[Skuld-chan]

From: Jessica <jaelle@ihug.co.nz> 
Subject: [Ranma][FanFic] Magical Mystery Hibiki Tour #15
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The Magical Mystery Hibiki Tour
By Jaelle and Orla

***

The characters in this story are the property of Rumiko
Takahashi-sama. We prostrate ourselves at her feet and beg her
forgiveness for our temerity in using these characters. We're
not worthy! We're not worthy!

The other characters are copyright to Yukie Nasu and Pioneer
LDC.

C & C is welcome (although we don't like flames!). You can
contact us at either: ladyorla@yahoo.com or jaelle@ihug.co.nz

For more of our fanfiction visit our site 'Insane Musings'at:
http://homepages.ihug.co.nz/~jaelle/Jaelle_Orla.htm

***

This story occurs four years after Ranma 1/2 volume 38.

***

Part 15

***

Singapore:

"Welcome to Singapore!" said Ukyou, her newly acquired earrings
sparkling in the daylight. "Please make yourselves comfortable
in the hotel, or else venture out into the streets - there is
more shopping..."

"NOOOOO...." moaned Ranma, Akane absently backhanded him.

Suka ducked as Ranma flew over his head towards the back of
the bus. "Where are you going?" he asked.

"Ryoga and I are going to go and organise transport BACK to
Hong Kong where we should have been all this time," said
Ukyou. "And to contact Mousse and explain."

"You want RYOGA to organise the _travel arrangements_?"
asked Mikado. "I don't think that's a good idea."

"Do YOU speak English or Mandarin fluently Mikado?" asked
Ukyou.

"Well uh, no."

"Then we're stuck with Ryoga," said Ukyou.

*Oh thank you very much,* Ryoga thought. *Hmph!*

The bus unloaded and emptied. Ukyou waved everyone into
the hotel and then waited for Ryoga to disembark.

"You know, the jokes about my sense of direction are
getting a little old, don't you think Ukyou?" Ryoga asked.
"Ukyou? Ukyou!"

"Over here Ryoga," Ukyou yelled from across the road. "What
were you saying?"

"... Never mind."

***

"Hello... Mousse! How's it going?" Ryoga winced and held
the phone away from his ear. Loud Chinese words came
spitting out. "Man, I didn't know Mousse knew THAT kind
of language."

Ukyou raised an eyebrow. Ryoga blushed, then jammed the
receiver back against his ear. "Hey Mousse, knock it off
man. <Shut up you loud-mouthed idiot! I'm trying to talk
here. What do you mean Ryoga-who???!!!>"

Ukyou watched in admiration as Ryoga vented in Chinese.
*It's so cool that he can speak all these languages,*
she thought fondly. *And extremely useful!* She frowned.
*I still want to know what he was doing for Nabiki when
we were in Burma. All he would say is that it was a
translation job and that she was picking up the tab for
the next couple of days. Hmmm... hope he didn't sell
himself into slavery or anything*. She then blushed as
images of Ryoga in chains and black leather filled
her mind. *Ecchi! Oh man, you know it's bad when you
start fantasising about RYOGA!*

Ryoga ended the call. "<He's going to meet us in...>"
he began, and then stopped. "Sorry, sometimes it's hard
to remember to switch back."

Ukyou grinned at him. For some reason she was quite
flushed. "I'm just impressed with your fluency Ryoga-kun.
I'm beginning to wonder if there are any end to your
lingual talents."

Ryoga laughed. "Oh there are a couple. I was never very
good at Klingon. Nuq nek de pol!"

"What?" Ukyou sweatdropped.

"Some weird guys in America decided to teach it to me.
Nice guys, but _strange_, and this is from someone who's
hung around with Ranma and co. for several years.
Nice outfits, but the pointy ears were a little odd."
Ryoga paused. "I've never been to Klingon, I wonder
what it's like there."

"You, don't watch much TV do you Ryoga?" Ukyou asked.

"Nah," said Ryoga, absently breaking the phone
receiver his hand was resting on. "It's too violent."

***

The arrangements made, Ukyou and Ryoga made their way
back to the group, who unanimously voted for an outing
before dinner. And so it was that Ukyou led them to the
Singapore Botanic Gardens. Whilst others made their
way to the lake and surrounding areas, Ryoga decided
to stay by the bus. 52 hectares was just a little too
much garden for a man who got lost in his own backyard.

Ukyou walked with Akane and Ranma for a while until
she couldn't stand the incessant bickering any longer.
*Funny,* she thought. *I always used to LIKE the fact
that they argued. I guess you can get tired of the
same old insults. Hmmm... wonder if I can get Ryoga
to teach me to swear in Chinese. Heh, wouldn't THAT
be a surprise for Shampoo!!! Speaking of Ryoga...*
her thoughts trailed off and she sighed. Ukyou looked
up at the branches of the tree that towered above
her.

"Okay, we've called a truce, and he hasn't been as
bad lately... maybe it's time we went back to...
friends..." *It was odd to think of Ryoga as a
friend,* Ukyou thought. She was more used to thinking
of him as an ally, or a dogsbody. "Or rather,
pigsbody," she giggled. "Ah but... without him, this
trip would have been a complete disaster..." she
made a face. "In fact, in retrospect, I'm damn lucky
to have had him along. And... maybe I should lay off
him a little. Or maybe... tell him how well he's
doing! Yeah! That's it, a little positive
encouragement!"

Cheered by this thought, Ukyou set off to find the
lost boy.

***

Ukyou found Ryoga sitting on the steps of the bus looking
out at the setting sun. The others were all scattered,
exploring the gardens and she was glad of their absense.

"K-konbanwa Ryoga-kun." she said hesitantly.

"Konbanwa Ucchan." he said absently.

Ukyou flushed slightly at his use of her nickname,
forgetting how she had told him not to use it.

"I need to tell you something." she said standing
before him.

He got up. "Hai?"

Ukyou fiddled with a strand of her hair, mentally
reviewing the little speech she had thought up an
hour ago. "I have a confession to make... " she
took a deep breath. "When we first started this
trip I still thought of you as the hopeless,
constantly-lost, idiot I met four years ago."

Ryoga smiled tightly. "Yeah, that was fairly obvious."

"Yes, but on this tour I've come to see you in a new
way. I've met the people you helped and seen you handle
a crisis calmly. Ryoga, you have skills and abilities I
never imagined you possessed!" Ukyou paused and looked
directly in his eyes, she took a deep breath, preparing
to make her apology.

Ryoga stared at her, he was drowning in her huge eyes
and his heart was pounding, the blood throbbing in his
ears.

"And after Bangkok I was mean to you, I was snappy and
insulting and I'm sorry for it. I want you to know that
I... " Ukyou thought about her next words *I respect and
admire you* She opened her mouth. "I... love you."

Dead silence.

Ryoga swallowed. *Did she just say what I think she
said?*

Ukyou froze. *Did I just say what I think I said?*

Ryoga stepped towards her, one hand moved forward.
"Ukyou... ?"

"Kamisama!" Ukyou covered her now bright-red face
in her hands, pushed past him and ran inside the bus.

Ryoga stood completely still for five minutes, his
hand outstretched, his expression astonished and
befuddled. Then he slowly turned around and looked
at the entrance to the bus. "Ukyou? UKYOU!!" he cried
and rushed inside.

In the kitchen Ukyou was wiping a plate in a agitated
fashion, shattered remains of other plates at her feet
bore testimony to her frantic state of mind. Ryoga
approached her.

"Ucchan." he said softly. "What you said... back there,
did you... did you mean it?"

She didn't look at him for a moment, then she whirled
to face him and laughed.

This was not the reaction Ryoga had expected.

"Oh, Ryoga! Really! How could you think I meant _that_!"
Ukyou shrugged. "I guess I'm just tired, I don't know
what I'm saying."

He blinked. "But... "

Embarrassment spurred Ukyou's mouth on before her brain
could catch up with the words. "I couldn't love _you_. I
mean you're a good friend, very strong and all, but you
have that directional problem and the Jusenkyo curse. No,
no, love is definately out of the question!"

"Nani?"

Anger took over the embarassment and Ukyou threw the plate
she had in her hands at his head. "Get out!!! I don't want
to see you or speak to you!!!"

The plate shattered against Ryoga's head, he blinked. Then
his eyes widened and his face contorted with anger. "That's
it!!" he growled. "I'll go! And to think that I thought I
could feel something for you!!" He turned on his heel and
walked stiffly out of the kitchen.

Ukyou watched him leave. "Good." she muttered sitting down
at the kitchen bench. "I'm glad he's gone, I... " His final
words suddenly hit her brain. "He felt... WAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!"
She put her head in her hands and bawled.

"Uhh... Ukyou?" a soft voice penetrated her howls.

Ukyou looked up, sniffing, eyes streaming and saw Miya standing
beside her. She gulped down her sobs and attempted to pull
herself together.

"M... Miya *sniff* How can I help you? *sniff*"

Miya looked embarrassed. "I couldn't help overhearing your...
conversation with Ryoga."

"Oh *sniff*"

Mia sat down beside her and politely turned her head away
as Ukyou blew her nose.

"It sounds like you've had a bit of a miscommunication."

Ukyou managed a watery smile. "That's an understatement."
she choked and blew her nose again. "I'm such a fool."

"At least you've admitted it quite quickly." said Miya. "It
took me a lot longer."

"Wha... what do you mean?" Ukyou asked thickly.

Miya looked her in the eyes. "It took me a long time to
acknowledge that I loved Suka and that by trying to keep
things as they were, by doing what made my Mother and Tenma
happy (Tenma was sort-of my boyfriend) which was making me
miserable I was being a complete idiot." she sighed. "And
all through that awful time, Suka kept trying no matter
how embarrassing it was for him. He kept calling and
waiting... real dedication."

Ukyou gulped. "Are you saying that's what I should do?"
she shook her head. "No, but I love Ranma!"

Miya stared at her. "Ranma? But he's engaged to Akane."

The tears began to fall down Ukyou's cheeks again. "You will
think I'm awful, but the whole reason for this tour was to
break up Ranma and Akane. Ryoga has been in love with Akane
for ages and I... I'm engaged, was engaged to Ranchan."

Miya thought for a moment, then she nodded. "I don't think
you awful at all, Ukyou, but I do think that both you and
Ryoga were living in dreamland! After all if Ranma and Akane
haven't broken up with all the fights they have, well,
I don't think they ever will."

"P-probably not." sniffled Ukyou.

"Besides, if Ranma isn't fated to be with you who would you
rather he be with? Shampoo, that Kodachi girl everyone gets
chills talking about, or Akane?"

"A-akane."

"And who should Ryoga be with?"

"Me." said Ukyou without thinking, then she blushed. "Oh."

"I rest my case." said Miya. She put her hand on Ukyou's
shoulder. "Go and get him."

"I can't!" cried Ukyou. "After all the things I said! He
must hate me now."

"You have to try." insisted Miya. "There is always a chance
if you try."

Ukyou stood up and wiped the rest of her tears away.
"Yes, yes I will."

Miya smiled as she watched Ukyou march out of the kitchen.

***

Ryoga sat on a bench overlooking the lake. The sunset was
casting beautiful colours over the view before him, but he
was in no mood to appreciate it. *That's it, I'm through
with love, it just hurts too much.* He sighed and wondered
if the park officials would object too much if he Shishi
Hokodaned the lake. Probably.

"Hey, Ryoga."

Ryoga looked up to see Godai approaching. "Hello, Godai."
he said *And go away, I want to be _alone_ right now.*

Godai saw the desolute expression on Ryoga's face, he knew
that expression well, usually he was wearing it.

"What happened between you and Ukyou _this_ time." he asked.

Ryoga flinched. "Nothing."

"Suuurrre." drawled Godai. "That's way you're stuck out here
with a glum face."

Ryoga considered stalking away, but instead he said: "I
have the worst luck when it comes to love."

Godai raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

"It seems that all the girls I fall in love with love...
someone else. I just can't take it anymore!"

Godai nodded. "Your rival is Ranma right?" he asked.

Ryoga nodded.

"Well, my rival is a ghost!"

"Huh?"

"Kyoko, that's the girl I love, married Soichiro fresh out
of High School and six months later he was dead! She has this
image of the perfect man, they were still in love, she hadn't
learnt his faults. I have to compete with an idol, at least
you can fight your rival!"

Ryoga blinked. "Yes, well, I see that your situation sucks."

Godai patted Ryoga's shoulder. "Just think about it okay?
Don't give up. If you do, what message does it send to people
like me?" he winked and walked away.

Ryoga sat there for a moment, then his head jerked up and
he rose in one fluid movement. *I'll fight!* he thought. *I'll
fight for this one forever!* Then his body froze as he caught
sight of Ukyou standing underneath a lantern.

She was regarding him nervously, one hand toying with her
hair as she stood wide-eyed.
Ryoga walked slowly towards her, it almost felt like he was
advancing on an easily spooked deer.

"Ukyou?"

She licked her lips. "R-Ryoga."

He noticed the tremor in her voice and saw the marks of tears
on her cheeks. "I..." he stretched out one hand.

"Gomenasai," they said simultaneously. They stared at each
other.

"Oh..." Ukyou cried, her tone halfway between laughter and
a sob. "Oh Ryoga!" she reached out and grabbed his hand.
"I'm so sorry... about what I said, I'm sorry, I'm really
sorry, I never meant... I don't want.... I'm sorry!" she
squeezed his hand, her pleading eyes looking deeply into
his.

Ryoga swallowed, "It's alright," he squeezed her hand
gently.

"Do you hate me?" she burst out.

He gazed at her in shock, "Never!" Ryoga blurted. "I could
never hate you!"

Ukyou laughed tremulously. "Oh good! I wouldn't blame you
if you did though," she added. "I was so... ah!"

Ryoga pressed his fingers to her lips, cutting off her
nervous outpourings.

Ukyou closed her eyes. The pressure of his fingers on her
lips made her heart pound almost painfully. *How could I
have missed these signs? Was I so blind?* She opened her
eyes as he took his hand away.

"So what do we do now?" Ryoga asked.

"You're asking me?" Ukyou stepped closer to him, still
holding his hand. "I have no idea!"

Ryoga wondered if the proper procedure would be to get
down on his knees and swear undying love. Or maybe kiss
her? The latter option was more desirable - however
unmannered. The former option more restrained and noble.

Ukyou meanwhile wondered what she should be doing.
Perhaps embracing him? That sounded nice. She reached up
with her free hand and touched his cheek.

Ryoga shivered a little at her touch, and reconsidered
his options. *Screw noble.* "Ukyou..."

Suddenly hands shoved Ukyou from behind, pushing her into
Ryoga, whilst he was treated similarly. They crashed
together, noses bumping and mouths touching...

Ukyou gasped and pulled back. Then she swung round at
super speed and grabbed the shirt of her attacker.

"Ranchan??!!!"

Ryoga, equally mortified, looked back and saw Akane behind
him. She was looking very embarrassed.

"I knew this was a bad idea," she murmured.

Ranma wriggled out of Ukyou's grasp. "Heya Ucchan!"

"What... did you think you were DOING???!!!" Ukyou cried,
her face red.

"Gomen Ukyou, Ryoga," Akane stepped into Ukyou's line of
sight. "He thought... well, you see..."

"You guys were taking too long, we were getting pins and
needles waiting in those bushes!" said Ranma.

A horrible thought struck Ukyou, and she looked in the
direction of Ranma's vague wave, where she saw the rest
of the tour group straggling out from behind some
bushes. Nabiki had a smirk on her face, whilst Kiyone
looked sheepish. Miya, Suka and Godai looked thoroughly
embarrassed, Mikado was unconcious and Konatsu was in
tears.

"Ranma..." Ryoga growled. "You..."

"Hey, I was doing you a favour!" said Ranma. "Didn't you
WANT to kiss her?"

"In public?" Ryoga was mortified. He advanced on Ranma.
Ukyou grabbed his arm.

"No," she said.

He looked at her. "You're defending him?" he asked in a
hurt tone.

"For now," said Ukyou. "I don't want you to fight my best
friend." She looked into Ryoga's eyes. "Besides, we have
to talk."

"T-talk?"

"Yes, about us and what we're going to do." Ukyou's voice
was soft, so that noone could hear her.

Ryoga covered her hand with his own. "Okay." he said. "But
just this time."

"Oh I agree," said Ukyou with a glint in her eye. "NEXT
time you can pound him all you like and I promise I won't
interfere... unless it looks like you're losing."

Ryoga scowled at this implication and Ranma gulped at
the thought of taking on both Ukyou and Ryoga. Oh well,
Akane would help him out wouldn't she? He looked down at
her, she glared daggers at him.

*Uh oh.*

Ryoga and Ukyou smiled at each other.

Kiyone watched and grinned, *Good, very good.*

"WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!" Konatsu lept to his feet and
raced onto the bus. Ukyou bit her lip. "Poor Konatsu,"
she said. "I know EXACTLY how he feels! I'll talk to
him."

"Right," said Ryoga. "_We'll_ have our talk later. In
private," he added, glaring at the rest of the group.

"Right!" said Ukyou, leaping onto the bus after
Konatsu. Ryoga watched her go with a smile and then
turned back to the group.

"By the way, what happened to Mikado?"

***

Ukyou raced up to the top floor after Konatsu, and found him
sobbing into a pink handkerchief.

"Konatsu..." she started.

Konatsu sniffed. Ukyou sighed and martialled her
thoughts. Below her she could hear the rest of the group
settling in, and then the bus pulling away. Nabiki could
be heard giving Ryoga directions to the airport.

Ukyou sat down next to Konatsu.

"Konatsu," she started again. "I'm sorry."

Konatsu sobbed. "I know, that just makes it even worse!"

Ukyou rubbed her forehead. "Unfortunately, it's about the
only thing I _can_ say," she admitted. "And the truth is,
I'm NOT sorry. I l-l-l... care about Ryoga very much."

"You're in love with him," sniffed Konatsu.

"Yeah, that thing." Ukyou was still uncomfortable with
her newly developed feelings. "But I am sorry that you
got hurt. _Believe_ me, I know what you're going through."

Konatsu wiped his eyes. "I know you do," his voice was
low. "Just tell me one thing, did I ever have a chance?"

Ukyou hesitated.

"Did I?"

"No," she admitted. Konatsu smiled, "Thought not." he
said with another sniff. Then he turned to her and
smiled. "But I always hoped. Hope springs a turtle,
right?"

"I think that's hope springs eternal, but yeah, you're
right." agreed Ukyou.

Konatsu nodded. "I'll be okay Ukyou. We'll still be
friends won't we?"

"Of course!"

"And I can still work at Ucchans?"

"Of course!" said Ukyou. "If there still IS an Ucchans
to go back to after all this is over, I want you to
be head wait... person."

Konatsu smiled. "I'm the ONLY wait-person."

"Well, I'm thinking of expanding." said Ukyou. "And
you'll get a pay rise."

"Great!"

"Just a small one though." Ukyou cautioned.

Konatsu laughed. "That's my Ucchan!" he chortled. A
tear trickled down his cheek.

"Ummm..."

Konatsu waved her off. "There's nothing else you can do.
I'll just have to get over it. I'd like to be alone for
a while." Ukyou nodded in understanding. She started
back down the stairs, then paused.

"Hey Konatsu, at least you've still got Mikado to kick
around."

Konatsu groaned, "Ucchan, please DON'T try to cheer me
up!"

***

to be continued

[Skuld-chan]

From: Jessica <jaelle@ihug.co.nz>
Subject: [Ranma][FanFic] Magical Mystery Hibiki Tour #16


The Magical Mystery Hibiki Tour
By Jaelle and Orla

***

The characters in this story are the property of Rumiko
Takahashi-sama. We prostrate ourselves at her feet and beg her
forgiveness for our temerity in using these characters. We're
not worthy! We're not worthy!

The other characters are copyright to Yukie Nasu and Pioneer
LDC.

C & C is welcome (although we don't like flames!). You can
contact us at either: ladyorla@yahoo.com or jaelle@ihug.co.nz

For more of our fanfiction visit our site 'Insane Musings'at:
http://homepages.ihug.co.nz/~jaelle/Jaelle_Orla.htm

***

This story occurs four years after Ranma 1/2 volume 38.

***

Part 16

***

"I can't believe it, Hong Kong." said Kiyone.

"Yeah, it's such an amazing place. But you know the weirdest
thing?" asked Nabiki.

"No, what?"

"I keep getting this strange sense of deja vu, like I've
been here before." said Nabiki.

"Oh wow, you too?" Miya twisted in her seat to talk to
them. "I thought it was just me!"

"Okay okay, I get it! I'm sorry we got lost in South
East Asia!" yelled Ryoga from the drivers seat. "But we're
back now, okay?"

Suka and Godai muffled laughs and concentrated on their
poker hand. Ranma sulked darkly in the corner, he'd been
politely dealt out of all subsequent hands when his debt
had reached twenty three trillion dollars. Akane grinned
at the others and then turned back to trying to coax
Ranma into playing snap with her. Mikado snored in the
back seat, head lolling back over the seat, whilst Konatsu
idly used him for target practice, aiming raisins at his
open mouth from the front of the bus. So far the score was
floor eighteen, Konatsu zero. He drew back his arm for
another throw and nearly hit Ukyou, who was standing behind
him.

"Gomen nasai!" he said.

"S'okay," said Ukyou. "Try aiming for a higher arc."

Konatsu tried again and the raisin lodged itself up
Mikado's nose. Ryoga, who had been keeping an eye on the
fun from the rear view mirror, snorted in amusement as
Mikado leapt up and fell over, choking and trying not to
do anything embarrassing.

Ukyou grinned and everyone pretended not to notice the
strange sounds emitting from the back of the bus.
Eventually, Mikado emerged red-faced and glared at the
rest of the bus.

"Who did that?"

Konatsu looked up from his demure seat in the middle
of the bus. "Did what Mikado-san?" he asked innocently,
sewing another stitch in his embroidery.

"Ah... never mind." Mikado growled. "Are we there yet?"

"We should see Mousse any minute." said Ukyou. "He said
he'd meet us around... there he is!"

Ryoga pulled the bus over to the curb as Mousse sprinted
over to it. "Quick! DRIVE!" he yelled as he scrambled
aboard. "They're after me!!!"

"What?"

Ryoga's eyes widened as he took in the horde of screaming
young women running towards the bus. "Shimata!" he threw
the bus into reverse and backed down the street at high
speed, then spun around the corner with the wheels on
one side in the air.

*Agh,* thought Godai. *And I thought _Kyoko_ was a lousy
driver!*

Ukyou watched to make sure they were no longer followed,
then turned to Mousse, who was lying on the floor, still
sweating in fear.

"What was THAT all about?" she demanded.

"My film..." said Mousse. "It was very successful."

"HOW successful?" Nabiki inquired.

Mousse shrugged. "I don't know, my boss started talking
about some guy called Oscar."

Everyone sweatdropped.

"Hmmm... who does your merchandising?" Nabiki asked.

"Not NOW Nabiki," said Akane. "Is this sort of thing
going to happen a lot?"

Mousse looked helpless. And frantic. "I don't KNOW!
Ukyou-san! You've GOT to get me out of Kowloon."

"We can't do that," said Ukyou. "You're not in the
tour!"

"I'll pay!"

"How much?"

Mousse dragged out a chequebook and scribbled on the
top cheque, then ripped it out and gave it to Ukyou,
who examined it and pursed her lips. "Welcome aboard
Mu Shu-san. Do you have any luggage I can carry for you?"

Mousse shook his head and headed for one of the seats.
"Ohhhh..." he landed in it with a groan of relief. "I
haven't done so much running since my Nerima days."

"You're just getting soft," Ranma needled. "So, what's
the plan Ucchan?"

"Well, we were _supposed_ to be staying in the hostel
again."

"I've got it, in return for taking me on the tour, _I_
will find you accomodation... on Hong Kong Island!"
Mousse proclaimed.

"Wow Mousse, that's so generous of you!" said Nabiki.
"Why if I weren't married..."

Everyone sweatdropped.

"... I'd definitely consider letting you take me out
to dinner." Nabiki finished.

Everybody facefaulted.

"Uh... thanks," said Mousse, fishing a mobile phone out
of his pocket. "I'll just make the arrangements. Head for
Hong Kong Island ferry Ryoga."

"Not more boats!" Godai moaned.

"Hello, Grand Hyatt hotel?"

***

"Whoa..." Ukyou's jaw dropped.

"Now _this_ is a hotel." Ryoga's voice was awed.

Ukyou pulled herself together. "Mousse, we can't possibly
afford this." she said sternly.

Mousse grinned. "Don't worry, I'm covering." He walked
through the glass doors that were held open by two smiling
doormen.

Ukyou warred with herself. One part of her was dying to
luxuriate in this super-plush hotel, the other part was
extremely reluctant to accept what seemed like charity.
As the group entered the front lobby, luxury won. Ukyou
touched Mousse's arm.

"Thanks, Mousse." she smiled. "This is fantastic."

Mousse looked a little embarrassed. "Well... it's the
least I can do." he shrugged. "Besides, I have to do
something with all this money I have."

"I believe this is my cue." Nabiki appeared beside Mousse.
"Let me talk to you about investments..."

Ukyou's eyes narrowed. "I don't think so Nabiki." she said.

Mousse laughed. "Nabiki, this may come as a shock, but I
really don't care about money. Now excuse me while I get
the keys for your rooms."

Nabiki raised an eyebrow. "Well, _he's_ no fun." she turned
to Ukyou. "So have you and Ryoga had your little chat yet?"
she asked with a smirk.

Ukyou was thrown by this sudden switch in topics. "Uh...
well..." she stuttered. "That is... we..."

"In other words, no."

"Er... yes." Ukyou looked a little frustrated. "It's just
with everything else..."

"No time?" Nabiki nodded, then she patted Ukyou's shoulder.
"Don't worry, I have just the thing to get you both started."

Ukyou shot her a suspicious glance. "What do you mean?"

Nabiki just laughed and walked away. Ukyou groaned mentally,
*Great, just great. Why can't people stop interfering with
us?*

***

Shampoo stood at the top of Nathan Road and glared down its
sparkling length. She was dirty, her hair was a mess and she
was very, very unhappy.

*<They'd better be here.>* she thought, *<Otherwise I'm going
to go mad!>*

Some people obviously already considered Shampoo over the edge,
pedestrians (and a few cars) were giving the faintly glowing
young woman a wide berth.

Shampoo walked down Nathan Road and scanned the area for the
Tour bus. Nothing. Then her eyes hit a large billboard.

*<That guy looks familiar... looks like... nah, no way.>*

Shampoo shook her head and continued her trek through Kowloon's
'Golden Mile'.

***

"Mmmmm... luxury!" Miya slouched comfortably on the couch in
one of the hotel's sitting rooms. Suka smiled down at her.
"Is there room for one more?" he asked hopefully.

Miya wrinkled her nose. "Nah. My couch."

"Oh."

She giggled. "I'm kidding, silly. Sit down!"

Suka settled down next to her and put his arm around her.
"Enjoying yourself?" he asked.

"I am now." Miya squeezed his hand and smiled.

Ryoga watched the couple from his position on the window
seat and sighed. He hadn't seen Ukyou since dinner, she'd
been busy doing accounts and other things. He knew it was
important that she make sure everything was running smoothly,
but he had hoped that tonight they could have sat down and
had their long overdue 'talk'. He yawned.

"Hey, Ryoga." Mikado came up to him.

Ryoga hastily shut his mouth. "What?" he asked.

Mikado sat down beside him. "Konatsu just told me that Ukyou
is in love with you." he said.

Ryoga stiffened. "Well... we... I..."

"I just wanted to say," Mikado continued blithely. "That
I will take a kiss from Ukyou Kuonji before this Tour is
over, perhaps I'll take more."

"You do that..." said Ryoga in a soft, yet deadly voice.
"And no one will be able to find enough of your remains for
a decent burial!"

Mikado raised an eyebrow. "That's a rather extreme reaction
to my decision." he looked determined. "I will kiss the lips
of the fair Ukyou Kuonji, nothing will stop me."

Ryoga snarled. "That's all you think about, isn't it! Kissing
girls. What about _how_ they feel?!"

"Why they are honoured, of course."

Ryoga stood up and stalked away. *I've got to get out of here
before I _kill_ this moron! And I swear I will eviserate him
if he lays one finger on Ukyou!*

Mikado shook his head. "Strange man." he murmered.

Godai, Kiyone and Konatsu who had overheard (Kiyone had had a
tight grip on a glass of water, just in case) shook their
heads.

"Moron." said Konatsu.

"Does he have a death wish?" wondered Godai.

"No," said Kiyone. "He's just stupid."

At this point Ukyou came in, she paused in the doorway and
looked around. Not seeing Ryoga she walked up to Ranma and
Akane who were seated at one of the card tables playing
snap.

"Hi, guys." she greeted them.

"Hi, Ukyou." said Akane cheerily. Ranma grunted, he did not
look happy.

Ukyou blinked. "Don't tell me you're losing at _snap_,
Ranchan."

"He's just terrible at all card games I guess." said Akane.

Ranma shoved the cards away. "Whatever." he growled. "What
did you want, Ucchan?"

Ukyou blushed faintly. "Have either of you seen, Ryoga?"

Akane looked around the sitting room. "He was here, I guess
he went to bed."

"It's only 9 o'clock!" Ukyou looked a little exasperated.
"I wanted to speak to him."

"Perhaps I can help, Ukyou." Nabiki spoke from her seat
where she was reading some investment magazines.

Ukyou went over to her. "Oh?" she asked warily.

Nabiki bent and picked up a package that was by her feet.
"Here." she held out the package.

Ukyou looked at the package with suspicion. She couldn't
tell what was in the purple paper bag. "What is it?"

"Something to get you and Ryoga talking about your
relationship." Nabiki said reassuringly. "But don't open
it until you are both together in private."

Ukyou took the bag. "Uh huh. Well, I'll corner him in the
morning and..."

"Why not now?" Nabiki asked. "He's probably alone in his
room, and if I know Ryoga, he's probably depressed. Why don't
you go and cheer him up?"

Ukyou went red. "I can't just go into a man's room _alone_!"
she whispered in shock.

Nabiki rolled her eyes. "Sometimes you are _such_ a
traditionalist!" she groaned. "Stop being such a stick-in-
the-mud and act like a woman. If you want him, you're going
to have to grab him. Ryoga's changed alot, that's true, but
he's still a little shy."

Ukyou gripped the package. "Perhaps." she said. She got up.
"I'll think about what you said, Nabiki."

"Oh. I do hope so." purred Nabiki.

Ukyou walked out of the sitting room. Akane came over to
her sister. "What are you doing?" she asked.

Nabiki shrugged. "Angst makes my teeth ache." she said as
she picked up another magazine. "I'm just trying to give
them a subtle kick in the rear."

Akane frowned. "You never did that for me and Ranma." she
pointed out.

"You two were fun, you weren't as serious as Ukyou and
Ryoga."

Akane spluttered for a bit, then laughed. "You are too bad
oneechan!"

"Yes, I know." Nabiki murmured.

***

Ukyou hesitated outside Ryoga's door. *Maybe he's asleep,
maybe he's in the shower, maybe he's not in... oh god,
he left on his own, maybe he's LOST!* "RYOGA!!!!" she
banged on the door. "You better be in there!!!"

No answer.

"Baka. Baka. BAKABAKABAKABAKA!!!" Ukyou felt a little
better, but somewhat depressed. Downhearted, she headed
for her own room. Without really paying much attention
she opened her door, closed it, and then leant against
it apathetically.

*Damn it. Oh well. Guess I better go to bed. Got a lot
to do tomorrow... Damn!*

Movement.

Ukyou froze. *I don't believe it, there's someone in
my bathroom!* She wondered if she had enough time to
get to her spatula by the bed when Ryoga wandered
out of the bathroom.

Ryoga was confused (so what else is new?), "I think I'm
in the wrong room!" he said. "Where am I?" He turned
around. "Ukyou!" Then he took in the spatula by the
bed. "Oops." *Of all the hotel rooms in all the world,
I had to walk into hers!*

Ukyou stared at him. *Well, now there's a sign from
the kami if ever I saw one.* "Ryoga, sit down."

"Ahhh... I'm sorry! This was an accident I never meant
to... forgive me!" Ryoga considered prostrating himself
on the floor.

"Oh stop it," said Ukyou. "I want to talk to you."

A look of horror plastered itself across his face. "What
did I do? Whatever I broke I'm sorry!"

"No I want to talk about US!!!"

"Oh," said Ryoga. "Okay." he looked around for a place to
sit down. There was only the bed. "Ummm..."

"It's not going to bite you," Ukyou was beginning to get
exasperated. "Now SIT!"

Ryoga sat.

Ukyou stood in front of him.

"Right, when we... when you... when I..." she stuck. Her
cheeks flushed. She suddenly had second thoughts about
this whole thing. "I... uh..." she fiddled with the paper
bag that Nabiki had given her. "Uhhh... ummm..." the
bag ripped.

A small pot of chocolate mousse, two spoons and a brush
fell onto the carpet. Ukyou and Ryoga stared at these
items.

Ryoga went bright red. *She can't want me to... I'm not
ready!* he thought in panic.

Ukyou stared. *What the heck is the brush for? I don't
get it.* "I thought this was supposed to help us sort
things out!"

Ryoga felt his blood pressure skyrocket. "Isn't that
rather drastic?" he squeaked.

Ukyou looked at him. "What's wrong with you, it's
perfectly natural." She picked up the pot and opened it.
She stuck a finger in and then licked the mousse off.
"Mmmmmmm... good!"

The world blurred out of focus for Ryoga. "Give it here,"
he said hoarsely. He grabbed for it and it slipped out
of Ukyou's hands. On its way back to the floor, it
spilled onto his shirt.

"Oh no!" Ukyou shouted. "That's going to stain! You've
got to get that shirt off." she grabbed his shirt.

Ryoga grabbed his shirt. "No, no, NO!!!! I'm too young!"

"What are you talking about? Do you want me to splash
cold water on you or something? If we don't act immediately
you'll never get the stains out. Now LET GO!!!!"

There was a brief struggle. Ukyou triumphed. "There! Now
we... now we... weeeee.... aiyaiyai..." she stared at
Ryoga's slightly chocolate mousse spotted chest and
suddenly realised that she was very close to him.
"Aaahhh..."

Ryoga concentrated on his mantra, drawing all his inner
strength to concentrate on it. *I will act noble, I will
not take advantage of this situation... I will not get a
nosebleed... Ohmmmm...*

"You've got chocolate mousse on you sugar..." Ukyou watched
her hand move towards his chest as though it belonged to
someone else. *Damn that hussy that's trying to do that to
Ryoga! Oh wait... that's me... oh well.*

It really was very good chocolate mousse. But Ukyou was
right and they never did manage to get the stains out of
Ryoga's shirt.

***
***

to be continued

[Skuld-chan]

From: Jessica <jaelle@ihug.co.nz>
Subject: [Ranma][FanFic] Magical Mystery Hibiki Tour #17

The Magical Mystery Hibiki Tour
By Jaelle and Orla

***

The characters in this story are the property of Rumiko
Takahashi-sama. We prostrate ourselves at her feet and beg her
forgiveness for our temerity in using these characters. We're
not worthy! We're not worthy!

The other characters are copyright to Yukie Nasu and Pioneer
LDC.

C & C is welcome (although we don't like flames!). You can
contact us at either: ladyorla@yahoo.com or jaelle@ihug.co.nz

For more of our fanfiction visit our site 'Insane Musings'at:
http://homepages.ihug.co.nz/~jaelle/Jaelle_Orla.htm

***

This story occurs four years after Ranma 1/2 volume 38.

***

Part 17

***

The Morning After:

Ukyou blinked and slowly opened her eyes. Sunlight was
filtering through the curtains, some of it reaching to
touch Ukyou's face. Yawning, she peered at the bedside
clock.

"Hmmm... only 8am, but still, time to rise!" She stretched
and her hand hit a shoulder that was not hers. "Wha... ?"
For a moment Ukyou's sleep-fogged mind was confused, then
a smile spread over her face as she remembered.

"Ryoga-chan!" she laughed and rolled over to face him.

He was asleep, breathing softly and deeply. She smiled
sweetly and brushed a lock of hair out of his eyes.
"Ryoga-chan, it's morning, wake up."

He continued to sleep.

Ukyou stroked his cheek. "A heavy sleeper, ne?" She teased
and kissed his forehead.

No response.

She kissed his nose.

Still no response.

She kissed his lips.

He remained comatose.

Ukyou sat up, a slight frown on her face. "Oh come on! Wake
up!"

She shook him, poked him and eventually whacked him on
the head with a pillow. Ryoga continued to sleep soundly.
Ukyou was feeling aggrieved.

"Ryoga-kun!" she yelled in his ear. He rolled away from her
and continued to sleep.

Ukyou fumed, she grabbed the nearest heavy object avaliable
to her - the alarm clock.

CRASH!

The alarm clock smashed into bits around Ryoga's head
without disturbing him in the slightest.

"BAKA!!" yelled Ukyou, she booted him out of the bed. Ryoga
landed on the sheepskin rug with a thump and a slight mutter,
but didn't wake. Growling, Ukyou scrambled out of bed, pulled
on her yukata, grabbed her spatula and nudged him with the
edge. "If you don't wake up I'm going to hit you awake with
this!" she threatened.

Ryoga slept on.

Ukyou brought her spatula down on his head. "Get UP!!!"

*rap-rap*

Ukyou whirled in surprise at the gentle knock on the door.
She put down the spatula and went to the door. She called
through it quietly. "Er... yes?"

Nabiki's voice filtered through, she sounded highly amused.
"Ukyou-chan, while I appreciate that you want to make some
noise, could you try to keep it down? Some of us are trying
to sleep in."

Ukyou blushed. "I-it's not what you think... I... we... that
is, Ryoga... "

"I don't need to know the details." said Nabiki. "Just enjoy
yourselves, quietly."

Ukyou leaned against the door, listening to Nabiki's
footsteps fade, and thought murderous thoughts about her and
Ryoga. Then a loud yawn drew her attention to the formally
comatose Hibiki.

Ryoga was on his feet and was sleepily belting his yukata.

Ukyou swallowed. "Ryoga.. ?"

Totally ignoring her, Ryoga stumbled into the bathroom, his
eyes blank.

Ukyou gave up, she got back on the bed and lay on her front
facing the bathroom door. Ryoga finished in there and stumbled
out, still in a zombie-like state.

*He's still asleep!* Ukyou blinked in astonishment.

Ryoga fumbled with the small kettle provided by the hotel,
he switched it on and then began to put several spoonfuls of
coffee in the little coffee pot, then he poured in the hot
water and waited.

Ukyou continued to watch him, her expression neutral. However,
her eyebrows shot up when Ryoga took the lid off the coffee
pot after filtering and sculled down the entire contents.

"Ahhhh... " Ryoga's eyes opened fully as his brain surged
into full awareness. It was morning, he was in Hong Kong,
in a very expensive hotel and this... this was not his room.
He put down the coffee pot.

"Koko wa... " he began, then paused. Memory gave him a sharp
kick and Ryoga's eyes widened.

He spun around and gaped at Ukyou lying on the bed. Ukyou
waved at him.

"Ohayoo, Ryoga. Remember me?"

Ryoga stumbled backwards. "U-Ukyou..." he breathed.

Ukyou sat up. "You're a hard man to wake, sugar. What does
it take? Cruise missiles?"

Ryoga blinked. "N-no... I've always been like this in the
morning," he explained. *Is this real? Did I...? With...
Ukyou?*

Ukyou shrugged. "Well, it's just something about you I'll
have to get used to, I guess." she said philosophically.

Ryoga looked around the bedroom. The rumpled bed, the
scattered clothing, the chocolate mousse.... Guilt washed
over him, he'd _seduced_ Ukyou, taken away her innocence.
"I'm so sorry, Ukyou! I've dishonoured you! I should have
been stronger! I should have..."

"Hey, HEY!!!" Ukyou leapt up and grabbed Ryoga's shoulders.
"Stop it! There was more than one of us involved here!" her
eyes narrowed. "Are you saying that you _regret_ what we
did?" she demanded.

"Yes... no... well, I..." Ryoga looked into her eyes, sighed
and let go of his guilt. "No. I don't... regret it."

Ukyou smiled. "Good." she said. "Then I won't have to kill
you."

Ryoga smiled back at her. He put his hands over hers and
pulled her to him. Ukyou sighed and laid her head on his
chest, listening to his heartbeat. Ryoga let out another
little, contented sigh, he felt comfortable and at peace.
He wrapped his arms around Ukyou and held her tightly.

"Uh... Ryoga-chan?" Ukyou's voice was a little muffled.

"Yes, Ucchan?"

"You're holding me just a _little_ too tight."

"Oh... sorry."

***

The young Japanese man looked out at the Hostel window and
tried to calm his thoughts. It was a fine Hong Kong day, just
perfect for sightseeing, or in his case, outdoor training.
But the beautiful weather failed to calm the turmoil in his
mind.

*In eight days it will be the anniversary, the ten year
anniversary. I must find _him_ before that day comes or I
will be shamed for all time!*

He clenched his hands into fists and glared at the lovely
blue sky.

*Ryoga Hibiki, I swear I will find you and make you PAY!*

***

Ukyou smiled dreamily as she sipped her tea. She was seated
not far away from the others on the patio overlooking the
hotel pool. Suka and Miya had tried to attract her attention
but she was completely oblivious to their waves.

Mikado came outside onto the patio carrying his breakfast.
He said hello to the others and set down his plate on a
table, then he saw Ukyou. He saw the abstracted look on her
face and smiled. *Perfect.* He advanced towards her. Now
was the perfect time for the kiss he had promised himself
so long ago.

Ukyou didn't notice his advance until he was right beside
her. Becoming vaguely aware of a presence nearby Ukyou turned
her head. She gasped in shock when she encountered Mikado's
face just a centimetre from her own. Ukyou jerked her head
away, but Mikado managed to brush her cheeks with his lips.

"Ugghhh!" cried Ukyou.

Undaunted by her reaction, Mikado manoeuvred in for the kill.
Suddenly he was pulled back and raised off the ground.

"Goodbye Mikado," said Ryoga pleasantly. "It was nice knowing
you." With that, he prepared to fling Mikado into orbit.

"NO!!!!" yelled Ukyou. "We need him alive."

Ryoga paused. "You're right. You hear that Mikado, you get
to live."

"Ugh. Ah... good." Mikado grunted. Suddenly he was jerked
down face to face with Ryoga, who smiled at him.

"But you don't get to enjoy it."

With that began a very very short hand to hand bout that
culminated in Mikado, bruised, bleeding and semi-concious,
being flung into the pool, at which point he was hit with
a variety of objects flung by the rest of the group, who
saw the wisdom in supporting Ryoga's opinion.

***

As Nabiki was boarding the bus for that days activities,
Ukyou stopped her and pulled her aside. "I believe this
container is yours?" she said.

Nabiki arched an eyebrow. "Glad you enjoyed it."

Ukyou blushed. "How did you KNOW???!!! More to the point,
how did you _do_??"

Nabiki winked. "It's a very old family recipe. Kuno loves
it." With that, she walked past the scarlet Ukyou and
boarded the bus.

***

Snapshots:

"The Wong Tai Sin Temple!"

"Well. FINALLY!!! We sure took the long way to get here."
said Miya.

"I'll say," said Ranma. "Through Burma, Thailand, Malaysia
and Singapore."

"Don't think of it as the long way," said Ryoga. "Think of
it as the scenic route."

"The very LONG scenic route." added Suka.

Godai laughed, "With Ryoga, EVERY route is scenic."

***

"The South China Morning Post Bookshop!"

"And we are here because...?"

"I... ran out of things to read," admitted Ukyou.

"Darn, you'll just have to think of something _else_ to do
with your evenings."

"SHUT UP NABIKI!!!!"

***

Shampoo wandered the streets of Hong Kong before coming to
a decision.

"<This sucks,>" she said. "<I have been wandering all
around this place and I haven't seen any sign of airen or
the stupid tour bus! That's it! I'm going home!>"

A bus roared past her.

"<Just because I see the bus now doesn't mean...>" she
blinked. "<THAT WAS THE BUS! COME BACK HERE!!!!>"

"Did you hear something?" Mikado asked.

"Hey, there's some crazy girl chasing after us and
screaming!" said Godai.

"Must be another one of Mousse's fans," said Ukyou.
"Speed up and let's lose her."

"BUS!!! YOU I KILL!!!! Stupid spatula-giiiiiiiirrrlllll!!"

***

That evening Mousse took the group to one of the most
exclusive Chinese restaurants on Hong Kong island. They
were given the best table and the waiters attended to their
every whim. Ukyou found it all a bit much, but Ranma and
the others were in seventh heaven. Ranma was chowing down
on everything like there was no tomorrow and even Konatsu
was losing his usual dainty eating habits.

Ryoga, who was also feeling a bit overwhelmed, looked
anxiously at Mousse. "Are you _sure_ that this is okay?"
he asked. "I really feel like we're imposing on you too
much."

Mousse waved Ryoga's concerns aside. "Just think of it
as my atonement," he said."For being such a pain in Nerima."

Ukyou fidgeted. "Mousse, we _all_ acted stupid then.
Some of us still do." she added thinking of her own original
plan for the tour.

"I know." said Mousse calmly. "But I just wanted to share
some of my good fortune."

Ukyou still looked doubtful, Nabiki leaned over to her.
"If you refuse, you insult him." she murmured.

"I guess so." Ukyou smiled and raised her glass. "Oh well,
itadakimasu!"

Kiyone finished off her mouthful of chow mein and looked
over the table for her next selection. She suddenly became
aware of a muffled thumping on the wall behind her. Godai,
seated beside her, was looking behind him and frowning.

"You hear it too?" Kiyone asked.

"Yeah. And I already know it's a bad sign." he said.

"Move away?" Kiyone suggested.

"Good idea."

Discreetly they moved aside. The thumping got louder, everyone
could hear it now. Cracks began to appear on the wall.

Ranma frowned. "Ya know..." he said. "If this was Nerima I'd
say this was..."

*CRACK* *BOOOOOOMMMMM!!!!!*

The wall crumbled impressively and a figure stalked over the
rubble.

"Oh no..." murmured Akane. "Please don't let it be her!"

"Nihao!" cried Shampoo.

Ranma groaned. "Why me?" he asked the uncaring world.

Shampoo swept her eyes over the group. "Shampoo look for
you all over China. Where you go? Burma?"

"As a matter of fact, yes." said Konatsu.

"It was very nice." said Suka mildly.

"Except for the roads and the border guards." added Miya
brushing dust off her jacket.

Shampoo spotted Ranma and squealed. "Airen! Wo Ai Ni!" she
glomped him before he could escape. "You miss Shampoo, yes?"

"Argh... get offa me!" Ranma flailed about wildly.

Shampoo purred. "Shampoo very happy to see airen! You...
ack!" Her head was yanked back by the hair. Shampoo
twisted and glared behind her. Akane and Ukyou glared at
her, releasing their grips on her hair.

"And just WHAT do you think that you're doing here
Shampoo?" Akane demanded. Shampoo glared at her.

"Come to get airen!"

"He's not yours, he's MY fiance!" Ukyou and Akane
chorused in unison.

"HEY!!!" Ryoga protested. Ukyou blushed. "Oops, sorry.
Automatic reaction."

Ryoga glared. Ukyou patted his shoulders. "Gomen?"
Reluctantly he nodded.

Shampoo and Akane did not cease their glaring match.
"You always thorn in Shampoo's side. Get out of Shampoo's
WAY!"

"Haven't you got it yet Shampoo? Ranma and I are engaged!
We're going to get married!"

"No! You no can have him! I kill you!" Shampoo drew back
her fist. And was surprised when it was caught from
behind.

"No killing over the dinner table." said a strangely-
familiar masculine voice. "It's the height of bad manners
and spoils the dessert course."

"You stay out of this!" Shampoo turned and swung at the
strange man behind her. "Who you anyway?"

The man ducked. "Don't recognise me huh? I suppose I
shouldn't be surprised, though I am a little disappointed."

"What nonsense you talking?"

The man sighed, picked two empty glasses off the table and
held them to his eyes. "SHAMPOO! I LOVE YOU!!!"

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Shampoo jumped into Suka's arms.
"Mousse! What you doing here?"

"Hosting dinner with some old friends," said Mousse. "What
are YOU doing here?"

"Come for airen." Shampoo stared, finally recognising her
old beau. "You changed. You no so stupid now."

"Thanks," said Mousse sarcastically. He turned away, "And
now if you'd like to LEAVE we'd like to get back to eating."

Shampoo's mouth dropped. "Shampoo no leave, Shampoo just
got here!" Belatedly, she realised where she was.

"What you think you doing with Shampoo?" she demanded of
Suka.

"That's exactly what I was thinking!" he replied.

"You make fun of me?!" she demanded.

"Ahem," someone cleared their throat behind her. Shampoo
looked around to be confronted by a tall, black-haired,
golden-eyed girl. "Pardon me, but that's MY boyfriend
you're glomped on to."

Shampoo prepared to take offence when she noticed other
things about this girl. Like the metre long doubled-up
chain she held casually in one hand, and the expression
on her face.

*<No martial artist>*, Shampoo thought. *<But definitely a
fighter. Probably ex-gang or delinquent. The sort of
person who would try to chew your ear off while
simultaneously trying to choke you. Hmmm... not the sort
of fight I want to get into.>*

"Sorry," she said, clambering off Suka. "Aimed for wrong
man."

Miya nodded and grabbed Suka's arm. "That's better." she
said.

Meanwhile Ukyou and Ryoga were having a hasty conference.
"She's not going to leave." Ukyou whispered.

"So what should we do?" Ryoga murmured.

"Well, I'd rather have her somewhere that we can keep an
eye on her. Perhaps if we splash her with cold water?"

"Do you want Ranma to run around in the panic? Although
it might be kinda fun."

Ukyou punched his shoulder lightly. "No." she said.

"I could help." Mousse came up to them.

Ukyou stared at him. "But... won't it hurt you? To look
after Shampoo?"

Mousse shrugged. "Yes, but I'll be damned before I let her
wreck your trip the way she wrecked my life." he looked over
at Shampoo who was aiming for Ranma again. "Even Saotome
doesn't deserve _that_."

"Ummm... well, okay." said Ukyou. "If you're sure."

Mousse nodded and went over to Shampoo. "<Xian Pu,>" he said.
"<If you really want to come along I'll help you.>"

"<Huh, I'm coming along with or without your help,>" Shampoo
replied. "<Don't think that after all these years I'm
interested in you.>"

Unseen, Mousse's smile turned bitter for a brief moment.
"<Oh, I have no delusions on that score. But I have an
ulterior motive myself. Ukyou.>"

"<What about her?>" Shampoo asked.

"<Isn't it obvious? I'm in love with her!>"

Ryoga's eyebrows shot up. *What the HELL!!!!!!*

Shampoo stared at Mousse. "<You've GOT to be joking!>"

"<It's the truth, you think I'd spend all this money taking
them out to dinner, putting them up at a hotel, for
nothing? This is all part of my plan to impress her.>"

Shampoo's mind whirled, "<But... but this is PERFECT! You
get spatula-girl, and I get airen and everybody happy!>"

"<Except Akane,>" Mousse pointed out.

"<Who cares? Maybe that moronic imbecile Ryoga the
incompetently eternally lost one will take her in. Or
she can beg on the streets, it's all the same to me.>"

"<You haven't changed at all, have you Xian Pu?>" Mousse
asked wryly.

"<Mousse, I will allow you to help me!>"

"<Oh. Goodie.>"

"What's wrong Ryoga?"

"Nothing," said Ryoga, unclenching his fists. "Nothing
at all."

***

Back at the hotel, Mousse walked down the corridor from
Shampoo's room. He'd just shown her to it and she had
thanked him with her normal politeness and grace.

"<Now GET LOST!!!>"

Mousse sighed. Then he gacked and gasped for breath
as a pair of incredibly strong hands closed on his
throat.

"Ack!" he managed, before he gasped out his remaining
air when he was slammed into the wall. Ryoga held him
against it, murder in his eyes.

"<That was an interesting plan you came up with Mu Shu,>"
he said.

"Glug." said Mousse. *Oh s**t.*

"<Now would you care to _explain_ yourself?>" Ryoga
asked. "<Or should I just break your neck now?>"

Mousse indicated that air would be helpful at this
stage of the narrative. Ryoga relaxed his grip a little,
but did not lower him to the ground.

"<Your Chinese is really very good Hibiki,>" Mousse
gasped out.

"<Thank you for noticing,>" purred Ryoga. "<Now, about
that explanation...>"

"<I had to tell her _something_,>" Mousse said.
"<Otherwise she'd have just done something on her own
and screwed everything up. This way she thinks I'm on
her side and I can keep you appraised of the situation.
It also means Ukyou is safe.>"

"<What about Akane?>" demanded Ryoga.

"<You're not STILL in love with her are you?>"

"<No, as a matter of fact Ukyou and _I_ are now a
couple...>" Ryoga informed him. "<But she's still a
very old very dear friend, and if Shampoo lays a single
digit on her, I will break said digit plus interest!>"

"<Got it,>" said Mousse. "<I swear I'll try and protect
Akane!>"

"<Alright then,>" Ryoga let him go. "<Good plan Mousse.
Sorry about that, but I get twitchy when people threaten
my friends and loved ones.>"

"<Understandable,>" said Mousse, rubbing his throat.
"<Hey.>"

"<What?>"

"<Does Shampoo know you can speak Chinese?>"

"<Who me? Ryoga moronic imbecile, Ryoga the incompetently
eternally lost one?>"

"<Right. Why don't we keep it that way,>" suggested Mousse.

Ryoga considered this. "<Good idea. Well, glad we've
gotten that all straightened out. Good night Mousse.>"

With that he turned and went... into Ukyou's room.

Mousse's eyebrows shot up into his hairline. "Whoa. He
really meant it! Maybe there is hope." Grinning, he
headed for the dining room.

***

When Mousse entered the dining room he was surprised
and pleased to see that almost all of the group were there.

"Hi everyone! All decided to stay up for a nightcap huh?"
he said. "Where's Ranma?"

"Oh, he went to bed already, said Shampoo's squealing had
given him a headache." said Miya. "Are you okay? Your
voice sounds kind of funny."

Mousse rubbed his throat. "I think I might be coming
down with something," he lied.

"Oh dear, let me order you a lemon drink," said Kiyone.

Mousse sat down and allowed himself to be duly fussed
over. He was just deciding whether or not to drink the
chicken soup or the lemon drink or just order some
lemon chicken when Shampoo stomped in.

"Where Ranma?" she demanded.

"Boy, talk about your one-track mind," said Godai to
Kiyone quietly. She sighed. "Tell me about it."

"Ranma...?" said Akane. "Why do YOU want to know?"

Shampoo looked around the group. There was Mousse, the
tough-girl, her man, the student boy, the mysterious
green-haired woman, Nabiki, Akane, the fem-boy
waiter, and the hentai skater. There was no airen or
stupid spatula-girl. There was no lost boy either but
he was probably living up to his name. Shampoo's eyes
narrowed.

"Where Ranma?" she demanded again.

"He went to bed," Nabiki volunteered.

"Where spatula-girl?" she asked suspiciously.

"Who, Ukyou-sama?" inquired Konatsu innocently. "She
was tired and went to bed early."

Shampoo considered this. "WHAAAAAAATTTTT!!!!!!!"

She turned and sped out of the dining room.

"Oh hell," said Mousse. "Shampoo!!!!" he ran after her.

"Konatsu, why did you do that?" asked Nabiki.

"Do what?" said Konatsu, fluttering his eyelashes
innocently.

***

Mousse caught up with Shampoo halfway down the corridor.
"<Xian Pu, wait up! It's not what you think!>"

Shampoo broke away from Mousse. "<I'm not going to listen to
you! You are just protecting spatula-girl, your _love_!>"
she sneered.

Mousse frowned. "<I am only trying to stop you from interfering
in what is _not_ your business!>"

"<Ha! If it concerns Ranma, it is my business! And I know
Ukyou, she will do anything to keep my husband away from me!>"

"<Things have changed, Shampoo.>" Mousse made another grab for
her.

Shampoo slipped away. "<It's time I settled this! I'll give her
the kiss of death!>" Shampoo ran down the corridor to Ukyou's
room.

Mousse pounded after her, swearing under his breath.

Shampoo reached the door and reduced it to splinters.
"Spatula-girl, you I kill!"

"Nani?!" Ukyou shrieked and sat bolt upright, clutching the
sheets to her chest. In the corner of her eye Shampoo saw a
figure falling off the bed and hitting the floor with a grunt.
Ukyou and the position of the bed blocked Shampoo's vision,
but she had glimpsed enough to know that it was a man with
black hair.

Shampoo's battle aura flared red with rage as she came to the
obvious conclusion. She pointed accusingly at Ukyou.
"Spatula-girl seduce Airen! You have Ranma in bed!!!!!" she
screamed.

"Get the hell outta here, Shampoo!!!" cried Ukyou.

Behind Shampoo, Mousse groaned. "No, Shampoo, you've got it
all wrong!"

Shampoo took a step forward. "Shampoo kill you! You wicked!
You thief! You steal Ranma!"

Ukyou tossed her hair. "You stupid, home-wrecking,
purple-haired, Amazon bimbo!!!" she shot back savagely.

"Shut up!" screeched Shampoo. "I kill!" she gathered herself
for an attack as Mousse reached to pull her back.

"Hey, what's with all the screaming?" Ranma trotted up to
observe the ruckus. Shampoo whirled on the newcomer in rage.
"Spatula-girl seduce Ranma!" She pointed at Ukyou, her hand
trembling.

Ukyou raised an eyebrow, Mousse groaned again and Ranma
blinked. Shampoo stood very still for a few seconds, then
looked back at Ranma. "You Ranma."

He gave her a quizzical look. "Last time I checked." He
looked around the shattered remains of the door. "Hi,
Ucchan, what's up?"

"Ask her." said Ukyou drily.

Shampoo blinked rapidly. "If Ranma no with spatula-girl,
who... ?"

An arm reached up from the floor and Ryoga Hibiki sat up,
pulling a portion of the covers around him.

He glared at the three in the doorway. "Do you mind? Some
of us are trying to... _sleep_... here."

Despite himself, Mousse snickered. "_Sure_ you are."

Both Ranma and Shampoo were frozen, their mouths wide open.

Then Shampoo recovered. "Spatula girl sleep with... is not...
is doing... "she blushed and turned around. "Shampoo go now."
she walked away, Mousse following.

Ukyou sighed. "Great, now we have to move to YOUR room!"
she pulled on her yukata. "What are you waiting for?" she
demanded impatiently.

"I need some clothes," Ryoga reminded her. "Unless you
want me to walk out of here naked? And who knows WHERE I'd
wind up!"

Ranma stood in the doorway gaping, whilst Ukyou threw
Ryoga his clothes.

"Uh, Ranma... you can _leave_ now," said Ukyou. She brushed
past him.

"Later Ranma," said Ryoga, following her. Ranma stood in
the midst of the shattered door, mouth open.

*I can't believe this. Ryoga made a home run... BEFORE ME!!!*

***

Shampoo marched down the corridor to her room, face flaming.
*Ukyou and Ryoga... Ukyou and Ryoga...* Her mind just couldn't
accept it.

"<Xian Pu? Are you alright?>"

She turned to look at Mousse. "<I'm... WONDERFUL!!!!>" she
clapped her hands. "<This means that I only have to get rid
of Akane! And she has no chance against me!>" her eyes
blazed.

"<Oh>" said Mousse.

Shampoo leaned forward worriedly. "<But Mousse, are YOU
alright... I mean, you're in love with Ukyou, right?>"

*Oops, oh yeah.* "<Waaaaaah! I'm so unhappy!>" Mousse
utilised all his new acting skills and buried his face
in his hands. Shampoo leant forward and hugged him
sympathetically.

"<Never mind Mousse, it's alright.>" she patted his
shoulder and Mousse's heart swelled.

"<I'll set you up with Akane instead!>"

***

to be continued

[Skuld-chan]

From: Jessica <jaelle@ihug.co.nz>
Subject: [Ranma][FanFic] Magical Mystery Hibiki Tour #18
Newsgroups: rec.arts.anime.creative
Followup-To: rec.arts.anime.fandom
Organization: The Internet Group Ltd



The Magical Mystery Hibiki Tour
By Jaelle and Orla

***

The characters in this story are the property of Rumiko
Takahashi-sama. We prostrate ourselves at her feet and beg her
forgiveness for our temerity in using these characters. We're
not worthy! We're not worthy!

The other characters are copyright to Yukie Nasu and Pioneer
LDC.

C & C is welcome (although we don't like flames!). You can
contact us at either: ladyorla@yahoo.com or jaelle@ihug.co.nz

For more of our fanfiction visit our site 'Insane Musings'at:
http://homepages.ihug.co.nz/~jaelle/Jaelle_Orla.htm

***

This story occurs four years after Ranma 1/2 volume 38.

***

Part 18

***

*BBBRRRRIIIINNNGGG!!!!*

Ukyou sat up with a jerk. *Damn hotel alarm clocks! Do
they have to be so loud?* She yawned and looked down at
Ryoga. He was still asleep.

"Unbelieveable." Ukyou muttered as she got up. "I swear
an earthquake wouldn't wake him up."

She fixed some coffee for Ryoga and some tea for herself.
Coming back to the bed she smiled down at him.

"You're so kawaii..." Ukyou touched his forehead. "My...
P-Chan."

"Who're you calling _P-CHAN_!!!!!" Ryoga sat bolt upright,
his eyes wide open and glaring.

"Uhhh..." Ukyou was stunned for a moment, then she giggled.
Ryoga stared up at her. "Ukyou?"

"Well, now I have the secret weapon!" Ukyou giggled. "Just
call you P-Chan and you wake up! You're so easy to tease."

Ryoga grinned and grabbed her, pulling her back down on the
bed. "So are you!" he said and tickled her.

Ukyou wriggled. "H-hey! Cut that out!!!"

Akane and Ranma walking past Ryoga's door, looked at each
other.

"Do we really want to know?" she asked. Ranma grabbed her
arm. "Move along now, move along."

***

"All right everyone," said Ukyou over breakfast. "We need
to discuss something."

"What's that?" asked Akane. She, Miya and Kiyone stopped
eating to look up. The rest of the group kept going,
having learned from various diverse painful experiences
not to surrender food unless they had to.

"Well," said Ukyou. "There's the small matter of
timetabling."

"Huh?" asked Godai.

"I mean that, due to our accidental sidetrips to Burma
and so on, we're somewhat behind schedule." said Ukyou.
"We're only in Hong Kong and the time on the tour's almost
up."

"Can't be, we've only been travelling around for..." Suka
looked at his watch. "Ummm..."

Miya sighed and pulled out a pocket calendar, "She has a
point Suka, we are running out of time. You have to get
back to your studies."

"You can no go home!" said Shampoo. "Shampoo just get
here!"

"Sorry, Shampoo, but we're not doing this trip for YOU!"
snarled Ukyou.

"But... but..."

"If you're going home what did I pay for?" Mousse asked.

"A hiding place from all your fans," said Ryoga. "If you
don't like it we can throw you back you know."

A sweatdrop trickled down Mousse's hair. "Never mind."

Ukyou leant back in her chair, flicked her hair behind
her, "Anyway..." she began.

Nabiki's eyes narrowed. "Oh my, it seems Ukyou has a
personal reason for leaving."

"What?" Ukyou was startled.

"Poor dear," Nabiki said solicitously. "You must have
sweet blood for the insects to bite you so." Everyone's
eyes went to Ukyou's neck. "Either that," Nabiki finished.
"Or the vampires are out in force."

Everyone looked at Ryoga, who looked at Ukyou's neck and
crimsoned.

Ukyou put her hand to her neck, the awful truth dawning
on her face. Konatsu handed her a pocket mirror and she
checked her reflection.

"Oh my god!!!" Ukyou clutched her hair tightly around her
throat and blushed bright red. Nabiki smirked.

"Uhhh... _anyway_," said Ukyou. "Getting back to the
timetable..."

A flutter of movement caught Mikado's eye and he frowned.
Then he tapped the person next to him on the shoulder.

"Godai," he said quietly. "You know that pot plant by the
door?"

"Yeah," said Godai, who'd almost tripped over it on the
way to breakfast whilst daydreaming about Kyoko.

"It's not there anymore."

"Oh, did the hotel staff remove it?" Godai asked
disinterestedly.

"No," said Mikado slowly. "It's over by the window now."

The two men stared at the pot plant. It was definitely the
same one as the one that had been by the door.

"How..." said Godai, when it moved again, this time
towards the table.

"What the...?"

"CHAAARGE! CHARGE I SAY!!!!!"

"Oh NO!" yelled Ukyou, turning to see the pot plant charging
towards her. "NO!!!"

"UKYOU-SAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! BANZAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!"
Tsubasa Kurenai burst out of the pot plant and landed on
the table in front of Ukyou. "I missed you sooooooo much!"

*Argh,* thought Ukyou. *This is ridiculous, I'm just trying
to have BREAKFAST for crying out loud!!!!*

There was a loud snap behind her.

*I better think of something REAL QUICK or Ryoga's going to
give up on the cutlery and start trying to break Tsubasa.
Actually, that wouldn't be a bad idea. Oh, but then Ryoga
would get put in prison. Ummmm... ummmmm...*

As the group sat there stunned, the decision was taken
out of their hands.

"My my, the beautiful ones certainly cue up to follow you
around don't they Kuonji-san," said a smooth voice.

Tsubasa turned to see Mikado Sanzenin, one of the Golden
Pair of Martial Arts figure skating standing behind him.
"What...?" was all he got out before Mikado gently pulled
him into his lap and kissed him.

Everyone's eyes bugged out. The Nerima crowd's especially.
*Oh great kami, Mikado doesn't know... Damn I wish I had
a camera!* thought Ryoga, Ranma, Konatsu and Ukyou together.

Finally, Mikado broke the kiss. "You're safe now with me,
miss." he said.

Tsubasa stared at him. "You... you... WAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!"
Crying, he fled out the door and into the distance, never
to be seen again.

"Oh, how sweet, that she should react so," said Mikado. "I
shall treasure the memory of our kiss."

"So will I," said Ukyou.

"Mikado-kun!" said Kiyone. "You can't just..." her voice
trailed off as Nabiki grabbed her shoulder and whispered in
her ear. "Never mind. I think you got what you deserved."

"You really think so?" asked Mikado.

"Oh yeah."

"Okay people, the timetable!" shrieked Ukyou, clinging
grimly to her original plan. "We're all out of time, so
we're going home now or I'll hit you with the table!
However we're going to take the scenic, coastal route,
that we were supposed to see on the way in home, so you'll
all get to see something new."

"But Shampoo already seen it," protested Shampoo.

"Did you think I was bluffing?" demanded Ukyou, lifting
the table, breakfast and all.

"You want fight now?" Shampoo rolled up a sleeve.

"Not over breakfast," moaned Godai. "It's bad for the
digestion!"

"Put down the table Ukyou," ordered Mousse. "I've already
had to pay for the door to your _room_," he glared
meaningfully at Shampoo, who subsided somewhat. "The
coastal route is fine... it's not very populated is it?"

"Not too badly," said Ukyou. "Don't worry Mousse, if it
gets too much for you, you can hide in my..." her mind
realised what it was saying. "Mikado's room." she
finished.

"Oh, goodie. Will I be safe there?" Mousse asked.

"Just don't put on a dress," advised Ranma.

"Don't worry, I'll leave that to YOU Ranma." said Mousse,
smiling.

***

Ranma and Akane were the first on the bus, they took their
usual place up the front. Ranma smiled at Akane.

"I'm glad we're first." he said. "There's something I need
to talk to you about."

"Sure."

Ranma cleared his throat and fidgeted. "Well, you know that
Shampoo is... well... she's probably going to... ummm..."

"Try to sit with you and shove me out of the window?" supplied
Akane. She nodded. "Don't worry, I'm _not_ going to get upset."

Ranma stared at her. "Huh?"

"I'm not going to give her the satisfaction." said Akane simply.
"Besides, I trust you."

"You _do_?"

Akane rolled her eyes. "Yes, dummy. We're getting married soon,
we're past this nonsense, okay?"

"Nihao!" Shampoo bounced on board.

Akane sighed. "Some of us are at least."

"Airen! Wo Ai Ni!" Shampoo made a beeline for the seat opposite
Ranma. There was a sudden blur of movement and Suka and Miya
plopped themselves in the seat. Shampoo stopped and glared.
"What you do?" she cried angrily.

"What?" Suka asked doing his best Shinobu impression. "There
are plenty of seats. We like this one."

Shampoo fumed, then she spotted the one behind Ranma. *Aha!*
She started forward. There was another blur and Kiyone, Godai
and Konatsu stared up at her innocently.

"Can we help you?" Kiyone asked.

"Aargh!" Shampoo stamped her foot. She looked around, there
was a seat filled by Mikado - no way. The only other option
was...

"<Having problems, Xian Pu?>" Mousse asked pleasantly as she
sat down beside him.

"<You shut up.>" grumbled Shampoo.

Outside the bus Ryoga finished checking the tyres and gave
Ukyou the thumbs up. She smiled at him. "Get on board, honey."
she said. "I'll wait for Nabiki."

"What is she doing?" Ryoga asked.

"She said she had to make a quick call to Japan, to check on
Kuno."

Ryoga's eyebrows lifted. "She checks up on him?"

"If Kuno was my husband, I'd check on him." said Ukyou. "Who
knows what he could get up to by himself."

Ryoga laughed and got on the bus. A moment later Nabiki emerged
from the hotel, she smiled at Ukyou as she reached her. Ukyou
shivered, smiles like that from Nabiki usually meant something
unpleasant.

"Everything okay?" she asked.

Nabiki nodded. "Tacchi's fine, he destroyed the kitchen, but
all he burnt were his eyebrows." she rummaged in her purse and
pulled out a paper bag and handed it to Ukyou. "For you."

Ukyou frowned. "If this is more chocolate mousse, well... I
don't need it."

"This is what you need _after_ the chocolate mousse." said
Nabiki getting on the bus.

Ukyou opened the bag and looked at the contents. "Ah." she
murmured. "How thoughtful."

***

The bus rolled along the half-empty road. The day was hot,
the sun was shining, the tempers were short, but otherwise,
everything was normal.

"Get off airen!"

Or as normal as they get around here.

Shampoo glared at Akane, who lifted an eyebrow back at her.

"Why should I get off him?" she inquired from the position
she'd taken up on Ranma's lap. "He's MY fiancee, _I'm_
getting married to him. As long as it doesn't bother
anyone else here, I don't see a problem."

"It bother Shampoo!"

"Note I said anyone _else_, not you!"

"Grrrrrr..." Shampoo drew out her bonbori. "You take final
piece of cake! You die now!"

Mousse leapt up, "Shampoo! Not here!"

"Yes here!" said Shampoo. Then the bus turned left and she
was jolted off balance.

"Argh!" Suka dodged one bonbori but the other one hit him
between the eyes and he fell to the floor unconcious.

"HEY!" yelled Miya. "Those things are dangerous. You put
them away right now!"

Shampoo snorted derisively at her. Miya's eyes narrowed and
she drew a long length of chain from her belt. "Don't mess
with me." she warned.

"Knock it off you guys!" yelled Ukyou. "This is a tour bus,
not a bar!" She drew her spatula. "Put the bonbori down
Shampoo!"

"You go to hell!" Shampoo retorted. "You just jealous."

"Of what? _I'm_ not engaged in a pathetic chase after Ranma
any more."

"Uh oh," said Mousse.

"You jealous cause you get second best," said Shampoo.

"YOU TAKE THAT BACK!!!!"

Ryoga tried to block out the noise of the fight and watch the
road, but when he heard Ukyou's scream he couldn't help it,
he looked in the mirror.

"NO FIGHTING ON THE DAMN BUS!!!" he yelled.

There was a faint thud.

"OH MY GOD I THINK I HIT SOMEONE!!!!" Ryoga's scream hit
registers he hadn't hit since puberty. The fight abruptly
stopped. So did the bus.

"Ohmygodohmygodohmygod..." Ryoga began to hyperventilate.

Shampoo, Akane and Miya looked guilty. Ukyou vaulted over the
unconcious Suka and hit the door controls.

"I'll go see. You all stay here and NOBODY MOVE!!!" she
ordered, strapping her spatula to her back as she walked out
the door.

***

*What just hit me?* thought the figure sprawled in the dust.
One minute he'd been walking along the highway, the next
flying through the air. Slowly, Hikaru Kazeten got to his
feet and surveyed the damage. He was fine. Of course. He
smiled slightly arrogantly.

Except his clothes were filthy.

He frowned.

"Hey there, are you okay?"

Kazeten looked up, rubbing his head. A pretty girl looked down
at him.

"I'm SO sorry," she said. "We didn't mean to bowl you off the
road. Are you alright? Do you need medical help? Oh nuts, you
probably don't understand me... Uhhh..."

"I understand you," he said. "Why wouldn't I?"

Ukyou blinked. "Oh you're Japanese!"

Kazeten drew himself up and brushed himself off.

"I'm fine," he said. "A little dirty, but fine."

"Wow," said Ukyou. "You must be pretty tough, the only
other..."

"Of course," Kazeten interrupted her arrogantly. "I AM a
martial artist of some renown."

"Oh," Ukyou raised her eyebrows. Kazeten waited for her to
be impressed. Somehow the declaration didn't seem to be
having it's usual effect. He examined Ukyou more closely.
Pretty, seems nice enough, a bit common though, and what
was with the spatula?

"I'm sorry," said Ukyou, noticing his puzzled expression.
"I didn't introduce myself. My name is Ukyou Kuonji,
pleased to meet you."

"Hikaru Kazeten." He pronounced his name importantly and
waited for her to recognise it.

There was an uncomfortable silence.

"It's... nice to meet you," said Ukyou eventually. "Look,
I'm really sorry about what happened. Can we give you a
lift?"

"No." said Kazeten.

There was another uncomfortable silence.

"Oh, okay then. Well, bye!" Ukyou turned to leave.

"Miss Kuonji?"

She turned back "Yes?" she said expectantly. *Ah, the fall
must have damaged his manners and now he's recovered!*

"You _do_ realise that you have a large spatula strapped to
your back don't you?" Kazeten asked.

Ukyou blinked. "Of course, it's not like you can miss it
or anything!"

Kazeten nodded. "I see, very well then. You may be on your
way."

"Oh THANK you so much!" said Ukyou sarcastically.

Kazeten nodded regally and set off again. Ukyou fumed all
the way back to the bus.

"What happened was there someone, are they okay?" demanded
Ryoga frantically.

"There's good news and there's bad news," said Ukyou. "The
good news is you didn't hurt him."

"So what's the bad news?" asked Ranma.

"The bad news is you didn't hurt him."

"Huh?" everyone was confused. Ukyou shook her head,
indicating 'I'll tell you later'. "Mikado, you take the
wheel. Ryoga go lie down for a while. And everyone, new rule.
No fighting on the bus."

The bus continued on its way.

***

to be continued

[Skuld-chan]

From: Jessica <jaelle@ihug.co.nz>
Subject: [Ranma][FanFic] Magical Mystery Hibiki Tour #19
Newsgroups: rec.arts.anime.creative
Followup-To: rec.arts.anime.fandom
Organization: The Internet Group Ltd


The Magical Mystery Hibiki Tour
By Jaelle and Orla

***

The characters in this story are the property of Rumiko
Takahashi-sama. We prostrate ourselves at her feet and beg her
forgiveness for our temerity in using these characters. We're
not worthy! We're not worthy!

The other characters are copyright to Yukie Nasu and Pioneer
LDC.

C & C is welcome (although we don't like flames!). You can
contact us at either: ladyorla@yahoo.com or jaelle@ihug.co.nz

For more of our fanfiction visit our site 'Insane Musings'at:
http://homepages.ihug.co.nz/~jaelle/Jaelle_Orla.htm

***

This story occurs four years after Ranma 1/2 volume 38.

***

Part 19

The bus rolled in to Guangzhou towards the end of the day.
By this time the people inside were hot, tired, in desperate
need of a wash and tired of not fighting. Within ten seconds
of getting off the bus a fight broke out between (of all
people) Suka and Miya.

"You're saying I'M unreasonable??? YOU brought that stupid
chain along. I thought we agreed that..."

"I was TRYING to protect you!"

"I don't NEED your protection!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

"Okay!"

"Okay!"

They glared at each other.

"I guess I shouldn't have brought it," Miya eventually said.
"But I was so worried about you."

Suka relaxed. "I know, but I worry about you going back to
your old ways." *And your old boyfriend,* he thought. "Besides,
I lived in a dorm with Shinobu and Mitsuru for several years.
I can take care of myself."

"You're right," said Miya. "I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too. Why don't we go get something to eat?"

"Good idea!" they walked off, arm in arm.

Ranma and Akane watched them go. "Weird." said Ranma, Akane
nodded in agreement.

Shampoo bounced up to them. "Airen want to go get food with
Shampoo?!" she asked cutely.

"Airen want to take nice cold shower," replied Ranma.

"Ooooh, kinky."

Everyone sweatdropped. "You are not invited!" said Ranma.

"Airen not love Shampoo?"

"Airen not love CATS!!!" Ranma shouted.

"Oh yes, Shampoo forget."

"Shampoo forget much to often for airen's liking." replied
Ranma.

"Will you two stop talking like that!" yelled Nabiki. "It's
irritating! Kasumi's kids talk like that and they're TWO!"

"Oh, Kiyone not know Nabiki is aunty," said Kiyone.

"How too too cute!" said Godai.

"Is okay?" asked Mousse.

"ARGH!" Nabiki stomped off. Shampoo fumed.

"Shampoo no talk like that!" she yelled.

"Shampoo always talk like that," said Mousse. "Why Shampoo
not learn to speak proper Japanese when living in Japan for
several years. Is too too stupid, yes? Now Mousse going
inside for nice nice meal. Godai want to join Mousse?"

"Airen!" yelled Godai.

Everyone collapsed in giggles as Godai glomped Mousse's
arm, except for Shampoo.

"Shampoo hate you! Shampoo hurt! Shampoo go away now!"

"GOOD!"

"Shut up stupid spatula girl!"

"Oh, Ukyou make stupid ramen girl upset? Stupid ramen
girl want to go cry? Okay! Ukyou happy to see her go!"

Shampoo stomped off, destroying several small buildings in
her wake.

Ukyou laughed. "Finally, Ukyou get rid of stupid ramen
girl." she looked around. Everyone but Ryoga had gone inside.
She nudged him in the ribs.

"Lost boy want to go have fun with sexy spatula girl?" she
asked. "Is make nice!"

Ryoga groaned.

Ukyou laughed. "Sorry, Ukyou not mean to... damn! This way
of talking is addictive! Anyway, what do you think of my
suggestion?"

"Not bad," said Ryoga. "As long as you stop speaking in
third person."

"Airen!" Ukyou grabbed his arm and nuzzled his biceps.
"Aiya!"

Ryoga blushed. "Ukyou, we're in public! People are staring
at us! There's one guy across the road who's absolutely
fixated on us!"

Ukyou looked across the road. "Oh my god!"

***

Hikaru Kazeten stared. It couldn't be!

***

"Hey, Kazeten!" Ukyou waved. "Fancy meeting you here. You
must be a fast walker!"

Kazeten made his way across the road to them.

"Who's _this_ guy?" Ryoga muttered out of the side of his
mouth. He glared at the handsome young man approaching.
He was dressed in a military-style uniform, his short hair
slicked back. Ryoga was irritated to note that the other
man was slightly taller than he was too. *Grrrrr...* he
thought.

Ukyou nudged him in the ribs. "Be nice," she hissed. "This
is the guy we knocked off the road."

"Want me to do it again? I seem to recall you didn't like
him."

"Then." Ukyou said. "He was probably in shock from the
accident. Hi Kazeten!" she smiled at the man. "Ryoga,
this is Hikaru Kazeten. Kazeten, this is Ryoga
Hibi..."

*POW*

Ryoga's head snapped back as Kazeten punched him in the
face. Then he stumbled back and recovered.

"Okay, I owed you that for knocking you off the road," he
said, rubbing his jaw. "But if you want a fight, it's more
polite to make a challenge first."

"It's you..." said Kazeten. "After all these years, it's
really you."

"Huh?"

"All the years I've waited... to find you here. Ryoga
Hibiki... YOU RUINED MY LIFE!"

Ryoga's jaw dropped.

"Uh... are you sure you're not confusing me with a guy
called Ranma?" he inquired.

"As though I could forget you, my arch-nemesis." said
Kazeten.

The rest of the group had come to see what was going on
and heard this. Ranma raised his eyebrows. "What gives, I
thought I was Ryoga's arch-nemesis."

"You are," said Ryoga. "I have NO idea who this guy is."

"Oh," said Ranma. "It's one of those."

"What?"

"Never mind."

Kazeten prepared to hit Ryoga again when he was stopped
by a large spatula in front of his face. "You better have
a good explanation for this sugah." said Ukyou.

Kazeten glared at Ryoga. "Thanks to him I've seen hell!"

Ryoga felt a disturbing sense of deja vu.

"You can't know the pain I've suffered..." Kazeten continued.

"One moment please," said Ranma. He pulled a bottle of cold
water out from his shirt and poured it over Kazeten.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING??!!! I'M ANGSTING HERE!!!"
Kazeten was outraged.

"Sorry, just checking something. Carry on."

"That foul day, ten years ago, when you defeated me! ME!
Hikaru Kazeten! The pride of the Kazeten School of
Lightning Martial Arts!!!!"

"Kazeten school?" Mousse asked Ranma.

"Never heard of it," replied Ranma.

"Ten YEARS???!!!" Ryoga repeated. "You expect me to
remember this?!"

"There I was, exercising my superiority over the lower
classes! I was the fittest, the strongest, the best! And
then YOU! YOU came along and defeated me! You! The bitter
weed in the pond of evolution."

"Ten years," Ryoga muttered. "Elementary school, hmmm..."

"I don't believe this!" Ukyou said. "What kind of _loser_
would spend most of their life following someone around
because of one TINY little incident that happened when they
were in their childhood?" she paused. "Why is everyone
looking at me?"

"Think about it," suggested Akane.

Kazeten continued. "You destroyed my rightful place at the
top of the school class system! I was your sempai! You
should have KOWTOWED to me!"

"I feel homesick," said Nabiki.

"Eugh, too much information." said Konatsu.

Ryoga continued to think. "Sempai??"

"How could you forget me? ME? Hikaru Kazeten! Because of
you, you scruffy urchin, my entire social standing was
destroyed. My family has sworn to disown me if I do not
bring you to justice! The lackeys at school refused to
continue to bring me my just tithe! They LAUGHED at me!
They MOCKED me! And it's all YOUR FAULT!"

"I remember now!" said Ryoga. "You're that little bully
I beat the snot out of for using karate on the kids two
years below us and stealing all their lunch money!"

Kazeten reddened. "How DARE you???!!!"

Ryoga looked surprised. "You mean you're still mad
about that? Come on! Those kids had no chance against
you! You nearly broke that one kid's arm. I just showed
you what it was like to fight somebody who could fight
back. You shouldn't pick on non-fighters. It's not
honourable."

"Who are YOU to talk to me about HONOUR, you PEASANT!!!"
Kazeten yelled. "You are too low-born to know ANYTHING
about ANYTHING!!! Well, your days are numbered!"

"I'm not going to fight you," said Ryoga. "If you had a
legitimate grudge that would be different, but this..."
he trailed off. There were murmurs of agreement from the
others around him. Ryoga turned away.

"You won't walk away from me! LIGHTNING FIST!!!!"

There was a blur of movement and Ryoga found himself
flying through the air. He landed with a thump, the breath
knocked out of him. Ukyou ran to his side.

"Are you okay sugar?" she asked.

"I'm fine," Ryoga rubbed his chest briefly. "You think he
could hurt ME??"

*Ow. Owowowowowowowowowowowowowowow.... Aaaaaaaagh!!! No,
don't hug me AAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!*

"Are you sure you're okay?" Ukyou asked. "You look a bit
pale."

"Positive," said Ryoga. "Never been better. He just
surprised me is all."

*AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!*

Meanwhile the others all turned to face Kazeten.

"Hitting a guy without warning." said Ranma, cracking his
knuckles. "I'm beginning to see why Ryoga beat you up all
those years ago."

"That was INEXCUSABLE!" said Konatsu. "You didn't even
deliver a formal letter of challenge."

"I agree," said Mousse. "I think it's time someone gave
you a refresher course in manners..."

"Shampoo no like lost boy, but Shampoo no like bad manners
even more!"

"Ryoga's my friend," said Akane, materialising a mallet
out of thin air.

Kiyone pulled a yoyo out of one pocket and began tossing
it menacingly. "We all like him."

Miya wrapper her chain around her fingers and let it dangle
down. Suka clenched his fists.

Mikado decided he was unneccessary in this gathering and
moved away, along with Nabiki and Godai.

Kazeten eyed the numerous pissed off martial artists.

"I'll be back Hibiki!" he yelled, as he bounded away in the
tried and true form of martial arts grasshopper imitating.

"Jerk," said Ranma. "You shoulda hit him harder ten years
ago Ryoga."

Ryoga shrugged. "Maybe you're right. Maybe it's time to
give him a refresher course. But not now." he stood up.
"Let's eat and shower, okay?"

***

Ryoga walked into the shower and slumped against the wall.

"Owwwww...." he said, touching his chest. Kazeten had gotten
in several fast hits and they had been MUCH harder than he
was used to lately. He took off his shirt. "Oh hell!"

His chest was covered in ugly black and blue bruises. Ryoga
groaned.

"When Ukyou sees this she's going to freak!"

"Who's going to... Whoa!" Ranma walked in and stopped.

"Shut the door Ranma and shut up!" Ryoga ordered.

Ranma did so. "Ouch, that's gotta hurt." he said.

Ryoga nodded. "No kidding Sherlock. Can you think of a way
to make this magically disappear before bedtime?"

"Why does it need to ohhh..." said Ranma, catching on. He
looked at the bruising. "Maybe you could tell her you have
a headache?"

Ryoga glared at him.

"Or you could put makeup on it, that might work. I'm sure
Konatsu has some."

"Oh please," said Ryoga. "You're making me feel worse."

"Well..." said Ranma.

"Ryoga honey I've come to help you wash your ba-ack!"
Ukyou walked in the door and stopped, staring.

"OH MY GOD!!!"

"Uhhhh..." said Ryoga.

"You told me he didn't hurt you!" screamed Ukyou. "I
can't believe this! Look at you!"

Ranma slipped out the door. Good luck, he mouthed at
Ryoga.

Thanks, so much. Ryoga mouthed back.

"Now Ukyou, it's not as bad as it looks."

"Really," she poked him.

"AH!"

"Oh. My. God. He hurt you. YOU! Ryoga the indestructible!"

"He got lucky," Ryoga tried.

"Like hell! I'm a martial artist too remember," said Ukyou.
"I can see how bad this is."

"It's just bruising!" said Ryoga.

"Yes but he did it with just a few punches," Ukyou pointed
out, tears coming into her eyes. "What happens next time you
go up against him?"

"My guard will be up next time!" shouted Ryoga. "He won't
get through!"

"What if he does?"

"Argh!" Ryoga threw his hands up. "Then I'll take care of
him the same way I did when we were children!"

"You're not children now," Ukyou sniffed. "He's obviously
done more training since then."

"Well so have I," said Ryoga. "What's the matter, do you
think I'm too weak to take him?"

"No," said Ukyou. "It's not that! I just don't want you to
get hurt."

"Okay then, I won't get hurt." said Ryoga.

"You can't guarantee that!"

"I'm a martial artist, what do you expect me to do?"

"Tell him you won't fight him!" demanded Ukyou.

"I can't do that!" said Ryoga. "If he challenges me, I
will."

"If you love me you won't fight him!"

"If you love ME you won't ask me not to fight him!"

There was a long uncomfortable silence.

Finally Ukyou bit her lip and looked away. "Well, I see
we're at an impasse here." she sniffed. "I'm going to
my room. MY room." she turned and left.

Every step she took felt like one of Kazeten's punches
to Ryoga, and he hid his face as she went.

***

"Stupid STUPID STUPID RYOGA!" Ukyou slammed her door
behind her and fell on the bed, pounding at the pillows
with her fists. "What am I going to do? How am I going
to talk him out of this?!"

*I can't lose him,* she thought deep in her mind. *I
can't be alone again. I love Ryoga, I'd die if he died.
How can I stop him? Why won't he just do what I say?*

"ARGH!" she kicked her luggage around the room. Along
the way several pieces of clothing, some maps, and a
couple of packages fell out - including one significant
brown paper package. Nabiki's present. Ukyou stared at
it. *Ah HA!* An idea popped into her mind.

"No... I can't do that." she murmured. "He'd never
forgive me."

*Not if he didn't find out... and you know how dim Ryoga
is! And besides, it could be true... I haven't used it,
so I don't really know - I wouldn't exactly be lying.
And anyway, it's for his own good. And mine, of course.*
She picked up the package and stuffed it back in her bag.

***

That evening the mood was somewhat tense as the group sat
down to eat. Ryoga and Ukyou sitting at opposite ends of
the table did not help the atmosphere at all. It was almost
with relief that they greeted the man in the doorway, until
they saw what he carried.

"A challenge," said Ryoga.

"<For you, from Kazeten>," said the man, handing it to him
and leaving.

Ryoga unwrapped and read the challenge.

"So, when does he want to meet?" Ranma asked.

"Tomorrow morning, dawn. How original." said Ryoga.

"Are you going to accept it?" asked Kiyone.

"Of course, only a coward backs out of a man to man fight,"
said Ryoga. He looked at Ranma. "You'll lead me to the
meeting place right?"

Ranma nodded. Then cautiously he ventured, "You know, you
could ask for a delay... you know, to recover."

"I am FINE!" Ryoga said. "Do you want me to prove it to you?"

"Just asking!" said Ranma.

At the other end of the table Ukyou nibbled her fingernails.
*Okay, I have to do this NOW!*

"Ryoga, can I have a word with you, in private?" she asked.

"If you're going to try and stop me..." Ryoga began.

"Just hear me out, please." said Ukyou.

The duo went into a corner and conversed in whispers.

"Think she'll talk him out of it?" asked Godai.

"No way," said Miya. "Never happen."

"WHAAAAAAAAAAATT?!!!!!" Ryoga's voice resounded around
the room. Everyone looked around to see him grab Ukyou's
shoulders.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he shouted. "Of COURSE I'll call
off the fight!"

"WHAAAAATTT???!!!" everyone stared.

to be continued

[Skuld-chan]

From: Jessica <jaelle@ihug.co.nz>
Subject: [Ranma][FanFic] Magical Mystery Hibiki Tour #20
Newsgroups: rec.arts.anime.creative
Followup-To: rec.arts.anime.fandom
Organization: The Internet Group Ltd


The Magical Mystery Hibiki Tour
By Jaelle and Orla

***

The characters in this story are the property of Rumiko
Takahashi-sama. We prostrate ourselves at her feet and beg her
forgiveness for our temerity in using these characters. We're
not worthy! We're not worthy!

The other characters are copyright to Yukie Nasu and Pioneer
LDC.

C & C is welcome (although we don't like flames!). You can
contact us at either: ladyorla@yahoo.com or jaelle@ihug.co.nz

For more of our fanfiction visit our site 'Insane Musings'at:
http://homepages.ihug.co.nz/~jaelle/Jaelle_Orla.htm

***

This story occurs four years after Ranma 1/2 volume 38.

***

When we last left our, er, heroes?:

"Ryoga, can I have a word with you, in private?" she asked.

"If you're going to try and stop me..." Ryoga began.

"Just hear me out, please." said Ukyou.

The duo went into a corner and conversed in whispers.

"Think she'll talk him out of it?" asked Godai.

"No way," said Miya. "Never happen."

"WHAAAAAAAAAAATT?!!!!!" Ryoga's voice resounded around
the room. Everyone looked around to see him grab Ukyou's
shoulders.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he shouted. "Of COURSE I'll call
off the fight!"

"WHAAAAATTT???!!!" everyone stared.

***

Part 20

***

"I can't believe this," said Ryoga, tears pouring down the
sides of his face. "I'm... I'm..."

Everyone watched on tenterhooks.

"I'm SO HAPPY!!!!"

THUD! Collective facefault.

"What did he just say?" asked Kiyone.

"He said he was happy," said Mousse.

"But Ryoga's NEVER happy!" said Ranma. "That's who he IS! If
he's happy... then..."

Suddenly Ryoga was grabbed by the throat.

"Okay, who are you and what have you done with Ryoga!" Ranma
demanded.

"Aaaahhhh... Ranma my friend." said Ryoga.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" Ranma sprung away and
dashed behind Akane. "He's scaring me!"

"Ryoga, are you alright?" Akane asked carefully.

"Akane, Ranma, I want you two to be the first to know." said
Ryoga.

"I'm going to be a father!"

*THUD!!!!!!!*

***

The next morning.

"I still can't believe it," said Ranma. "Ryoga, a father." He
downed the scotch in front of him and looked at Ukyou.

"Are you sure Ucchan?"

Ukyou looked at her clasped hands. "Uh... y-yes!"

"Whoa." Ranma tried to drink his drink. It was empty. "I can't
believe it."

"I WON'T believe it," said Konatsu. "Not my Ukyou-sama!!!!"
Then he paused. "Wait - can I be Aunty Konatsu?"

"Errr... okay." *Geez,* thought Ukyou. *This is going a little
further than I expected.*

Nabiki sighed, "I blame myself. I should never have given you
the chocolate mousse, you were too young, too innocent."

"What's wrong with chocolate mousse?" asked Suka.

Godai stifled a flow of blood from his nose.

"Don't want to know," said Miya.

Ukyou couldn't stand it any longer. "If... ummm... if you guys
don't mind, I think I'll go lie down."

"Yes! Yes! Lie down. Calm down. Do you need a pillow? Can I
give you a back rub? How bout a foot massage? Are you hungry?"

"GEEZ Ryoga, CALM DOWN already!" Ukyou stood up. "I'm only p-
p-p-... you know." she walked off.

"Okay, you go lie down, I'll go tell Kazeten the duels off,"
said Ryoga. He looked briefly despondent. "I guess from now
on, _all_ my duels are off... I have to think of my family
now."

As she walked away Ukyou felt like the smallest, lousiest
creature that had ever crawled the earth. *But,* she reminded
herself, *It's for the best.*

***

Kazeten waited majestically, silhouetted against the rising
sun. He made an impressive, although cliched, figure.

"I make an impressive figure," he mused out loud. "How the
peasants must admire me."

"<Ma, what's that crazy man doing on top of the pole
talking to himself?>"

"<Just pretend you can't see him dear.>"

Ryoga looked up at Kazeten as he walked towards the appointed
spot, Ranma behind him.

"Ryoga!" yelled Kazeten, leaping down from his pole.

"Kazeten," replied Ryoga.

"It has been too long my foe! And now is the day that I shall
smite thee and deliver thee unto eternal justice!"

"Are you sure your name's not Kuno?"

"Silence peasant! Are you prepared to meet your DOOOOM!!!!"

"Yes," said Ryoga. Kazeten prepared to strike.

"But..."

Kazeten stumbled, off-balance. "But? This is a man to man
duel! There are no ifs, ands, or BUTS!!!"

"But I'm not going to fight you," said Ryoga.

"What, back out on a challenge?" Kazeten snorted with
laughter.

"Yes."

"Bwah?" Kazeten stared at Ryoga, who stared impassively
back.

"I formally concede defeat to you," said Ryoga. "I have
other concerns now."

"But... but you can't DO that!" yelled Kazeten.

"See ya." Ryoga turned to leave. It physically hurt him to
have to back down like this but... *Think of the baby.*

Kazeten watched Ryoga walk away in astonishment. Then his
rage grew.

"You... You..."

*Here it comes,* thought Ranma, leading the way back to
the hotel.

"You COWARD!!!!" Kazeten raged. "You are no fighter! You
are no MAN!!! You are just a spineless, brainless,
directionless COWARD!!!! You... you're a worm! A slug!
A PIG!!"

Ryoga tensed but kept walking.

"COWARD!!!!!"

The word echoed in his mind. *Think of the baby dammit!*

Ryoga kept walking.

***

Ukyou fidgeted. She hadn't been able to sit still for the
last hour. _Everyone_ kept inquiring into her health! This
became even more unnerving when _Mikado_ joined in, asking
if she wanted a foot massage, although his reasons were
highly suspect.

Ukyou paced the room, her eyes going to the door again and
again. Then Nabiki came up to her.

"Can I ask you something, Ukyou?" she asked.

Ukyou faced her, glad for an excuse to think of something
else than Ryoga and her increasing guilt. "Sure."

Nabiki waved her aside and they sat down.

"So, Ukyou, when did you find out that you were pregnant?"

Ukyou swallowed. "Uh... oh, well, just a couple of days ago."

"You used my little gift then?"

"Yes, thank you, it was useful."

Nabiki smiled. "I'm sure it was." she murmured. "Please enlighten
me on one point though."

"What?"

"How did you get it to work without opening it?"

Ukyou stopped breathing, she stared at Nabiki who presented her
with the unopened pregnancy test. "Wh... what... how did you
get that?" she squeaked, her breath coming in short gasps.

Nabiki put away the test and leaned back. "Something about this
didn't ring true." she said. "It was a little _too_ convenient
that you found out you were pregnant just as Ryoga was challenged
by Kazeten." She smiled again at the stunned young woman.
"So I did a little detective work."

"You went through my things!" Ukyou tried to summon up outrage,
but she just felt very sick. She tried to rally herself. "Well,
it doesn't mean anything anyway! I had another test, I used that."

Nabiki raised an eyebrow. "Uh-huh, and _where_ did you get that?
They're not easy to come by here." she stood up. "Don't worry.
I'm not going to tell Ryoga, that's _your_ job. Just don't be
surprised if he doesn't take it that well." she walked away.

Ukyou drew her legs up to her chest and hugged them. She felt
very, very sick.

"UKYOU!" a joyous shout echoed through the room. Ukyou turned
and looked up. Ryoga walked towards her.

"How are you?" he demanded, smiling. "Feeling alright?"

"Y-yes, I'm fine." Ukyou said. Nabiki was crazy, Ryoga would
be upset, but he'd see it her way, he'd know it was for the
best. Her thoughts tasted of desperation. "What happened
with Kazeten?"

Ryoga winced inwardly. "Fine!" he said. "Just fine!"

Ukyou, radiant, looked up into his eyes. And saw the lie
in them. And took in the forced lines around his smile. And
felt sicker than ever. "Great," she said. "That's
wonderful news."

The chasm between them deepened. Ryoga ignored it. "From now
on, I only care about you and our baby. Now, where do you
want to get married?"

"Married?" Ukyou was stunned.

"Well, under the circumstances it would be best if we got
married as soon as possible," said Ryoga. "But I'd
understand if you want to wait till we get back to Japan."

"I... I..."

"I bought you a ring. It's not very big, but it'll do for
now." Ryoga presented her with a small gold ring, inserted
with three small diamonds. Ukyou looked at it.

"It's... it's beautiful." she burst into tears.

***

Shampoo watched the pair from behind a pillar. "<Ryoga is not
happy.>" she observed.

"<Unsurprisingly,>" said Mousse from behind her. "<He is a
martial artist, to turn down a challenge is humiliating.
But he feels he has to so that he can look after Ukyou and
the baby.>"

Shampoo wrinkled her nose. "<Stupid spatula-girl, she wasn't
very careful.>" Then she shrugged. "<Still, this keeps her
out of my way.>"

Mousse rolled his eyes. "<Give it up Xian Pu. You're not
going to get Ranma, no matter how hard you try.>"

Shampoo turned and glared at him. "<Don't talk that way!
Ranma is mine! By law he's MY husband.>"

"<And we're back to law,>" Mousse shook his head. "<Is that
all that keeps you going after him?>" he asked curiously.

Shampoo blinked. "<Amazon law is clear. I must marry the
man who defeats me in combat.>"

"<So, if some other guy beat you up now, you'd switch to
him?>" Mousse asked.

Shampoo looked confused. "<Ranma is the strongest...>" she
began, then she made an angry, dismissive gesture. "<It's
the law. You know the law.>"

"<Yes, and _you've_ never been one to follow rules!>" Mousse
hissed.

Shampoo looked up at him. "<You have been very rude to me
since we met up, Mu Shu. What is wrong?>"

Mousse was momentarily robbed of speech. "<You mean you...
you don't know?!>" he gasped.

Shampoo tilted her head. "<You were never like this before.>"

Mousse turned away, struggling to keep his temper. When he
turned back his face was pale and strained.

"<Don't you realise the _hell_ you put me through back in
Nerima?>" he cried. "<You stamped on the love I offered you!
Threw my heart in my face! Humiliated me! Used me!>" he took
a deep breath. "<I offered you my all and you mocked me. Is
it any wonder that I'm a little bitter about it!>"

Shampoo's expression was unreaderable as she gazed at him. The
she shrugged. "<You should have seen I didn't love you. Stupid
Mu Shu! I have Ranma, why would I look at you?>"

Mousse winced. "<You don't understand anything I've said.>"

"<I understand well enough.>" said Shampoo. "<I understand
that you're not over me!>" her tone was slightly smug. "<But
you'll never win. You can't defeat Ranma and you can't defeat
me!>"

Mousse glared down at her. "<Don't be so sure of that.>" he
said.

"<Really?>" Shampoo grinned in amusement.

"<Just because I haven't defeated you doesn't me I _can't_!>"
Mousse growled, then he sighed. "<Xian Pu, maybe I haven't fought
you for real so as not to hurt you!>"

Shampoo stared at him. Then she laughed mockingly. Mousse
clenched his fists and walked away, shaking his head.

Shampoo stopped laughing and looked after him. "<Stupid
Mu Shu.>" she muttered softly.

***

Ukyou opened her eyes. "Ryoga. you're _staring_." she said.

Ryoga smiled down at her. "Gomen, Ukyou. I was just thinking."

"About what?" Ukyou propped herself up on her elbows.

"About how wonderful you are." Ryoga leaned forward and kissed
her cheek.

Ukyou felt sick with guilt. Ryoga had been treating her so
gently, so sweetly all day. He had told Mikado to drive the
bus so he could sit with her. Ukyou had pleaded a headache so
she could pretend to sleep and not talk, and he had pulled her
into his arms and laid her head on his shoulder. It was so
perfect, so wonderful and so, so _wrong_. By the time the bus
had arrived in Xiamen and settled in the hostel Ukyou was in
a black mood of depression almost rivaling Ryoga's on a bad
day.

Ryoga noticed her tenseness and frowned. "Are you alright?"
he asked. "Is it a mood swing?" he pulled her into his arms.

"A what?" Ukyou stared at him.

"It's in this book that Miya picked up for me, it's called
'Your wife's pregnancy and you'. It has all this information
on what the stages are and the kind of things that will
happen. Mood swings and nausea were among them." He smiled
at her. "Don't worry, Ucchan. I'm here for you."

Ukyou pushed away from him. "I can't!" she cried. "I just
can't _do_ this anymore!"

Ryoga watched in astonishment as she got out of the bed and
pulled on her robe. "Ukyou?" he asked.

Tears streaming down her face, Ukyou turned to him. "Ryoga,
I'm _so_ sorry! I'm not... I don't..." she wiped her eyes
and looked him square in the eyes, drawing in all her
courage.

"I'm not pregnant."

***

There was a long, looooooong pause.

"You're what?" asked Ryoga calmly. He seemed to be saying
that a lot lately, he reflected absently. There must be
something about travelling in groups. Normally the only
things he ever said this often were 'Curse you Ranma!'
and 'Where am I?'

"I'm... not pregnant," repeated Ukyou. "That is, I'm not
sure. I mean, I could be, I haven't taken the test."

"Test?"

"Pregnancy test, I didn't take it, so I don't... that is..."
Ukyou closed her eyes. "I didn't want you to fight Kazeten
so I told you I was pregnant because I knew you wouldn't
fight him if you had a family at stake."

"So you lied to me?"

"I didn't! Well... I sort of did. Okay I did, but I did it
for YOU Ryoga. I didn't want you to get hurt, and Kazeten's
so strong - look what happened last time!"

Ryoga sat up in bed and stared at her, fascinated. "So let
me get this straight. You didn't want me to fight Kazeten
in case I got hurt, so you _lied_ to me and told me you
were _pregnant_ so that I'd call it off???!!!"

"I-I was afraid. I didn't want to be alone again." Ukyou
stammered.

"You didn't think I could win!" said Ryoga.

"That's right! No... no, it's just that... you _could_
have lost, and _then_ what would have happened?"

"So instead you decided to remove all doubt and got me to
dishonour myself and forfeit the match. I see." Ryoga
continued to stare at her. "DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'VE DONE??!!"

Ukyou flinched.

"I WALKED AWAY FROM A CHALLENGE FOR YOU!!! FOR US!!! FOR THE
FAMILY I THOUGHT WE WERE GOING TO HAVE!!! I THREW AWAY
MY HONOUR AS A MARTIAL ARTIST AND AS A MAN FOR YOUR LIE!!!!!"
Ryoga stood over her, blazing with fury. Ukyou cringed against
the wall.

"HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME??!!! DID YOU REALLY THINK I WAS
SO USELESS, SO UTTERLY PATHETIC THAT I COULDN'T TAKE OUT ONE
SNIVELLING SPOILT STUCK-UP BULLY???!!!"

"I'm sorry!"

"YOU'RE SORRY???!!!" Ryoga was almost incandescent with rage.
"_YOU_ are SORRY?!!! YOU LIED TO ME!!! I TRUSTED YOU!!!!
I WOULD HAVE DONE ANYTHING FOR YOU!!! AND THIS IS HOW YOU
REPAY ME?!!!"

"I..." Ukyou tried to speak in her defence but Ryoga shouted
her down.

"I GAVE UP EVERYTHING FOR YOU!!!! EVERYTHING!!!"

"What the hell did YOU give up?" Ukyou roared back angrily.
"You were stuck in a hopeless situation, in love with a girl
who is also your rival's fiance PLUS you were her PET!!!
I should think YOU should thank ME for getting you out of
that situation!" The minute the words were out of her mouth
she wished them back.

Ryoga turned beet red. "People who live in glass okonomiyaki
restaurants shouldn't throw stones!" he hissed. "You're
trying to deflect me from the issue - you LIED to me!!!!"

"YOU have done YOUR fair share of lying!" Ukyou yelled.
"Your entire friendship with Akane is based on a lie!"

"I NEVER BETRAYED HER!!!" Ryoga screamed.

"I did NOT betray you!!!!" Ukyou yelled back.

***

"What the HELL is all that yelling?" asked Konatsu, stepping
out into the corridor.

"You're hearing it too?" asked Kiyone sleepily from her
doorway.

"_Everyone's_ hearing it." said Godai. "You can hardly miss
it."

"I can hear it, but I can't make out the words," said Akane.
"What do you think Nabiki?"

"I think someone's little game is over," said Nabiki. "And
we should all get into the bus and move to a safer location."

"What do you mean?"

"I'll explain on the way."

***

"YOU LIED TO ME!!!"

"WILL YOU STOP SAYING THAT!!!" yelled Ukyou. "I said I'm
sorry already! But I did it for YOU, for US!!!"

"HOW EXACTLY WAS IT FOR _ME_???!!!"

"You're still _alive_ aren't you," Ukyou looked at Ryoga
with loathing. Why was he being so single-minded about this.
Okay, she had made a slight mistake, get over it already!

Ryoga clenched the sheets tightly in his hand. "I trusted
you goddammit! I believed in you. I thought you believed in
me! I thought you loved me!"

"I don't know WHAT I was thinking!" said Ukyou. "I guess I
was on the rebound."

"I can't believe this. You..."

"Lied to you, I know! I can't believe you're being such a
jackass about this. Are you sure you didn't fall into the
spring of stubborn mule?" Ukyou snarled. "I've had enough!
I don't want to SEE you anymore! I'm going to get a train,
and I'm going back to Japan, and then I'm going back to
my REAL home - and I'm never coming back to Nerima EVER
AGAIN!!" She pulled on some clothes. "Oh and here's a
farewell present!" *SPLASH*

"Bwee!"

"Why don't you go crawling back to Akane! At least as her
pet you were USEFUL!" Ukyou picked up her bags. "Goodbye
Ryoga, I'd like to say it's been fun, but it HASN'T! I'm
going HOME!!!"

She stormed out of the room into the corridor, past the
astonished guests.

P-chan looked wildly around and spotted the tea kettle
on the bench. It was hot and full. Oinking with all his
might he knocked it over onto himself and Ryoga stood once
more. He dashed to the window and opened it. Ukyou heard
it slam open as she stormed across the drive.

"FINE!" yelled Ryoga. "GO home! I'll send you a POSTCARD
from PARIS!!!"

He slammed the window shut, and then burst into tears.

As Ukyou continued down the path, tears prickled her eyelids.
She spotted the bus across the street and went over to it
to get the rest of her things. Everyone stared at her as
she got on to the bus.

"What the HELL are all of YOU doing HERE!" she demanded.

"Uhhh..." said Mousse. "We're..."

"What were you thinking of Ukyou?" Akane burst out. "How
could you do that to poor dear Ryoga?"

"Quite frankly, if I ever hear "poor dear Ryoga" again,
I'm going to be sick!" Ukyou snarled. "And what business
is it of yours anyway?!"

Akane was taken aback.

"Hey..."

"Look, Ucchan, I can sort of see where you're coming from
here." said Ranma. "But how could you but into a man to
man fight?"

"AARGH!" Ukyou threw a spatula at him. "Is that all you
can think of? Well from now on Ryoga can get into all the
man to man fights he wants to!"

"What do you mean Ucchan? And why do you have all your
bags with you?" asked Ranma.

"I'm going home."

"Back to Ucchans?" asked Konatsu. "Why?"

"No, HOME! To my father." Ukyou grabbed the last of her
things. "See ya Ranchan." she left the bus.

Ranma was about to go after her when suddenly Akane grabbed
his arm. "No," she said. "Let me. You go talk to Ryoga."

"Do you think that's a good idea?" asked Kiyone.

"CURSE YOU KAZETEN! I'LL KILL YOU FOR THIS!!!" Ryoga's
voice rang out clearly.

"Yeah. I'll go talk to him," said Ranma. "Anyone got a
small tank I could hide in? Anyone? Anyone? Mousse?"

"You're on your own Saotome," said Mousse. "Good luck!"

"Thanks." Ranma and Akane also left the bus.

"Well," said Godai. "That was scary. Uhh... how does this
affect the tour?"

To be continued

[Skuld-chan]

From: Jessica <jaelle@ihug.co.nz>
Subject: [Ranma][FanFic] Magical Mystery Hibiki Tour #21

The Magical Mystery Hibiki Tour
By Jaelle and Orla

***

The characters in this story are the property of Rumiko
Takahashi-sama. We prostrate ourselves at her feet and beg her
forgiveness for our temerity in using these characters. We're
not worthy! We're not worthy!

The other characters are copyright to Yukie Nasu and Pioneer
LDC.

C & C is welcome (although we don't like flames!). You can
contact us at either: ladyorla@yahoo.com or jaelle@ihug.co.nz

For more of our fanfiction visit our site 'Insane Musings'at:
http://homepages.ihug.co.nz/~jaelle/Jaelle_Orla.htm

***

This story occurs four years after Ranma 1/2 volume 38.

***

Part 21

***

"Ukyou!" Akane called. "Ukyou wait!" she ran after the
departing woman. "UKYOU KUONJI!!!"

"SHUT UP!" Ukyou rounded on her. "Just leave me alone!"

"No," said Akane. "I won't. At least not until you let
me get in a few words."

Ukyou glared at her with a mutinous expression. "As long
as you're QUICK."

Akane took a deep breath and martialed her thoughts.
"I know you're angry right now, but before you go and do
something irrevocable would you please just think it
through? You're walking out on a good thing here. Ryoga
_loves_ you."

"Ryoga is a JACKASS!" snarled Ukyou.

Akane thought about it, "Well maybe he is. Nobody's ever
claimed he's the brightest spark in the works. But he's
honest, hardworking, loyal, and very very dedicated to you.
And right now he's really upset because of what you did
to him. You may not realise this Ukyou, but right now you
have more power to hurt him than Kazeten, Ranma or anyone
else could ever have. Because unlike them, he actually
cares about what you think of him." Akane paused.

"Well I don't care!" There was an edge of doubt in Ukyou's
voice, which gave Akane the courage to persist.

"Really? Then why were you trying to protect him?"

"Huh," said Ukyou. "Much good it did me."

"Well," said Akane, "You did go a bit too far. You have
to understand, Ryoga's a martial artist - accepting
challenges and fighting is not just what he does, it's
what he _is_." She drew a deep breath. "And I hate to
say it, but you shouldn't have butted in on his man to
man fight, that's just not something you do. You just
have to trust Ryoga. He'll come back, he's very good about
keeping his word."

"I'm SICK of hearing about how WONDERFUL Ryoga is." Ukyou
spat, her temper flaring again. "YOU don't know the half
of it. Were you aware for example, that your loyal, honest
and dedicated Ryoga was also P-chan???"

"Yeah. So what?"

Ukyou stared at her. This was not the reaction she'd been
expecting. "You... you _knew_???!!!"

Akane shrugged, "Oh come on Ukyou, I'm not _completely_
stupid. I've known since just after the aborted wedding."

"And you didn't SAY anything about it? You didn't HATE
him? You weren't MAD?"

"Well of course I was mad," said Akane. "Who wouldn't be?
But Ryoga was away, lost again, and by the time he came
back I'd calmed down and realised that yeah, I could tell
him I knew and kill him for everything that happened
because of it... or I could get over it and keep a very
valuable friend."

Ukyou gaped at her. "What?"

"I decided that friendship was more important than the
fleeting, VERY fleeting joy of revenge." said Akane.

Robbed of a devastated Akane, Ukyou could do nothing
but storm off. Akane watched her go, and hoped that her
words had made a difference.

***

Cautiously Ranma approached Ryoga who was seated on the
driveway, his head buried in his hands. Depression rolled
off him in waves.

Ranma cleared his throat. "Uh... Ryoga?"

Ryoga looked up and glared balefully at him. "What is it
Saotome?"

Ranma took in Ryoga's empty eyes and strained face. *This
is not good.* He sat down beside Ryoga.

"I know what happened." he said.

Ryoga grimaced. "Great, just great. More people are witness
to my humiliation as my life collapses around me." He threw
back his head. "Why?" he howled to the sky. "Why are the
Gods punishing _me_!"

"She was wrong." Ranma said, ignoring this outburst.

Ryoga stared at him. "I thought you would defend her." he
murmured.

Ranma fiddled with his pigtail. "Well, in this case... well,
no, not exactly." he struggled to say his piece. "Ukyou, she,
well, I guess she panicked."

"And that's a good excuse for what she did?!" Ryoga shook
his head. "She didn't believe in me. Akane always believed
in me."

"Yeah, well, Ukyou's _not_ Akane." Ranma's voice was firm.
"Ya gotta get that straight, man. They're different women
and they react to things in different ways." Ranma licked
his lips. This whole talk was _hard_. "Y'see, Ucchan is a
bit... insecure, because of what Oyaji... Oyaji and _me_
did, She gets a bit... possessive about things and people.
She likes to take care of people, and she's so used to
being on her own that she tries to... well, she tries to
control people." Ranma took a deep breath, this had gotta
be the longest speech he'd ever made. "She saw what Kazeten
did and lost it, I guess, so..."

"She lied to me." Ryoga interrupted. Then he paused.
"Insecure?" he asked. "Are you sure? Ukyou always struck me
as very... in control."

"She wouldn't have been chasing after me for so long even
when she knew how I felt about Akane if she wasn't." Ranma
pointed out.

"Hmmm..."

Ranma tentatively put a hand on Ryoga's shoulder. "Yes, she
lied. But do you really want to lose her forever because she
made one mistake?"

Ryoga remained silent.

Ranma continued. "People say and do things they regret all the
time. I know I regret alot of the things I did four years ago.
You've just gotta sort it out with Ukyou, let her know your
limits, let her know that she can't control you." Ranma let go
of Ryoga's shoulder and stood up. "I'll bet you anything that
she regrets her actions now."

Ryoga looked up at him. "Who knew." he muttered.

"Huh?"

"Who knew that under that selfish, womanizing, rude exterior
there was a mature man in Ranma Saotome." there was a ghost
of a smile on Ryoga's face.

Ranma blinked, then he grinned. "Who knew," he countered.
"Under that angry, depressed, directionless exterior there
was a smart arse in Ryoga Hibiki." he walked away.

Ryoga stood up and looked down the driveway. "I'm not going
to let it end like this."

***

Ukyou stood in line at the ticket counter and tried to stop
trembling. She had been shaking since she left Akane, at
first she thought it was with rage, but now she wasn't so
sure. Doubts were assaulting her, drawing away her rage and
leaving her feeling drained and miserable.

"<Next!>"

Ukyou moved up to the counter. "<One to Shanghai, please.>"
she managed in halting Chinese. She passed over the money
and he gave her a ticket.

"<Platform 2, ten minutes.>"

"Xiexie."

She walked away, staring at the ticket in her hand. *Before
I started this tour I couldn't speak or understand Chinese.*

A recent memory presented itself to her troubled mind. Hong
Kong, Ryoga's hotel room, lying in bed and laughing as Ryoga
corrected her Mandarin pronounciation. Ukyou sighed. *He was
so patient, so _kind_.* Tears trickled down her cheeks and
she brushed them away. *I swear, I've down more crying in these
last weeks than in my whole life! But...*

*You laughed alot too.*

Ukyou stopped in the middle of the crowd.

*Ryoga made you feel good. And you... you just thought about
yourself, not him. Ryoga was right, you should have believed
in him.*

"No." Ukyou whispered oblivious to the people bumping into
her as they hurried on their way.

*If you leave now you _will_ be alone forever. Don't run.
Take responsibilty!*

Ukyou looked at the ticket in her hand. Over the bustle of
the station she heard the announcement.

"<The 10.40pm train to Shanghai will be leaving in five
minutes. All passengers please board.>"

The ticket fell to the ground and was trampled on as Ukyou
ran... for the exit, for the hostel and Ryoga.

***

Ryoga stood in the driveway of the hostel, staring down
the road that Ukyou had run down when she left him.

"Ukyou... Ukyou..."

"Uh, Ryoga, I'm over here."

"UCCHAN!!!!" Ryoga spun to see Ukyou behind him. She was
pale and had tear marks on her cheeks, and she was not
looking at him.

"Ucchan?" he asked.

She bit her lip. "I... I... All I can say is I'm sorry,
and I know you've heard that but I really mean it this time
I didn't think about your feelings I was just so scared
and so selfish what we have is so special and wonderful I
didn't want it to ever end and then you got hurt and it
was all my fault if I'd never talked to that guy he wouldn't
have found you and..."

"WHOAAAAA!!!" Ryoga threw up his hands. "Please stop! I
forgive you already!"

"You do?" Ukyou looked up into his big brown baby seal eyes.
"But I was so horrible to you."

"Well I wasn't exactly polite back."

"But you had good reason."

"That's still no excuse. Ukyou, I love you, and I don't want
to lose you either. But if I don't fight Kazeten, I won't
BE me, and you'll lose Ryoga Hibiki anyway."

Ukyou smiled. "I wouldn't want that." she said softly. She
walked over to him and putting her arms around his waist
she leaned her head on his shoulder. "Who would I have all
that fun with in bed?" she tilted her head and smiled up
at him.

Ryoga blinked. "I was hoping our relationship was based on
more solid grounds." he said putting his arms around her.

Ukyou tightened her grip. "Heh." she grinned. "Of course
it is... oh." she pulled back and still within the circle
of his arms, she pulled the ring he had given her off her
finger. "Here." she held it up. "There's no need for me to
have this now."

"Why not?" Ryoga said.

"B-but... you only got this because you thought I was..."

"That doesn't mean I _don't_ want to marry you. We can
just move the timetable back a bit."

Ukyou's mouth opened and shut several times for a moment.
"Well, I... yes, I guess so." she fiddled with the ring.

Ryoga took it and her left hand and pushed it back onto
her ring finger. "I'll get you a better one later." he
said softly.

"Don't." said Ukyou. "I like this one." She moved close to
him again. "So, where's my kiss?"

"What?"

She raised an eyebrow. Ryoga grinned and kissed her.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY DOING IN PUBLIC!!!!!!" screamed
Mikado.

"Who are you to talk?!" said Miya. "You've been kissing
everyone in public!"

"Whoa... now _that's_ a kiss." said Godai.

"Yes, don't they need air?" asked Kiyone.

"I've done better." sneered Ranma.

"Aiyaa... Airen very good kisser." Shampoo beamed at
Ranma.

Akane gripped her trusty mallet. "Oh yeah?"

Mousse opened the window and leaned out. "Would you two
_please_ go to your room? Some of us are trying to think
pure thoughts here!"

"Shut up Mousse!" Ryoga yelled.

"My my, he managed to unlock himself to say that." said
Nabiki. "But I don't think it will last, yes, there they
go again."

***

The next morning:

"Okay, so what's the plan now?" asked Mousse over breakfast.
"I presume you want to take care of a certain stuck-up
martial artist Ryoga."

"No, I took care of Ranma ages ago."

"WHAT??? WHEN??!!!" Ranma spluttered.

Mousse coughed. "I was referring to Kazeten."

"Oh," said Ryoga, ignoring Ranma. "That's definitely high
up on my things to do list, however at the moment I don't
know where he is, or where he's heading, and I don't want
to go out and get lost trying to find him. So we're just
going to continue on as normal and if we run into him,
well... this time we won't stop to see if he's okay." He
smiled nastily.

"Ryoga's so strong!" Ukyou cooed. Most of the table felt
physically ill.

"Ukyou's so smart!" Ryoga cooed back.

Ranma made gagging motions.

"Enough already, okay, you're back together and everything's
happy. And... stuff went on last night that I don't want
to know about... although from now on someone ELSE can sleep
next door to you guys... So can you PLEASE STOP DOING THAT
CUTESY WUTESY stuff?? Pleeeeeeeease..."

"Ohh..." said Ryoga. "All right, if it'll make you feel
better."

"Thank you," sighed Ranma. "The floor you save could be
your own."

"Yuck. Stay away from me Saotome."

"So, onwards and outwards?" asked Suka.

"Up, up and away!" grinned Godai.

***

The bus travelled down the road at it's usual breakneck
speed. On board, the group were once more singing. This
time united in a chorus of "I Wanna Hold Your Hand".

"And when you touch me I feel happy inside,
It's such a feeling that my love... I can't hide!
I can't hide! I can't hide!
Yeah yeah yeah oh please...
Say to me..."

"Why are we stopping?" asked Akane.

"I don't know what the next line is," said Ranma.

"I meant the BUS. Why is the BUS stopping?"

"Sorry gang, roadblock." said Ryoga. He pulled over and
leaned out his open window. He opened his mouth when
suddenly Mousse got in his way.

"Allow me to translate for you Ryoga," he said, nudging
Ryoga ineffectively in the ribs. "Remember, you don't
speak Chinese!" he shot a meaningful look at Shampoo.

"Oh, uh, yeah. Go ahead Mousse."

"<What seems to be the problem officer?>" Mousse asked.

"<We've had reports of some terrorists in the area,>"
replied the policeman. "<They blew up a nightclub in
Bangkok and destroyed a border post in Burma and we've
been tipped off that they're travelling around here in
a bus matching this description.>"

Ryoga tried not to panic.

"<That's terrible!>" said Mousse. "<But I can assure you,
we're just tourists.>"

The policeman looked at him narrowly. "<Possibly sir, but
do you have any ID?>"

"<Certainly,>" Mousse fished around in his shirt sleeves.
Ryoga sweated as he noticed other policemen checking out
the registration of the bus.

"<My passport,>" said Mousse. "<As you can see, I haven't
left Hong Kong in a while.>"

"<Yes,>" said the guard. "<But... wait a minute... I
thought I recognised you!>"

*Oh NO!* thought Ryoga. *We're DOOMED!*

"<You're Mu Shu! My daughter has all your albums! We saw
your movie seventeen times! You're much shorter in real
life.>"

It was all Ryoga could do not to facefault. Shampoo was
laughing up the back of the bus.

Mousse grinned at the policeman. "<Always happy to meet a
fan. I'm taking a break after finishing the movie and
getting away from it all for a while.>"

"<I see, well... watch out for those terrorists, though
I bet with those moves of yours you could take them out
without any problem!>"

Mousse grinned. "<We will... would you like me to sign
something for your daughter?>"

"<_Would_ I?>"

Five minutes later the group rolled off again.

"Oh my GOD!!!" Ryoga gasped quietly. "I thought that was
it!!!"

Mousse looked at him oddly. "What's the matter Hibiki? It
was just a case of mistaken identity... they were looking
for some terrorists, that's all."

"Err..."

Mousse stared at Ryoga. "Oh no... Don't tell me that YOU..."

"It was an accident!" Ryoga wailed. "Although I did do it
on purpose in Burma but it was necessary!"

"Argh! I just lied to a police officer!!!"

"Sssssshhhh..." Ryoga looked around worriedly. "Ucchan, I
think we'd better stick to the back roads from now on. The
next guy might not be a fan."

After she had been filled in on the conversation, Ukyou had
to agree with this strategy. And so it was that the group
found themselves bumping over a dirt road in a deserted
area.

"Hmmm..." said Konatsu. "You know, back in my ninja days,
this would have been the perfect spot for..."

"HIBIKI! PREPARE TO DIE!"

"An ambush. Oops."

Kazeten stepped out from hiding as the bus came to a halt
in front of a huge roadblock.

"Oh no!" moaned Kiyone.

"Oh yes!" said Ryoga. "It's payback time!"

"You go get him honey. I believe in you." Ukyou chirruped.

"WILL YOU TWO PLEASE STOP DOING THAT!!! SOME OF US HAVE
WEAK STOMACHS!!!"

Kazeten waved an arm as the group got off the bus and they
found themselves surrounded by henchpeople.

"Still trying to run away Hibiki?" he asked. "You may
have evaded the police, but you won't evade ME!"

"YOU set the cops on us," said Ryoga. "That was pretty
low."

Kazeten laughed, "Nothing more than you deserve - framing
you for the actions of a group of heartless terrorists
seemed only fair."

Everyone sweatdropped.

"Now, you will take what's coming to you!" Kazeten
cracked his knuckles.

"Give it your best shot!" Ryoga snarled. "I'm really ready
for this." He got into position.

"Oh changed your tune now have you chicken?"

"I'LL SHOW YOU WHO'S A CHICKEN!!!" And with that, Ryoga
attacked.

The battle was fast and furious. Few of the group were
able to follow it completely, mainly because to prevent
their interference, they were now being attacked by the
henchpeople.

"Kisama!" yelled Suka, punching another one in the face.
The henchman went down.

"Take THAT!" yelled Miya, wrapping a chain around anothers
throat.

"They're GOOD," said Akane. "Not martial artists, but I
wouldn't wanna meet them in a dark alleyway."

"Pay attention to your own fight stupid!" yelled Ranma.

"Don't worry about me you baka, I'm just... FINE!" Akane
brought her mallet down on another henchwoman's head.

"Argh!" yelled Mikado. "I need to be on skates! I need
to be on skates!"

"This is why you should learn different techniques," said
Konatsu, throwing shuriken left and right.

Nabiki ducked. "Some help would be appreciated. I'm not
a martial artist you know!"

Ranma punched out her attackers.

"Hey... thanks Saotome."

"That's okay... sis." Ranma winked at her.

Godai desperately threw dirt in the faces of the three
henchpeople advancing on him and Kiyone. Kiyone was trying
to tell him to let her handle it, but he was beyond hearing,
concentrating only on protecting her.

Meanwhile the competition between Ryoga and Kazeten raged
on. Ryoga was tough... but so was Kazeten. For every
lightning fist there was a bakusai tenketsu, and both
men took serious damage.

Finally Kazeten whipped out a throwing knife and hurled it
at Ryoga's heart. Ryoga deflected it with a bandanna, and
it buried itself in the bus.

"HEY!!!" yelled Ukyou. "THAT'S MY BUS!!!! YOU JERK! RYOGA!
I INSIST THAT YOU KILL HIM NOW!!!"

"I'm on it!" Ryoga called back.

"This is stupid," Shampoo said. "Lost boy no can win. He
loser. Shampoo finish stupid... other boy." She leapt up.

"Shampoo NO!" Mousse yelled. "This is RYOGA'S fight."

Shampoo ignored him. He ran a few steps and launched himself
up in front of her. "I won't let you interfere. Ryoga is my
friend. Now."

"Mousse get out of way!"

"Dammit, I told you to stay out of it!" Mousse yelled.

Shampoo drew her fist back and struck out, but she never
connected.

"I won't let you screw up anyone else's life! You've done
enough damage! LEAVE THEM ALONE!" said Mousse. "Take THIS!"
From out of his sleeves he made appear two swords, a
carving knife, a steak knife and...

"That's MY umbrella!" Ryoga yelled in outrage, halting in
mid throw.

"Oh." Mousse looked embarrassed. "Is it?" He tried to look
innocent.

"Yes it is!" Ryoga continued to yell. "I lost that three
years ago. I looked _everywhere_ for it. Obviously I
should have looked up your sleeves!"

"Hey now... I found it, that's all." Mousse waved his hands
but Ryoga would not be silenced.

"You STOLE my umbrella!"

"I did NOT!" yelled Mousse. "You left it lying around."

"Ryoga honey calm down." said Ukyou. "It's just an umbrella."

"You don't understand!" said Ryoga. "It's not just ANY
umbrella - it's a family heirloom! It's been in my family for
eight generations!"

"Passed down through the ages by chance encounters," muttered
Ranma, ducking a nunchuk.

"You shut up! You have NO idea the hell my father put me
through when he found out that I lost it." Ryoga was furious.

"Father?" said Shampoo. "You have a father?"

"Of _course_ I have a father," snarled Ryoga. "I have a 
mother too! Somewhere." he added.

"Uh, excuse me," said Kazeten. "But weren't we supposed to
be fighting to the death here?"

"No, before we were just fighting." said Ryoga. He grabbed
the umbrella from Mousse.

"NOW we're fighting to the death."

Kazeten shrugged, what good was an umbrella going to do
him?

"YAAAAAAAHHH!!!"

Kazeten ducked as the umbrella nearly took his head off.
*Alright, tactical error. Mental note: next time, don't
let him get his hands on the umbrella!* He looked around
quickly, *Diversion. I need a diversion!*

The two strange Chinese people were now at a standoff.
The rest of the group were putting up a good fight against
his henchpeople, in spite of being outnumbered five to one.
The Chinese girl avoided the Chinese man and launched
herself at him. He realised that he would be unable to
avoid her sword.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Ryoga yelled. "This is MY fight!"

"You too useless," Shampoo smiled cruelly.

Kazeten backed away. "I see you have another girl to help
you." he taunted Ryoga. "Are you screwing your way around
the world Hibiki?"

"WHAAAAAAT???!!!"

"YOU I KILL!!!" screeched Shampoo. *THONK* She keeled over.
Mousse sheathed the ornate carved Indian pole he had hit
her with. "Damn, that felt good. Carry on Ryoga."

Kazeten sweatdropped. This was not a good situation.
Suddenly there was a change in the status of the fight
below.

"Godai!" screamed Kiyone, as a henchman's fist slammed
into his stomach. He went down, and the henchman raised his
foot to kick him in the head.

*Yes,* thought Kazeten.

"You're DEAD!" she screamed, and reaching into her jacket,
she pulled out a gun.

*Oh Q@#%!!!!!!!*

Kiyone looked around her. "Where did they all go?"

Everyone stared at her incredulously. The henchpeople had
run the minute they saw the weapon.

"Where the HELL did you get a GUN???" demanded Ranma. "Is
it real?"

"Of course it's real!" And just to prove it, Kiyone blew
apart a nearby tree. "Errr... it's a laser gun. I'm
probably not supposed to use it unless it's an emergency,
but Godai..."

"Ufff..." said Godai.

"Put it AWAY! Do you want us to get arrested?" demanded
Nabiki.

"I... is it a crime in China too? I know it is in Japan,
but..."

"You mean you've been carrying this around for the _entire_
trip???!!!"

"Uhhh... yes?"

Everyone facefaulted. As they picked themselves up, Ukyou
noticed someone was absent.

"Where'd Kazeten go?"

Ryoga looked around and spotted a letter. He picked up the
hastily written missive and read it.

"It says: This is not the end! I shall return and you
shall feel my wrath. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!"

"Whoa, he's seriously unbalanced," said Mikado.

"Oh you only just picked that one up did you?" asked
Ryoga. "Sheesh. Well, one thing's for sure." he patted his
trusty umbrella. "I'm ready for him... and anyone else
that feels they have something to take up with me!"

"RYOGA-CHAN!"

"Oh hell!"

to be continued...


***
***

[Skuld-chan]

From: Jessica <jaelle@ihug.co.nz>
Subject: [Ranma][FanFic] Magical Mystery Hibiki Tour #22

The Magical Mystery Hibiki Tour
By Jaelle and Orla

***

The characters in this story are the property of Rumiko
Takahashi-sama. We prostrate ourselves at her feet and beg her
forgiveness for our temerity in using these characters. We're
not worthy! We're not worthy!

The other characters are copyright to Yukie Nasu and Pioneer
LDC.

Hikaru Kazeten belongs to us.

C & C is welcome (although we don't like flames!). You can
contact us at either: ladyorla@yahoo.com or jaelle@ihug.co.nz

For more of our fanfiction visit our site 'Insane Musings'at:
http://homepages.ihug.co.nz/~jaelle/Jaelle_Orla.htm

***

This story occurs four years after Ranma 1/2 volume 38.

***

Part 22

***

"Oh hell!" Ryoga repeated. "I know that voice."

"Ryoga-chan! I finally found you!" a cute girls voice piped
out across the clearing. "Ryoga-chaaaaaaaOOOF!"

Ukyou glared at the girl who was staring at her spatula.
"And who," she asked icily, "the hell are YOU??!!"

The girl transferred her gaze to Ukyou. "Excuse me please
sir," she said. "I'm trying to get to my Ryoga-chan!"

Ukyou fumed, taking in the girls pretty dress, her pretty
long loose hair, her pretty smile, her pretty... pig?

"I'm a girl! And what makes you think he's _your_
Ryoga-chan?" Ukyou demanded. "He happens to be MY Ryoga...
er, chan."

The girl looked at her, shocked. "Oh no! I never thought
Ryoga-chan could be so... did you say you were a girl?"

"YES!"

"OH, well that's alright." the girl looked beyond her.
"Ryoga-chan! Ryoga-chan! Why don't you come over here?"

"Sure," Ryoga called. "Just as soon as you go away."

Ranma snorted with laughter. "Hey, I thought you said you
two were finished?"

"We _are_ finished," Ryoga said grimly. "Very very VERY
finished!"

"She doesn't seem to see it that way," Ranma pointed out,
and indeed the girl was speaking again.

"How can you say that? I understand that you were upset when
you left... but when you didn't turn up again I got worried."
her lip trembled

"Akari!" Ryoga yelled in exasperation. "I told you - it's
over!"

Akari waved a hand. "I know you said that, but I thought
you were just upset over that incident with the fire hose."

Ryoga groaned, "Don't remind me."

"I told you, it was an accident!"

Ukyou's eyebrows had disappeared into her hairline.

"Just like it was an accident with the fourteen buckets of
water, eighteen water pistols, three sprinkler systems and
a watering can," said Ryoga sarcastically. "I told you, I'm
not your toy!"

A single tear dripped down Akari's face. "But Ryoga-chan,
I'm here to get you back."

"Over my dead body," Ryoga muttered.

"Don't blame her man, she's just trying to bring home the
bacon," said Ranma.

"You shut up!" Ryoga snarled. "Ohh... I did not want to have
to deal with this again!" He stalked over to Akari and Ukyou
and brushed the spatula away.

"Ryoga-chan," said Ukyou sweetly. "Who is this girl? And if
you say she's your fiancee, I will not be held responsible for
the consequences!"

"Far from," said Ryoga. "Ukyou, my girlfriend, please meet
Akari, my extremely EX girlfriend."

Akari stared from him to Ukyou. "Girlfriend?" she faltered.

Ukyou looked hard at Ryoga. "_Ex_ girlfriend?"

"Yup."

"_Really_ ex-girlfriend... Not girlfriend I got lost wandering
away from, not girlfriend I stole her fathers food cart, not
girlfriend I defeated her in combat."

"Ah... well... not her."

Ukyou rolled her eyes.

"I _did_ defeat her sumo pig though," said Ryoga.

"Her... what?"

"Sumo pig - there's the little porker now." Ryoga pointed.

Ukyou looked at the large pig standing behind Akari.

"Aiya! That's a lot of okonomiyaki toppings!" she said.

"How COULD you???" Akari demanded. "Don't tell me - she
eats PORK!!!"

"I don't eat it sugar, I COOK it," Ukyou snarled. "And I'm
a little short on supplies right now!"

Akari looked at Ryoga, who nodded in confirmation. "She does
cook pork - although I'm trying to get her to stop for
personal reasons."

"But... how could you go out with someone like THAT??" Akari
sobbed.

"WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN??!!!"

"Maybe because SHE likes me when I'm NOT a PIG!!!" Ryoga
yelled.

"Umm..." said Ranma. "You do realise that Akane's standing
right here, don't you... P-chan?"

Ryoga's face was a study of horror. More than anything, he
resembled the picture, "The Scream".

"A...a...a...Akane?"

"Don't let him psyche you out," said Akane. "Of course I
know you're P-chan."

"..."

"Oh, sorry about that Ryoga-honey, I forgot to mention it."
said Ukyou. "She told me last night."

"Me too," added Ranma.

"And me."

"Yeah, me too."

"I was as surprised as you are."

"Yeah."

Ryoga turned. "You... You ALL KNEW???!!!"

Nods from all around.

"And nobody TOLD ME???!!!"

"Oh come on Ryoga," said Akane. "Compared to some of the
things you got up to, in the revenge stakes this is very
small potatoes."

"Er... true. Guess I can't argue with that," said Ryoga.
"Does this mean I get to live."

Akane smiled.

"Ummm..." said Akari. "We're dealing with a romantic
problem here. Obviously my Ryoga-chan has been seduced by
this... flat-chested woman."

"That's not true!" yelled Ukyou.

"That's right," said Ryoga. "She's NOT flat-chested."

There was a pause. "I just objected to the wrong part of
that sentence didn't I?" Ryoga asked.

"Ohhhhhh yeah..."

"NOT that I'm not flattered," said Ukyou. "But I'd rather
you kept these observations private." A thought occured to
her. "Very private... as in, in our bedroom, in our bed."

Akari went bright red. "You slept with HER... "

*Uh oh,* thought Ryoga.

"But you refused ME???!!!"

Ukyou smirked. Then suddenly frowned. "Waaaaait a second
here."

"Anyway," said Ryoga. "Moving right along. Akari, it's
over. VERY over. I told you so. I wrote you letters! I
telephoned! I sent faxes! I sent EMAILS!! I set up a WEBSITE!!!
I did everything but skywrite it over your house, and believe
me I was tempted... that IT IS OVER!!!! I am not your Ryoga-
chan! I never WAS your STUPID Ryoga-chan! I must have been
insane to even go out on a single date with you. PLEASE,
remove yourself from my life!"

Akari thought for a moment. "So, does this mean we're on a
break?"

"AAAAARGH!" Ryoga slapped his hand against his head. "You
see what I'm up against." he appealed to Ukyou.

"But you defeated Katsunishiki!" Akari said. "My father said
only those who can defeat him are worthy to be my husband."

"Ukyou pleeeease," Ryoga said. "You're a girl. Help me!"

Ukyou nodded. "So," she said to Akari. "Let me get this
straight. Only those who defeat Katsunishiki the sumo pig
are worthy of you."

"That's right," said Akari.

"What if a _girl_ defeated Katsunishiki?"

"Uhhh..." Akari sweatdropped.

"To be more specific," Ukyou unlimbered a chopping knife.
"What if a girl defeated Katsunishiki, chopped him up and
ATE HIM FOR LUNCH??!!!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!" Akari took off
like a rocket, dragging her beloved pig as she went.

Ryoga closed his eyes and breathed again. "_Thank_ you!"

Ukyou smiled. "Now," she said menacingly, "There aren't
any others like that are there?"

"Oh no," said Ryoga. "None."

"Good. Then you get to live."

*Gulp*.

***

The group had dispersed to see to various wounds and repairs.

"The bus appears to be alright, we should be able to keep
going." Mikado reported.

"Ah, Ukyou-sama will be happy," said Konatsu. He went over
to Akane. "How is Shampoo?" he asked.

"Very unconcious," said Akane. She looked up at Mousse. "You
hit her pretty hard."

A pained expression crept over Mousse's face. "I had to."

"Oh, so you didn't even enjoy it a _little_ bit?" Akane
teased. A small smile flitted across Mousses' mouth.

"_You_ defeated Shampoo?" Ranma came up to them. "I thought
Kazeten got her!"

"She was trying to interfere in Ryoga's fight," said Mousse.
"I _had_ to stop her."

"But Mousse!" Ranma was practically jumping up and down with
excitement. "Can't you see? This means you've won! You beat
Shampoo! According to Amazon law, that means she has to marry
_you_." Ranma had a huge grin on his face. "I'm free!" he
crowed.

Mousse shook his head. "I don't care about the law!" he
yelled. "I don't want Shampoo!"

Shampoo opened her eyes at this point and heard Mousse's
words.

"Shampoo!" Akane leaned forward. "Are you alright?"

Shampoo ignored her and stared at Mousse. "Mousse not
_want_ Shampoo?" she asked, confused.

Mousse glanced down at her, then looked away. "That's right.
I want nothing to do with you!"

Shampoo blinked and touched the back of her head. "Mousse...
Mousse _hit_ Shampoo!" she murmured increduously.

"I warned you." he said. "I told you not to interfer. I _had_
to stop you."

Shampoo rubbed her head. "Mousse... Amazon law say..."

"Mousse is your new airen!" said Ranma cheerfully. "Great, ne?"

Shampoo groaned. "No! No!"

"Don't worry." Mousse spat. "I'm not going to hold you to it,
Shampoo. You're free to do as you please."

Shampoo sat up abruptly, then she slumped back as dizziness
threatened to overwhelm her. A flicker of concern flared in
Mousse's eyes, but it died at her next words.

"Shampoo have to follow law." she said. "Great Grandmother say
so."

"Cologne would be happy to break the world if it meant that you
didn't have to marry me!"

She glanced up at him. "What you mean?"

"Cologne wants a _strong_ son-in-law, a perfect specimen of
martial arts prowess." Mousse waved a hand at Ranma. "And here's
Saotome... strong, relatively good-looking, a good martial
artist etc etc... Never mind that he turns into a girl half the
time and has no brains. At least he's not defective, his kids
won't be _blind_!"

"What d'ya mean no brains!" Ranma yelled.

Akane shushed him. "Mousse..." she began.

"Actually Mousse, I think you're looking at it in the wrong
way." said Ukyou who had come in at the end of his tirade. She
was carrying a first aid case with which she'd been treating
Ryoga.

Mousse frowned. "What do you mean?" he asked.

"You should be dumping Shampoo because of _her_ defects,"
said Ukyou. "She's a brainless, ungrateful bimbo while you
are an intelligent, generous man."

Shampoo lept to her feet, anger overriding discomfort.
"Spatula-girl take back insult!" she cried. "Or Shampoo kill!"

Ukyou dropped the first aid kit and pulled out her spatula.
"Ready when you are." she said sweetly.

A hand held her spatula back. Ukyou turned. "Ryoga?"

"Didn't you say no fighting on the bus?" he asked mildly.

Ukyou flushed faintly. "I..."

Ryoga looked at Shampoo. "If you want to take on Ukyou,"
he said to her. "You take on me as well. And I don't think
you could take us _both_ down!"

Shampoo tossed her head. "Two against Shampoo? No problem,
Mousse aid Shampoo like always."

"Ha!" Mousse laughed. "Not likely. Mousse will sit back and
watch you get your backside kicked."

Shampoo stared at him. "Mousse really hate Shampoo..." she
whispered. Then, suddenly, tears welled up in her eyes.
"<So stupid, Mu Shu.>" she ran upstairs sobbing.

Mousse blinked. "That was unexpected." he said.

Ukyou put down her spatula. "Don't feel too bad sugar." she
said. "Shampoo deserves a bit of tough love."

Ryoga smiled. "That was very perceptive, Ucchan. And here
I thought you hated her."

"I do hate her." said Ukyou. "I hope she really suffers."
she walked to the front of the bus.

Mousse and Ryoga exchanged glances and shrugged. This was
one battle they had no intention of interfering in.

Soon the bus was on it's way, heading for the nearest town
for refuelling.

***

"So where are we?" Mikado asked.

"Nanchang." said Mousse, he peered furtively out of the
window. "Damn, there's a poster of me in that CD store."

*Splash!*

"Wak!" Mousse glared up at Shampoo who was standing over
him with a glass of water in her hand.

"You safer this way." she said picking up the indignant
duck. "<I'll make sure the giggling hordes don't mow you
down.>"

Ryoga grinned as he overheard this. "I think Mousse is
getting to her." he murmured to Ranma.

"Finally." Ranma muttered back. Then he smiled at Ryoga.
"Ya know, Ryoga, I've gotta thank you for this whole tour
thing."

"Nani?"

"Well, I'm losing all my problems... extra fiancees, rivals,
everything... and it's all thanks to you and Ucchan."

Ryoga laughed. "Well, it didn't intend to end up that way!"

Ranma nodded. "I figured." he said. "It was another break-up
plot, ne?"

"Uhhh..."

"Chill man." Ranma reassured him. "I'm not going to get mad,'
after all, it failed, so it doesn't matter _what_ your
original intentions were."

Ryoga grinned. A fragment of memory stirred in him, Ukyou's
assurances about the outcome of the tour. *'I promise that
we will both return married to the ones we love.'*

"Oh, I wouldn't say it failed... much."

"Ryoga!" Miya hailed him. "Ukyou wants you to help her with
the hotel!"

"Hai." Ryoga got up and went down to the front of the bus
where Ukyou was sitting at her usual seat looking cross. She
held up the cellphone (Nabiki's) to him. "The stupid man on
the other end keeps babbling in Chinese... I can't make out
a word, well, not much anyway."

Ryoga checked to see that Shampoo was not paying attention,
she was seated at the far end of the bus, still holding Mousse
and talking to Kiyone. He took the phone and quickly managed
to sort out the accommodation problems. He handed the cellphone
back to Ukyou.

"Arigato, honey." she said, then sighed. "I'm never gonna get
a handle on Mandarin."

He smiled as he sat at the wheel. "How about another language
lesson tonight?" he suggested. "I made sure we got a double
room."

Ukyou smiled. "Only language lessons?" she murmured.

"With rewards."

"Oh... nice."

Suka rolled his eyes. "Did you hear that?" he asked Godai.
"Don't they ever stop?"

"Obviously not." said Godai enviously.

***

At the hotel Ryoga relaxed in a nice warm bubble bath.
Hearing Ukyou enter their room, he grinned and called out
to her.

"Oh good," said Ukyou, walking in, "You're here."

"Where else would I be?" Ryoga grinned. Ukyou looked at
him. He stopped grinning. "Okay, okay, point taken."

Ukyou looked at the bath. "That looks warm." she said.

"It is."

"It looks comfortable."

"It is." Ryoga grinned.

"It looks like it's my turn," said Ukyou. She threw him a
towel. Ryoga's face fell. "Don't look at me like that!
You're supposed to be a pig, not a lost puppydog. Mousse
and Shampoo are screaming at each other in Chinese in the
main foyer and the only word I've been able to make out so
far is 'idiot' several times. They're scaring the other
customers. Go make them stop." she walked into the other
room.

Ryoga reluctantly got out of the bath and got dressed, then
followed her through, finding the door on the third try.

"How will I get there?" he asked plaintively.

"Just follow the noise," said Ukyou dryly, pushing him out
the door.

Ryoga walked down the corridor and into the foyer where,
from the sounds of things, World War III was currently in
progress.

"<You have to obey the law you moronic imbecile!>" Shampoo
yelled.

"<The only laws I HAVE to obey are the ones governing
physics,>" retorted Mousse. "<And even they can be ignored
for a little while. Are your buns obscuring your hearing?
I won't marry you!>"

"<Great-grandmother will be angry with you,>" Shampoo
threatened.

"<I severely doubt it but good!>" replied Mousse.

Shampoo's eyes narrowed. "<You really ARE in love with that
Kuonji harridan aren't you? I've never liked that cow, maybe
I should kill her.>" she turned to find Ryoga barring the
way.

"<That would be a bad idea Xian Pu,>" he said. "<Because
that would make me unhappy - and you wouldn't like me when
I'm unhappy.>"

Shampoo stared at him. "<You... speak Chinese?>"

"<No,>" he said. "<You're only imagining this.>"

Mousse chuckled. "<Gotcha again Xian Pu.>"

She turned on him. "<You knew!>" She glared at Ryoga. "<So
you've understood everything I've said for the last couple
of days?>"

Ryoga's grin got wider. "<Yup, and if you're VERY good, I
won't pass it all on to other ears.>"

"<You're all against me!>" Shampoo cried, running off to
her room.

"<Finally she notices,>" said Mousse. Ryoga frowned at him.

"<Acting callous is fine, but do you HAVE to fight in public
places? And incidentally, _you're_ not fooling anybody.>" *I
got out of a bubble bath for _this_?*

Mousse looked embarrassed. "<Sorry,>" he mumbled. "<It's
just... after everything she put me through...>"

Ryoga sighed. "<Well, I'll forgive you, on one condition.>"

"<What?>"

"<That you lead me back to my room, I'm lost.>"

"<You're _hopeless_!>"

***

The next morning at breakfast things were their usual
state of affairs - chaotic.

"That's MY toast."

"Sorry Ranma-san."

"Konatsu!"

"If that's your toast, what's this I'm eating?"

"You can have it back Ranma-san."

"You've already bitten into it, I don't want to eat
your germs!"

"What's the matter, afraid you'll start acting like a girl?"

"Too late for that!"

"Pass the salt."

"You put SALT on your TOAST?"

"No, don't be stupid."

"Oh phew."

"I put it in my coffee."

"Bleugh."

Ryoga ran a fond eye over the assembled group. "They're good
people," he said. "Most of the time."

"You're in a good mood today," said Ukyou.

"And why wouldn't I be? The sun is shining, the birds are
singing, and you and I..."

"SHHHHHHHH!!!!!" Ukyou shushed him frantically. "Let's not
go into that right now." She stood up and gave him a kiss on
the cheek. "I'm going to go into the kitchen and see about
our sandwiches for lunch." She walked off. Ryoga watched her
go, then turned back to his (relatively) peaceful breakfast.
The peace was shattered by the sound of breaking china and
a choked scream.

"Ryoga!!!!"

Ryoga had never moved so fast in his entire life. He was
through the door to the kitchen so quickly that he ripped it
off its hinges, the others following through the empty
doorway.

Inside the kitchen was a sight to chill his blood. Ukyou was
backed up against a wall, a gun pressing against her throat.
Kazeten grinned at him. "Ohayoo gozaimasu Ryoga-kun," he
grinned. "And what a fine day it is too."

"Kazeten!" Ryoga didn't recognise his own voice. "If you
hurt her... I'll... I'll... I'll START by ripping your
lungs out and feeding them to adders!"

"Oh, I'm SO scared," Kazeten drawled. "But it won't do your
beloved here any good. Now be a good boy, and take what's
coming to you." He swivelled the gun, pointed it at Ryoga,
and fired five times. Ukyou screamed.

Ryoga looked down at the tranquiliser darts sticking out of
him. "Not enough!" he gritted, lunging for Kazeten.

"Then it's just as well this thing has another two rounds,"
said Kazeten, firing both of them whilst evading Ukyou's
wild grab at the gun. Ryoga's eyes crossed and he slowly
toppled to the floor.

"RYOGA!!!!!!!" screamed Ukyou.

"Okay jerk, YOU'RE DEAD!" yelled Ranma. Kazeten merely
laughed, and shoved Ukyou into Ranma. Then he stepped back
and his goons poured in through the doorway, the windows,
out of the cupboards, and did their best to bury the group.
By the time they had fought their way clear, Kazeten, and
Ryoga, were gone.

to be continued...

[Skuld-chan]

From: Jessica <jaelle@ihug.co.nz>
Subject: [Ranma][FanFic] Magical Mystery Hibiki Tour #23

The Magical Mystery Hibiki Tour
By Jaelle and Orla

***

The characters in this story are the property of Rumiko
Takahashi-sama. We prostrate ourselves at her feet and beg her
forgiveness for our temerity in using these characters. We're
not worthy! We're not worthy!

The other characters are copyright to Yukie Nasu and Pioneer
LDC.

Hikaru Kazeten belongs to us. Damn.

C & C is welcome (although we don't like flames!). You can
contact us at either: ladyorla@yahoo.com or jaelle@ihug.co.nz

For more of our fanfiction visit our site 'Insane Musings'at:
http://homepages.ihug.co.nz/~jaelle/Jaelle_Orla.htm

***

This story occurs four years after Ranma 1/2 volume 38.

***

Part 23

***

"Ryoga? Ryoga? RYOGA!!!!!!!!" Ukyou frantically turned over
pots and looked under tables.

Ranma stood knee-deep in goons and clenched his fists. "That
coward!" he spat. "Talk about no honour!"

Akane blinked back tears. "What's going to happen to Ryoga?"
she wondered aloud.

Suka and Miya came back into the kitchen. "No sign of them out
the front." Suka reported.

"Nothing out the back." Konatsu jumped in through the open
window. He looked at Ukyou in concern, she was now standing
very still. "Is Ukyou-sama alright?" he asked Kiyone.

Kiyone sighed. "She's in shock."

Nabiki frowned. "This does not make sense." she said.

Godai, who was helping Mikado tie the goons up, looked up at
her. "What do you mean?" he asked.

"This is not Kazeten's style, from what I've observed he
wouldn't get much satisfaction out of killing Ryoga in private."

"Maybe he desperate." suggested Shampoo.

"It's not a private death he wants." Mousse came back into the
kitchen. He held up a piece of paper. "This was stuck on the
bus."

Ranma took it. "Hmmm... a challenge to _all_ of us?"

Akane looked over his shoulder, "Well, at least he put the
address on it."

Ukyou moaned faintly and fell to her knees onto the ground.
"Ryoga..." she whimpered.

Shampoo walked up to her. "Spatula-girl, get with program."
she said.

Ukyou ignored her, Shampoo frowned.

*SLAP!*

Ukyou rocked back on her heels and held her red cheek. "What
the hell... ?!!"

"Spatula girl better pull herself together," said Shampoo,
"Or risk losing lost stupid pig boy forever!"

Ukyou stood up and rubbed her cheek. "Don't you call him that!
My Ryoga's the sweetest, bravest, _cutest_ martial artist that
ever walked the earth!"

"If so keen on him, better get going to answer challenge,"
said Shampoo. "Else lose him... maybe to _better_ martial
artist."

"Grrr..." Ukyou glared. "Once I've settled Kazeten's hash
_you're_ next on my hit-list, bimbo!" She stormed out the door
towards the bus. "Mikado! Get out here and drive this thing!"

"WAIT!" yelled Ranma.

Ukyou turned on her heel. "WHAT??!!"

Ranma sighed. "Much though I hate to admit this, and believe
me, I really DO hate to admit this, but it has to be said."

Everybody waited with bated breath.

"But we need a plan."

***

One plan (and an hours driving) later:

Kiyone patted Nabiki on the shoulder and stepped off the
bus. "Don't worry about it," she called over her shoulder.
"I have a weapon, remember?"

"Why do WE have to stay on the bus?" Godai demanded one last
time. "I want to come with you and help!"

"Because you can't fight Godai," said Ranma.

"Hey!"

Suka patted Godai on the shoulder. "Look at it this way. We
need you to help back up Nabiki and Mikado and keep the
bus clear in case we need a hasty escape. I've been in lots
of bad situations and keeping a clear exit open is the most
important thing I've ever learnt."

"Really?"

"That, and don't piss off Shinobu, but he's not here so we
should be safe for now."

***

Far away.

"Ahchoo!"

"You okay Shinobu?"

"Fine Mitsuru. Someone's talking about me in an unflattering
manner though." Shinobu sniffed.

Mitsuru raised an eyebrow. "I wouldn't worry about it - it's
probably your crazy sister again."

"Probably."

***

Godai watched the others go, "Good luck gang." he muttered
under his breath as they raced down the hill to the Misty
Valley Springs (This was a bad translation from the Chinese).

The group pounded down the hill.

"I can barely see a thing!" Konatsu complained.

"Oh thank goodness, I thought the surgery on my eyes was
failing." said Mousse in relief.

"Nobody can see anything," said Akane. "It's all this
stupid mist! I can barely tell..."

*SPLASH*

"... if there's solid ground in front of us. Okay everyone,
watch out for springs." Ranma-chan finished the sentence for
Akane. "Anyone got a thermos?"

*SPLASH*

"Never mind," said Ranma-kun, "Okay hot AND cold springs
alert. Pay attention Mousse!"

*SPLASH*

"To what, where you're walking?" Mousse asked Ranma-chan.

"Cut the banter people!" Ukyou snapped, taking the lead.
"We have to rescue Ryoga." Her battle aura was glowing a
bright bright red.

"Everyone follow Ukyou!" yelled Suka. "She can light the
way! Heck, she could put Rudolph out of a job."

"Ssssshhh! Do you want her to get mad?" Miya said.

***

Ryoga blinked. He was warm, almost uncomfortably, and his
skin felt slightly damp. He also ached all over. Drawing in
a deep breath Ryoga began to stretch and discovered he couldn't.
His eyes snapped open as he realised that his arms and legs
were immobilised, that he was chained, upright, to a large
rockface.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!"

Ryoga looked to his left. "Kazeten... " he rasped. *What the
hell is going on? Why does my throat feel like sandpaper?*

Eyes alight with glee (and a good dose of madness), Kazeten
came up close to Ryoga. "How are you feeling, Hibiki?" he
asked. "A little sore? A bit _weak_?!"

Memory kicked in. The kitchen, Ukyou, Kazeten holding a gun
on Ukyou, Kazeten firing at him. Ryoga snarled and tensed his
muscles, pullling on the chains that held him.

Kazeten laughed at his efforts. "Save it, Hibiki!" he crowed.
"Those chains are made of pure titanium, not even _your_
strength can break them!"

"Is this your idea of a fight?!" Ryoga cried. "You plan to kill
me while I'm chained to this rock?!"

"Perhaps, maybe... "Kazeten shrugged. "But not before you lose
something you value more than your life."

Ryoga shivered. "What have you done to my _friends_!" he
demanded.

Kazeten smirked. "The fun is about to begin."

***

"Here they come!" Kiyone cried.

Miya and Suka suddenly surged out to the front of the group.

"You guys go on ahead!" Miya yelled. "We'll hold these guys
off!"

The rest of the group continued on as the couple leapt into
battle.

Miya attacked with a harsh yell and an incredible ferociousness.
And a long chain and years of experience of street fighting.

Suka attacked with a wild cry and a vivid intensity. And his
fists and years of experience of living in a boys only dorm.

They were frighteningly good together. They also used every
single dirty trick in the book as well as all the ones that
had been left out of the book on the grounds that they were
far too mean to use on anyone. Silently, Suka blessed Mitsuru,
Shinobu and all the gang and their training. For some reason,
even the most well-armed thug didn't seem scary anymore.

***

Mikado nervously gunned the engine again and checked the
rear view mirror. "How are they doing?" he called.

Godai peered intently through an old pair of Mousse's
glasses. "Okay, Suka and Miya have just split off and
it looks like Konatsu and Kiyone are teaming up for the
next section. Good grief! I can make out the pattern on
Konatsu's sash with these things! I have binoculars at home
that are weaker than these! And... uh oh..."

"Uh oh?" asked Nabiki. "What does that mean?"

"It means - there's some goons coming right at us!" Godai
yelled. "Mikado! Step on it!"

Mikado began driving the bus in a complicated manoeuvre
based on his martial arts ice skating skills - a move
designed to keep an opponent constantly having to change
course to meet them. It worked, but there were just too many
goons coming.

Godai raced up and down the bus, thwapping hands, heads, and
whatever else he could reach with one of Ukyou's giant
spatulas. Goons yelped and jumped back, but were not
deterred.

Finally... "Alright," yelled Nabiki. "Let's see how this
works!" She pulled Kiyone's gun out of her purse and fired.

A huge blast of energy shot out and hit a group of goons,
dropping them in their tracks.

"Wow!" said Godai. "That's amazing!"

"It certainly _is_," said Nabiki. "But that wasn't a bullet!"
she checked the gun. "Hey... there's a lever on this thing -
it's pointing to... stun. Hmmm... Kill, Disintegrate, Destroy
the Universe." she paused. "You've GOT to be kidding me."

***

"Wasshu... you put a WHAT setting on Kiyone's gun???!!!"

"Oh come on Tenchi, how much trouble is she going to get into
on holiday? She's the sensible one, I'm sure she won't touch
it."

***

Nabiki fingered the settings. "Hmmm..."

***

Konatsu threw a pair of shuriken and watched in satisfaction
as the goon went down. He looked over his shoulder to check
on Kiyone-san and his jaw dropped. Kiyone was fighting with
incredible speed... and a yo-yo. Even as he watched she
dodged a bokken and slammed the yo-yo into the man's jaw.

Hmmm... she'd said she was a cop, and she fought with a
yo-yo. Konatsu put two and two together.

"Wow, sukeban deka! Saki-san! I watch your show all the
time!"

And of course, it being the Ranma-verse, came up with eleven.

***

With the other four gone, the group had closed ranks. It was
now all the Nerima group together - Ukyou in lead, Ranma
backing her up, and Mousse, Shampoo and Akane working
together to back THEM up.

"Just like old times, huh Ucchan?" Ranma grinned. "Remember
Toma? Remember the phoenix?"

Ukyou frowned. "They have nothing in common," she pointed out.

"Just one thing - together we KICKED THEIR BUTTS! HIYAAAA!"
Ranma high-kicked a goon. Ukyou smiled at him gratefully. "We
did, didn't we?" She said as she spatulad a goon into the
middle of next week.

"I hate to break into this pleasant reverie," said Akane.
"But these guyss are getting better. In fact... OW!" A punch
got through her guard.

"AKANE!" Ranma unleashed a flurry of punches, many of which
were deflected. "Damn, she's right."

Mousse exchanged a glance with Shampoo and for once found
them in agreement.

"You guys go on ahead," he said. "We'll hold them here."

"You sure bout that?" Ranma asked.

"Go!" Shampoo stopped running and stood her ground. "Ranma
no worry!" she yelled as she slipped into an intricate
dance with her bonbori. "Shampoo and Mousse fight here!"

Mousse reached into his sleeves and fired a mixture of
knives, shuriken, potato peelers and a cannonball at their
attackers. "Just get to Kazeten and punch him in the mouth
a couple of times for us!" he yelled.

***

Kazeten stared down from the cliff ledge at the battle on the
other side of the valley. The clearing mist had revealed the
locations of the group to him as he looked through some
heavy-duty binoculars.

"I must admit, I'm impressed. Your friends have made it to
the bottom of the valley and some of them have started up
this side. They might actually make it here!" He looked
at Ryoga. "They'll get here just in time to see you die."

Ryoga sneered at Kazeten. "Don't be so confident. The Nerima
crowd have faced highly-trained, equally stupid martial
artists for years. This is a walk in the park for them. They
know what to do. You might as well give up now. Cos when I
get out of these chains I'm going to break you into little
pieces and give you to Ukyou to fry on her oven."

"Your girlfriend is very pretty," said Kazeten.

"Huh?" said Ryoga. "Well, yes. Yes she is. Very pretty." he
smiled to himself.

Kazeten laughed. "Don't worry Ryoga, I'll comfort her for you
after you're gone."

"DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH MY UCCHAN!!!!"

***

"Did you hear something?" Akane asked Ranma. Ukyou's face lit
up.

"It was Ryoga! I'd know his outraged bellow anywhere!"

"Then we're close, and the mist is clearing too!" Ranma grinned.
"This is a piece of cake!"

"BAKA!!!" Akane yelled. "You just _had_ to say those words!"

"Huh?" Ranma looked around and saw a horde of violent maniacs
running towards them. "Ooops..."

Ukyou frowned. "Damn! Where are these people coming from? At
this rate we'll never reach Ryoga!"

Ranma pushed her up towards the cliff face. "Go Ucchan!" he
yelled as he unleashed a rapid-fire Amaguriken on his attackers.
"We'll be right behind you!"

Ukyou hesitated. "Ranchan..."

"GO ON!!!" screamed Akane as she ducked a punch and let fly a
fast snap kick knocking down her opponent.

Ukyou nodded. "Good luck!" she called. Quickly she made her
way to the cliff edge, dealing out vicious blows with her
giant spatula to any who attempted to stop her.

Ranma threw himself at the goons using every technique he'd
learnt during his time in Nerima. His blood was fired up, a
wild light lit his eyes... at last, a chance to really fight!

Akane's attackers were less compared to Ranma's but she was
also hard pressed. However, she wasn't worried. All the
benefits of living with Ranma and encountering varied fighting
styles were paying off as she dodged, kicked and punched her
way through the goons.

Suddenly there were no more attacks. Akane and Ranma looked
at each other over the piles of groaning men and grinned.

"C'mon," said Ranma. "We've gotta help Ucchan."

"Right." panted Akane.

"I don't think so." said a voice behind them.

They turned. Ten men and four women stood there, all dressed
in the same military style as Kazeten.

"Who are you?" Akane asked.

"We are the elite students of the Kazeten martial arts school."
one man said. "You are _not_ going to get past us."

Ranma moved into an attack position. "Oh yeah?" he drawled.

***

Shampoo flattened six men with a sweep of one bonbori.
*<Where are they coming from?>* she wondered, *<There are
so many!>*

"<Watch out Xian Pu!>" Mousse threw an anvil at the man
about to strike her from behind. Shampoo leapt aside.
"Xiexie Mu Shu!" she called.

"<No problem.>" Mousse grinned. He reached into his sleeves
again as seven more attackers bore down on him. He frowned.
"Uh oh."

"<What do you mean 'Uh oh'?>"

Mousse favoured her with a sickly grin. "<I seem to have run
out of weapons!>"

Shampoo groaned. "Stupid Mousse!"

***

Kiyone swiftly whirled and kicked a goon in the jaw. Then
she leapt into the air and threw her yoyo forward. It separated
into two parts as it swung down and took out the two men
attacking Konatsu.

Konatsu rolled away and got to his feet. "Arigato Saki-san!"
he called.

Kiyone frowned. "Just who do you think I am?"

Konatsu tossed four knives with pinpoint accuracy. "Sukaben
deka! You fight with a yoyo!"

"It's not a..." Kiyone smashed the side of her hand into a
goons neck. "... yoyo... exactly."

Konatsu threw shurinken at random attackers and bounced away
from others. "So who are you?"

"I'll tell you later." Kiyone dealt with three more goons.
"When this is over." *Hopefully you'll forget to ask.*

***

Kazeten frowned. "The mist has come back again." he said
moving away from the cliff edge.

"I told you your people couldn't win!" taunted Ryoga.

Kazeten turned on him, his face contorted with anger. "Silence
Hibiki!"

"No! I won't be silent!" Ryoga yelled. "You've lost, Kazeten.
Face it, your petty revenge is OVER!!!"

Kazeten clenched his fists. "Maybe it's time I dealt with you."
he growled.

"Just let me out of these restraints!" Ryoga demanded. "I'll
give you a proper fight!"

"Oh, I'll let you out." Kazeten smirked. "But first..." he
drew out a long knife with a serrated edge. "I need to cool
that hot blood of yours."

Ryoga stared at him. "You're going to make sure I _can't_
win!"

Kazeten walked slowly towards him. "It's tough, even for
someone like you, to sustain a fight whilst bleeding like
a stuck pig. Plus I believe you're still affected by those
tranquilizer darts."

"And you called me a coward." Ryoga's eyes were wide. "What
happened to your honour, Kazeten?"

Kazeten snarled. "You robbed me, Hibiki! Nearly ten years
ago you robbed me of my rightful superiority! From that day
I've longed to see you dead at my hands, before the
anniversary of my humiliation at your lowly hands. And now,
no one will stop me from obtaining my goal!"

"I wouldn't bet on it, sugar."

Ryoga's head whipped to the right, Kazeten whirled around.

Ukyou stood at the far end of the ledge. She was panting
slightly, but there was a look of fierce determination on
her pretty face and she gripped her giant spatula tightly.

Ryoga's heart leapt at the sight of her, but at the same time
he was furious at her for putting herself in so much danger.

"What the hell are you _doing_ here, Ukyou?!" he cried.

She looked at him in surprise. "Rescuing you, of course.
I don't want my future husband to die now do I?!"

Ryoga gaped. "Future... do you mean that?"

"Of _course_ I do, you twit!" she cried. "I love you and I
am NOT going to lose you!"

A dopey grin spread over Ryoga's face. "Honto? That's great!
I've felt that way for _ages_!"

She smiled at him. "Took you long enough to let me know."

"Hey!" he protested. "I thought you were in love with
_Ranma_!"

*Achem* Kazeten cleared his throat loudly. "I'm sure some
people would find this dialogue very sweet, but..."

Ukyou turned towards him, moving into a fighting stance.
"Yes." she interrupted him. "I'm here to kick your NO-GOOD
SCRAWNY LITTLE BUTT ALL THE WAY BACK TO JAPAN!!!"

Kazeten blinked, then he laughed. "Kuonji-san, you are a
very... intense woman." he raised an eyebrow. "I will have
to teach you not to use language like that though, it isn't
very polite."

"Like I care what _you_ think!" Ukyou hissed. "You've messed
me and Ryoga around way too much! I'm gonna make sure you
pay!"

"I don't wish to fight you." said Kazeten.

"Honey, I'm not giving you a choice!" Ukyou whipped out
several mini spatulas.

Kazeten shrugged. "Well, if you insist." he moved towards
her.

Ukyou leapt into the air. "Amaguriken... okonomiyaki style!!"
she yelled and threw the mini spatulas at high speed.

Ryoga blinked, *Amaguriken okonomiyaki style??? Ranma, what
have you been teaching her?!*

Kazeten frantically dodged the razor sharp spatulas. His eyes
went wide as the edge of one cut his cheek. Touching the
wound he stared at Ukyou as she landed.

"You... _hurt_ me!" he said increduously.

Ukyou hefted her giant spatula. "There's more where that
came from!" she promised.

Kazeten's eyes narrowed. "I see I'm going to have to teach
you a lesson, Kuonji-san."

Ryoga tugged urgently on his restraints. "Ucchan... stop."
he cried.

She shot him a reassuring glance. "Ryoga-honey, you told me
to believe in you, now you believe in me!" she turned back
to Kazeten. "Okay, take your best shot!"

Kazeten pulled himself into a fighting stance. "As you wish,
Kuonji-san."

***

"HYAAAA!" Akane screamed as she drove her foot into the
woman's solar plexus. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHIIIEEE!!!"
A mallet materialised in her hands and she brought it down
on another mans head. Then she stepped back, breathing
harshly. *These guys are GOOD*. She spared a glance in
Ranma's direction.

Ranma was in his element. Already three of the goons were
lying unconcious at his feet. He was a blur of motion, and
Akane smiled and privately acknowledged that he was
undoubtedly the best martial artist she'd ever seen.

"ARRRRR!!!" one of the men swung at her and she dodged.

Unfortunately, even the best had difficulties sometimes.
Ranma was holding off the goons, but these were _well
trained_ goons. And there were still nine of them left.

Akane blocked a bokken strike and high-kicked the mans
jaw. Then, making sure noone was looking, she stamped
on his foot. Not a proper martial art move, but it did
make him hop up and down amusingly.

Ranma grinned as he watched Akane pull the sneaky move.
Damn, he was impressed. Normally Akane was an okay martial
artist - not in his or Ryoga's league, but more than
capable of taking down your average black belt. It was
just unfortunate that they never seemed to meet any
average black belts. He rabbit punched the next man and
spun to face a new opponent when he noticed Akane's
sudden difficulty.

"_Damn_ it!" Akane felt herself overbalance on the kick.
It was just a small miscalculation, but when you were up
against someone who was utilising a series of rapid
punches that almost rivalled the amaguriken, it was
enough. She grunted as her opponent trapped her leg, and
punched her just behind the knee.

Then he did it again.

"KISAMA!!!!! BAKAYARO!!!" Ranma was suddenly there in
front of her. She watched in amazement as he lifted the
man up by his belt and flung him down the valley.

"Are you okay Akane?" Ranma asked.

"Sure," said Akane. "Just... give me a moment."

"Tell you what, you just sit here for a moment and let
me handle the rest of these losers." said Ranma.

"No way! I'm a martial artist too you know!" Once again
Akane pulled out the old phrase.

"I know but..." Ranma faltered. "Just this once, please?"

"Ohhhh..." Akane thought about it. "Okay."

Ranma grinned at her, then faced the rest of the group.
"Better prepare for trouble you jerks, come and get me!"

They all attacked, but Ranma dodged every attack, constantly
moving back and letting them come after him. Akane
recognised the attack instantly - heck, any Nerimarite would
have... she hobbled out of the way quickly.

"HIRYU... SHOTEN HAAAAAAAA!" Ranma yelled, unleashing his
mighty heavenly dragons blast. A tornado of ki power leapt
into the sky, taking the remaining goons with it. Ranma
wiped his cheek (cut sometime during the battle) and
grinned at Akane.

"Shall we move on?" he offered her his arm.

She giggled and took it, "Why thank you Mr Saotome."

Together, they stumbled up the hill.

***

Mousse grunted as he leapt away from his attackers. *<This
is not good.>* he thought. *<Hidden weapons are my forte, now
I'm stuck with hand to hand!>*

Shampoo spared a worried glance for him as she battled her
opponents. Slamming her bonbori into a goon's head she
attempted to get to him. Then she saw Mousse deliver a series
of kicks to take down his attacker. She smiled in relief.
*<He's alright. I'll... aah!>*

"MMMMeeeerrrooowww!!!" the small pink and white cat crawled
out of the cold spring.

Mousse cursed under his breath, knocking out a persistant
goon, he managed to reach Shampoo-neko and picked her up.
Grabbing one of her discarded bonboris he proceeded to take
out most of the leftover goons. Then...

"Argh!" Mousse stumbled as he was kicked from behind. He
dropped Shampoo-neko and fell to his knees. The attacher
snap kicked his jaw and Mousse collapsed. Shampoo-neko
hissed and leapt at the man's face. He howled as she raked
his face with her claws. he managed to swat her away, but
her distraction had given Mousse time to recover. Mousse
punched the man's jaw, knocking him out. He turned and
groaned when he saw two more goons heading for him. Then,
suddenly, their eyes glazed over and they toppled forward.

Mousse blinked and looking beyond them he saw Kiyone standing
there holding her yoyo weapon aloft.

"Need a hand?" she asked lightly.

Konatsu dropped down beside her and grinned at Mousse.

Mousse smiled gratefully. "Thanks, I..." his eyes widened.
"Shampoo!!" he turned and looked around for the little cat.

*cough* "Shampoo here!" Shampoo stumbled out of the mist
clutching a long coat around her. "Fell into hot pool. Took
coat from man." she explained.

"Oh... Xian Pu!" Mousse's emotion overwhelmed him and he
hugged her to him. "I was so... worried!"

Shampoo blinked. "Shampoo okay." she said. "Just have headache
and all wet." she wriggled in his arms. "Mousse can let
Shampoo go now."

Mousse pulled back. "Sorry." he mumbled. "I didn't mean..."

Shampoo's eyes softened. "Is... okay." she said.

Kiyone smiled as she watched this. "Looks like progress."
she murmured to Konatsu.

Konatsu just eyed the high cliff oppposite them. His expression
was worried as he turned to Kiyone. "Do you think Ukyou-sama
is okay?"

***

To be continued

[Skuld-chan]

From: Jessica <jaelle@ihug.co.nz>
Subject: [Ranma][FanFic] Magical Mystery Hibiki Tour #24

The Magical Mystery Hibiki Tour
By Jaelle and Orla

***

The characters in this story are the property of Rumiko
Takahashi-sama. We prostrate ourselves at her feet and beg her
forgiveness for our temerity in using these characters. We're
not worthy! We're not worthy!

The other characters are copyright to Yukie Nasu and Pioneer
LDC.

Hikaru Kazeten belongs to us. But we're willing to swap.

C & C is welcome (although we don't like flames!). You can
contact us at either: ladyorla@yahoo.com or jaelle@ihug.co.nz

For more of our fanfiction visit our site 'Insane Musings'at:
http://homepages.ihug.co.nz/~jaelle/Jaelle_Orla.htm

***

This story occurs four years after Ranma 1/2 volume 38.

***

Part 24

***

Ukyou glared at Kazeten through slitted eyes and crouched,
spatula raised and ready for combat. *You won't get away
with this,* she thought. *I'm going to take you apart you
jerk!*

Kazeten smiled at her arrogantly and drew himself into a
fighting pose. "Last chance to walk away and live," he
told her. "It would be such a pity to snuff out such a cute
girl like you."

Ukyou's mouth snarled as she picked up the unspoken 'little'
between cute and girl. "The same to you," she said. "I'd hate
to waste all that plastic surgery!"

"Good one Ucchan!" Ryoga yelled.

"Shut up Hibiki!" Kazeten yelled. "Just for that peasant girl,
I'll mess you up so badly your own boyfriend won't be able to
recognise you!"

And with that, the battle was joined.

Spatula shone and flashed through the air as Ukyou threw a
handful of smaller ones to distract Kazeten. He deflected them
with ease and blocked her kick, returning it with one of his
own. Ukyou rolled with the blow, absorbing much of its impact,
but still feeling a bruise begin to form on her hip.

"Heh, not so confident now are you?" Kazeten sneered.

"You're a fine one to talk about overconfidence!" Ukyou
retorted. "Flour bomb!"

Kazeten was enveloped in a choking white fog, and with the small
explosions going off around him he was disoriented enough that
Ukyou's spatula sideswipe got in under his guard. Unfortunately,
she was not swift enough in pulling back and he grabbed the
spatula, twisting it out of her hands.

Ukyou landed back on the ground, rubbing her hands against her
trousers. She checked her bandolier and found herself almost
out of throwing spatulas. Kazeten landed across from her and
grinned, then snapped her spatula in two and callously flung
the pieces away.

Ukyou snarled, "That was a family heirloom!" She picked up a
rock and threw it at him. Again, Kazeten deflected it.

"Is this what you degenerate to? A small child flinging rocks
at a mighty samurai."

"You're no samurai!" yelled Ukyou. "You're nothing but a... a
... a... JACKASS!!!!" she sprang to her feet and threw herself
at Kazeten. He was unprepared for her attack and she got in
a savage kidney punch. Kazeten reeled back, face contorted in
pain and rage.

"You're going to regret that," he hissed. "HAAAA!!!!"

Ukyou pulled away from his punch. Kazeten then let the knife
in his hand come up and he sliced open her arm on the return.

"Aaaiiieee!" Ukyou grabbed her arm and tried to hold the
wound closed. "You cheater!"

Ryoga let loose a wordless bellow of rage and redoubled his
efforts at breaking free.

"Heh," said Kazeten. "Now I finish this - lightning fists!"

Ukyou reeled back as a combination of punches and ki hit her.
She stumbled back, unaware of her precarious position. Behind
her, the cliff ledge ended. Kazeten bared his teeth and laid
on even more wicked blows. Ukyou's head snapped back as one
landed on her cheek and she had just enough time to take in the
dangerous situation when her foot stepped back and encountered
thin air.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!" she screamed
as she fell.

"UCCCCHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNN!!!!" the
cry tore itself out from the depths of Ryoga's heart and screamed
its way up his throat. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!"
Muscles bunched against titanium restraints... and broke free.

***

Ranma looked up at the cry. Their group was almost to the top of
the hill. He recognised Ryoga's voice. Then he felt a familiar
disturbance in the ki. As though a single voice had cried out
once and then been silenced.

"Everyone... get DOWN!" he yelled.

***

Eyes blazing with hatred, Ryoga took in the sight of his mortal
enemy standing at the cliff edge and laughing! His world narrowed
to a single focus.

"SHI..."

Kazeten peered carefully down the cliff face attempting to
see through the mist. He had triumphed.

"SHI..."

He frowned and turned, "How did you get loose?"

"HOOO-KOOO-DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNN!!!!!!!!!!"

FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM!!!

***

Ranma and the others covered their heads as massive pieces of
rock showered down around them. *I don't want to die!!* he
thought inside.

At last, there was a brief calm.

"What the HELL was THAT??!!!" demanded Kiyone.

"That was Ryoga's ultimate technique - the shi shi hokodan."
replied Akane.

"It WAS??? It's much bigger than last time! I thought it was
a large nuclear explosion." *Or a small experiment of Washu's*,
thought Kiyone.

"We better get up there! His ki energy will be pretty much
drained after that." said Mousse.

"More than that..." said Ranma. "We better go up there and
find out what happened to Ucchan."

"Huh?" said Shampoo.

"Think about it, Ryoga would NEVER use that powerful a blast
if someone he cared about was near. So where's Ucchan?"

***

Ukyou Kuonji lay on her back and wished she was dead. *Ow.
Ow. Ow. Ow. Owowowowowowowowoowowowowowowowow!* She felt
herself gingerly for injuries, then stopped when she
realised that most of the pain was from her sprained wrist
and her cut arm. She opened her eyes and confusion flickered
over her face.

She was lying about a metre down from the cliff edge, on a
narrow outcropping which had been invisible in the mist.
The mist was now gone, as was most of the cliff, but these
were not the inexplicable things.

*Why,* wondered Ukyou. *Is Kazeten flying through the air.*
She watched him go. It was quite a distance. Even Akane on
her best days could never have matched that sort of speed
or trajectory. That was really going to hurt when he landed.

Slowly, she sat up. Carefully she unlatched her bandolier
and wrapped it around and around her wrist to brace it. Then
she pulled the ribbon out of her hair to wrap around her
wound.

*Hmmmm... lemme see. I was fighting Kazeten, then I fell.
He was sneering, man I hope Ryoga beats the crap out of him.
Ryoga... Oh my god, RYOGA!*

"RYOGA!" Ukyou jumped up, using that traditional martial arts
technique which defies gravity and ran to the top of what
used to be the hilltop. It was now considerably lower, and
there was a huge crater in the middle.

"RYOGA!" Ukyou raced down into the crater. At the very bottom
she found Ryoga, unconcious. "RYOGA!" she threw herself down
beside him and gently lifted his head into her lap. "Ryoga?"
she asked questioningly. Tears dripped down her face.

"No! No! No! RYOGA!!!!"

Ryoga stirred slightly in his dreams. *No fair, even in my
dreams I'm injured? Ow... pain... hurts... What the heck is
that noise???*

"Ryoga! Ryoga don't you dare be dead! You're not allowed to
be dead dammit I didn't give you permission! I FORBID you to
be dead. Wake up... wake up..." Ukyou shook him. "Come on,
wake up. Wake up and say 'where am I now?' WAKE UP DAMN
YOU!!!!"

Ryoga cracked open an eye. "Nrgh..." he managed coherently.

"*Gasp* Ryoga? RYOGA!" Ukyou let go of his head. It tumbled
off her lap and thumped into the rock ground.

"Ittaiii..." Ryoga moaned. "Haven't I been punished enough?"

"You're alive!"

"Oh. Good." Ryoga managed. He tried to get up. "So are you."
he thought about this. "I thought you were dead."

"Nope," said Ukyou, grinning maniacally.

"Oh. Good." Ryoga sat up. "Are you MMMMPPPHHH!!!!"

Ukyou grabbed him and gave him the biggest kiss he'd ever
received from anyone.

"Mmmm... mmmm? MMMMMMM!!!!" Ryoga's arms waved frantically and
he began to turn blue.

"Ucchan... Ucchan you have to get off him. UKYOU! LET THE MAN
BREATHE!" Ranma hollered in her ears. "Somebody help me get
her off him."

With a sound much like a suction cup being ripped away
Ukyou's lips parted from Ryoga's. Ryoga promptly toppled back
to the floor.

"I don't think he's breathing," said Kiyone. "We may have to
give him mouth to mouth resuscitation."

"I volunteer!" yelled Ukyou.

"NO!!!" Ranma handed her to Akane and reached down to shake
Ryoga's shoulder. "Hey... Ryoga... hey... here piggy piggy
piggy."

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A PIG?!!" demanded Ryoga. "Oh my GOD
I hurt all over!"

Everyone laughed. Eventually they all got themselves sorted
out and began to head back to the bus.

"Shampoo wondering... what happen to violent maniac boy??"
asked Shampoo.

***

"....aaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"

*SPLASH*

"Oh, too bad sir..."

***

The battered band made up of the Nerima crowd and Kiyone
limped back to the bus. On the way they passed piles of
goons, Ryoga's eyes widened.

"Where did Kazeten get all these people?" he asked.

Konatsu handed him a card. "We found this on one." he said.

Ryoga read the card. "'Worldwide Goons Inc. You supply the
target and we'll supply you with the body. No job too large.
Special discount for groups.' What the...?"

Ranma, who was supporting him, nodded. "Yup, out of all these
guys only fourteen belonged to the Kazeten school. Rather
pathetic, ne?"

"I'll say." said Ukyou who was leaning on Akane. "Oh well,
it's over now, we can get on the bus and... oh my God."

The bus was... totalled. It was twisted into an odd shape
and all the windows were broken. Heaps of goons lay around
it and on the top were sitting Nabiki, Godai, Mikado, Miya
and Suka. They all looked rather shaken, but not stirred.

"The... bus... it's..."

"Shampoo say it dead." Shampoo observed. Mousse put a hand
over her mouth. "Shhhh!"

"What happened?!" Akane asked as the others got down from
their perch.

"Well..." Godai achemed. "It was a rather fraught battle.
Ummmm... there were a lot of goons and..."

"You _killed_ the bus! MY bus!" wailed Ukyou. Then she
turned on Mikado and grabbed him by the throat. "What did
you _do_ to it?!!!"

"ME?!" Mikado protested. "I was just trying to drive AWAY!
Then that nutcase over there started using this ray-gun!
All hell broke loose!"

All eyes turned to Nabiki who sweatdropped slightly.

Kiyone walked towards her. "Nabiki," she said. "my gun?"

Nabiki slowly pulled out Kiyone's gun. "Uh... I used a
higher setting than you had it on before." she confessed.

Everyone now stared at Kiyone. "What kinda weapon _is_
that?" Mousse asked.

"Is it like the yoyo?" Konatsu asked.

"The WHAT???" Miya cried.

Kiyone licked her lips. "Ummmm... Nabiki, give me the
gun, please."

"Sure." Nabiki made no move to return it, instead she eyed
the green-haired woman suspiciously. "Just as soon as you
tell me, us, _who_ you are, I thought you said you were
a cop."

Kiyone sweatdropped. "Well... I _am_ a cop, just a alien
one."

Jaws dropped around her. Kiyone fidgeted slightly. "I...
uh... belong to the Galaxy Police Force. I'm currently
stationed on Earth."

Nabiki raised an eyebrow. "So, you have a spaceship then?"

"Sure, it's just being repaired now. My stupid partner
crashed it into the rings of Saturn."

"Ooookay." said Suka, he shook his head. "This is too weird."

"I would almost agree with you." said Nabiki, then she smiled
at Kiyone. "But I've lived in Nerima too long to be phased
by stuff like this." she handed the gun back to Kiyone.

Kiyone smiled back. "Thanks, Nabiki."

Godai shrugged. "Well, that answers that."

"Yeah, I thought she was Sukeban Deka or something cool like
that." sighed Konatsu in disappointment.

"Shampoo no think this is big deal."

"After all, there was that incident with that girl in the
tiger striped bikini a couple of years back." said Akane.
"This isn't too new."

"She had green hair too, didn't she?" asked Ranma.

Kiyone shook her head and laughed. *Why couldn't I live with
this lot instead of the mayhem at the Shrine?*

"This is all very well," said Ukyou. "But we have a problem."

"Yeah." said Ryoga. "How are we going to get back to Japan?"

Mousse looked at the bus. "Yes, I don't think we'll get far
in _that_."

***

"Just a little further... just a liiiiittle further..." Ryoga
coaxed. "Just a liiiiiiiiittle...."

The bus gave a coughing gasp and died. Everyone got out and
gathered around it in silence.

"Well," said Mousse. "At least it got us back into a town."

*Sniff* "It was such a good little bus... always so kind and
reliable and waaaaaahhh!!!!" Konatsu wailed.

Mikado's eyes trembled. "Ah... such a sweet-hearted girl.
Allow me to comfort you." He reached for Konatsu.

*Eeep!* thought everyone else.

"Mmmmmm..." Mikado kissed Konatsu. Konatsu stood stock
still much like a rock, eyes wide in denial. Finally, Mikado
parted from him. He flipped his fringe. "Feel better?"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!"
Konatsu fled into the buses kitchen, gargling sounds soon
emitted from it.

"Ah, how sweet," said Mikado.

Ryoga turned around. "Geez Mikado, before we went on this
trip I'd never realised that you were gay."

"Huh?" said Mikado.

"But ever since I've met you you've done nothing but kiss
boys."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about 'the pig-tailed one'..."

Mikado scowled. "That was once!"

"Then there was Tsubasa. You know, the one that came out of
a pot plant."

"What about her?"

"You mean, what about him?"

Mikado stared at Ryoga. "You're kidding. But he looked so...
so..."

"We know," said Ukyou, Ranma and Akane.

"And now poor sweet Konatsu," said Ryoga. "You've really
shattered his world."

"His??" Mikado's eyes bugged out. Behind him, Konatsu
stepped back off the bus. "Didn't you know?" he asked.
"Check it out!"

Konatsu opened his blouse and revealed a very muscled and
manly chest.

Mikado stared at Konatsu. "You... you're a... a..."

"One hundred per cent man," said Konatsu. "I was just
raised as a girl."

"And continue to act like one," Ranma muttered.

"I... I kissed... THREE MEN???!!!" Mikado screamed.
"AGH!" he zoomed into the bus' kitchen.

"I wouldn't do that sugar!" Ukyou yelled. "The bus looks like
it's about to..."

BOOM

"Collapse. Oops."

***

After Mikado had been dragged free from the wreckage and
arrangements had been made with the local scrap metal
merchant to dispose of the remains of the bus...

"No Ukyou, you may not give it an honourable burial."

"*Sob* My baby!"

"Oh man. Don't worry Ucchan, we'll have lots of babies,"
said Ryoga.

"But none of them will be like this one!" Ukyou wailed.

Everyone sweatdropped.

"Well I certainly HOPE not," said Ryoga.

The group sat round a table at the train station and waited
for the train to Shanghai.

"Well... it was a good run while it lasted," said Kiyone.

"Yeah, it was definitely the best holiday _I've_ ever had,"
said Suka.

"It's just a pity it had to end this way." said Ranma. "So
what will you two do now that your tour business is out of
business?"

"I don't know," said Ukyou. "I guess go back to Ucchans
and..." she trailed off suddenly as a look of horror crossed
her face. "Oh NO!!!"

"What's the matter dear?" Nabiki inquired with an evil grin.
"Don't tell me you didn't break even?"

"We would have broken even," Ukyou said. "If the bus hadn't
died, but now no way did we make enough to pay back your
loan."

"How sad," purred Nabiki.

"Hang on, hang on!" said Akane. "What's going on?"

"Well, I had to borrow some money from Nabiki." explained
Ukyou. "And I had to secure the loan with _something_ so..."

"Oh no, you didn't..." said Ranma.

Ukyou nodded.

"Nabiki," protested Akane. "You can't just take the
restaurant and throw Ukyou out on the street!"

"I wasn't going to," said Nabiki. "I need a good cook at
the restaurant. I'm sure we can work out a fair contract."

Tears filled Ukyou's eyes. It was over, it was all over.
The only thing she could truly call her own now was Ryoga's
love. Even all her spatulas were gone - destroyed in all the
fighting. Ryoga put an arm around her shoulders. "Don't
worry Ucchan," he said. "I told you at the start you could
have my money and I meant it!"

"Sure," said Ranma. "Like you have a lot of cash."

"Cash no... but I do have all these plastic things which the
banks tell me are worth something." With that, Ryoga pulled
his wallet out and flipped it open. Credit cards spilled all
over the table. The group stared at them. The cards glinted
golden in the light. Nabiki picked one up. "American Express...
Visa... Mastercard... Bank of Hongkong... Bank of New
Zealand... Midland Bank... Bank of Siberia... Tarak Nor Bank...
Ryoga... where did you GET ALL OF THESE???!!!"

Ryoga shrugged. "Wherever I was working I'd always get them
to pay me half in cash and half into a local bank - that way,
I wouldn't be bothered carrying around lots of cash. You
should see my coin collection at home. It was getting silly.
And the banks all gave me these."

Nabiki grabbed a handful of the golden cards. "You don't mind
if I just check the balances of these do you?"

"Go ahead," Ryoga waved with one hand. Ukyou was hanging onto
the other arm, hyperventilating.

Nabiki made a couple of calls and then hung up, a stunned
expression on her face. "Ryoga... if I weren't married...
I'd... You have..." the figure she named was fairly
astronomical. "And that's just in these few cards."

"So it's enough to pay you back and save Ucchans?" Ryoga
asked anxiously.

"Oh yeah." Nabiki was in shock. "I can't believe it."

"I can't believe it either! Oh RYOGA!" Ukyou grabbed him.

"Not agai...MMMMMMMM!!!"

Everyone politely looked away.

***

The surprise solvency of Ryoga meant the group bumped
themselves up to first class on the train. Ukyou busied
herself with sorting out his assets, after an inquiry
to Ryoga resulted in a shrug and a comment of "Martial
artists don't worry about that sort of thing."

Ukyou nailed him with a glare. "Yes honey, but we're going
to have to think about these things if we're going to
get _married_."

"Oh yeah," said Ryoga. "I forgot about that. What can I do?"

"Tell me how much this sum translates to in yen," Ukyou
answered.

"Hmmm..."

***

In the next compartment, Shampoo and Mousse were talking.

"And so..." said Mousse, wrapping up his carefully prepared
argument. "_That_ is why we shouldn't obey the stupid Amazon
Law and get married."

"Okay," said Shampoo.

"Now don't... what?"

"Okay," said Shampoo. "<If you don't want to get married, we
won't get married.>"

Mousse let out a breath. "Ummm... okay. Well then, I guess
this will be goodbye."

"Why?"

"Because... you're going back to Japan and I have a career
in Hong Kong to get back to?" Mousse guessed.

Shampoo raised an eyebrow. "<But I'm not going back to Japan.>"

"<Then, you're going back to the village?>"

"<Nope, I'm coming with you to Hong Kong.>" Shampoo grinned
at him. "<Somebody has to protect you from all those stupid
girls after all.>"

Mousse looked at her hard. "<This won't change anything,>" he
warned. "<I'm still angry with you.>"

Shampoo shrugged. "We see."

***

"So how about getting married at Yokohama?" asked Ryoga.

"Huh?" Ukyou came back down to planet earth. "What?"

"Mawwiage." said Ryoga. "Mawwiage is what bwings us here
togever, today..."

"What???!!!"

"Yokohama," said Ryoga patiently. "Wedding. Us. Marriage.
Married. Fancy white dresses. Cake. BIIIIIG party. You like
yes?"

"I... I... I..." Ukyou thought. She thought of her father
and his casual hints over the phone of how he'd like to see
grandchildren someday... She thought about Ranma and Akane.
Then she thought about Nerima. About all their friends and
enemies and the ways they would undoubtedly screw it all up
if they went back unmarried.

"What a good idea," she said. "Just one thing... you never
proposed to me."

"Yes I did, I even bought you a ring!" Ryoga was insulted.

"But you didn't, you know, get down on your knees and _ask_
me with a flowery romantic incredibly mushy sappy poem or
something," said Ukyou plaintively.

"Are you sure you want that?" Ryoga asked.

"Yes!"

"Okaaay." Ryoga got down on one knee. "Oh Ukyou, most
rapturest light of my life. Will you take this most
unworthy one as your husband, protector, provider, and sex
toy? I would gladly dedicate my soul to your happiness, and
pray that you will... I can't stand it anymore." he stood up
and grabbed her face in his hands.

"Marry me wench," he said, and kissed her ferociously.

A few hours later, when Ukyou had got her breath back, she
accepted his proposal.

to be continued

[Skuld-chan]

From: Jessica <jaelle@ihug.co.nz>
Subject: [Ranma][FanFic] Magical Mystery Hibiki Tour #25

The Magical Mystery Hibiki Tour
By Jaelle and Orla

***

The characters in this story are the property of Rumiko
Takahashi-sama. We prostrate ourselves at her feet and beg her
forgiveness for our temerity in using these characters. We're
not worthy! We're not worthy!

The other characters are copyright to Yukie Nasu and Pioneer
LDC.

Hikaru Kazeten belongs to us. Wherever he is.

C & C is welcome (although we don't like flames!). You can
contact us at either: ladyorla@yahoo.com or jaelle@ihug.co.nz

For more of our fanfiction visit our site 'Insane Musings'at:
http://homepages.ihug.co.nz/~jaelle/Jaelle_Orla.htm

***

This story occurs four years after Ranma 1/2 volume 38.

***

Part 25

***

Ukyou leaned her head on Ryoga's shoulder. "You need a
tuxedo."

"I'll hire one."

"You can _buy_ one now."

"What would I do with it after the wedding?"

"Wear it to Ranma and Akane's wedding. You are the best man,
remember?"

"Oh yeah. He's not going to be very happy about this."

Ukyou lifted her head. "Whatever do you mean?"

Ryoga grinned. "Let's just say we have this competition
thing going and I'm winning so far."

"WHAT??!!!"

Ryoga held up his hands. "I'm kidding! I'm kidding!"

Ukyou humphed and then settled back down. "Okay, I need a
dress."

"The silver one would be nice." Ryoga said absently.

"Baka!" Ukyou glared at him. "I'm not wearing _that_ as
my wedding dress! I want a proper dress with satin and
lace and stuff."

"Okay, get a dress then." Ryoga gave up arguing.

"We should invite all of our closest friends!"

"But... they're already here!"

"Oh yeah. What shall we do about invitations?"

Ryoga rolled his eyes and leaned out into the corridor.

"HEY EVERYONE!" he bellowed. "UKYOU AND I ARE GETTING
MARRIED IN YOKOHAMA."

"Kay," chorused back several people. Followed by, "What
did he just say???"

"Man, I don't believe this - Ryoga's getting to do
EVERYTHING before me!"

"Shut up Ranma."

***
Yokohama:

It was a perfect wedding. It was so perfect in fact that
we're not going to write much about it since, in a freak
occurence - absolutely nothing went wrong. Well, except
for a brief hiatus when Ryoga went the wrong way down
the aisle.

The bride wore white, (although some people debated she
should)and she was quite radiant with joy.

The groom wore a tuxedo and looked like the happiest man
alive. Which he probably was at that point in time.

The guests behaved themselves, Akane was too busy crying
to argue with Ranma who was best man, and Mousse was just
happy to not be recognised. Konatsu got to be the bridesmaid,
whilst Nabiki was the maid of honour, and Mikado was tied
up with tape and dumped in a closet - though they let him
out for the reception.

Suka and Miya spent the entire time looking into each
others eyes and making everyone else nauseous. They only
awoke to catch the bouquet and garter respectively.

Kiyone sniffled through the entire thing, but this could
be due to the slight cold she'd caught.

Godai spent most of the ceremony imagining himself and
Kyoko in place of Ryoga and Ukyou but this was normal for
him.

Shampoo just sat quietly up the back, and watched Mousse.

And then it was all over... and time to go home.

***

"Bye Shampoo! I hope you never came back!" Ukyou carolled,
waving from the dock as the ship began to sail away.

"Ukyou!" said Ryoga in shock.

"She's only saying what we're all thinking," said Ranma.
"I wouldn't mind seeing Mousse again, but Shampoo I can
happily live without."

"Take care you guys!" Mousse yelled. "I'll send you tickets
to my next movie!"

"Shampoo see you sometime soon!" Shampoo yelled from the
boat.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHH!"

"Ah, she wasn't _that_ bad," said Godai.

"Actually, she was kind of cute," said Mikado. Everyone
thumped him and then boarded the train.

***

Godai got off at his train station. "Bye guys, it's been...
different. Keep in touch Suka, Ryoga, Ranma! I need some
good news!"

"I hope everything works out for you with whatshername," said
Ukyou.

"Kyoko." said everyone else.

"Oh yeah, how could I forget?"

"Bye! Keep safe! Stay away from the water!" various people
shouted.

Godai waved as the train began to move, and turned to see the
gang from Maison Ikkoku coming to greet him. Kyoko out in
front. He grinned and began to walk towards them when Kiyone,
Nabiki, Ukyou, Miya, Konatsu, Akane and Ranma-chan leaned
out the windows and shouted, "BYE GODAI-CHAN!" in sultry
voices. Godai sweatdropped.

***

"You guys don't have to take me _up_ to the shrine you
know," said Kiyone.

"But we really want to meet these people," said Ranma. "They
sound almost as weird as us."

"Can anyone else hear a high, shrieking, annoying sound?"
asked Mikado.

"KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!"

"My life is over!" tears poured down Kiyone's face as a
blonde bombshell latched on to her legs.

"OH KIYONE I WAS SO SAAAAD WITHOUT YOU DON'T LEEEEAVE ME
KIYONE! KIYONE! KIYONE!" Mihoshi babbled.

"..."

***

"We're almost home!" yelled Suka, "And a day earlier too!
This is our apartment, would you all like to come in for..."

He opened the door on an unimaginable chaos. Mitsuru looked
up from the bean-bag. "Oops. Hi, you're back early."

Suka looked at the disaster area that was once his home. His
face contorted.

"I told you he'd be mad!" Shun yelled, backing away. "
Suka-chan... think of your blood pressure... Suka-chan!"

Miya grabbed Suka's arm. "Breathe," she instructed him. "At
least it's still standing."

Shinobu walked out of the kitchen. "Oh hello Shun, visiting
again? Suka! Miya! You're back early. Oh, hello Kuonji."

"Ack!" was Ukyou's coherent response.

Ryoga looked at her curiously. "How does he know you?"

"I... ah... I..."

While this was going on, Konatsu and Shun circled each other.
Finally, they stopped, and pointed, "Are you...?"

"Oh hey Kuonji, didn't see you there," said Mitsuru. "Well,
looks like you finally sorted your gender issue out."

"I never had a gender issue!" Ukyou retorted.

"Well, you have to admit it was a bit odd you being a girl
at our boys school, and staying in an all boys dorm."

"You WHAT???!!!"

"Calm down Ryoga, I can explain."

"Who's this?" asked Shinobu.

"My, ah, husband."

"Oh congratulations. Don't worry, nothing happened. We all
kept an eye out and gave her privacy."

"You mean you KNEW???!!!" Ukyou was shocked.

"Well, I have to admit you had us all fooled for the first
two days."

"TWO DAYS???!!! I was there for SIX MONTHS!!!!"

"And what fun months they were too," grinned Shinobu.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGHHH!!!"

***

"And don't you ever darken my doorstep again!" Ryoga roared.

"Now Ryoga, Mikado's been a loyal employee." said Ukyou, she
rubbed her hand.

"HE KISSED YOU!!!!"

"Only on the hand! Only on the hand! It's alright, he's
sorry!"

"Very very sorry," mumbled Mikado, sporting a lovely black
eye.

As they left Konatsu stopped and turned. "Bye bye Mikado
honey!" he said in a cutesy voice.

*Thud*

***

"Nabiki!"

"Kuno my husband!"

"Nabiki my wife! Come to my arms!"

Nabiki ran towards Kuno. "My husband!" she cried.

"My wife!"

Everyone stared in shock and horror. "What the HELL???!"
demanded Akane.

"Oh hello Miss Akane," said Sasuke. "Don't worry, it's a
ritual which Mistress Nabiki must perform. It makes Master
Kuno very happy."

"Okay, but it's still freaking me out. Can we leave now?"
said Ranma.

Ukyou tapped Ryoga on the shoulder. "Don't let this give
you ANY ideas! I am not greeting you like this no matter
HOW long you've been away."

"Yes dear."

"AND STOP DOING THAT!!!!"

Ryoga grinned. "Of course dear."

*CLANG*

"What a beautiful relationship," said Sasuke.

***

"We're hooome!" Akane yelled as she walked through the
front gates.

"AKANNEEE! MY LITTLE GIRL!" Soun Tendo ran out and
threw himself at Akane. "You're safe!"

Akane sweatdropped. "I was on a TOUR dad, it was all..." she
thought about it. "Mostly completely safe. Shall we go
inside before we get the details out."

Ukyou looked back at the gate. "Maybe we should..."

"No no Ucchan, come inside, have some tea, take a load off."

"Please," wheezed Ryoga from underneath their bags. Konatsu
nodded beside him, too tired to speak.

"Well," said Ukyou, swapping her bag from one hand to the
other. "Okay."

They went into the house, Soun crying all the way. As they
went there was a rather muted argument between Ukyou and
Ryoga.

"Why do _I_ have to carry almost everything?"

"But you're so _strong_ honey."

"..."

***

Inside the main room they were all seated. "Kasumi! My baby's
home!"

"Welcome home!" Kasumi came out of the kitchen, followed by
Dr Tofu and carrying the twins. "How was the trip?"

"Oh it was great! We had a lot of fun, wound up taking
an unexpected trip to Burma..." Akane went for it. "Blew
up a couple of major buildings, almost got arrested as
international terrorists, fought Ryoga's arch-nemesis,
oh and Ryoga and Ukyou got married."

"Oh my," said Kasumi. "How nice for you!"

Akane pounded her fist against the floor in frustration.
"One day! One day I'm going to make her say something else!"

Kasumi just smiled.

***

Later that night Ryoga and Ukyou staggered inside the front
door of Ucchans. Konatsu had decided to accept Kasumi's offer
of a bed at the dojo for the next week while he "sorted a
couple of things out".

Ryoga dumped his load on the floor.

"Home sweet home!" said Ukyou. "I'm so happy to be back!
Boy we've got a lot of work to do if we're going to be open
first thing tomorrow!"

"What??!!!" Ryoga cried. "You're joking."

"Hey, we've got to earn a living," said Ukyou.

"We don't have to earn a living! I have lots of money!"

"And what are you going to do when it all runs out? You
don't have _that_ much money." Ukyou reminded him.

"Errr..."

"Didn't think of that, did you?" she inquired sweetly.
Ryoga sighed. "Can't we have a holiday?" he asked
plaintively.

"We've just BEEN on holiday!"

"I mean a PROPER holiday - you and me... spending a holiday
as husband and wife... you know - a honeymoon!"

"Oh," said Ukyou. "I hadn't thought of that."

"Think of it," said Ryoga. "Quiet, peace, just you and me...
and we don't have to get up all day."

"Hmmm..." said Ukyou. "That does sound kind of nice. And it
would be good to get away while all of the renovations are
going on."

"What renovations?"

"Well, this restaurant has now got to accomodate two
married people... and possibly extra." she said shyly.

"Oh yeah," said Ryoga. "Yeah." He smiled at her.

They kissed.

***

Six Months Later:

"Honey, I'm home!!!!" Ryoga entered the back door and shook
the snow off his umbrella. He made his way to the restaurant
kitchen.

"Ryo-chan!" Ukyou turned and ran over to him. They hugged and
the restaurant patrons smiled at this demostration of
affection.

Ukyou pulled back. "Wow, it's only been three days!" she
said. "I thought you'd be gone a week at least!"

Ryoga smiled. "I guess, I got lucky."

"Someone showed you the way, huh?"

He sweatdropped. "Heh heh... yes."

Ukyou turned and waved over Konatsu who was waiting tables.
The cute ninja bounced over. "Hi Ryoga-sama!" he said.

"Hi Konatsu, did you get the new table for your apartment?"

Konatsu beamed. "Hai! And the heating is _much_ better now."

"Konatsu, can you take over at the grill for a while?" Ukyou
asked. "Leave the tables to Lina, the crowd has died down a
bit so she should be able to handle it."

"Hai, itsujo!"

Ryoga and Ukyou made their way upstairs to the main room.
Ryoga settled himself down and sighed. "It's good to be
home." he said.

Ukyou poured him some tea and sat down opposite him. "A
letter arrived for you." she said handing him a slim envelope.

Ryoga took it. "Odd... hey! It's from my _mother_!" he quickly
pursued the contents. "Well, she and Dad finally made it
home - together - and read the note I left explaining that
we'd gotten married and I was taking Checkers and her puppies
with me."

"That's good." said Ukyou who was stroking one of the afore
mentioned puppies. "How did they take the news?"

"Well, they're very happy and they think you look like a
very pretty and responsible woman." Ryoga grinned at her.
"I told you that was a good photo."

Ukyou frowned slightly. "I never said it was _bad_, just that
there were better ones."

"Anyway," Ryoga continued. "They plan to come and see us
soon, that will mean we'll see them in about a year."

"Well it would be nice to _finally_ meet them." Ukyou
commented, she looked through the other letters on the table.
"Hey!" she cried. "We've got a postcard from _Mousse_!"

Ryoga looked up from his letter. "Well, _finally_." he said.
"He hasn't written to us since Ranma and Akane's wedding."

Ukyou read the back of the postcard and her jaw dropped.
"Oh my." she said.

"What?"

"He and Shampoo got married in secret two days ago!"

Ryoga raised an eyebrow. "Well, well." he said. "Why in
secret?"

"To stop his fans from suiciding he says." Ukyou shook her
head. "_I_ think they're both afraid of how Cologne is
going to react."

"Well, she wasn't very happy about Shampoo staying with him."

Ukyou put the postcard down and placed her chin on her
inerlaced fingers. "Damn, I wish I'd read this before I saw
Akane-chan at Dr Tofu's clinic." she commented.

Ryoga smiled. "How is she doing?"

"Oh, okay. She says that being pregnant isn't much fun
though." said Ukyou with a small sigh. "All the nausea and
stuff."

"Oh." said Ryoga, then he frowned. "What were _you_ doing
at the clinic?"

Ukyou straightened. "Ah... Ryo-chan, I have something
important to tell you. And I'm _not_ making it up this time."

***

Epilogue:

"Ryoga!"

Ryoga turned. Ranma stood in the doorway. "The hospital
called me and told me Ukyou was in labour, how're you holding
up?"

"I'mjustfine..." said Ryoga. "Excepttheythrewmeoutofthe
operatingroomsoIdon'tknowwhat'sgoingon.... AAAAAAGH!!!"

Ryoga was almost vibrating with nervous energy. Ranma eyed
his friend nervously.

"Hey, chill man," he said. "Remember, I went through this a
couple of months ago when _my_ son was born. It'll be okay.
Ukyou's strong... she's tough, she knows what to do, she's
a martial artist and used to pain, she's... got good hips."
he ended lamely.

"WHYISITTAKINGSOLOOOOONNNGGGG!!!" Ryoga howled. In anguish
he began to beat his head against a pillar. Ranma looked at
the rest of the broken pillars and made a quick mental
calculation about the structural integrity of the hospital.

"Why don't we take a walk?" he suggested. "Let me tell you
about my son."

Ranma walked Ryoga round and round the hospital till they
were beginning to wear a groove in the ground and regaled
him with stories about his two-month old son Sorata. His
every move was a source of great amazement to his parents.

"... and then he stuck his foot in his mouth and sucked
his little toes!" said Ranma.

"I see he's already following the family tradition," said
Ryoga, who was beginning to come back to himself.

"Hey!" Ranma glared and his battle aura flared. "I'll have
you know Hibiki, that MY son can beat YOUR son any day of
the week!"

"HA!" said Ryoga. "MY son's gonna beat the tar out of YOUR
son!"

"Oh yeah?"

"YEAH!"

"Uh, Mr Hibiki?"

"WHAT?!" Ryoga turned on the startled nurse. "Your wife has
finished giving birth... congratulations! You're a father!"

Ryoga stopped. An expression of divine bliss spread across
his face. "I'm... I'm a FATHER!!!" Tears poured down his
face. "Oh happy day!"

"Congratulations man," said Ranma. "Now, about that fight..."

"Is baby okay? What about Ukyou?" Ryoga demanded.

The nurse patted his arm. "Your wife is fine, and the baby
is too. A beautiful, strong, healthy..."

Ryoga's smile spread over his entire face.

"Baby girl."

There was a pause.

"A girl?" asked Ranma.

"That's right, she's the cutest thing you ever saw!" said the
nurse. "They're in room 68." She left the duo.

"Whoa," said Ranma. "Didn't see that one coming. Oh well,
guess the battle's off Ryoga. Ryoga?"

"A daughter! I have a sweet beautiful DAUGHTER!!!" Ryoga
gushed. "I'm so happy!"

"That's nice." said Ranma. "Now stop crying on my shirt."

"I have a daughter!"

"I know! And I'm sure she's a very NICE daughter." said
Ranma. Then a stray thought crossed his mind and he laughed.

"What?"

"I just had a silly thought," said Ranma. "Since you had a
girl and I had a boy, maybe we should engage them! URK!!!"

The front of his shirt was grabbed and Ranma was jerked
off his feet. Ryoga glared at him, battle aura incandescent.

"That's... NOT... funny!"

The End.

Or is it? Nyahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!