made it here in one piece! And in
record time!" said Ranma. "Who'd've thought that if you
wanted Ryoga to come when you called all you had to do
was apply vast amounts of alcohol."

"Yes, but he's going to have a massive hangover when he
wakes up," pointed out Akane.

"Ah, he's tough, he'll survive."

"What about Ukyou?"

Ranma considered this. "I think I've got some aspirin
somewhere." He laughed. "Maybe it'll teach them not to
do it again."

"I don't know," said Akane teasingly. "Negative
reinforcement through pain's never been overly
successful in your case."

"What?"

"No matter how often I hit _you_ you keep making the
same mistakes," said Akane. Ranma grinned sheepishly,
then yawned. "Shall we turn in?" he asked.

"Okay," Akane said nervously. "It was nice of the
others to let us have this one room to ourselves."

"Eh heh." agreed Ranma. "I could have done without all
the winking and nudging though. Well, at least it has
separate beds."

Akane nodded, "That's best. But, once we're married."
Their eyes caught and held in the moonlight.

***

Ryoga dimly awoke. His mouth tasted like he'd been
eating mouldy old carpet. He looked around him and didn't
recognise anything. Nothing new there. Everything must
be alright then. He almost went back to sleep when a
loud snore shattered the silence. Opening one eye he
looked over at Ukyou's sleeping form. *Hard to believe
a noise like that came from a girl*, he thought. The
noise erupted again.

*Hmmmm... seems to be coming...* with great effort,
he twisted his head around. Lying directly next to him,
Mikado Sanzenin peacefully snored into his ear.

*Oh... it's Mikado...*

"NANI???!!!!!!!!!!!!!" with a shriek Ryoga sat
up. He was lying in a double bed - with Mikado Sanzenin.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!"

*WHANG* "Shut up stupid," Ukyou murmured in her sleep,
and turned over. Ryoga sat up, the spatula curved
around his head. He gently lifted it off and carefully
ripped it into little pieces. *Okay... we're in a motel.
We're on a trip. I got drunk... drunk... Drunk sounds
like a good idea right now. Where's the bar?*

Quietly, he made his way out of the room in search of
alcohol.

Unfortunately, he found some.

***

Akane murmured and turned over, sinking ever closer to
oblivion. In the next bed, Ranma was already snoring.
She smiled and prepared to surrender to sweet morpheus.

"WHAT SHALL WE DO WITH A DRUNKEN HENTAI?"

"What in the?"

Ryoga was feeling no pain. Everything was clear to him
now. In one hand, he clutched an empty bottle of scotch.

"WHAT SHALL WE DO WITH A DRUNKEN HENTAI?" he sang loudly.
"WHAT SHALL WE DO WITH A DRUNKEN HENTAI, EAR-LY IN THE
MORNING???!!!
PUT HIM IN THE ROOM WITH THE TENDO'S DAUGHTER
PUT HIM IN THE ROOM WITH THE TENDO'S DAUGHTER
PUT HIM IN THE ROOM WITH THE TENDO'S DAUGHTER EAR-LY IN
THE MORNING...
WAY HEY... UP SHE BOOTS HIM..." he carolled happily.

Akane was aghast. The _noise_!

"Ranma!" she yelled.

"Nrgh. What, are we under attack? Is it the Americans?"
Ranma struggled awake. "Oh god, not cats singing!"

"No, it's Ryoga, he's singing something... I think. It
sounds like English." said Akane. "Although I caught
the word 'hentai'."

"Oh man." Ranma shook his head. "I can't believe he's
still concious. He's tougher than I thought."

"What he is, is LOUD." said Akane, picking up her
glass of water from the bedside table. "He sounds like
a whole tribe of cats in heat. And I know how to deal
with noisy cats!"

Ryoga had finally found Akane's bedroom window. How
romantic! He would serenade her by moonlight.

"Haike... Akane...AGH!"

A shower of water landed on him and his form quickly
dwindled beneath it. "Bweeeeeee... *hic*"

"That seems to have gotten rid of him," said Akane,
closing the window. "Honestly. And here I thought he
was a responsible person."

Ranma rolled his eyes and wondered briefly if he
should go rescue the pig. But then he remembered how
nice and warm it was in this bed and went back to
sleep instead.

***

A very drunk piglet made a beeline for his motel
room.

"Bweeeee... *hic*" he said sorrowfully. Curse his damned
luck! He was doomed! Doomed to wander alone! *Hic*. He
nosed open the door.

Ukyou stirred. *Water... must have water...* She staggered
upright and headed for the bathroom. *Squish*

"Bweeee!!!!!!"

Ukyou looked down. *Huh. Piglet. Ryoga. Hot water. Water...
thirsty...* She grabbed the piglet by its bandanna and
carried it into the bathroom. Slinging it into the shower
she turned on the hot water. Then she headed to the hand
basin, drank water straight from the tap for a couple of
minutes, and headed back to bed. Ryoga threw his head back
and swallowed some of the water out of the shower, then
stumbled and headed back to bed, collapsing straight into
sleep.

***

The next morning.

"Ohhhh..." Ukyou moaned. "My _head_."

"Ssssssshhhhhh..." said Ryoga. "Not so loud, it sounds
like you're yelling right in my ear." He buried his head
under the pillow. Ukyou's head bounced off the bed and
hung off the edge. She clasped the blanket firmly
around her and moved back onto the bed. "What in the
world?" she opened her eyes and immediately regretted
it. The dim light felt like a sledgehammer to the back
of her brain. The only compensation was the knowledge
that Ryoga must feel worse, what with being naked
and wet and everything. Hang on a second... She reviewed
that last thought.

"Ryoga?"

"Shhhhhh!!!!"

"Ryoga," she whispered.

"_What??!!!_"

"Why are you naked and in my bed?"

Ryoga thought over that question. "I'm not." he replied.

Ukyou opened an eye cautiously. "Yes you are." she said.

"Can't be, D'never do something like that." Ryoga snuggled
into the covers. "Now let me die in peace." He tucked the
covers more closely around him.

"A_hem_," said Ukyou. "Those are MY blankets! Gimme!" She
gave them a firm tug. Ryoga refused to let go and wound
up pressed against her. *Great, now my shirt's going to
be all wrinkled* she thought.

"Man, I feel great after all that sleep!" Mikado announced,
sitting up and stretching.

"SSSSSHHHHHH!!!!" said Ryoga. "Shut up!" He continued to
wrestle with Ukyou for the blankets. Mikado considered the
forms of Ryoga and Ukyou. "Ummm... if you two want to be
left alone..." he said cautiously.

"Whatever, just be quiet!" snapped Ukyou.

"NOT SO LOUD!" Ryoga begged her. "And let go of the
blankets!"

"But they're _MIIIIIIINE_." she yelled straight into his
ear. "And this is MY bed! Get out of my bed!"

"I'm not IN your bed," said Ryoga. "I would never do
that. You're drunk."

"_I'M_ drunk???!!!" Ukyou sat up. "Ow my head!"

Mikado stared at them, there was one single thought going
through his head. *I can't believe she decided to go with
HIM instead of ME.*

Ukyou whapped Ryoga on the shoulder. "Listen you baka,
you ARE in my bed. And furthermore, you are naked."

Ryoga sat up. "Look, if I was naked in your bed. I would
be right next to you and not wearing any clothes." he
stared into her eyes.

"OH MY GOD I'M NOT WEARING ANY CLOTHES!!!!!" he screamed.
"WHAT AM I DOING IN YOUR BED???!!!"

"That's what I'd like to know!" Ukyou said peevishly. *Hang
on a second.*

"You PERVERT!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Mikado fled the room as World War III erupted.

***

Ryoga sat in the corner of the dining room and ate his
cereal quietly. Kiyone sat down opposite him.

"Konnichiwa, Ryoga-kun." she said. "How are you feeling?"

Ryoga didn't look up. "Fine." he mumbled.

Kiyone frowned. "Ummm... I don't mean to pry, but... you
have the best black eye I've seen on _anyone_ for a long
time. Did you and Ranma have a fight, we heard some sort
of rumpus earlier on."

Ryoga looked at her. "I had a disagreement with one of my
co-workers, it got a bit violent."

"Ahhh... " Kiyone nodded. "You and Ukyou had another fight."

Ryoga flushed. "Yeah."

"Ryoga, you two have to make peace, otherwise this tour
won't go anywhere." Kiyone smiled. "Believe me, I know
_all_ about working with people you find... uh... difficult."

Ryoga thought about Kiyone's words. "Hn." He finished his
breakfast, then got up. "Arigato, Kiyone."

"No problem." Kiyone smiled after him. *He's so sweet.*

Ryoga cautiously approached Ukyou who was staring out of
the window, a thoughtful look on her face. It may be noted
that if Ryoga hadn't been so worried about his apology he
would have noticed that look and left, Ukyou only looked
like that when she had a plan, a plan that inevitably used
Ryoga. However, none of this occurred to Ryoga as he stood
beside her and cleared his throat. Ukyou turned and smiled
at him.

"Hey, suger! I was just thinking about you."

"Ukyou, I want to apolo... what?"

"Yes." Ukyou beckoned him closer. "I have a really good
idea for today."

"Oh?" Ryoga was befuddled by her change in mood. "Ummm...
you're not mad about this morning?"

"Huh? Oh. No, not anymore." Ukyou grinned, there was a
mischevious glint in her eyes. "We have more important
things to worry about."

"L-like?"

"How we are going to break up Akane and Ranma today."

Ryoga glanced in Akane's direction, she was eating
breakfast with Konatsu and Godai. His heart thumped.
She looked so happy, so animated.

"Ok," Ukyou said. "you are going to ask Akane to go
with you to the Temple of Inspired Seclusion because
you've heard how wonderful it is, but you need someone
to take you."

"But I've already seen it, seven times!" protested Ryoga.

"Ryoga!" Ukyou glared at him. "You have _never_ seen it."

The threat of a prolonged spatula pounding gleaming in
Ukyou's eyes made Ryoga back down. "Okay." Then he caught
the flaw in the plan. " I have to _ask_ Akane?"

"Hai."

"B-but... Ukyou, y-you know... "

"Grrrrr... " Ukyou thumped his shoulder. "Be a man! You're
not sixteen _now_, there's now excuse for being so... so
_wimpish_!"

"I am _not_ a wimp!" snapped Ryoga. "You'll see, I'll ask
her!"

He stode over to Akane who had just stood up from the
table.

"Akane-san!"

Akane smiled up at him. "Oh, ohayoo, Ryoga-kun!" she said
brightly.

Ryoga swallowed as he nearly drowned in her big brown eyes.
His brain froze.

"Ryoga?" Akane frowned. "Are you okay?"

Ryoga tried to pull himself together. "N-no... I'm g-genki,
just totally genki... yeah."

"That's... good." Akane made to leave.

"Akane-san!" Ryoga blurted. "I have a favour to ask!"

Akane blinked. "Sure, Ryoga-kun."

Blushing furiously, twiddling his thumbs, Ryoga made his
request. "I was wondering... that is... if you wanted... "

"Yes?"

Ryoga took a deep breath. "If you would take me to the
Temple of Inspired Seclusion."

"Well, I... " Akane looked confused. "Why me?"

Ryoga gulped. "Well... I need... I need someone to guide
me. I've heard how great it is and... and I haven't been
there before."

"Hmmm... " Akane thought for a moment, then she smiled.
"Okay, yes, it sounds like fun."

Ryoga stared at her in happy shock. Bells and whistles
were going off in his head. An excursion with Akane! And
_only_ Akane!

"Ryoga? Are you sure you're okay?"

"Hai." Ryoga made motioning movements. "Ready, go lets."

"Right." said Akane dubiously.

***

Ranma yawned and stumbled into the dining room. Ryoga's
drunken song had been in his head when he woke up and he
was not in the best of moods.

"Stupid Ryoga." he muttered. "What did that pig think he
was doing? Idiot."

"Ranchan!"

Ranma jumped slightly as Ukyou popped up in front of him.

"Gyah! Ucchan, don't _do_ that to me!"

"Gomen gomen." Ukyou smiled cutely. "D'ya want to help me,
Ranchan?"

"Like what exactly?" Ranma asked as he helped himself to
breakfast.

Ukyou sighed sadly. "I need to get a new stereo."

"A _what_?"

"Stereo. You know, plays music and... "

"I know what it is. Why do you need one here?"

"Well, I thought it would be nice to have some music on
the bus, to help the journey along."

"Yes, I agree with you." Ranma inhaled his food. "Why didn't
you buy a bus with a built-in stereo?"

"This one was the cheapest." Ukyou beamed at him. "Besides,
this would give me a chance to spend some time with my _best_
friend."

Ranma shrugged. "Okay, at least its better than looking
at clothes. Let's go round up Akane and go."

"Oh, she already left." Ukyou tried to sound surprised that
Ranma didn't know, and casual at the same time.

"She did? Without telling me? Where'd she go?" Ranma asked.

"I don't know," Ukyou said. "She just left twenty minutes
ago."

"Hn," said Ranma. "Oh well, I guess I'll see her later."
He stood up, "Shall we go?"

"Okay!" Ukyou grabbed his arm and they left for town.
*Yes! YES! YES!!!!!*

***

That evening, Ukyou wandered despondently into the
dining room. Ryoga was already sitting there, head in his
hands, he was glowing a faint green. Ukyou tapped him on
the shoulder. "Didn't work huh?"

Ryoga looked up at her. "Nope, you?"

Ukyou sighed. "Well, we got a karaoke machine."

"Karaoke machine?" he repeated dumbly.

Ukyou sighed again and sat down. "We got sidetracked. What
happened was this..."

Flashback to earlier this morning: Ranma and Ukyou wander
into a couple of sound system stores. They move around all
the soundsystems, comparing prices, then start trying out
the features that they each have. Until...

"Hey look, this one has a karaoke function!"

The rest of the day is spent 'testing' karaoke machines,
culminating in the purchase of a small, black, expensive
unit, which they then lug back to the bus and install.

"Yeah. We had a good time." said Ukyou. "Like... friends."

"You were lucky," said Ryoga glumly.

Flashback: Walking up to the Temple of Inspired Seclusion.
Ryoga and Akane looking around. Akane pauses to admire a
statute when suddenly Ryoga spots a monk he knows waving
at him.

"<Welcome back!>"

*Ack!* "Hey look, doesn't that... lake look nice! Let's
go there!"

They tromp down and admire the lake. Ryoga is breathing
easier when...

"Let's go on the ferry!"

The rest of the afternoon is spent cowering in the middle
of the ferry, in terror, while Akane stands at the rails
and admires the view.

Ryoga and Ukyou sighed. "This is harder than we thought."
said Ukyou. "I think I'm going to have to think of a new
plan."

Ryoga groaned.

***

[Skuld-chan]

                Ranma 1/2: The Magical Mystery Hibiki Tour
                            by Jaelle and Orla

***

The characters in this story are the property of Rumiko
Takahashi-sama. We prostrate ourselves at her feet and beg her
forgiveness for our temerity in using these characters. We're
not worthy! We're not worthy!

The other characters are copyright to Yukie Nasu and Pioneer
LDC.

C & C is welcome (although we don't like flames!). You can
contact us at either: ladyorla@yahoo.com or jaelle@ihug.co.nz

For more of our fanfiction visit our site 'Insane Musings'at:
http://homepages.ihug.co.nz/~jaelle/Jaelle_Orla.htm

***

This story occurs four years after Ranma 1/2 volume 38.

***

Part 8

"Okay!" Ukyou leapt onto the bus. "Is everyone here?"

"Yes!" yelled the group back at her.

"Sugoi!" Ukyou turned, "Okay Ryoga, let's go... Ryoga?"

The drivers seat was empty.

"Oh no!" cried Akane.

Ranma laughed. "What a moron... He got lost!"

Ukyou twitched, *I'm really going to kill him this time*.

"Should we go look for him?" asked Suka. "He can't have
gotten far."

The Nerima crowd erupted into hysterical laughter.

"Oh you'd be _amazed_ at how far pig-boy can go," wheezed
Ranma.

"Who're you calling a pig?" Ryoga loomed over Ranma.

"Ryoga-kun," cried Kiyone. "Where did you come from?"

Ryoga straightened. "I was upstairs, sorting some stuff
out."

"That's a relief," said Akane.

"Yeah, we thought you'd gotten lost," said Mikado.

"Again," muttered Ranma.

Akane elbowed him in the ribs. Ryoga was about to say
something when Ukyou tapped him on the shoulder. "Can
we get going?"

"Uh... hai hai." Ryoga got into the drivers seat. Ukyou
took her place beside him.

"So where are we going?" he asked her.

Ukyou consulted her notes. "We're taking the coastal
route via Shaoxing, and then we go on to Hong Kong."
She smiled. "I thought the coastal route sounded more
attractive."

Ryoga nodded. "Probably." He started the engine and the
bus rolled out of the parking lot.

Ten minutes later it rolled back in.

"Sorry! Sorry!" Konatsu jumped off the bus. "I'm sure I
can find it."

Ukyou rolled her eyes. "I can't believe he forgot his
make-up case."

"I can't believe he _has_ a make-up case," muttered
Ryoga.

***

About an hour into the trip, Ukyou noticed heads beginning
to nod off. *We need something to make the trip more
interesting,* she thought. *Hmmmm...* She looked at the
stereo/karaoke machine at her feet. A truly evil smile
spread across her face.

[Translated version of the music that blasted into
everyone's dreams]:

"I'm sorry, I'm not gentle
I can say it in my dreams
My thoughts are about to short circuit
I want to be with you right now
The moonlight makes me want to cry
I can't even call, it's midnight
But I'm so innocent, what should I do
My heart's a kaleidoscope
We are lead by the light of the moon
We meet by chance again and again
The countless shining stars above us foretell love's
whereabouts
Born on the same Earth
A miracle romance

Just one more weekend together
God, please give us a happy end
In the present, past, and future
I'll always be in love with you
When we first met, that so very dear
Glance you gave, I'll never forget
From the millions of stars in the sky, I can find you
Changing coincidences into chances, I love this way
of life

A wondrous miracle approaches us
We meet by chance again and again
The countless shining stars above us foretell love's
whereabouts
Born on the same Earth
A miracle romance
I do believe in that, a miracle romance"

"Oh no, not _that_," said Ranma.

"Hey, I love this song!" said Akane.

[Western readers might recognise the tune with its
alternate translation. It starts like this: "Fighting
evil by moonlight..." now do you understand?]

Ryoga groaned and tugged his bandanna down over his
ears. Konatsu chirpily sang along with the chorus
and most of the others began to join in (not wholly
of their own will - that is a _terribly_ catchy tune).

"Yay! Go everyone!" yelled Ukyou, grabbing the
microphone, she began to sing along, exhorting the
others to join in and occasionally leaning in close
to someone to share the mike. This was a great deal
of fun, but an unfortunate decision, as it meant
that it was not until much later that she noticed...

"Where in the world are we???!!!"

"What?"

"YOU IDIOT!!!!!!" *SMASH*

***

While Ryoga nursed his sore head and everyone else
stretched their legs outside, Ukyou pored over a map.

"Great, we missed the turnoff to Shaoxing and now
we're going on the _overland_ route."

"Does that mean we're hopelessly lost?" asked Mikado,
reading the map over her shoulder.

"No, I can find the way. It just won't be as pretty."

"I like the view right here," Mikado grinned.

*Oh _please_*, thought Ryoga.

"Hentai!" *WHAM*

*Heh, saw that one coming a mile off.*

"Well, you didn't screw up _too_ badly Ryoga," Ukyou
grumbled. "I suppose I should be grateful that we're
not in Russia."

"It's not so bad there. As long as you remember that
the clear stuff in the cans is more likely to be
vodka than lemonade."

"Oooookay." Ukyou folded the map back up. "From now on,
you _listen_ to me."

"Uhhh... excuse me." Ryoga's eyebrows shot up. "But
_you_ were the one singing ALL the lyrics to the Sailor
Moon vocal collection. Volumes 1 AND 2!"

Ukyou blushed. "Ooops."

"Oops? That's all you have to say? You hit me with a
SPATULA!" Ryoga looked at her incredulously. Ukyou
couldn't help herself. She giggled. Ryoga goggled at
her and she laughed harder. Eventually he caught the
bug and started laughing too. The rest of the group
smiled to see them getting along so well.

***

Shampoo yawned. They _must_ get here sooner or later.
She wondered if she should maybe go back to one of the
towns on the itinery. At least it would be something
new. Sigh. Her eyes drooped and she went back to sleep,
patiently awaiting her beloved's arrival.

***

"Welcome to Zhangzhou!" Ukyou announced. "We will be
stopping here for the night, as soon as we can find
somewhere to _stay_."

"If we can just find some camping ground we can just
sleep on the bus," Ryoga pointed out. "That _is_ what
we designed it for. That _is_ what we spent THREE nights
working on."

Ukyou nodded. "Look, there's a bar up ahead. We'll ask
in there."

Ryoga nodded and pulled the bus over. Ukyou looked at
the bar. It did not look like a particularly respectable
establishment. In fact, it looked like the sort of place
that cockroaches went to when they were slumming. But
still, it was a bar, and therefore would hold knowledge.
Albeit drunken, incomprehensible knowledge, but still.

"Come on lost boy," she said. "Time for you to do your
universal translator bit."

"Where do you think we are?" Ryoga asked. "Deep Space 9?"

"No, but it wouldn't surprise me if we wound up there."
said Ukyou. "Move it."

Inside the bar, they found it was everything it looked to
be and more. Ukyou prodded Ryoga. "Ask the bartender if
he knows of a camping ground round here."

Ryoga looked at the bartender. He took in the missing
fingers and eye, the tattoos, and the tattered singlet.

"<Hey. Gimmee a beer and some info!>" he snarled. "<Or
I'll break you in half!>" He snapped a barstool for
emphasis. Ukyou was aghast. "Ryoga! I don't want to
pay for that!"

"Shhh..." said Ryoga. "Just sit down and keep quiet.
Trust me." He heartily wished that he'd left Ukyou in
the bus. Or that he'd at least got her to bring her
spatula. He decided to up the meanness factor by
about 20 per cent to compensate. The bartender took in
his muscular form, slitted eyes and fangs and slid him
a glass of beer. Ryoga downed it all in one gulp,
almost gagging. It might have been beer. Then again, it
might not. Best not to think about it. He tried to think
of worse things he had eaten... roots, berries... Akane's
cooking... pigslop...

"<Whaddaya wanna know?>"

Ukyou watched as Ryoga leaned over and argued with the
bartender. She wrinkled her nose as a gust of dry, dusty
air swept the accumulated stench of the room her way.
Bleurgh! She tried not to touch anything. Next to her,
a fat man turned and looked her over, then slung his
arm over her.

Ryoga turned away from the bartender in time to catch
this, and the man's question. "<Hey *&))(&#%, wanna
come home with me and (*&#% #*$&(# @$(&Y#)>"

Ukyou looked at him, trying to get out from under his
arm. "What?"

"<Hey! It's a [derogatory racial comment, derogatory
sexual comment]! [Expletive], I hear they [disgusting
anatomical description] really [expletive] well!>"

Ryoga's fist clenched. Ukyou was struggling, trying
to get free. "What did you say?" she asked. The man
leaned in closer. "On second thoughts, I don't want to
know! AAAAHHH!!! Get AWAY from me!" she began to panic.
The man leaned in even closer for a kiss. His face
encountered Ryoga's fist.

Ryoga gripped Ukyou's shoulder and dragged her out from
underneath the man's putrid prescence, pushing her
behind him. "<What did you call my woman?!>" he yelled,
grateful for once that Ukyou couldn't understand a word
he was saying. "<I'll make you EAT those words you
[expletive expletive anatomical description expletive!]>"

The man got up, he was very big. "<You wanna piece of
me?>"

"<Bring it on fat man>", Ryoga yelled. Ukyou tugged at his
shoulder. "Ryoga, if we've got the information we need,
let's just leave!"

"Can't," Ryoga whispered to her. "This guy's not going to
leave us alone now. Just let me handle it. Now SHUT UP!"

"But I don't want you to get hurt," Ukyou protested.

"Against this guy? I don't think so." Ryoga snarled.
"<Let's go!>"

The bartender slammed a fist down on the bar. "<No
fighting in the bar! If you got the energy, you can
do this fight properly, or answer to me!>" In
response Ryoga rolled up his right arm sleeve. The
other man followed suit.

"What's going on," whispered Ukyou.

"<Agreed!>" said Ryoga. "<We'll arm wrestle for the woman!>"
"We're going to settle this debate with a nonviolent
arm wrestling match." he told Ukyou.

"Oh... good..."

***

Ukyou walked on to the bus.

"Geez you guys took a long time," said Miya. "We thought
you were getting drunk again."

"We were about to come in and see what was going on," said
Akane. Ryoga walked in behind Ukyou and silently sent a
prayer of thankfulness up to the gods.

"Oh, Ryoga got into an argument with some drunk guy."
said Ukyou. Ryoga's eyebrows met his hairline. *ME??!!!!*

"Was it okay?" asked Ranma.

"Yeah," said Ukyou. "It turned out the guy was both drunk
AND stupid."

"Huh?"

"He challenged Ryoga to an arm wrestling match."

Ranma snickered. "Bet he's regretting it now." Ryoga
grinned maliciously, remembering the satisfying crunch
of broken fingers. "You could say that," he agreed. He
flexed his fist. "Ouch!"

"Don't tell me you got hurt arm wrestling?" Ranma asked
in disbelief.

"No, I got a splinter in my hand when I smashed his fist
through the table," Ryoga replied. "Does anyone have a
pair of tweezers."

"I do!" said Konatsu. Ryoga looked at the proffered items.

"Those are eyelash curlers."

"Oops, wrong things. Here you go." A pair of pink tweezers
were handed to him.

"Thanks..." *I think*.

"Anyway, we got directions. Mikado, take the drivers seat!"
Ukyou made a few orders and they were once more underway.
Ryoga sat down next to Ranma, who looked at him narrowly.
"Why do I have a feeling you're not telling us something?"

"Who?" asked Ryoga wearily. "Me?"

***

After arriving at the camping grounds, the group ate dinner
(okonomiyaki - shock, horror) and then sat around for a bit,
before Konatsu brightly asked if they could listen to music
again. This turned into a karaoke party somehow, and
everyone flipped through books trying to find the perfect
song.

"Hey Ryoga, sing this song." Ukyou hissed. Ryoga looked
at the song. "Eeewww... it's a sappy love song. And
furthermore, it's _another_ Sailor Moon one!"

"You have something against Sailor Moon?"

Ryoga choked back the bile. "In a word, yes!"

"Oh come on, Akane will love it. If you sing it, and
look at her soulfully in that pathetic, puppy dog way that
you do she'll melt!" *After all, _I_ think he looks
pretty cute when he does that, _I'd_ melt.*

"Oh thank you!" said Ryoga, snarling a bit more than he
intended. Could this day get much worse?

Apparently yes, as Ukyou eventually prevailed. Blushing
furiously, he stood up to sing, staring at Akane as he
did so. Unfortunately, he was so embarrassed at singing
this song (which was also rather notably out of his
vocal range) that he couldn't look at her for long and
instead looked appealingly for help to Ukyou. Thus
giving everybody the wrong idea.

[Translated lyrics follow]

"Ever since I first met you
I've been shining in my heart
My love causes so much sorrow
I broke off my glance so quietly

Your insignificant gestures
And your ordinary words
Every time I think of them
I feel like I'm going to cry

Love brings a lonely lonely heart
I'm just all alone now
Lonely lonely heart
All the joy and pain I feel, I'm always
Dreaming it by myself
Love brings a lonely lonely heart"

"Awwww... that's so cute!" said Ranma.

"Just shut up!" snapped Ryoga. Who then sat and sulked
in the corner.

"My turn!" yelled Ukyou. Snatching the microphone, she
turned to Ranma and sang.

[Translated lyrics, duh]

"Hey, when you fall in love,
Does everyone become this lonely?
Hey, are you embracing this pain
That is deeper than the darkness?
Everything is there for these two people,
So they can shine.
Surely...

It is you, it is you that I love,
My heart is gazing at you.
It is you, it is you I believe in,
Even in the cold night."

"That's a nice song," said Akane. "Hey, sing 'Tuxedo
Mirage' with me Ukyou!"

A sweat drop trickled down Ukyou's hair. *They didn't
even _pay attention_ to the words!*

"O...okay Akane-chan," she said, laughing.

***

Finally, it was Ranma's turn. With a grin he began
to sing 'Swinging on a Star'. Although not everyone
understood all the English words, they enjoyed the
tune and all was well and good. Until he got to the
second verse.

"So would you like to swing on a star,
Carry moonbeams home in a jar,
And be better off than you are,

... Or would you rather be a pig?"

Ryoga started and glared at Ranma.

Ranma grinned viciously and leant into the microphone.

"A pig is an animal with dirt on his face,
His shoes are a terrible disgrace,
He's got no manners when he eats his food,
He's fat and lazy and extremely rude!"

The spoon in Ryoga's hand bent into interesting shapes. *Why
that arrogant... HE'S got a nerve... who's he calling FAT!!!
Why I oughtta...* he thought, ki pouring off him in waves.

Ranma smiled and continued singing the song,

"But if you don't care a feather or a fig,
You may grow up to be a pig!
Or would you like to swing on a star..."

"Uh, Ryoga..." Ukyou allowed herself a small amount of panic.
The expression on Ryoga's face was nothing short of murderous.
"Calm down! He's just trying to upset you!"

"It's... working..." grated Ryoga. Fires ignited in his eyes.
"Kisama..."

"Not inside!" she hissed.

"Argh!"

"Control... control..."

"Ukyou." Ryoga stood up and dropped the crumpled remains of
the spoon onto the table. "I know that you're trying to help
me. And I appreciate it. I really do. I am now going outside
for a moment. I don't suggest you follow me."

He attached a piece of number eight fencing wire to his
finger and walked out the front door, leaving the wire to
unravel behind him. Ukyou watched him go and turned back to
the karaoke.

***

Next morning:

"That's funny." said Mikado. "There's no lake on the map
here. Must be new."

Ukyou and Ranma looked out the bus window at the rubble
they were passing and the new lake. It was fairly large.
They both sweatdropped and looked at Ryoga, who was
sleeping on one of the seats.

"Uh, Ranchan..." said Ukyou.

"... maybe I should be nice to Ryoga today." said Ranma.

"Good call."

***

At lunchtime, as Ranma and Ryoga wolfed down the
okonomiyaki (everyone else having pleaded not being
hungry) Ukyou watched her partner in crime. She kept
going over the events of the previous day in her mind.
*There must have been more going on at that bar. It's
not like Ryoga to initiate a fight... unless it's with
Ranma... I wonder what that guy was saying... I know it
was pretty insulting, but it can't have been _that_
bad. On the other hand, Ryoga _did_ break all his
fingers during the armwrestling, and it's not like
him to act that violently (unless it's with Ranma).
He must have overreacted... Hee... that's kind of
cute! Him trying to protect me and all.* She
smiled at Ryoga.

*What is she grinning at me for? Sense of impending
doom. Maybe she's happy, after all, she does have
Ranma here almost literally eating out of her hand
(man he's got NO manners!). I wish she wouldn't
smile like that... it makes me nervous. She's never
this nice to me. Wait a minute, she is smiling
nicely... at _me_. What did I do? How can I repeat
it? Dammit, she's so _cute_ like that!*

Oblivious to the thoughts and tension around him,
Ranma continued to eat, finishing the last bite he said,
"That was delicious, wasn't it Ryoga. Can I have another
one Ucchan?"

"What?" said Ukyou.

"What?" said Ryoga.

Ranma looked at both of them. "What?" he asked.

***

Song Credits:

Moonlight Legend (Moonlight Densetsu) - Sailor Moon
We Want To Be Ourselves (Watashi-tachi ni Naritakute) -
Sailor Moon
I Don't Need A Promise (Yakusoku wa Iranai) - Vision of
Escaflowne
Singing on A Star - Johnny Burke and Jimmy van Heusen

[Skuld-chan]

From jaelle@ihug.co.nz Sun Jun 13 14:33:39 1999
From: Jessica <jaelle@ihug.co.nz>
Subject: [Ranma][FanFic] Magical Mystery Hibiki Tour #9
Newsgroups: rec.arts.anime.creative
Followup-To: rec.arts.anime.fandom
Organization: The Internet Group Ltd


Ranma 1/2: The Magical Mystery Hibiki Tour

by Jaelle and Orla

***

The characters in this story are the property of Rumiko
Takahashi-sama. We prostrate ourselves at her feet and beg her
forgiveness for our temerity in using these characters. We're
not worthy! We're not worthy!

The other characters are copyright to Yukie Nasu and Pioneer
LDC.

C & C is welcome (although we don't like flames!). You can
contact us at either: ladyorla@yahoo.com or jaelle@ihug.co.nz

For more of our fanfiction visit our site 'Insane Musings'at:
http://homepages.ihug.co.nz/~jaelle/Jaelle_Orla.htm

***

This story occurs four years after Ranma 1/2 volume 38.

***

Part 9

***
Nerima: Tendo Dojo

Soun Tendo eyed the Go board and rubbed his moustache.
"Hmmm... lets see."

Genma, in his panda form, smiled as smugly as a panda
could and waited for Soun to make a fatal move.

In the dining room, Kasumi looked up from her sewing and
smiled sweetly at the familiar sight. It was nice to see
her father and Mr Saotome playing again. Kasumi nodded in
satisfaction and turned back to her sewing. A grunt and
shuffling steps made her look back up to see Happosai
entering, carrying a box twice his size. With another
grunt the perverted Master set the box down.

"Oh my." said Kasumi. "What have you there, Grandfather
Happosai?"

"Just a few bits and pieces that need sorting out,
Kasumi-chan." Happosai began to spread assorted junk over
the floor.

Kasumi cut a thread. "Not going to work today, then?" she
asked absently.

Happosai looked mournful. "Without Ranma or Sweet Akane
here my work holds no joy for me."

Kasumi threaded another needle. "Oh dear."

Happosai looked up at the eldest Tendo daughter. "You
wouldn't know _where_ they are, Kasumi-chan?"

Kasumi smiled very sweetly. "Oh my, no. It's a mystery
tour, I have no idea where they are."

***
Downtown Nerima

Hiroshi and Daisuke strolled down the street looking for
a good place to eat.

"How about the Nekohanten?" Hiroshi suggested.

Daisuke was reluctant. "It's not the same without Shampoo
waitressing. I don't want to be served by the old ghoul."

"You have a point." agreed Hiroshi.

They passed Ucchan's Okonomiyaki, it was dark and closed
up. Hiroshi looked at it wistfully.

"When do you think the Tour will be finished?" he asked.

Daisuke shrugged. "Well, considering that lost guy, Hibiki,
is driving I'd say they're in Siberia by now."

"You're probably right." said Hiroshi. "I wish they'd get
back soon though. Who would've thought I'd actually miss
property getting destroyed by crazy martial artists?"

***
A Mental Hospital near Tokyo.

Saisuke looked auxiously at his master as Tatewaki Kuno
was shown out of the clinc.

"Any change, Master Kuno?" he asked.

"None whatsoever." said Kuno. "She remains as unstable as
before."

They walked down the drive to the waiting limo. The faithful
ninja entered the limo and sat beside Kuno. He had not
expected any change in Kodachi Kuno's condition, and
secretly he was relieved. Life had been so much better
since Kodachi was placed into care. She had started to get
worse after Ranma and Akane's failed wedding four years ago
and had gone completely overboard after the revelation that
the pig-tailed girl and Ranma Saotome were the same person.
Kuno had been lucky not to share the same fate, but by then
he was going out with Nabiki Tendo and she had explained
the whole thing to him in a gentle way using diagrams and
small words. Satsuke hid a smile, the Kuno family fortunes
had increased dramatically since his master had married
Nabiki and things were a lot brighter. Even Kuno himself
had matured considerably, although he continued to mangle
poetry and he was certainly not the brightest man around.
However Nabiki was convinced that Kuno would be the best
man to take the job of principal of Furinkan High, as soon
as she could pry the Hawaiian loving nutcase out. With a
crowbar, if necessary.

Satsuke sighed, he hoped Mistress Nabiki would return soon
and continue to look after things in her capable manner.

***
Masaki Shrine:

Princess Sasami of the Royal House of Jurai came down the
stairs, a tray of partially eaten food in her hands.

"She's still not eating well." she told the young man
seated on the couch.

Tenchi Masaki sighed. "I've never seen Mihoshi so upset.
She can't stay in her room until Kiyone returns though."

Ryoko, perched on one of the beams up above, snorted.
"I don't blame Kiyone for running off. I would if Mihoshi
was my partner."

Tenchi turned to the small pink-haired figure perched on
the edge of the couch. She smirked at him.

"Before you ask Tenchi, I have extrapolated Kiyone's
position and I have a fix on her."

"WHAT!!??" Mihoshi suddenly burst out of her room and
hurtled down the stairs. "Oh tell me Washu! Please please!!
I have to be with Kiyoneeeee!!!"

Washu frowned, then reached behind her and pulled out a
glass filled with red liquid. "Of course I'll tell you,
Mihoshi." she said with a sly smile. "Just drink this first."

"Okay!" Mihoshi swallowed the liquid and then she keeled
over in a deep sleep.

"Washu!" cried Tenchi running over to Mihoshi. "What did you
do that for?"

Washu shrugged. "Don't worry, she'll just sleep for a week
or so, I just think Kiyone deserves a break." Washu got up
and headed for her lab. "Besides I owe her one."

***
Tokyo: Nippori

Shun Kisaragi bounced up the steps of Suka's apartment
and rapped on the door.

"Come in."

Shun entered and stared at the sight of Mitsuru lounging
on the couch, surrounded by junk.

"Ohayo, sempai."

"Ohayo, Shun." Mitsuru threw some of the junk of the
couch and sat up. "Have a seat."

"Arigato." Shun sat down and now saw Shinobu sitting
on the windowseat. "It looks like you're having fun."
he said. "Ummm... won't Suka be mad at you for using
all his stuff?"

Shinobu merely smiled, Mitsuru laughed. "We told Suka
we'd look after the place, and we are! It looks lived
in, right?"

"Oh, definately."

Shinobu raised an eyebrow at Shun's tone, but then he went
back to his contemplation of the street.

"What's on your mind?" Mitsuru asked.

"Old classmates." Shinobu smiled lazily. "Do you recall a
former resident of Greenwood who had a fondness for
okonomiyaki and kitchen utensils?"

Shun clapped his hands. "Oh you're talking about Kuonji!"

***
Maison Ikkoku

"Is that a postcard from Godai?" Mrs Ichinose asked.

Kyoko frowned, was she never to get any privacy? "Yes it
is." she answered. "He's having a great time."

"Has he met any pretty girls?"

Kyoko glared at her tenant and pocketed the postcard.
"I have to the washing to do." she said stiffly and
walked away.

***
Hong Kong

In Hong Kong's most prestigious movie theatre a bunch of
socialites gathered around Hong Kong's newest Kung-fu
movie star. The praise was lavish as the socialites assured
the young man that he was well on the way to becoming Hong
Kong's newest and brightest star.

The young man smiled slightly and made his apologies,
shunning the cameras. He wandered into a darkened, deserted
room and looked out of the window at the city lights. The
praise was good, but it seem hollow. Movie making had just
happened, it wasn't his dream. He patted a pocket in which
a small, battered phot rested and sighed. Of course, some
dreams were impossible to obtain.

***
China: Shaoxing

"<You're sure?>" Shampoo leaned on the shop counter.
"<You didn't see these people?>"

The store owner nodded. "<I saw no one ressembling the
people you described.>" she said.

"<Maybe they just didn't come in here.>" said Shampoo.

"<Not come in here?>" the woman shook her head. "<This
is the only general store near the camping grounds. If
your friends are travellers like you said, they would've
come here.>"

Shampoo frowned. "Xiexie." She left the store.

Outside Shampoo stood with crossed arms, her mind in
complete confusion. This had started off very straight
forward: Meet up with the bus, kill Spatula Girl and
Akane Tendo, pulverise Hibiki and anyone else who got
in her way, and then claim Ranma as her rightful husband.
But none of this could be achieved when Shampoo couldn't
even _find_ the stupid bus. She had left Fuzhou to come
to another town on Ukyou's itinerary in hopes of finding
the wayward travellers, but no luck.

Shampoo fished out the itinerary and glared at it. A nasty,
paranoid suspicion occurred to her. What if Ukyou had
anticipated Shampoo? What if she had _planted_ this paper
expecting Shampoo to find it and all the details were
wrong? What if the Tour was somewhere in Outer Mongolia?

"AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!"

***
China: Guangdong province

"Okay, people!" Ukyou called for attention. "In a few hours
we will be entering Hong Kong. Hibiki Tours would like to
thank you for bearing with us during the unexpected route
change and for some of the problems with accommodation
conditions."

Godai shuddered at her words. He knew the memory of the
bathrooms at Xiamen camping grounds would be haunting him
for a while.

"But isn't that the point anyway?" said Miya brightly.
"After all, we signed on for this as a _mystery_ tour,
so changes in route aren't that big a deal."

Kiyone nodded. "Right." She smiled at Ukyou. "So far, I've
been having a great time." *Apart from the constant meals
of okonomiyaki.* she added silently.

Ukyou looked relieved. "Thank you everyone." she sat down.

"See?" said Ryoga. "I _told_ you they'd be okay with it."

"Yeah, yeah." Ukyou made a dismissive gesture. "But it's
_professional_ to make sure that your customers are happy."

"Hn." Ryoga thought for a moment. "I wonder if Hong Kong
has changed much. I haven't been there since the changeover,
biggest party I've ever seen." *And the wildest,* he
thought, *I still don't know where that last five hours
went or where the policemans hat came from*.

"Well, when I called and checked apparently not much has
changed." Ukyou pulled out a slim notebook and consulted
it. "The currency hasn't changed, but some of the parks
and things like that have had their British names changed
to more appropriate Chinese ones."

"Not surprising." Ryoga observed.

"Hong Kong has some good shopping doesn't it?"

"I don't know." Ryoga confessed. "I wasn't looking to
make purchases on my previous visits." he grinned. Do
you need some stuff, Ucchan?"

"Hmmm? No, not really." Ukyou sighed. "Although I'm sure
Nabiki will want to be let loose."

"Speaking of money," Ryoga lowered his voice. "How's our
money situation?"

Ukyou rubbed the bridge of her nose. "Not great." she
murmered. "We've had to pay out for some things that we
didn't anticipate."

"Like the karaoke machine."

"Oh, shut up." Ukyou blushed.

"Seriously, though, we can use the money I got at the
Takanawa Hotel if we need to."

Ukyou bit her lip. "Arigato, but it shouldn't come to
that."

"I wonder what they're talking about." said Ranma.

Akane rolled her eyes. "You should have landed in the
Spring of Drowned Fly, then you could be 'a fly on the wall'
and satisfy your rampant curiousity." she snorted.
"Sometimes you act more like a girl than a guy."

Ranma glared at her. "Hey! I was just making some idle
comment and you twist it all around! You are soooo... "

"Uncute?!" Akane flashed at him. "Think of a more original
insult for once!"

Konatsu eyed the engaged pair, he rose, avoiding Mikado and
approached Ukyou.

"Ukyou-sama!" he whispered urgently.

"What?" Ukyou turned.

"Akane-san and Ranma-san are fighting."

"Oh great." Ukyou sighed. "Ryoga, stop the bus."

"Is he hurting her?" Ryoga began to glow.

"No! But stop the bus, it's time for lunch!"

Ryoga pulled off the road onto a grassy field. Ukyou stood
up and turned on the microphone. "*Achem* We are now
taking a one hour stop for lunch."

Ranma and Akane barely acknowledged this, they were
glaring at each other in a way that promised imminent
destruction to those around them. Those who _were_ around
them quickly exited the bus. Ukyou glanced nervously at
Ryoga who was regarding Ranma in a very unpleasant way.
*Maybe I ought to try and difuse this potential explosion.*
she thought *I'm not about to see this bus and therefore
my _restaurant_ go up in smoke,*

"Sometimes you are _so_ small-minded!" Ranma was saying as
Ukyou approached. "You overreact to _everything_!"

"ME?!!" Akane gasped. "You baka!"

"Ha! And you say _my_ insults aren't original!"

"Ummm... Akane-chan? Ranchan? I don't think this is the
time or place... " Ukyou leaned towards them.

Ranma looked up at her. "Ucchan! Ya gotta back me up here,
Akane's getting all worked up over nothin!"

Akane was furious. "You... you... "

"Akane-chan," Ukyou smiled a winning smile. "Perhaps he's
right, perhaps you... "

Akane's anger switched to Ukyou. "You!" she cried. "Oh, of
_course_ you're going to support your darling Ranchan! You
always do, even when he's wrong!"

Ukyou blinked. "Akane, I... "

Akane's eyes narrowed. "You know, sometimes I get the
feeling that you haven't really stopped chasing Ranma."

Ukyou mentally sweatdropped, behind her Ryoga stiffened and
Ranma gaped at Akane.

"Akane!"

Ukyou took a deep breath. "That is a loud of crap." she said
flatly. "I think your imagination is running overtime."

"So both you AND Ranma think I'm delusional now!"

"I think that you're just looking for an argument!" snapped
Ukyou, her own temper rising. "And Ranma is such a _nice_
target for you! But don't pick a fight with me Akane,
'cause I won't hold back." she smirked. "And I'm better at
martial arts than _you_!"

Ranma winced. Ukyou had been on the right track to defuse
Akane's temper, until that last line. He eased out of the
seat and went to stand out of the line of fire. Meanwhile,
Ryoga stood rooted to the floor, trying to figure out what
to do.

Akane lept to her feet. "Don't you DARE question my ability!"
she yelled. "You okonomiyaki tramp!"

"Oh sh*t" Ranma groaned. Ryoga winced.

Flames appeared in Ukyou's eyes. "_What_ did you call me?!"

Akane realised she'd gone too far, but the momentum was
pulling her forward. Before she could stop herself Akane
could here herself saying: "Yeah, well, everybody's sooo
sick of your okonomiyaki, did you know that? We've all got
food stashes so we don't have to eat your slop!"

Akane and Ukyou glared at each other, the lightning
flashing between their eyes.

"Take that _back_!" Ukyou snarled.

"Give me one _good_ reason!" Akane demanded.

*oh great* Ryoga dithered *what am I going to _do_?* "Um...
you two... uh."

"Shut up, Ryoga-honey. This is between me and HER."

Akane's hands were hard fists. "Ukyou Kuonji, I really want
to hurt you right now!"

Ukyou sneered. "Go ahead and try, _sugar_."

*Damn!* Ryoga stepped forward but a hand on his arm
restrained him, he turned to see Ranma shaking his head.
"Leave it alone, man. No guy can win in a bitch fight."

Akane and Ukyou twitched and turned their angry glares on
Ranma. "WHAT did you say?"

Ryoga looked at them and at Ranma who'd gone pale, he
released himself from Ranma's grip and edged away.
"Now is a _good_ time to be lost."

Ryoga bolted from the bus as Akane and Ukyou leapt on
Ranma and began applying the mallet and spatula method
of retribution.

"What's going on?" asked Mikado as Ryoga approached the
others who were all seated on a blanket.

"Oh, Ranma put both feet in his mouth, as usual." said
Ryoga. "Akane and Ukyou are using aversion therapy to try
and cure him. Not that it will work."

A few minutes later the bus doors opened and Ukyou and
Akane came out.

"Gomen, Ukyou." Akane was saying. "I didn't mean to say all
those things, I just... well... I guess I lost my temper."

"You _guess_?" Ukyou giggled. "Oh, Akane-chan!"

Akane blushed slightly. "Yes, well." she paused. "I'm also
sorry for accusing you of chasing Ranma. I know you
wouldn't do that anymore."

Ukyou smiled shakily. "Hai... of course not." she cleared
her throat. "Well, I might... uh... go make lunch." She
looked at Ryoga. "Um... Ryoga, can I talk to you?"

He blinked. "Sure."

As they walked back to the bus, a very battered Ranma
weaved out of the doors and collapsed on the ground. Ukyou
gave him a concerned glance. "Are you alright, Ranchan?"

"s'okay." Ranma mumbled. "used to it."

Ryoga grinned at him. "Heh. That'll teach you to watch
your mouth Ranma."

Ukyou thumped his arm. "Shut up you."

They went into the kitchen. Ryoga leaned against the
counter. "What is it?"

Ukyou took a deep breath, fidgeted for a second and then
looked into his eyes. "Is everyone really sick of eating
okonomiyaki?" she asked.

Ryoga tensed, his gaze slid away from hers. "W-why do
you ask?" *I'm not going to tell her the truth! I like to
_live_.*

Ukyou walked over to him and grabbed his head, forcing him
to look at her. "Please tell me the truth, Ryoga!"

He couldn't look away. "Uhh... well, we have been eating it
alot lately. Ummm... it would probably be nice to have a
change... " his breath caught as tears appeared in her eyes.
*Oh no. I can't take tears, hitting yes, tears no.*

Ukyou let go of his head and wiped her eyes. "Thanks for
telling me the truth, Ryoga." She fiddled with one of her
small spatulas. "So, what should I make?" she mused, half to
him and half to herself. She reached for a cookbook.

Ryoga came up behind her and placed his hand on hers. "I've
got a better idea." he said.

Ukyou looked down at the large hand covering her small one
and her heart did a perculiar leap. "Y-yes?" she said.

"Let me cook." said Ryoga. "You deserve a break."

*Heartbeat* Silence.

"You can COOK??!!!"

***

"Wow that lunch was great!" said Godai as the bus sped
along the highway.

"Mmmm!" agreed Miya. "I've never tasted sukiyaki like that
before."

"Who would have guess that lost boy could boil an egg, let
alone make a full course lunch." said Nabiki.

Akane smiled. "Of course Ryoga can cook!" she said. "He does
wander about alot, he'd have to cook for himself or he'd
starve!"

Ranma sulked. There was nothing he could say really. The food
had been really good, but he wasn't about to give P-chan the
satisfaction of knowing _that_.

"This did make a nice change from okonomiyaki." Kiyone said.

"I _like_ okonomiyaki." said Ranma.

They all stared at him.

"Even for breakfast, lunch AND dinner?" asked Mikado.

"Yes." said Ranma stubbornly. "In fact... " He got up and
made his way over to Ukyou who was in her usual seat beside
Ryoga.

"Hey, Ucchan."

"What is it, Ranchan?"

Ranma smiled a winning smile that made Ukyou's heart flutter.
"Could you do something for me?" he asked.

Ukyou nodded. "Sure."

"Make me okonomiyaki, even if you're not making it for the
others."

Ukyou put one hand on her heart. "Oh... Ranchan. Yes! Yes,
I will!"

"I'd like that." Ranma squeezed her shoulder and went back
to his seat.

Ukyou sat back, stars, hearts and flowers crowding in her
big eyes. "Oooooh... "

Ryoga shot her a sour sidelong glance. *Stupid Ranma.* he
thought, *He just can't say anything _good_ about what I
do! Not that it bothers me, I just wish... wish he'd stop
making up to... to... HER.*

"Left, Ryoga."

"Hn?"

*Clang!*

"Owwww... " Ryoga made a left turn.

"Pay attention!" Ukyou put her spatula away. "Keep going
straight, no, I'll rephrase that, follow the _road_ ."
she sighed and went back to a Ranma-filled daydream.

Ryoga grunted and concentrated on the road ahead, the
distant skyscrapers of Hong Kong came closer and closer.

***
To be continued.

[Skuld-chan]

From jaelle@ihug.co.nz Sun Jun 13 14:33:18 1999
From: Jessica <jaelle@ihug.co.nz>
Subject: [Ranma][FanFic] Magical Mystery Hibiki Tour #10
Newsgroups: rec.arts.anime.creative
Organization: The Internet Group Ltd
Followup-To: rec.arts.anime.fandom


Ranma 1/2: The Magical Mystery Hibiki Tour

by Jaelle and Orla

***

The characters in this story are the property of Rumiko
Takahashi-sama. We prostrate ourselves at her feet and beg her
forgiveness for our temerity in using these characters. We're
not worthy! We're not worthy!

The other characters are copyright to Yukie Nasu and Pioneer
LDC.

C & C is welcome (although we don't like flames!). You can
contact us at either: ladyorla@yahoo.com or jaelle@ihug.co.nz

For more of our fanfiction visit our site 'Insane Musings'at:
http://homepages.ihug.co.nz/~jaelle/Jaelle_Orla.htm

***

This story occurs four years after Ranma 1/2 volume 38.

***

Part 10

***

"Welcome to Hong Kong!"

"I thought Hong Kong was an island!" yelled Suka. Ukyou
looked taken aback. Ryoga sighed, he got this all the time.
He grabbed the microphone.

"Hong Kong has four main areas - Hong Kong Island, the new
Territories and outlying islands, and Kowloon, which is
where we are _now_. Hong Kong is the economic heart - which
means it's where all the business goes on Ranma..."

Ranma steamed.

"Kowloon is the more populated area, and the more touristy
area."

"Wow, how did you know that Ryoga?" Ukyou was impressed.

Ryoga grimaced, "Just because I can't apply it doesn't mean
I don't theoretically know what it's geography is. I happen
to have a university degree in geography." *An _Icelandic_
university degree admittedly, but _still_.*

Ranma raised an eyebrow. "And you still can't find your
way back from the bathroom?"

"Shut up Ranma!"

"Anyway," said Ukyou, hurrying on before the argument
progressed into the inevitable, potentially bus-
destroying fight. "We're going to be staying at the
STB Hostel."

"My god, we're in Hong Kong and we're staying in a
_hostel_?" Nabiki said.

"Hong Kong is a _very_ expensive area Nabiki," said
Ukyou. "The prices are extortionate. They're, well...
the sort of prices _you_ would charge."

"Oh," said Nabiki. "Fair enough then."

"Now, if I can just find the street on the map," Ukyou
pored over the map. Ryoga brought the bus to a halt and
opened the doors to let more fresh air in while she did
so. Suddenly a figure blurred and sprinted up the steps.
It waved a considerable amount of money under Ryoga's
nose and yelled, in Cantonese "<Driver! I don't care
where you're going but leave now and this is all yours!>"

Ryoga blinked and realigned his language patterns. "<This
isn't a...>"

"<HURRY!>"

Ryoga peered past the man at the horde of screaming young
women pouring towards the bus. "<()*&#%>," he swore in
an obscure Nordish dialect. Closing the doors he slammed
his foot down and the bus sped on. Ukyou was knocked back
into her seat at the acceleration and Ryoga quickly turned
down several side streets in order to... uh... lose the
crowds.

"Stop Ryoga stop! Before we end up in India!" she yelled.
The man did a double take. "Ryoga???!!!" he took off his
dark glasses. "My god, it _is_ you," he said in Japanese.
"What are you doing... why am I asking this question, you're
lost of course..." he looked at Ukyou. "Whoa, Kuonji? You're
lost too?"

Ukyou stared at him. "Who are you and how do you know my
name?"

The guy smiled at her. "Don't remember me? Let me give you
a hint." He grabbed her hands. "Akane Tendo, how nice it
is to see you again!"

"Oh my god." said Ranma.

The man looked down the bus. "Ranma? Saotome Ranma?" his
eyes roamed further. "Akane Tendo, Nabiki Tendo, Konatsu...
and lots of other people I don't know who are probably
engaged to you in some obscure manner... what's going on?"

"That's what _we'd_ like to ask you, Mousse," said Ryoga.
"What's with all the girls? You accidentally walk into the
ladies baths again?"

Ukyou stared at Mousse. There was something funny here.
Something not quite right. What was it..?

Mousse had changed little over the last three years. His
hair was shorter, and he was wearing modern clothes - black
jeans and a white shirt. But there was something else...
Ukyou's eyes widened. "Mousse!" she grabbed his shoulders.
"Who am I?"

He grinned. "Ukyou Kuonji, AKA the cute fiancee."

Ukyou blushed, "Well, not anymore." *I plan to be the cute
wife!* "You recognised us - you can SEE us?"

Mousse laughed. "As plain as the spatula on your back."

"What happened?"

"I had corrective eye surgery a couple of years back," said
Mousse. "Nothing mysterious."

"But isn't that expensive?" asked Nabiki.

*You should know,* thought diverse members of the tour.

"Yes," Mousse admitted. "But I saved up most of the money
and my manager advanced me the rest, which I have since
paid back to him."

"Manager?" asked Akane.

"Uh... well..."

"I think we can see what you mean," said Konatsu. "Look!"
Everyone looked out the right windows. On the wall facing
them was a huge poster - "Mushu's new album! Already
golden! Make it platinum! Buy: _Now You See It, Now You
Don't_."

"You're an _idol singer_?" Ranma asked incredulously. "But
you suck!"

"Thank you," said Mousse. "The 555,000 people who bought
my last album must disagree with you. I suck in _Japanese_
Ranma, I sing much better in _Chinese_, when I can
concentrate on the music not the words."

"So this is all you've been doing Mousse? And you've been
in Hong Kong all this time?" asked Akane.

"Pretty much," said Mousse. He grinned again, he was loving
this. "I just finished my movie though."

"MOVIE??!!"

"Yup, meet Hong Kong's new kung-fu movie star!" Mousse
posed.

"Yeesh." said Ukyou.

"Uh Ukyou."

"What is it Ryoga?"

"Is a sign saying 'You are now leaving the city limits'
a bad thing?"

"YOU IDIOT!!!!"

Mousse watched as Ukyou wreaked vengeance upon Ryoga. "So,
what are you guys all doing?"

***

"So that's it, a mystery tour, well well..." said Mousse,
eating more shaved ice. The group were now ensconced in
their hostel, Mousse along with them. After he'd
explained his situation (and offered a hefty bribe) Ukyou
had smuggled him back into Kowloon and their hostel.
"I never thought I'd see the day when you four were all
travelling together in peace."

Ukyou, Ranma, Ryoga and Akane all looked guilty.

"Ah," he said. "Well don't worry, I have no intention of
adding to the chaos."

"Well that's a sudden change of heart Mousse," said Ryoga.
"What brought that on?"

"Because there's no point," Mousse shrugged casually. "I
decided it wasn't worth it in the end. You may have noticed
that I haven't been around lately..." he looked at Ryoga.
"Then again, you might not have. I decided a couple of years
back that it wasn't worth all the stress and internal
injuries... not to mention the heartache, of trying to make
Xian Pu mine." he pronounced her name carefully and correctly.
"I saw that if I kept on in this direction I'd be spending the
rest of my life as a dog..."

"I thought you turned into a duck," said Kiyone, who was
grimly trying to keep up with the explanations provided
earlier. Everyone else had given up at the "Ranma turns into
a girl when splashed with cold water" section. In one corner
Mikado was quietly gagging after Akane had forcibly taken
the toothpaste and toothbrush off him.

"It's a metaphor," said Mousse. "As her dog, and fighting
people I didn't know for no good reason. So, I opted out.
Came here, got a job doing the same thing I used to do at
the Nekohanten - except this time I got _paid_. Saved up,
met a man one night who said I had potential, signed with
him, and the rest is history." he sipped some tea.

"Okay," said Akane. "Well, it's nice to have you as a...
friend?"

Mousse laughed. Ryoga noticed that he seemed to be doing
that a lot lately. *It must be nice to be happy* he
thought wistfully. *Maybe when Ukyou and I are together
we'll be happy like that. Wait a second... I mean _Akane_
and I. I think.* Noone noticed the worried look on his face.

"I would be honoured to be your friend Akane Tendo," he
said. "Yours too Ukyou, Ryoga... and maybe even you someday
Saotome."

"Why single me out?" asked Ranma.

"Oh I don't know, the pain, the humiliation, the fact that
everything bad that ever happened to me is _your_ fault..."

Ranma sweatdropped. Mousse smiled at him. It was not a
friendly smile.

"But anyway," he said, turning back to the rest of the
group. "In the spirit of our new friendship, why don't you
let me show you around?"

"That would be great, thanks!" said Ukyou. "Okay everyone,
unpack, shower, change, whatever... and then we'll go have
dinner in the restaurant of Mousse's choice."

The group moved to break up. Mousse waited carefully until
Akane stood up, then gently pulled her to one side.

"Uh, Akane? Not that I care or anything, but... how's
Xian Pu been lately?"

Akane paused. *Yeah right,* she thought. *_Sure_ you're
over her.* She tried to let her thoughts on Shampoo pass
unprejudiced. It was difficult.

"She's fine." *Excusing the fact that she's a pain in the
ass most of the time*. "She's still at the Nekohanten with
Cologne. I imagine she's serving ramen as we speak!"

***

"<WHERE THE HELL ARE THEY???!!!>"

***

Mousse smiled. "Good, I'm glad she's okay." A haunted look
passed through his eyes. "Shall we go?"

Akane felt sympathy welling up in her. *Poor guy, he's
really torn up about her*. "That would be great," she
linked her arm with his. "Let's go."

Silently watching this exchange from across the room,
Ranma fumed. *Why is she being so nice to that jerk?*
He watched them leave the room together. *Hn! Well,
two can play at that game.*

"Oh Ucchan!"

***

After a huge meal of delicious spicy food, with considerable
amounts of alcohol to wash it down, the group relaxed around
the restaurant table, staring out off the verandah over the
vista of the heart of Hong Kong.

Ryoga wiped his plate clean with a practiced swipe and
drained his glass. Still remembering his hangover, he'd
switched to fruit juice earlier in the evening. Many of
his companions had not, however. Akane and Nabiki were
giggling together in a surprisingly unguarded moment,
their family resemblance obvious for once. Suka and Mia
had wandered off to the shadowy end of the balcony, and
judging by the giggles and laughter emitting from it Ryoga
was fairly sure he didn't want to know what they were
doing. Godai and Sanzenin were trying to build a house of
chopsticks, with a notable lack of success, whilst Konatsu
was playing 'hostess' - cheering them on and filling their
glasses. "I love a man who can drink!" he enthused to
Godai. "I love Kyoko!" he replied. Ryoga's eyebrows shot
up. *Oooookay.* He looked at the rest of the group.

Kiyone was staring deep into her glass, and smiling
slightly. "Mihoshi's not here... Mihoshi's not here...
Heeeeeeeeeee!" she giggled. Ryoga sweatdropped. *Maybe
I should set her up with Godai.* he thought. *They both
seem to be in hopeless relationships.* With a depressed
sigh he looked at the remaining group members. *And coming
from me that's fairly condemning. Speaking of hopeless
relationships...* he trailed off this thought miserably
as Akane turned back to a _very_ well-pickled Mousse to
share the joke. Ranma, watching this, fumed and knocked
back yet another glass of drink. Ryoga watched and heartily
wished that _he'd_ managed to order the drinks before
Mousse had. That stuff was lethal in _small_ doses... and
Ranma was drinking it out of the water glass.

Ranma glared at Mousse and turned back to Ukyou, who was
holding his arm and smiling up at him. Ukyou was not drunk.
Ukyou had in fact drunk very little alcohol. But she felt
as though she had drunken every bottle in the restaurant.
*Oh Ranchan...* she thought happy to be the centre of his
attention.

Ranma heard Akane laugh, he put an arm around Ukyou. "Hey,
you wanna look at the lights, Ucchan?"

Ukyou swallowed. "H-hai."

Ryoga's eyes narrowed as the pair stood up and moved towards
the empty end of the balcony. As they disappeared into the
shadows Ryoga stood up and followed. *Ranma's pretty drunk,
he might... he might... * Ryoga gritted his teeth. *I just
don't want any accidents to happen,* he told himself. *I...
I don't care about Ranma, but I do care about Ukyou... if
he... if Ranma slipped, well, I don't care if _he_ falls off
the balcony, it's only four stories, but I _need_ Ukyou...
to navigate.* Silently and resolutely Ryoga stalked the pair.

Ukyou gasped a little when she and Ranma reached the end of
the balcony. This was not caused by the breathtaking sight of
the lights of Hong Kong, but by the weight of Ranma as he
stumbled and pressed her body close to the balcony rails. She
waited for him to straighten, but his arm remained around her
shoulders and she could feel the warmth of his breath on her
neck. Ukyou's heart beat frantically and she twisted around
to look up at him.

Ranma wasn't feeling too good, getting up had _definitely_
been a mistake, his head was spinning. He barely noticed
Ukyou's presence under his arm or her wide eyes looking up
at him.

"Ranchan..." Ukyou breathed, totally misinterpreting the
glazed look in his eyes. "I... I've wanted to tell you for
so long... I..."

Ranma blinked and tried to focus on her. His fogged brain
was sending him warning signals and they started to kick in.
This had been a mistake, he had to go back to the table, get
Akane and...

"Ranchan... no, Ranma... I... I love you!" Ukyou blurted, her
heart in her eyes.

Ranma stared at her as the words sunk into his conciousness.
"You... what?"

Ukyou leaned on his chest. "love you." she whispered.

Ranma rapidly began to sober up. "I thought you were my
_friend_!" he said sharply. His mind raced. "I thought we
weren't going to do this anymore. I thought you understood."

Ukyou looked back up at him in alarm. This was _not_ how she
had imagined his response to her declaration. "Ranchan... "

Ranma pushed away from her. " How can you say things like
that after all this time... " his eyes narrowed. "Unless,
this was your plan... "

"My... ?"

"You set... "

"Ranma! Ukyou!" Ryoga pushed between them. "What are you
doing to Ukyou?!"

Ranma blinked. "Ryoga... "

Ryoga took in the situation, *okay, action... what should
I do? Hmmm... *

"Ryoga," Ranma's tone was quiet. "What are you talking
about? We're not..."

"Hey, I'm sorry Ranma." Ryoga grinned at him. "But Ukyou is
sooooo drunk, moreso than you even, so don't pay any attention
to her okay? I'll look after her."

"Wha... ?"

Ukyou scowled at Ryoga. "I am not drunk!" she cried in
anger.

Ryoga shot her a significant, meaningful look. "Yes, you
are!"

Ukyou totally missed the look. "No I am not!"

Ryoga ground his teeth. "Fine." he muttered. He smiled
brightly at Ranma. "See Ranma, she's so drunk she can't
even stand up straight."

"What do you... aaarrrgghh!" Ukyou squealed as Ryoga hooked
a foot around her leg and brought her down into his arms.

Ranma blinked again. "Ano... "

"In fact," Ryoga rattled on. "She's so drunk that I think
I should take her back to the hostel." With a swift movement
he slung Ukyou over his shoulder.

"Hey! HEY!!!!" she screamed, her voice slightly muffled by
his shirt.

Ryoga tilted his head to avoid her kicking feet and clamped
one hand firmly on her waist. "See ya, Saotome." he turned
swiftly.

Ukyou's upper torso hit Ranma as Ryoga turned. She cried out
in pain and Ranma, not steady on his feet, stumbled back. He
hit the balcony rails. There was a loud crack.

"AAAAAHHHHH!!!!" *Thud!*

Ryoga looked around. "Oooopsie." he smirked.

The rest of the Tour group and Mousse stared as Ryoga came
up to the table still carrying Ukyou, kicking and screaming,
over his shoulder. Mikado eyed him with a look of respect.
"Now thash a real man." he saluted Ryoga with his glass.

Konatsu raised an eyebrow. "How would _you_ know a real man
when you saw one?" he asked.

"I'm taking Ukyou, back to the hostel." said Ryoga. "She's
drunk again."

"I AM NOT!!!!!!" howled Ukyou thumping his back.

Ryoga ignored her. "Konatsu can you lead us back?" he asked
calmly.

"Uh... sure." Konatsu got up. "But won't people stare if
Ukyou-sama keeps yelling like that?"

"If she doesn't shut up," said Ryoga. "I'm going to drop her
in Hong Kong harbour."

"You WOULDN'T!" gasped Ukyou.

"Wouldn't I?" Ryoga began to leave, Konatsu in front.

Silence.

Ryoga and Konatsu walked away. The others stared after them,
then Akane looked around.

"Hey, where's Ranma?"

***

"I hate you." Ukyou sobbed. "I really, really hate you."

Ryoga felt odd then, as if he'd been stabbed by a million
shards of glass. He swallowed. "It's for your own good. I
couldn't let you humiliate yourself like that." he said
as they walked down the stairs.

"And _this_ isn't humilating?" was Ukyou's muffled reply.
"Now everyone thinks I'm a lush."

"It was all I could think of." Ryoga stepped into the
street.

"*sniff* please put me down."

Ryoga sighed and lifted her up, holding her in mid air he
gave her a stern look. "Are you going to behave?"

Ukyou's face was flushed, not just from being upside-down,
but also from a mixture of humiliation and anger. "You can't
treat me like a child."

Ryoga laughed. "Watch me. I could carry you _all_ across
Hong Kong if I wanted to."

Ukyou breathed deeply. *I am _not_ going to lose my temper.
I do _not_ want to be carried through Hong Kong over Ryoga's
shoulder!*

Ryoga watched the fleeting emotions chasing across her face.
Then a tear trickled down one cheek, Ryoga winced inwardly
but continued to hold her up.

"You're the one who said we'd have to approach this whole
thing delicately, then you go and blunder like that, what
were you thinking?" he demanded.

"I thought he was... that he liked... that he wanted..."
Ukyou ran down, another tear joining the first.

"He was _drunk_!" Ryoga was exasperated. "He was annoyed
with Mousse! He was trying to make _Akane_ jealous! He was
concentrating on not throwing up!!!!" He sighed. "Now, I
don't particularly _want_ to carry you back to the hostel,
particularly not with you thumping on my back all the way,
but I will if you don't sort yourself out and act like a
mature individual."

Ukyou gasped, *I can't believe he just _said_ that to me,
to _me_.* She sniffled once, then again. And then the truth
of his words hit her. That Ranma was drunk. That he was
trying to make Akane jealous. That she had nearly blown
his friendship. And then the tears came.

Ryoga watched somewhat apprehensively as Ukyou burst into
tears. Gingerly, he lowered her against him, letting her
feet touch the ground. She clung to his shirt, sobbing.
Cautiously, he put both arms around her. "It's alright."
he said softly. "It's okay. I'm sorry I humiliated you. I
never meant to hurt you. I could never do that." They
stood together in the deserted street.

***

Back at the hostel, Konatsu turned around. "Oh no! I've
lost Ukyou-sama!"

***
Later that night:

Ranma rubbed his head and groaned slightly. *Well, this
lump is going to be there for a while!* He sat up and
fingered the bandage that Akane had put on his head earlier.
*Ow... * He frowned trying to focus on the events that had
brought him to this.

"Lets see... " Ranma mused aloud. "I was a little drunk, and
Ucchan and I... " he paused. *Ucchan said she _loved_ me.*

Ranma lay back down on his bed. "Why did she say that? She
stopped chasing me _years_ ago." He closed his eyes. *Then
Ryoga showed up, he said she was drunk. Was she? She seemed
so sincere... * Then he remembered the last time Ukyou had
been drunk. *She _was_ overly affectionate, I guess Ryoga
was right.* He fingered the bandage again. *No need to shove
me off the balcony, stupid jerk! What did he do that for?*

*"I'll look after her."* Ryoga's voice echoed in Ranma's
memory pulling him back upright. He hit his fist into in
his palm as realisation dawned.

"Of course! Ryoga was jealous!" Ranma chuckled and then
looked rueful. *I guess I should apologise for taking Ucchan
off like that, if someone had done that to Akane I'd be
ready to kill them!* With a grin Ranma stood up and left
his room.

***

Ryoga put down his drink and began to go through some
stretching exercises in an effort to clear his mind before
turning in. He'd done one set, very carefully due to the
enclosed space, when there was a knock on the door.

Ryoga straightened and eyed the door warily. "Hai?"

The door opened and Ranma entered, grinning. "Hey, buddy,
what's up?"

*Great* "Hello Ranma, how's your head?"

Ranma tensed and glared at him for a moment, then he relaxed.
"I didn't come here to fight." he said.

Ryoga picked up his tea and took a sip. "Then _what_?"

"I wanted to say sorry for moving in on your turf."

Ryoga stared at him. "Huh?"

Ranma nudged him in the arm. "Oh come on! I can see it, how
you feel about her."

Ryoga froze. *He knows how I still feel about Akane-san?*

Ranma sauntered back to the door. "Yeah, I know how strongly
you feel for Ukyou. Ja man!" he left.

*Crash!*

Ryoga didn't notice the cup smashing on the floor and the
hot tea splashing his bare feet. He stared at the door for
a long time.

***

Ukyou curled up in her bed, hugging her legs. For the first
time since the Tour had started she was beginning to doubt.
Doubt her belief that Ranma was not in love with Akane. Doubt
that she was really his true love.

Ukyou bit her lip. *I can't think like this, or everything
will be for nothing, and I will be alone.* She opened her
eyes and stared into the darkness. *There's no other man
for me but Ranma.* she told herself. *Kamisama! I don't
want to be left again!*

***

To be continued.

[Skuld-chan]

From: Jessica <jaelle@ihug.co.nz>
Subject: [Ranma][FanFic] Magical Mystery Hibiki Tour #11


Ranma 1/2: The Magical Mystery Hibiki Tour

by Jaelle and Orla

***

The characters in this story are the property of Rumiko
Takahashi-sama. We prostrate ourselves at her feet and beg her
forgiveness for our temerity in using these characters. We're
not worthy! We're not worthy!

The other characters are copyright to Yukie Nasu and Pioneer
LDC.

C & C is welcome (although we don't like flames!). You can
contact us at either: ladyorla@yahoo.com or jaelle@ihug.co.nz

For more of our fanfiction visit our site 'Insane Musings'at:
http://homepages.ihug.co.nz/~jaelle/Jaelle_Orla.htm

***

This story occurs four years after Ranma 1/2 volume 38.

***

Part 11

"Good morning children!" said Nabiki.

"Good mor-ning grand-mother Nabiki," chanted Suka and Miya,
who then spoiled the effect by giggling.

Nabiki shook her finger at the couple and looked at the
rest of the table. Godai and Ranma both looked like death
warmed up - clearly a case of the morning after the night
before. Mikado was flirting with Konatsu - didn't the man
_ever_ stop? Konatsu was eating his toast with a bored
expression on his face. Hmmm... better do something to
spice that situation up before Konatsu got too bored and,
ahem, revealed all to Mikado. Nabiki had a nice little
pool going on the day that he would work it out and she
didn't want it spoilt. Especially after all the fast
talking she'd had to do on Suka... for some reason he
seemed to be against the prospect. Good god, Kiyone was
_still_ drunk. Well, that's one way to avoid the
hangover. Nabiki watched enviously as Kiyone downed
another glass of something purple. Well, from the sounds
of it she badly needed to drown her sorrows. Now... where
were the interesting group?

Ah. There they were. Ukyou was poring over maps and
brochures as though her life depended on it. Guilty conscience
honey? Akane was... *sigh* insisting on talking to Ryoga
over breakfast _again_. Hadn't she noticed the way he
acted when she did that to him? It's not like most people
_intentionally_ eat the cutlery. Nabiki stared.

Ryoga turned and saw Nabiki staring at him, *What? Do I
have something down me?* He spooned more cereal into his
mouth. *Bleurgh, bran flakes. Sometimes being a martial
artist is more than I can take. My body may be a temple
but I never intended it to be a monastery! What I
wouldn't give for a nice slice of shortbread.* He tuned
back in to Akane's voice. For some reason, this seemed
odd.

*He's... he's NOT eating the cutlery!* Nabiki stared in
awed fascination. Then Ukyou raised her head. "Ryoga!"

Ryoga bit through his spoon.

*Aha!*

***

"Morning!" Mousse waved as the Tour bus arrived.

"He looks bright." observed Godai clutching his head.

Miya gave him another cold towel. "Are you _sure_ you
won't stay at the hostel? You look awful."

"This is my holiday damnit! I'm going to enjoy myself
if it _kills_ me!" he put a hand over his mouth. "Just
don't get between me and the door!"

"Hi Mousse." Ukyou grinned at him. "Glad to see you made
it to your hotel alright."

"Yeah, I just had to avoid 60 women." Mousse said casually.

"So many?" Ryoga smirked. "Hey, Ranma, he's stealing your
secret technique."

"Belt up, pig-boy!"

"Anyway, I've got lots of things to show you." said Mousse.
"Where would you like to go first?"

"Ummm..." Ukyou looked at her notes. "Well, there's the bird
market..."

"Sorry, no." Mousse was firm. "Last time I went there I got
closer to the merchandise than I intended."

"Wak."

"Shut up, Saotome."

"Okay then." Ukyou looked over towards Hong Kong Island. "How
about we start there?"

"Good idea, Kuonji!"

"Mousse, you can call me Ukyou."

***
On the ferry:

"Urgh."

"Just lean over the side, Godai."

"I am!"

*splash!*

"What did you do that for?" Ranma-chan screamed at the
grinning Kiyone.

"Just checking."

Nabiki smiled. She had taught her well.

"Ryoga, you can't stay in there all the way. It's sooo
lovely."

"I'm sorry, Akane-san, but I..."

"He has a fear of open water, Akane-chan."

"Really, Ukyou?" Akane blinked. "Actually, that does explain
his behaviour in Hangzhou." she left the cabin.

"I don't know if I should thank you for that." said Ryoga.

"Consider it part-payment for last night." said Ukyou sweetly.
She sat down beside him. "Anyway, it's good she's gone. Now
we can be alone."

"Guh?" Ryoga stared at her.

"Yes." Ukyou leaned closer.

Ryoga's nose twitched.

"I have a plan."

Ryoga's heart stopped racing. "Oh." he frowned. "Are you
still going ahead with this, even after last night?"

Ukyou flinched slightly. "It was a temporary setback. Besides,
you still love Akane, don't you?"

"Umm... well... *What does she want to hear?* Ummm..."

Exasperated, Ukyou loomed over him. "_Well_?" she demanded
"What is it? Yes or no?!"

Ryoga gulped. "Uh... yes?"

***

"Wow... this is cool!" Miya cried.

"You can see all of Hong Kong from here!" Mikado leaned
forward.

"Watch it!" snapped Konatsu. "You're squashing me!"

"Tram rides are fun, aren't they Akane-san?" Ryoga said
lamely. Ukyou had shoved him next to Akane and pulled
Ranma away the minute they got on the tram. He was now
attempting to make small talk, and was failing miserably.

"What are they doing?" Akane said, she was trying to get
a good look at Ukyou and Ranma who were at the other end
of the tram, talking to the driver, or at least trying to,
none of them spoke English that well.

"It's a nice day too." Ryoga continued in desperation.

Kiyone looked at him oddly. "Are you okay, Ryoga?" she
asked. Kiyone had sobered up during the ferry ride, the
ice water thrown at her by Ranma probably had something
to do with it.

"Oh I'm _fine_." said Ryoga flatly.

"You don't look happy." she pointed out.

Akane heard this and looked worriedly at Ryoga. "You do
look down." she said, then her expression became contrite.
"Gomen, Ryoga-kun, I haven't been very good company, have
I."

"Oh, I don't think it's _that_." said Nabiki, she licked
her lips. "I think Ryoga is thinking about someone else."

Ryoga narrowed his eyes. "Oh? I am?"

"Yes, a pretty chef."

Ryoga glowered. "I am _not_!" he snapped. "There is only
one woman whom I love!"

"So you admit it then." Nabiki smirked. "You are in love
with Uk..."

Ryoga leapt to his feet. "Aha! We have arrived!" he cried
and bolted for the door.

Unfortunately it hadn't been opened yet.

*Crash!* *Crack!*

"Oh dear." muttered Nabiki trying not to laugh. "There goes
more of the Tour funds."

***

"Jackass! Bakabaka... JACKASS!!!!!!!!" *Crunch!*

Ukyou finished spatularing Ryoga into the sidewalk and
then hit the wall next to her a few times for good measure.
"What the hell were you _doing_?!"

"Whoa... Ucchan's really mad."

"No kidding." Akane glared at her older sister. "What were
you saying to him oneesan?"

"You heard me Akane." Nabiki shrugged. "I have _no_ idea
what got him so upset." *He reacted very strongly, he must
have it bad. Good.*

***

"You'll like this zoo, Ranma." said Mousse.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yes, the primates will make you feel right at home."

Ranma stopped. "Okay, _that's it! You are going _down_
duck-boy!" He began to glow faintly blue.

Kiyone observed this and turned to Suka, Miya and Godai.
"You know, I've heard that this zoo has nocturnal animals."

"And they would be kept somewhere dark and enclosed and
safe?"

"They would indeed!"

"Let's go look at the nocturnal animals!" cried Godai.

They moved away.

Nabiki, Konatsu and Mikado paused for all of one nano-second,
then followed.

Ryoga began to follow. He was pulled back by his bandanna.

"_And_ just where do you think you're going?" demanded Ukyou.

"To look at the nocturnal animals?"

"No! We have to stop this!" Ukyou waved a hand in the direction
of Mousse and Ranma.

"Do I have to?" Ryoga asked. "Couldn't we just let them wipe
each other out?"

"RYOGA!"

He finched, "No hitting, no hitting!" He sighed. "Okay, I'll
do it. But I'll need _your_ help Ukyou."

"Me?"

"It has to be a girl."

"Ask Akane then you dope!" Ukyou was furious, honestly, he
kept missing the point entirely!

Ryoga rolled his eyes and ambled off towards Akane, who
was watching the fight develop anxiously. He whispered in
her ear. She laughed.

Ukyou fumed. *Normally I would _love_ him to be chatting
her up, but we have kind of a crisis situation on hand
here! Hey, since when did _he_ get to be such a smooth
operator around her?*

Akane clasped her hands together, and in a loud clear
voice yelled:

"Oh WOW! It's MU SHU the IDOL SINGER! Can I have your
autograph?!!!!"

Akane may have been speaking in Japanese, but the
message got across. Women began to converge on the
area.

Ryoga dragged Akane free of the morass and then grabbed
Ukyou. "_Now_ can we go look at the noctural animals?"

"I think they're this way." Ukyou headed off at high
speed.

***

Shopping vinaigrettes:

After being chased out of yet another department store:

"Hey Mousse, want another pair of sunglasses?"

"No!"

"Hey Mousse, I've got the perfect disguise for you. I
guarantee that no-one will recognise you this time."
*SPLASH*

"QQUAAAAAAACK!!!"

"Hey! Noone warned me about the throwing knives!"
Mikado fled past the group at high speed.

***

"Does this dress make me look fat?" Kiyone asked.

"Kiyone, _nothing_ could make you look fat," said Miya.
"I'm totally envious, how do you keep your figure? Are
you on a diet?"

"Alien metabolism."

"What?"

"Never mind."

"Can someone get this zip?" Akane asked. Ukyou obligingly
zipped the back of the dress up.

"Thanks, what do you think?"

"Er... you did realise that it's see-through didn't you?"

"EEEPPP!!!"

Ukyou giggled and turned away as Akane frantically searched
for a different outfit and fumbled through her choices of
clothing to try on. Her hand came up with a silver dress.
"Hey, this isn't mine!" She held it up and examined it.
"_Definitely_ not mine."

Nabiki examined it and pursed her lips. "Try it on."

Ukyou did. The next ten minutes were occupied with the
combined efforts of every other female in the changing room
to pressure her into buying it.

***

"I'm... so bored..." said Ranma. "What are they DOING?!!!"

"Get used to it," said Godai, hands behind his head. "This
happens a lot."

"So speaks the great romancer." drawled Ranma sarcastically.
"Where's Konatsu?"

"In the changing rooms," replied Ryoga.

There was a pause.

"_Which_ changing rooms?"

***

"Is this me? How about this? Does this suit me? Does it go
with my eyes? What about this one? What do you think?"

"You look beautiful Mikado, can we go now?"

***

"Thank GOD that's over," declared Ranma. "What a waste of
time, stupid girls fretting over their clothes..."

*SPLASH*

"I didn't see _you_ hurrying up," said Miya to Ranma-chan.

"Great, now they're _all_ doing it," said Ranma-chan.

"But it's so much FUN!" said Miya.

"Don't even think about it," said Suka.

"Ukyou, have you been talking to them?" Ranma-chan asked.

"Huh?" Ukyou jolted herself awake.

"Are you okay?" asked Kiyone. "You have huge dark circles
under your eyes."

"I'm fine, I'm fine..." said Ukyou, waving. "I have to
navigate for Ryoga."

"Where are we going?"

"Wong Tai Sin temple," Ukyou replied. "It's... that way."

Ryoga started the engine, "Are you sure?"

"Of COURSE I'm sure... _I'm_ the one with the sense of
direction!"

"Go ahead and rub it in, don't spare my feelings or
anything," Ryoga grumbled. They drove off, waving to
Mousse as they went.

"Bye Mousse!" yelled Kiyone.

"How come he isn't coming along?" Godai asked.

"Oh, he's got some function to go to for his movie,"
Suka shrugged.

***

"Okay." Ukyou yawned. "Keep going down the motorway, there's
a turn-off to the temple."

"Right." Ryoga moved into the slow lane. "Was this the best
way to come? I mean, we had to leave the city and I thought
this place was in the Kowloon."

"It is." said Ukyou sleepily. "I thought it would be easier
to go this way, despite being longer, 'cause I don't think
I could navigate that well in Hong Kong traffic, especially
when it's getting dark."

"Hn." Ryoga nodded and kept on driving.

Ukyou looked blearly back at the others. Mikado had fallen
asleep, Konatsu too, both were leaning against each other.
*Konatsu's gonna kill him.* Ukyou thought. Ranma, Akane,
Miya and Suka were idly talking, and the rest were looking
out of the window in a glazed fashion.

Ukyou sighed and slouched down in her seat. She was so tired.
It had been hard to get to sleep last night and it had been such
busy day. She yawned and her eyelids drooped.

***

Ryoga frowned. *You know, I've been driving for a while now
and I have a nasty feeling I'm not on the motorway. Hmmm...
there are a lot of lights over there though, I could've
just gotten to the city by mistake. Not likely though. It's
really dark now, I can hardly see, even with the lights* He
looked over at Ukyou.

Ukyou was fast asleep. Ryoga gulped. *Uh oh.*

He decided that the best option would be to pull in and
find out where they were. A large shape loomed up nearby.
*Hmmm... looks like a garage or something. I'll pull in
there and wake up Ukyou, maybe we can find someone there
too.*

He drove the bus into the garage. *Up a ramp? Odd.*

Ryoga stopped the bus, leaned over and tapped Ukyou's
shoulder. "Hey... Ukyou, wake up."

"Hmmm... ?" She blinked and opened her eyes.

"Ukyou, we've gone... uh... a bit off track."

Ukyou tried to focus on him. "What?"

"Hey, why have we stopped?" Ranma asked. "Are we there?"

"Looks a bit dark to me." said Nabiki.

*CLANG!*

Ukyou jerked awake. "What the hell was that? Where are we?"

"That's my line." said Ryoga.

"You jackass! Are we... "

"Umm... guys, I think we're moving again." said Suka.

Ryoga looked down at the steering wheel. "It's not _me_."

There was a low rumbling noise.

"Whats that?" asked Akane.

"Have no idea." said Ranma.

"It sounds like a... a plane taking off." said Kiyone.

"Very close by." said Miya.

There was a horrified silence.

"Not close by." Ukyou was white.

Ryoga met her eyes. "_We're_ on a plane!" they both yelled
as there was a lurch and they were pressed back into their
seats.

The huge cargo plane climbed higher and higher into the sky,
the pilots unaware that they had acquired some new and
unwilling cargo.

***

[Skuld-chan]

From: Jessica <jaelle@ihug.co.nz>
Subject: [Ranma][FanFic] Magical Mystery Hibiki Tour #11

***

The Magical Mystery Hibiki Tour
By Jaelle and Orla

***

The characters in this story are the property of Rumiko
Takahashi-sama. We prostrate ourselves at her feet and beg her
forgiveness for our temerity in using these characters. We're
not worthy! We're not worthy!

The other characters are copyright to Yukie Nasu and Pioneer
LDC.

C & C is welcome (although we don't like flames!). You can
contact us at either: ladyorla@yahoo.com or jaelle@ihug.co.nz

For more of our fanfiction visit our site 'Insane Musings'at:
http://homepages.ihug.co.nz/~jaelle/Jaelle_Orla.htm

***

This story occurs four years after Ranma 1/2 volume 38.

***

Part 12

*THUD* *bump*

"Well, we've landed." said Ryoga.

"No kidding." drawled Ranma sarcastically, from his upside
down position on the seat. "What gave it away?"

"This is no time for bickering." said Miya shoving Suka off
her lap and scattering the pillows that had landed on them.
"Where are we?"

"In an aeroplane." replied several voices.

"Thank you _so_ much."

Ukyou was almost beside herself with panic. *I can't believe
this is happening, I can't believe this is happening. It's
not fair, it's not fair, NOT FAIR!!!!*

Ryoga turned to ask her a question, but it died on his lips
when he saw her white lips. The rest of the group were in
varying states of fear or anger.

*Amateurs* he thought.

"Mikado, get up here and take the wheel." he ordered.
"Everyone else sit down, don't panic and SHUT UP!"

Surprisingly everyone obeyed him.

"What are you going to do?" demanded Ukyou.

Ryoga ignored her and delivered instructions to Sanzenin.
"When the door is opened is clear, drive out _quickly_,
and get to a safe place outside of the airfields. I'll
meet you."

"But won't you get caught?" Akane asked.

"Don't worry." he reassured her. "I have the perfect
disguise." *After all, who would suspect a cute black piglet?
As long as I don't get mistaken for a lunchtime snack!* he
thought pocketing the water pistol he had confiscated from
Kiyone some hours before. "Just wait for my signal."

"What will that be?"

"You'll know when you see it." With that, he was gone.

"What do you think that was about?" asked Mikado.

"BAKUSAI TENGETSU!!!!!"

"That's the signal!" cried Ranma. "DRIVE!"

Mikado jammed on the acelerator and the bus sped off.
It thundered out of the cargo plane, passed several
surprised (and dazed) airport crew and crashed through
the fence.

***

Ukyou moaned. "Just look at the mess he made!" she eyed
what they could see of the airport from their hiding
place behind some trees.

It was indeed a mess. Quite a few things were on fire,
security and safety crews were running around in a manner
not entirely unlike chickens without heads, Ukyou felt like
joining them.

"Look on the bright side." said Nabiki. "At least this time
you won't have to pay for it. Unless he gets caught of course,
in which case we'll have bail him out of a prison."

Ukyou just moaned again.

"I wonder where we are?" Kiyone said.

"We're in Burma." said Ryoga as he swung back onto the bus,
his clothing was slightly damp. "I hid our tracks, but we'd
better get out of here quick, my diversions won't hold them
off for long."

"Burma??!!" cried everyone.

Mikado got out of the drivers seat and Ryoga sat down and
started the engine.

"Where are we going?" Mikado asked as he was thrown back into
a seat as the bus jolted along.

"Away from here." Ryoga replied, he gritted his teeth as the
bus bounded over the rocky ground knocking over small trees
and running down bushes. Ryoga risked one side-long glance
at Ukyou, she still looked rather shell-shocked. Ryoga

frowned, he'd have to do something about that, as soon as
he found a place to stop. Luck favoured him as the bus soon
lurched onto a dirt road.

"Now we're getting somewhere!" Akane cried.

"Oh yeah?" said Ranma. "Where exactly? We're in Burma and
we don't know nothin' about it!"

"Ryoga will look after us." Akane said confidently. "He's
used to getting lost in strange places."

Nabiki drew out a book - it was a guide to South-East Asia,
she started to flick through it and found the section on
Burma. "Interesting... " she murmered after a while.

Godai grimaced. How could she read while the bus was lurching
around like a drunken sailor?

Ryoga swung onto another road, it was a little smoother and
there were some signs. He looked at them. "Right." he said.
"Mandalay it is."

"Wait!" Ukyou snapped out of her self-induced paralysis.
"Before we go _anywhere_ we have to talk about what we're
going to do!"

Ryoga briefly considered ignoring her, but then decided
Ukyou had had enough for one day, besides it wasn't worth
the pain. He pulled over and parked the bus off the road.

"Well?" he turned to Ukyou.

"Burma... " Ukyou rubbed her temples. "I don't know
_anything_ about it!" She gazed hopefully at Ryoga.
"Well?"

Ryoga leaned back in his seat. "Well." he said. "I
can speak the language - a bit, I drifted through
Rangoon and Mandalay once. Other than that..." he
shook his head.

"It's got one of the world's strongest black markets."

Ukyou and Ryoga turned to see Nabiki standing behind
them. Ukyou frowned. "Oh?"

Nabiki smiled. It was not a nice smile. "I've studied
economies like this, I find them... interesting."

"And profitable too, ne?" Ukyou's voice was hard.

Nabiki's smile grew. "Clever Ukyou." she murmered. "The
point is, you don't have to worry about the money side
of things, I'll deal with that. You two just get us out
of here before anyone gets curious and finds out we're
here without visas."

"What's your fee for this service?" Ukyou lifted her chin.

Nabiki raised an eyebrow. "Nothing... if all goes well."
She walked away.

Ryoga made a rude noise. "Great, another 'favour' from
Nabiki."

"She's right though." said Ukyou. "We _have_ to leave here
as soon as possible."

"If we try to avoid people and race for the border we will
attract attention." said Ryoga. He thought for a moment.
"Our best bet is to take it slowly and _be_ tourists, we'll
worry about the border when we get top it."

"'_be_ tourists'?"

"Uh-huh." Ryoga grinned. "Hey, we're Japanese, walk around
with a camera, say 'aahhhh' alot and photograph _everything_.
We'll be just fine."

***

Mandalay:

"How... *gasp*... much... *huff*... further?" panted Suka.

Ranma patted him on the shoulder. "Don't worry, man. There's
just 726 steps more to go until we get to the top of the
hill."

"WH... *gasp*... AT???!!!"

"Miya, I think Suka fainted, although it's hard to tell
at this distance."

"I _told_ him going up the 1726 steps of Mandalay Hill with
four martial artists was a mistake, Godai."

***

"AAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!"

"Akane! Are you okay?!"

"I think she bit her tongue, Konatsu."

"Is Mikado driving, it's really bumpy!" cried Kiyone holding
onto the edge of her seat.

Mikado looked up from the floor. "I'm innocent!"

"Gomen, everyone!" Ryoga called. "It's just these damn
roads."

"Oh well then." said Nabiki. "I won't sue you."

Ukyou swallowed and tried to keep her breakfast down.
"N-n-next l-left..."

***

Rangoon:

"Please follow me!" Ukyou called loudly waving her green flag.
"Welcome to the Shwedagon Pagoda, it is the spiritual heart
and soul of Burma. At the top of this stairway is the golden
pagoda which is over five centuries old. It is covered with
gold and precious stones donated by royalty..."

"Aaaahhhh..." sighed the rest of the group.

*clickclickflashflashclickflash*

A Burmese man stared at the group and shook his head.
"<Tourists!>"

***

Ryoga smiled at the old woman. "Mingala ba. Sabai Phyu
resthouse beh mah lai?"*

***

"And turn left here," said Ukyou. "Alright, the border
should be..."

"<Halt the bus and prepare to pass through customs!>", the
highly armed border guard ordered as Ryoga abruptly hit
the brakes to avoid running over him.

"Around here somewhere... oops."

The guard made a gesture with his gun, "<Do not attempt to
flee or you will be shot!>"

"What did he say?" asked Akane.

"He said to stop and not run away," said Ukyou.

Ryoga was surprised. "I thought you couldn't speak Burmese?"

"I can't," said Ukyou. "But I do understand the universal
language of automatic weapons. What are we going to do??!!"
She wailed.

Ryoga thought fast. They'd hoped to sneak over the border
into Thailand, but obviously that was now out. They couldn't
just burst through the border - he was good, but not
bulletproof, and they didn't have any papers. This was not
good. Hmmm... time for something creative.

"Mikado! Take the wheel!" Ryoga headed up the stairs.

"Where are you _going_?!" demanded Ukyou.

"When the screaming and running starts, head for the border
as fast as you can," he called back over his shoulder.

Ukyou sweatdropped. "This is another one of his plans, isn't
it?"

"Hey, they work, don't knock em," said Suka. "Everyone sit
tight."

Ryoga hit the top floor of the bus and moved along to the
back window, which he opened. Closing his eyes he
thought back over his life. His mother going out to the
kitchen to bring in his sixth birthday cake... and
disappearing for eight months. His dad going out to get
the paper... and calling from a transatlantic flight.
All the times he'd fought Ranma and lost... All the times
Akane had said she could trust him and the guilt he'd
felt. All the times Ukyou had spatula'd him into the wall
for saying something stupid. He felt his ki surge at that
one. Hmmm... Ukyou gazing lovingly at Ranma... now he
was REALLY depressed.

Opening his eyes Ryoga aimed out the back window.

"SHI SHI HOKODAN!!!!!"

*FOOM!*

"<What the hell?>" the border guard looked on in horror
as a large section of forest was vaporised. "<It must be
bombs! NATO missed again! Everyone take cover!>"

Mikado and the others faked panic and sped towards
customs. They smashed through the wooden barriers and
headed into Thailand as quickly as possible.

"Geh... I think my heart stopped." said Ranma.

"Don't tell me that you didn't have faith in Ryoga after
all?" asked Ukyou.

"No, I thought NATO really HAD missed again. He's getting
too damn good at those shi shi hokodans."

Ukyou looked worriedly up the stairs, "He hasn't come
down yet. I'm going to go check on him."

Upstairs, Ryoga was slumped on the floor, drained after
the massive ki blast. *Urgh, that was more powerful than
I'd intended. I wonder if...*

"Ryoga!" Ukyou hurried to his side. "Are you okay? You're
not hurt?"

"Just tired," Ryoga said, attempting to get up. "Whoa."
The room spun around him. "Bad idea." he slumped back
down again. Ukyou looked concerned. "Just give me a
couple of minutes," Ryoga reassured her.

Ukyou nodded, turned away, and then hesitated. She turned
back. "Ryoga, I want to thank you for all this. You really
came through when we needed you." Then she turned and
went downstairs.

Ryoga smiled cheesily. "You're welcome!" he called after
her. *I really like her.*

***

Thailand:

"It is so HOT!" panted Godai, fanning himself. He pulled
at the collar of his shirt and wished that the girls were
elsewhere so that he could take it off.

"My mascara is melting!" wailed Konatsu.

"So is mine!" wailed Mikado.

"Oh gross," Konatsu looked disgusted.

Kiyone lay on the floor of the bus and dreamt of ice
planets.

Nabiki was still reading her South East Asia guide. "It
says here that it's always this hot at this time of year."

"Goodie," said Ranma sarcastically. Akane just moaned.

*BOOM!*

"Agh!" Everyone jumped, the bus listed.

"It's the border police! They've come for us!" screamed
Mikado.

"Oh shut up," Ryoga's disgusted voice carried back to the
others. "We've just blown a tyre."

"Is that bad?" asked Konatsu.

"Not really," Ryoga pulled the bus over. "Just means I
have to change it, and we have a couple of spares. Quite
frankly, I'm surprised we haven't lost one before now.
Especially with the Burmese roads." He stopped the bus.
"Everyone out while I set this up, it's quite a task."

"Need any help?" Ranma offered.

"I think I can manage," laughed Ryoga.

"Yeah, that's our Ryoga." said Ukyou. "Strong as a bull
and twice as thick. Able to leap tall buildings in a
single bound. Hell, he could probably _carry_ the bus
to Bangkok."

"Hmmm..."

"Don't even think about it Ryoga. I was just being nice
so that I can wriggle out of helping. Now fix the tyre."
She turned to the rest of the group. "While he's doing
that, why don't we go rest under that nice shady tree
over there and drink some of the iced drinks in the
fridge?"

"Great idea!" the group chorused.

***

Ryoga lifted the bus carefully in one hand and with the
other gently slotted the new tyre onto the axle. The
burst tyre lay beside him. Once the tyre was on, he
gently lowered the bus, and began to tighten the nuts
of the wheel. This task done, he headed for his reward.

"I can't believe this!" wailed Ukyou. "I _know_ I
packed a bottle opener."

The group stared at the bottles. They were ice cold,
and the liquid in them sloshed enticingly. So near...
and yet, so far. Attempts to open them by hand had
only resulted in very sore hands.

"Maybe we could break them?" suggested Suka.

"Then they'd get glass in the contents," Godai pointed
out.

The group stared at the drinks, truly now understanding
the nature of hell.

Ryoga wandered up to the group. "Tyres changed." he said.
"Oh great! I've been dreaming of these for the last eight
kilometres." he picked up one bottle.

"Uh Ryoga, we don't..."

Ryoga put the bottle in his mouth, hooked one of his
fangs over the edge and popped the lid off, spitting it
into his hand. Then he threw his head back and drained
the drink in one mighty draught.

"What the hell?" Everyone facefaulted.

"Ah, that was good." Ryoga said. "Can I have another
one Ucchan?"

"Sure Ryoga," Ukyou said, recovering. "But first I need
you to do us all a _little_ favour."

*Oh god*.

She handed him several bottles. "Start opening." she
ordered.

***

"Bangkok, at last!" cried Ukyou. "I thought we'd _never_
make it!"

"Yeah." Ryoga agreed. "The traffic around here is terrible!"

"Are we going to be staying in a hotel tonight?" Akane
asked plantively.

Ukyou turned and looked at her. "I'm sorry Akane-chan, I
know it's been rough sleeping on the bus." she grinned.
"But thanks to Ryoga's language skills and the map I
bought in Nakhon Sawan I've found a place for us."

"Great!" enthused Miya clapping her hands.

"Its called the Malaysia Hotel."

"Which way?" Ryoga demanded. "I'm hitting an intersection
here!"

"Oh." Ukyou glanced at her map. "Go left."

"Right."

She glared at him, he grinned as he turned left.

"Don't _do_ that to me!" Ukyou scolded.

Ryoga chuckled, it was fun to tease her sometimes.

"Oh wow." breathed Kiyone. "Look at those waterways!" she
pointed.

"We've been following this river, haven't we?" Godai asked
Nabiki.

"Uh-huh." Nabiki nodded. "My book said that Bangkok is called
the Venice of the East and the people use the waterways for
all sorts of things like living, selling and so on."

"There are some houses on stilts!" Konatsu cooed. "How
kawaii!"

"I hope we can go and explore there." said Suka.

Ranma shuddered at the idea of exploring a shopping area
created on water, he didn't think Ryoga would be that keen
on it either.

"Okay, here's the hotel." annouced Ukyou.

Ryoga pulled into the driveway. "I told them we'd be here
at about 5.30pm and it's just past that now."

"Great!" Ukyou dimpled at him. "See, I told you that we had
to allow the extra time in case you got lost and I was
right."

"It wasn't _my_ fault." protested Ryoga. "You got distracted
and didn't tell me which way to go!"

Ukyou laughed. "Oh come on, you drove into a barn! You
could've figured out that was wrong!"

"Hn!" Ryoga opened the bus doors and he and Ukyou left to
speak to the hotel manager.

"I hope we have some time here." said Konatsu. "I always
thought that Bangkok sounded exotic, ever since I heard
that song."

Nabiki raised an eyebrow. "Yes, I could imagine you'd like
some of the things in Bangkok."

"I've heard that Bangkok has really cool nightclubs." said
Miya. "I'd love to see that!"

"Well, let's suggest it to Ryoga and Ukyou." said Akane.

Ranma grinned. "Hey, that gives me an idea."

"Oh no." groaned Akane.

"It's a _good_ idea!" protested Ranma. "It's all part of
my 'Lets get Ryoga and Ukyou together' plan."

"Ranma, don't meddle." said Akane. "I'm sure they're doing
fine without us."

Nabiki leaned forward. "On the contrary, Akane dear, I
believe Ranma's plan has merit." *Now this is a chance to
really have fun!* "If Ukyou looks like a sexy goddess at
a nightclub don't you think Ryoga will just crumble?"

"It won't be much good if he doesn't look good as well."
Kiyone said.

"True."

Akane, Ranma, Nabiki, Kiyone, Suka and Miya huddled together
making plans. Godai listened in with interest. Konatsu
started to sniffle *Oh Ukyou-sama. my love!*. Mikado's eyes
glazed over as he thought about Ukyou in... well, let's
just leave _his_ fantasies!

"Okay!" Ukyou sprang back onto the bus. The conspirators
jerked upright and fled back to their seats with slightly
guilty expressions.

"Uh... what's up?" she asked.

"Nothing, Ucchan!" Ranma grinned. "So, is everything okay?"

"Hai." she said. "Let's go inside."

Everyone filed off. Ukyou watched them go a suspicious
frown on her face. *What are they up to now?*

***

To be continued.

*Hello. Which way to Sabai Phyu Resthouse?

[Skuld-chan]

From: Jessica <jaelle@ihug.co.nz> 
Subject: [Ranma][FanFic] Magical Mystery Hibiki Tour #13

The Magical Mystery Hibiki Tour
By Jaelle and Orla

***

The characters in this story are the property of Rumiko
Takahashi-sama. We prostrate ourselves at her feet and beg her
forgiveness for our temerity in using these characters. We're
not worthy! We're not worthy!

The other characters are copyright to Yukie Nasu and Pioneer
LDC.

C & C is welcome (although we don't like flames!). You can
contact us at either: ladyorla@yahoo.com or jaelle@ihug.co.nz

For more of our fanfiction visit our site 'Insane Musings'at:
http://homepages.ihug.co.nz/~jaelle/Jaelle_Orla.htm

***

This story occurs four years after Ranma 1/2 volume 38.

***

Part 13

Bangkok

"One night in Bangkok and the world's your oyster," sang
Konatsu happily as the group wandered through the Grand
Palace. Mikado and some of the others joined in as they
wandered the hallways.

"Why are we here?" asked Ranma. "It's boring."

"It's cultural."

"Huh?"

"Educational," said Akane.

"That's what I said, boring."

"Grrr.... Oh look... the area where the priests
purified themselves, by dousing themselves with water!"

"What... Akane NO!!!"

*SPLASH*

"Oh good, we need another soprano," said Konatsu. "One
night in..."

***

After leaving the palace Ryoga took the lead and
successfully discovered Patpong. Since he had been aiming
for an entirely different district this was not such a
good thing.

"Still, at least it's better than Burma." said Ukyou.
"What does this sign say Ryoga?"

Nabiki inspected the illustration on the other side of
the sign. "I thought that was illegal."

Ryoga blushed.

"It's a drag, it's a bore, it's really such a pity, to
be looking at the store, not looking at the city..."
sang Konatsu. "So where are we anyway?"

"Er... this is the, er... red light district."

There was dead silence. Even Konatsu stopped singing.
Temporarily.

"I get my kicks above the waistline, sunshine..."

"And how," Ranma purred, "do you know that, P-chan?"

Ryoga went bright red. "Uhh... uhhhh..."

"You realise that _any_ answer you give will automatically
be wrong," Miya added.

"In that case, I'll just stick with 'Uhhh...'" said Ryoga.

"That would explain why this place is virtually deserted,"
Godai observed. "It must fill up at night."

"Ecchi!"

"How come _you_ know so much about night parlours Godai?"

"Uhhh...."

"Look! This place has massages!" Ukyou said. "I'd _love_
to have a massage! And it says 'Full body', sounds good!"

Ryoga grimaced. "Not... a good idea Ukyou. When they say
full body they mean the _masseuse's_ full body."

"How would they... oh." Ukyou pulled her finger away from
the sign. "I think I should take the lead from here. This
way!" she led the way. As the group followed her, Ranma,
Mikado, Suka and Godai converged on Ryoga.

"_Full_ body? And you know this because...?"

"Uhhhh..."

***

"Bangkok, oriental city where the city don't know what
the..."

"Konatsu, I'm warning you... if you sing that song ONE
MORE TIME..."

***

That evening:

"So, what are our plans for the evening?" Ryoga asked.

"I don't have any," said Ukyou.

"We do!" chorused the rest of the group. Ukyou and Ryoga
stared at them. Nabiki grinned. "We want to go to a
nightclub - a specific nightclub."

"It's called the Palace, at Viphavadi Rangsit Hwy." said
Godai, managing to get the name out properly. (He'd been
carefully coached by Akane and Nabiki).

"A nightclub?" Ryoga raised his eyebrows. "Have fun!"

"But RYOGA, you HAVE to come." Akane pleaded. (Ranma had
told her, 'Ryoga will do it for you'. 'Why?' 'Trust me,
he'll do it for you.')

"Oh, uh, well, okay. But I don't have anything to wear!"

"We took that into account, come with us." with that, Suka
and Godai dragged him off. Ryoga complained all the way.

Ukyou watched him go. "Well," she said. "As long as you
get him back early so he can rest for tomorrow..."

"_You_ could do that Ukyou," Ranma said. "Then you could
both walk back here _together_."

"But... I don't have anything to wear!" Ukyou grasped at
the first excuse to come to mind.

"Yes you do," Nabiki reminded her with silken malice. "The
silver dress."

"I'M NOT WEARING THAT IN PUBLIC??!!!" Ukyou was shocked.

"What's the point of buying it then?" Kiyone asked. "If
you got it, flaunt it."

"But... but..."

"Got no choice, we're gonna make you wear it."

"Mikado, stop dribbling."

***

"I feel really stupid," complained Ryoga. "Why couldn't
we go with the girls?" He fiddled with his hair again. It
felt odd without the bandanna, but Godai had gotten away
with all of them while he'd been having his hair cut and
was too busy worrying about the proximity of the scissors
to his ears. (Yes, he has no bandannas...)

"You look GREAT!" Suka said. "Doesn't he Ranma?"

"Hn," Ranma grunted. He was beginning to think this was a
bad idea after all. Ryoga looked better than he did.

"Look, there it is!" said Godai. "Let's go in and meet
the girls!"

***

"I feel cold," said Ukyou.

"You'll warm up on the dance floor," Kiyone assured her.

"Dance? I'm afraid to WALK in this thing. Not to mention
these heels. Are you sure I'm modestly covered."

"Modestly? No. But you are covered," Nabiki assured her.
"Just."

"I personally don't know how you're keeping that thing
up," said Akane.

"Oh, it's martial arts anything goes keeping your dress
up technique," said Ukyou. "It's a breathing technique."

"Oh yeah." said Konatsu, uncharacteristically.

Miya, keeping watch at the doors, gave Nabiki the signal.

"Ukyou, why don't you go wait at the top of the stairs?"
Nabiki suggested. "We'll be up in just a minute, but you
need more time to get settled."

Ukyou nodded. "That's true." She brought her hand up to
brush her fringe away.

"Don't touch your face!" everyone screamed.

"*sigh*" Ukyou dropped her hand away and everyone sighed.
The glitter gel had been the hardest to apply.

Ukyou started up the stairs.

***

The boys entered the nightclub. The music was quite low
at this point of the evening, to let people relax into the
groove, so they had no difficulty hearing the girls.

"Heya!" said Ranma. "Where's Ukyou?"

"Oh, we thought we'd get a table upstairs and drink so she
went up to save us one, but now we've changed our minds,
let's dance first!" said Akane. "Ryoga, could you go and
get Ukyou for us?"

"Okay," Ryoga headed for the stairs, rolling his shoulders
uncomfortably. "Dammit Ranma, couldn't you at least have
found me a t-shirt that fit?"

"I told you man, that was the only size they had!" Ranma
grinned at him.

"It's two sizes too small!" Ryoga complained as he walked
away.

"It certainly is!" said Kiyone, following him with her
eyes. "What?" she said, as everyone turned to look at her.

"He looks great, you guys did a good job with him,"
said Miya.

"Well, he's no Mitsuru or Shinobu, but he cleans up okay,"
said Suka.

"I still think we should have made him wear the temporary
tattoo," said Mikado.

"So what about Ukyou?" Suka continued, ignoring Sanzenin.

"Oh, you'll be surprised." grinned Akane.

***

Ukyou checked her ring watch. "Taking them long enough,"
she grumbled. "I bet Ryoga got lost. I'll go see what's
happening." she started down the stairs.

***

Ryoga got to the bottom of the stairs and looked up.
In the background, music started playing. Ukyou was
halfway down the stairs and his jaw dropped as she seemed
to float towards him.

"The sky isn't always blue,
A sun doesn't always shine,
It's alright to fall apart, sometimes..."

Ukyou was almost luminous as she floated down the stairs.
She was a vision in a silver spaghetti strap dress. The
bodice was low-cut, and high waisted. Ryoga's eyes
travelled down the short distance to the bottom of the
skirt where it ended at her upper thighs.

"I am not always you,
And you are not always mine,
It's alright to fall apart, sometimes..."

*I think I'm dying*, he thought.

Ukyou looked up from the stairs as she neared the bottom
step and stopped at the sight of the handsome young man
transfixed by her appearance. He was tall, and VERY
muscular, wearing a tight white t-shirt and black satin
jeans. Tight black satin jeans we might add. Her eyes
ran back up to his face and she took in the hair that
neatly framed his face, and the blue pendant earring
in his left ear.

"After all is said and done,
One and one, still is one,
When we cry, when we laugh,
I am half, you are half."

*Oh my god, it's Ryoga!*

Ryoga couldn't take his eyes off her. She stood in
front of him.

"Hi." she said.

"H..." was all he managed. "Hi."

Ukyou moved forward, Ryoga moved back. In this manner they
advanced onto the dancefloor. Ukyou smiled. "Do you want
to dance?"

*Is this right?* Ryoga asked the spirits. In answer, the
song began the next verse and they began to dance.

"The heart isn't always true,
And I am not always fine,
We all have an angry heart, sometimes...

After all is said and done,
One and one, still is one,
When we cry, when we laugh,
I am half, you are half.
Look how far we have come,
One and one, still is..."

Ukyou moved to the beat, a dreamy smile on her face, her
eys half closed. Ryoga, stiff at first, began to move with
her. She spun around him, the flashing lights of the club
caught the glitter on her face and he gasped.

"One moon (One moon), One star (One star)
I love the one we are
One thrill (one thrill), one life (one life)
Let's stand still in time

A neon light spotlighted them. Ukyou's dress lit up in
brilliant ulta-violet. Ryoga reached out. *This is a dream,
I can't touch her.* Then his fingers met hers and he clasped
her hand gently. Ukyou smiled at him. *I never realised. But
he's... so handsome... and his smile, I... I want this
moment to last.* Ryoga just had one thought: *Ukyou*

"One moon (One moon), One star (One star)
I love the one we are
One thrill (one thrill), one light (one light)
That runs through a life

Ryoga was hit by a sudden profound realisation. *I'm... in
love... with... Ukyou.* He pulled her closer, all his usual
hang-ups and insecurities disappearing. Ukyou came to him
with a little sigh. He put his other arm around her, the
other hand he used to hold her hand to his chest. They moved
in perfect unison.

"After all is said and done,
One and one, still is one,
When we cry, when we laugh,
I am half, you are half."

Ryoga stopped and Ukyou stopped with him. He leaned closer.
She tilted her head and her lips parted slightly.

Look how far we have come,
One and one, still is one"

Ryoga's heart pounded as he moved in to kiss Ukyou.

Then the music stopped.

"Whooo hoooo!!!" Ranma's voice rang across the silent
dance floor. "Look at the lovebirds!"

"Ranma no baka!" snarled Akane as the moment was destroyed.

Ukyou's eyes snapped open and she let out a squeak of
shock as she realised her position. "Oh... let go of me,
Ryoga!" she cried, her face was red with embarrassment.
She pulled away from him and put both hands to her hot
face.

Ryoga stood dumbly, his heart desolate. "Ucchan... " he
murmured.

Ukyou glared at him. "Who gave you the right to call me
that?" she snapped, then she turned on her heel and stalked
away.

Kiyone and Miya exchanged glances and followed her, Akane
was too busy pounding Ranma into the floor. Suka went up
to Ryoga.

"Uhhh... Ryoga?"

Suddenly the dance floor was lit by a very bright green light.
Unfortunately it was not from the club lights.

"Oh sh*t!" yelled Ranma from behind a table where he was
hiding. "He's going to... "

"SHI... SHI...


HOKODAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

*BOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM!!!!!!!*

***

"And last night Bangkok's most popular nightclub, The Palace
was destroyed by terrorists using highly sophisticated
weaponry. Police as yet have no leads, but suspect an
international gang that have already struck twice in Burma."

Kiyone turned off the English language news. "Well... that
plan failed dismally."

"One might almost say catastrophically." Nabiki observed.

"At least they don't know who was responsible," said Miya.

"Still, I think it would be prudent to leave Thailand as soon
as possible, don't you agree Ukyou?" The group turned to
observe Ukyou.

"Totally," she said frostily. "Ryoga won't be able to drive
for a while with all his injuries, so Mikado, GET MOVING!"

"Yes ma'am!" Mikado fled. Ukyou rubbed her hand over the
edge of her spatula, rage still simmering at Ryoga for
both destroying the nightclub and for somehow causing her
to lose her mind there.

***

In the upper part of the bus, Ryoga lay curled into a ball.
The injuries weren't bad, although he'd rarely had worse.
What was painful was the terrible hole in the centre of
his chest where Ukyou had ripped his beating heart out
and stomped on it. *I don't care if she does hate me.
Ukyou Kuonji - I love you! I don't know why, but I do.
And nothing you do or say can make me stop!*

***

Song Credits:

One Night in Bangkok - Chess Soundtrack
One and One - Robert Miles, _Dreamland_.

***

[Skuld-chan]

From: Jessica <jaelle@ihug.co.nz> 
Subject: [Ranma][FanFic] Magical Mystery Hibiki Tour #14
***

The Magical Mystery Hibiki Tour
By Jaelle and Orla

***

The characters in this story are the property of Rumiko
Takahashi-sama. We prostrate ourselves at her feet and beg her
forgiveness for our temerity in using these characters. We're
not worthy! We're not worthy!

The other characters are copyright to Yukie Nasu and Pioneer
LDC.

C & C is welcome (although we don't like flames!). You can
contact us at either: ladyorla@yahoo.com or jaelle@ihug.co.nz

For more of our fanfiction visit our site 'Insane Musings'at:
http://homepages.ihug.co.nz/~jaelle/Jaelle_Orla.htm

***

This story occurs four years after Ranma 1/2 volume 38.

***

Part 14

***

China: Zhangzhou.

"<They were _here_?>" Shampoo clasped her hands together
hardly daring to believe what she was hearing was true.

The camp owner nodded. "<Just as you described, Miss. A
large tour bus driven by a young man wearing a yellow and
black bandanna stayed here about...> " he frowned, then
shrugged. "<Well, a few nights ago.>"

"<You don't remember when?>"

"<Sorry, no. I get so many people here. Although they
were the first ones to knock down four trees.>"

Shampoo beamed. Finally! She was on the right track. After
days and days of hopeless searching and waiting she had
picked up a clue to the Tour's whereabouts - and it wasn't
in somewhere like Arabia! She thanked the camp owner and
left the grounds.

"<They must be in Hong Kong by now.>" she said to herself.
"<I will find them there and claim my airen!>"

Full of hope and smiles Shampoo bounced happily down the
road. Until... a passing car zoomed past her and splashed
her with some muddy water.

"Mirrrrroooowwww!!!!!"

***

Hong Kong

Mousse put down the phone and sighed. He wandered over to
his apartment window and stared moodily out at the view.
*That was the last idea I had for their whereabouts.* he
thought. *No one's seen any sign of the bus in Hong Kong
or the surrounding area.*

"Mu Shu?" a pretty young woman popped her head around the
door. "<I've finished. Do you want to have a look?>"

He turned and smiled at her. "<Sure, Michelle, I'll be
right there.>"

"<Is there anything else I can do?>" Michelle smiled
hopefully, her dark eyes bright.

"<Uh... no, thanks. Just leave the speech on my desk and
take the rest of the afternoon off.>"

Michelle looked a bit disappointed but she departed. Mousse
wandered into his study and picked up the speech. However,
his press conference was not on his mind at the moment.

*Where did you guys go? Are you somewhere in Australia by
now?*

***

Japan: Narita International Airport

"This is the last of the luggage, Tamura. Get in in ASAP!"
Kobayashi made a check on his pad. "Otherwise this baby
won't reach Hong Kong on schedule."

Tamura made a slight face as he looked at the mountain
before him. "Great." he picked up the first suitcase. With
a smooth gesture Tamura put the suitcase onto the plane
with all the delicacy and finesse of airport luggage crew
around the world.

As the suitcase tumbled into the depths of the cargo hold
a sharp sound came from it:

"OWWWW!!!"

***

Malaysia

Ukyou stared idly out of the window as the bus sped through
Butterworth. After some coaching from Ryoga, Mikado's driving
had rapidly improved. His ribs would heal eventually. *This
is SOOOOO much better,* thought Ukyou. *AND I don't have to
smack him over the head when I want him to go the right way.
Yup, this is the best. Definitely. I don't miss Ryoga's
driving at all.* Lost in her thoughts, she didn't even
notice as she began to sing.

"Tell me that you love me, tell me that I am pretty
I can become much more gentle with a single word
In my loving spirit, in my deep feeling spirit
I want you to believe honestly, no matter when."

Down the back of the bus, Ryoga felt like he was about to
have a heart attack, there simply didn't seem to be
enough room in his chest for the emotions that broke upon
him as he listened to Ukyou's song.

*Why, damn it?* he thought. *Why do I always have to fall
in love like this? Why can't I love someone who loves me
back? Why... WHY?!!!!*

"Er... Ryoga, you're glowing again." Kiyone told him. "Don't
make me use this." she brandished her glass of water.

*Kiyone!!!!!* "Kiyone!" Ryoga sat down opposite her. "I need
your advice."

"ME?!!! Why ME??!!!"

"It's about this girl I like, no, this girl my FRIEND
likes..."

Kiyone groaned mentally. *It's going to be one of THOSE. Not
again! Still, at least there's only ONE suitor this time.*

"You see," said Ryoga, pressing his index fingers together,
"For years he thought he was in love with this girl, but he
had this deep dark secret that he could never tell her
because she'd hate him for it, and so he suffered in silence,
plagued by many MANY demons, but especially by her awful
HORRIBLE hentai fiance..."

*Let's make it really hard to guess, shall we?* Kiyone
thought wryly.

"Anyway... so he's been trying to tell her how he feels,
so he went off with a... friend, of his to try and get
her love, but now he realises..."

"That you're in love with Ukyou and not Akane, yes Ryoga,
I got it." said Kiyone.

Ryoga stared at her. "How did you know??!!" *Wow, she's
so intelligent!*

Kiyone tried not to wince, *Wow, he's almost as stupid
as Ryoko and Ayeka*. "Ryoga..." she sighed and rubbed
her forehead. *Why do they always come to ME for love
advice? I don't have a love life! I have ENOUGH problems*.

"Ryoga," she said calmly. "I think it's fairly obvious
that you love Ukyou. The question is, what are you going
to do about it?"

"That's it, I don't know!!!" wailed Ryoga.

"Shhhh, keep your voice down." Kiyone said.

"But... Ukyou's still in love with Ranma." said Ryoga.

"No, Ukyou _thinks_ she's still in love with Ranma,"
said Kiyone. "Did you see her face when she came down the
stairs at the nightclub?"

"Yeah..." said Ryoga dreamily.

"Pay attention Ryoga!" Kiyone snapped. "My point is,
she likes you back."

Ryoga was surprised. "She does?"

Kiyone nodded. "I'm positive of it." *And I should know*.

"B-but..." Ryoga flushed. "That can't be right. Why would
Ukyou like _me_? I'm not very bright, I keep breaking
things, I have NO sense of direction, and..." his voice
lowered even further. "I turn into a _pig_."

"Those are pretty shallow reasons not to like anyone,"
said Kiyone. "And besides, Ukyou knows all of these
things and she still likes you."

"Really? No way," Ryoga shook his head. "She thinks Ranma's
WAY cooler than me..."

"Ryoga! Stop that!" Kiyone snapped. "You've got to stop
letting her walk all over you! Be a man! Stop moping! And
SMILE more often!!!!!"

"Smile?"

"You have such a cute smile Ryoga-chan," said Kiyone.
"But you're always so gloomy that noone ever notices it.
Now, try looking at your problems in a positive light:
You're sensitive, you're strong, you... see interesting
places... and, uh... you're a very... pretty... pig."

Ryoga looked unconvinced. "But she's always yelling!"

"Oh for goodness sake. You're a man aren't you? Now
ACT like one."

Ryoga looked amazed. "Ukyou said that to me once."

Kiyone looked exasperated. "Well then, why don't you
do what she WANTS?" *Dimwit*.

"I will, thanks Kiyone-chan." Ryoga gave her a fangy
smile.

"You're most welcome Ryoga-chan." Kiyone replied. *I
really am kinda good at this, maybe I should get a job
as a lonely-hearts columnist. I wonder what that pays...*

***

Kuala Lumpur

"Wow." said Suka gazing out of the window. "Kuala Lumpur
is so much easier to get around compared to Bangkok."

"Mmmm." Miya looked up from Nabiki's book which she has
grabbed from Ukyou. "It says here that Bangkok has the
worst traffic problem in South East Asia."

"I can believe it." said Godai. "Four hours we were stuck!
And Ukyou spent the whole time acting like a explosive on a
very short fuse!"

"Very scary." murmered Suka.

Miya put the book down and sighed. "I hope she forgives Ryoga
soon. He looks so sad and she, well, I saw her looking very
unhappy the other evening."

"Yeah." Suka looked glum. "I just don't get them at all."

"Call it a Nerima affliction." said Nabiki sitting down
beside Godai. "Most of the gang from that area are always
in foolish love quadrangles."

Godai made a face. "Believe me, Nabiki, love quadrangles
are not restricted to Nerima!"

***

"Was the YMCA the only place you could get?" Akane asked
Ukyou as she regarded the Hostel.

Ukyou looked uncomfortable. "Well... they were the only
people who spoke a language I understood well."

"Why didn't you ask Ryoga, Ucchan?" Ranma asked.

Ukyou flushed. "I can managed just _fine_ without that
directionless baka!" she growled.

"I thought this was a partnership." murmered Nabiki behind
her.

Ukyou fixed Nabiki with a firey glare. "You just love to
meddle don't you!"

Nabiki laughed. Ukyou clenched her fists, but before
anything could happen a man came out and bowed to the
group.

"Selamat petang." he said.

"Huh?" Ukyou blinked.

"Selamat petang." said a voice beside her, it was Ryoga.

"Sila masuk." the man indicated the entrance.

Ryoga smiled. "Terima leasih." he said. Then he looked
down hesitantly at Ukyou. "He... uh... wants us to come
in."

Ukyou drew herself up and answered Ryoga cooly. "I realise
that Hibiki." She turned to the group. "Everyone inside."

Ryoga watched her march off and sighed in despair. *I have
no hope... * Then he felt a hand on his shoulder, it was
Suka.

"Hang in there." Suka winked. "Sometimes you just have to
persist."

***

Inside the hostel dining room Konatsu emptied the contents
of his cosmetic bag on the table and shifted through the
contents. *Damn, not here, and I've looked everywhere!* He
sniffed. "My _expensive_ mascara."

"Try this one." offered Nabiki handing him a pale
peach-coloured, bulging, cosmetics bag.

Konatsu was touched. "Nabiki-san, arigato!"

"Whatever." Nabiki shrugged. "It's not mine."

Konatsu paused for a moment. "Maybe I shouldn't... " he
unzipped the bag and his eyes lit upon some mascara. "But
this is the same brand!" he picked it up. "I will beg pardon
later, I'm sure whoever owns this won't mind me using a
little." Skillfully he applied the black mascara, then he
carefully wiped and replaced the wand. "I wonder who..."
Konatsu exaimined the bag. "ah... a name."

Konatsu read the name and frowned. "Mi-ka-do Sa-n-ze-ni-n... ?
MIKADO?!!" he shrieked. "Yuck! _Yuck_!"

Nabiki chuckled. At least some people were still providing
entertainment. She looked over at Ranma and Akane who were
sitting with Ukyou. *Hmmm... looks like Ukyou's still in
Ice Queen mode.* Nabiki scanned the room. *And no sign of
Ryoga, those two are such fools.* She smiled. *I'll have
to start planning what I want to do with the restaurant at
this rate.*

***

Ryoga thought frantically. *Okay... act like a man, act
like a man... think manly! Do something manly.* His mind
raced. *Hmmm... throw her over my shoulder and carry her
off? No, already did that and she hated it. Umm... beat
up someone who insulted her... no, did THAT already and
I never want her to know what that guy was saying, or
what _I_ was saying... Umm... Insult her? No no no. Sing?
Did that. Dress sexy and impress her with my dancing
abilities? Did THAT. Oh no... here she comes...*

"Ryoga, get the luggage out of the bus!" Ukyou ordered.

*Uhhh....*

"Say please."

Silence descended on the group.

"WHAT did you say?" Ukyou couldn't believe her ears.

"Say 'please'," Ryoga repeated. "I'm not your personal
slave, I'm your business partner, so you have to say
'please' when you ask me to do something."

Ukyou fumed. *How DARE he??? And on top of everything
else!!!!* "Do as I say!!!"

"Do it yourself." Ryoga started to walk away.

The group stared at him in fascinated horror.

Ukyou stared after him. He WOULDN'T!!! He COULDN'T!!!
He WAS!!!

"Ryoga!" her voice cracked like a whip. He stopped and
turned back casually. "Yes, Kuonji-san?"

Ukyou flinched. "Ryoga...kun... _please_ unload the bus."

"Why _certainly_ Ukyou-san, I'd be delighted to." Ryoga
brushed past her on the way to the bus and she turned to
stare after him.

Kiyone secretly grinned, "That's one for his side."

"No fair screwing with the odds Kiyone," Nabiki murmured.
Kiyone winked at her.

***

Ukyou flicked through Nabiki's travel book and tried to
concentrate on finding 'fun' things for everything to
do the next day. But Ryoga's actions earlier that evening
kept intruding on her thoughts. Finally she slammed down
and glared into space.

*Damn him!* she thought. *What does he think he's doing?
Acting like that.*

*But doesn't he deserve some respect?* A little voice
whispered in her mind. *Aren't you overreacting just a
little too much?*

Ukyou licked her lips. *But... but...*

*But what? I think you've been angry enough, its time to
forgive him.*

Ukyou sighed. *I guess so.* she thought crossly. She picked
up the book again. *Right, lets see...*

***

"This is KL Tower." annouced Ukyou. "Its the third highest
telecommunications tower in the world and we are very lucky
that it's such a nice day because the view at the top will be
incredible!"

Suka blanched. "Its high..." he murmered.

Miya squeezed his arm. "Are you scared?" she teased.

"Uh... no, not at all."

Ukyou turned to Ryoga, her attitude was one of calm,
collected professionalism. "Ryoga-kun, could you help me
get the tickets? I don't think they speak Japanese and my
English isn't that great."

Ryoga nodded. "Certainly, Ukyou-san." he replied. *Well, at
least she is being polite to me, thats a start right?*

They set off towards the ticket booth.

Konatsu sighed. Kiyone shot him a worried look, "Are you
okay?" she asked.

Konatsu sniffed. "I'm feeling very confused, Kiyone-san.
Part of me is happy that Ukyou-sama is being so cold to
Ryoga-san, but another part of me is unhappy." he said.

Kiyone patted his shoulder. "This must be rough on you."

"I really want her to be happy." said Konatsu. "But I'd
rather she was happy with _me_."

"I know _exactly_ how you feel." said Godai who had
overheard the conversation.

Konatsu sighed again. Kiyone nudged him. "Come on, lets
go. Unless you want to go with Mikado!"

Konatsu groaned. "Nooooo!!!" He grabbed both Kiyone and
Godai and dragged them off at top speed.

***

"No. No. Nonononononno and no times one thousand!"

"Stop being such a baby, Ranma!" Akane pulled her fiance's
arm. "I want to go."

"_You_ go. I'll admire the orchids." Ranma clung to the
tree with his arms and legs.

"You don't _like_ flowers! Do you know what an orchid is?"

"A flower?"

"ARRRRGGHHH!!!" Akane took a mallet out of nowhere and pounded
Ranma until he dropped off the tree, then she grabbed his
pigtail and dragged him. "We are going roller skating!"

At the rink Mikado spun in front of Konatsu and then posed.
"I am undefeated in this arena fair Konatsu. Will you join
me?"

Konatsu smiled sweetly. "Sure." he said. "But please don't
laugh. I am so bad." he pushed himself off the railing and
sped towards the centre of the rink.

"Careful!" Mikado skated after him.

Konatsu halted and turned. "Mikado-chan... " he smiled even
more sweetly. "Was the move you just did something like this?"
he executed a perfect spin and then started skating rings
around Mikado.

"Huh?"

Ukyou laughed as she watched her faithful employee totally
confusing Mikado. "Little does Mikado know that I taught
Konatsu how to skate and he's a natural." she said to Miya.

"Well, he's very good." Miya glanced over her shoulder. "Come
_on_ Suka! How long does it take you and Godai to put on
skates?"

Suka sweatdropped. "Uhhh... well... you see."

The two women looked at each other and sighed. "They can't
skate." they said in unison.

Ukyou looked around the rink and saw Akane pushing a wildly
protesting Ranma onto the rink. *Poor Ranchan, I guess he'll
never learn!* Kiyone and Nabiki were drinking coffee at a
cafe by the rink, and Ryoga...

"Ittaiiiii!!!!" yelped Ryoga for the umpteenth time as he
landed on his face. *This is soooo embarrassing. Why did I
let Kiyone talk me into this?* he cast a resentful look at
her. *She's not out here! Is this supposed to make me look
manly? I feel like a fool. Please kami, don't let Ukyou see
me, I'd just... *

"Ryoga?"

*My life is over.* Ryoga looked up into Ukyou's face. Her
expression was neutral. "H-hi... having fun?" he asked
weakly.

Ukyou tilted her head. "Yes, I am. But you look like you
could use a hand." she held hers out. "Come on."

*Huh?* Ryoga stared dumbly at her.

Ukyou smiled. "Hey, lets say truce, ne?" she giggled. "I
need you to make this tour a success."

Ryoga smiled back at her. Okay, so it wasn't _exactly_
what he wanted, but it was a start. He took her hands and
she helped him to his feet.

"Ukyou, about... about Bangkok..." he began.

She shook her head. "Don't say anything, it was a crazy
night." she shrugged. "I wasn't... myself."

*Oh.* Ryoga felt slightly deflated, but his spirits picked
up at her next words.

"What some help in learning to skate, sugar?"

"H-hai..."

***

"<It's a bargain, Miss. You won't find anything cheaper
here.>" the vendor at Petaling Street said firmly.

Kiyone's eyes narrowed, she reached out and snagged Ryoga.
"Hey, Ryoga-kun. I think this guy is charging me too much,
can you help me out?"

"Sure." Ryoga said. He turned to the vendor and fired off
a rapid speech in Malay.

Ukyou stood and watched the exchange, the vendor was nearly
jumping up and down in outrage, but Ryoga remained firm. She
smiled faintly. Who would have guessed back in Nerima that
Ryoga Hibiki was a hard bargainer? Then again, who would've
thought that Mousse could be a Hong Kong movie star and an
idol singer? Life was full of little twists and turns.

"Ucchan!" Ranma tapped her on the shoulder.

She turned and smiled at him. "Wow. You've got alot of
stuff there, Ranchan."

"Too much." growled Akane appearing next to them. "He just
kept buying."

"Hey, they just kept shoving things at me." said Ranma.
"And they all looked so cool."

Ukyou peered at the junk Ranma was carrying. "What are you
going to do with a gilt-plated birdcage?"

Ranma stared at the birdcage. "How did _that_ get there?"

Ryoga, having successfully bargained down Kiyone's scarf,
strolled over to them. "What's that pile of junk?"

Ranma looked offended. "There's some good stuff here!" he
protested. "Look." he pulled out a smart silk jacket.

Ryoga looked at it. "How much did you pay for it?"

Ranma named a sum and Ryoga promptly laughed. "Oh man!
You've been had! It's worth only a third of that!"

Akane fumed. "I told you!" she yelled at Ranma. "You are
such a moron!"

Ranma who had been looking glum, glared at her. "I didn't
see you complaining when I got you those earrings!"

Ukyou rolled her eyes. *Oh boy, here we go again.* she saw
Ryoga looking at the bickering couple with a resigned
expression, then he felt her eyes on him and looked at her.
Ukyou gave him a welcoming smile, the last vestiges of her
anger draining away. "Shall we leave them to it?"

Ryoga heard the welcome in her voice and his heart lept.
"S-sure." he said. "I could... um... help you get a real
bargain on some jewellery."

Ukyou nodded. "I'd like that, Ryoga. Ooki ni!"

***
Singapore

"<Please disembark from your vehicle and present your
passports.>" said the Customs Official at Singapore
Customs to Ryoga.

"<Certainly.>" Ryoga turned to everyone else. "Okay,
give me your passports and then we'll be on our way."

"Don't we have to have visas?" asked Akane.

"Not here, as long as we're only staying for a short
while, all we need are stamps on the passports."

"I'll get them." offered Ukyou, she got up and collected
the passports and brought them to Ryoga. "Do you want me
to come with you?" she asked Ryoga.

"Might be an idea." Ryoga laughed. "I'd hate to get shot
for going the wrong way!"

Ukyou grinned. *Why doesn't he laugh more often? He's so...*
she blinked and pulled her thoughts to order. "Okay then,
everyone sit tight, this won't take long."

She and Ryoga got out of the bus.

"At least they're getting along." said Miya.

Ranma nodded. "Yup and with my new plan..." he began.

*CRUNCH!!!*

Everyone applauded as Akane malleted Ranma. "Baka!" she
said. "Are you taking tips from your Dad? Stop meddling!
That's what messed them up in the first place."

Ranma slid off the seat with a groan. "Kawaiikune..."

Ukyou and Ryoga re-entered.

"Everythings in in order." Ukyou announced. "Uh... what
happened to Ranma?"

Ryoga couldn't help grinning maliciously. "I'll bet he
got struck by his usual affliction."

"The foot in mouth disease." stated Akane. "He's doomed to
suffer it all his life I believe."

Ukyou nodded. "Poor Ranchan... forever cursed, in two ways."

"I'm still here you know." said Ranma.

Ukyou looked down at him and realised something. Her heart
wasn't doing flip-flops... strange. Something to be analysed
later, she turned away and sat by Ryoga.

"Take us into Singapore, Ryoga-honey."

"At your command!" he smiled at her, mock-saluted and
started the engine.

As the bus drove away, Ukyou put one hand to her chest. Her
heart was doing flip-flops.

***
To be contined

***
Selamat petang = Good evening
Sila masuk = Please come in
Terima leasih = Thank you

Song Credits:

Suki to Itte (Say You Love Me) - Sailor Moon.